Hello Ladies and Gentlemen”... “Okay, I Might As Well Walk Out of The Room Already.” : Struggles and Victories of Gender Non-binary Individuals in the Netherlands

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“Hello Ladies and Gentlemen”... “Okay, I Might As Well Walk Out

of The Room Already.”: Struggles and Victories of Gender

Non-binary Individuals in the Netherlands

Leonie Gijsen

10251669

Master Sociology, Gender Sexuality and Society

First Supervisor: Dr. Margriet van Heesch Second Supervisor: Dr. Marci Cottingham 9-7-2018, Amsterdam

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Acknowledgments

My gratitude goes to all the narrators I had the privilege to talk to. Thank you for your time and openness. Your courage has deeply inspired me.

Thank you to my supervisor Margriet van Heesch for the inspirational seminars and the time you spend to get the best out of ourselves for writing the thesis. Thank you to Marci Cottingham, my second reader for your time and interest in reading my thesis.

I am grateful to Lizzie who helped me improve the level of English of my thesis and for the great conversations we had about the topic.

I am also grateful to Silva, who spent a lot of time to correct my English as well and who has always been there for me.

Thank you Kira for your infinite belief in me, always reassuring I was on the right track.

And lastly thank you to all my friends who have been interested in the topic I was researching which encouraged me to keep writing.

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Abstract

This study uses comparative literature review and narrative analysis to examine the experiences of non-binary individuals living in the Netherlands. The research involved in depth-interviews with twelve Dutch narrators who do not exclusively identify as male or female. Previous studies have mainly focused on binary transgender people with research from a medical perspective. Sociological research with non-binary individuals are scarce, especially research on non-binary individuals in the Netherlands is lacking. In this research it is shown how agender, genderqueer, femme, non-binary, non-binary and man, genderfluid and people who do not prefer a gender identity term make their identity heard in a gender binary society. Words that reflect their identity is much needed to make their identities visible. They invent language themselves, but a collective effort is to create new words is needed to make non-binary individuals in the Netherlands heard more rapidly. Awareness need to be raised about gender diversity and language needs to be created to reflect the identities of all genders.

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1. “Hello Ladies and Gentlemen”... “Okay, I might as well walk

out of the room already.”

1.1 “Non-binary, he just said it! Out loud!”

Nikki studies at the University and tells me about the lack of inclusivity in his programme. He regularly has classes that focus on gender and sexuality and is disappointed by how that is taught. Nikki says they teach it in a very binary way, ‘women are like this and men are like this’. They have to analyse movies with texts from 1980 and read statements like ‘men only think about sex’ and he is very disappointed by this old way of thinking.

He did have a very positive experience with a teacher who gave a course on games. The week on gender started with the teacher explaining he is a cisgender man and explaining what that means. Nikki really liked that the teacher was aware of the meaning of cisgender, because it showed he had some knowledge about gender and was aware of his own position. When discussing games further in the lecture the teacher mentioned that there were male characters, female characters and non-binary characters. “And he just said it out loud!” “Cool!” I answered. “Out loud in the classroom”, Nikki told me enthusiastically.

This was a very powerful moment for Nikki. By the teacher mentioning the word non-binary, Nikki could talk in the lecture about why non-binary representation is important and felt safe to do that. The teacher referring to non-binary characters gave Nikki the idea that he was allowed to be there and felt recognized. Unlike other situations where teachers started the class on gender and sexuality with: “Dear ladies and gentlemen”. And Nikki thought: “All right, I might as well walk out of the classroom already”. When teachers are exclusive in their word usage, Nikki tries to address that, but he does not always gets an understanding reaction and he also worries he will out himself by doing that while he does not always feel safe to do disclose his gender identity.

According to the American sociologist Betsy Lucal it is common to be addressed as either a woman or a man without being asked for one’s gender. It is assumed that every individual we encounter can be placed into the category man or woman (Lucal, 1999: 783). This assumption is reflected in legal systems, since most countries only recognize two legal genders. However, there are exceptions, for example the legislatives in Canada decided in 2017 that an ‘X’ marker on passports and travel document should be possible for Canadian citizens

who do not identify exclusively a male or female.1 There are also a few countries that make an

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X marker available on birth certificates for children who are born with an intersex condition.2

In the Netherlands there are only two legal sexes on birth certificates and on passports, non-binary individuals cannot opt for an ‘X’.

The experiences of living in a gender binary society while not having a binary gender identity interests me. Therefore my research question is: How do agender, genderqueer, femme, non-binary, non-binary and man, gender-fluid and people who prefer no gender identity term react to the gender binary in order to be rightly gendered? I will conduct qualitative interviews in order to be able to answer the research question. Furthermore, I will ask three sub-questions. First, how is the gender binary theorized in sociology and visible in binary institutions in the Netherlands? Second, how do the narrators find ways to express themselves in the Dutch Language? And third, how do the narrators communicate their gender-identity through their appearance? An umbrella term for individuals who do not exclusively identify as male or female is ‘non-binary’. Not all individuals who identify different than exclusively male or female use the word non-binary to describe their identity. For this reason I decided to use all the gender identities of the narrators in the main question.

When I started reading academic articles on non-binary, genderqueer or gender nonconforming individuals I noticed most of them are written from a medical or psychiatric perspective (Frohard-Dourlent, Dobson, Clark, Doull & Saewyc, 2016), (Hein & Cox, 2017), (Losty & O’Connor, 2018), (Dowshen, Gruschow, Taylor, Lee, Hawkins, 2018) or have their focus on medical care (Rimes, Goodship, Ussher, Baker, West, 2017), (Riggs, Ansara, Treharne, 2015) (Thorne, Witcomb, Nieder, Nixon, Yip, Arcelus, 2018). Transgender people are often referred to in a medical discourse. Reality is that for access to preferred bathrooms, preferred documents and medical care transgender people are often depended on psychiatrists acknowledging their gender identity. A heavy reliance on the gender binary is performed and reinforced in medical and legal discourse according to American professor of law Dean Spade (Spade, 2003: 16).

In addition, I could not find any academic articles about the experiences of non-binary individuals in the Netherlands. Sociological knowledge about non-binary genders that is from the perspective of non-binary narrators seems not been researched much, which is why I want

1_{Government of Canada, 27-02-2018. New ‘X’ Gender Designation Coming to IRCC Documents.}

https://www.canada.ca/en/immigration-refugees-citizenship/news/2017/08/new_x_gender_designationcomingtoirccdocuments.html Consulted on 21-6-2018 . 2_{Verfassungsgerichtshof Östereich. June 29, 2018. Intersexuelle Personen haben Recht auf adäquate}

Bezeichnung im Personenstandsregister. https://www.vfgh.gv.at/medien/Personenstandsgesetz_-_intersexuelle_Personen.php

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to do that. I want to show how the narrators handle situations in which they are confronted with binary institutions and what they do to get their gender recognized. I hope my research will contribute to the still marginal body of knowledge about non-binary persons. To carry out this research I will listen to the stories of non-binary persons. In the next section I will explain what research methods I used.

1.2 Listening to the Narrators

In order to answer the research question I have conducted qualitative in-depth interviews with twelve individuals that fall under the descriptive term of the non-binary umbrella. I decided upon this method to be able to get detailed insights from non-binary individuals. The interviews were semi-structured, in that way I was able to cover all the topics I wanted but also remain open for themes the narrators brought up themselves

I found most of the narrators by placing an message in three different Facebook groups. I interviewed four people that responded to my message in the ‘A.S.V.Gay Facebook group’. This is a private Facebook group for members of the LGBTQ+ Student Association A.S.V.Gay (Amsterdamse Studentenvereniging Gay) which I am a member of. One of the narrators added me to the private Facebook group ‘Creatief met Queer’, the description says ‘Because fuck gender and gendered expectations!’ and is meant for queer persons. I interviewed five people of that group, I got nine responses but could not interview them all due to time management. The same narrator that added me to that group also introduced me to four of their friends, I interviewed two of them. I also interviewed someone my thesis supervisor introduced me to. Lastly, one of the narrators placed a message for me in a ‘Gender Positivity’ Facebook group in Groningen and I interviewed one more person of that group.

The interviews were held at a place of the narrators choice. Most interviews were conducted in cafés, two on skype and two at their homes. The interviews lasted around one hour. I had a list of 25 questions and after every interview I came up with new questions. There was no strict order in the questions. I recorded the interviews on my phone. One time though, my phone appeared to be full after the interview and to my horror nothing was recorded. I wrote down everything I remembered and send it to the narrator to make sure I remembered everything correctly. She made two corrections. After conducting the interviews I transcribed the interviews when possible within one week. Two times I have contacted the narrators to ask if I could get more clarification on a story they told.

In the messages I placed on Facebook I said to look for individuals who did not identify exclusively as male or female. The age of the narrators range from eighteen to forty-five years

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old. Most of the narrators are under the thirty though. All the narrators are Dutch. Two of the narrators have as Surinamese background and do not pass as white. Seven of the narrators completed a study at the University or still study at the University. Two did or do applied sciences and two study or studied at MBO level.

For the interview analysis I chose narrative analysis as the method. In narrative analysis the focus is on ‘how people make sense of what happened’ (Bryman, 2012: 582). It is constituted as individuals talk about themselves and is both a construction and a claim of self-identity (Burck, 2005: 252). Stories of persons not only give an image of the self but also of the social environment they live in (Mura, 2015: 226). In narrative analysis it is taken into account that people see their life in a time frame to understand events that happened (Brymann, 2012: 582). Narrative analysis is useful to my research because I want to give the narrators the agency to tell about their life. Let them pick what were important moments and consequences. Narrative analysis is a way to give a voice to the unheard. The narratives of the narrators do not speak for themselves, they have to be interpreted and analysed (Riesmann, 2005: 1). I used a thematic analysis in which I mainly focused on the content of the narratives. I had three themes I wanted to analyse; language, appearance and interaction and looked for these themes while analysing. Other than those three themes I did not make subcategories beforehand, but used an inductive approach. I made the subthemes after I listened to the narrators.

1.3 Background on Gender Identities

A gender identity is the gender someone identifies with. The narrators fall under the non-binary umbrella and under the concept of the word transgender, because of this I will start explaining what these concepts entail. The narrators have a variety of gender identities they claim for themselves, I will therefore also elaborate on a broad variety of gender identities that exist under the non-binary umbrella.

Non-binary is an umbrella term for individuals who do not exclusively identify as male or female, there are a wide variety of gender identity terms that fall under the non-binary umbrella. In the book ‘The ABC’s of LGBT+’ the non-binary youtuber Ash Hardell describes a wide variety of gender identities.3 I will elaborate on them now. Bigender can be used by someone who experiences two genders, trigender can be used by someone who experiences three genders and maxigender can be used by people who experience many and sometimes all available genders to them. Multi/polygender can be used by someone who experiences more

3_{Ashley Mardell (2016). The ABC’S of LGBT+. Mango Media. At the time of publishing the author still used} the name Ashley Mardell, but they now go by Ash Hardell.

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than one gender, the number of gender identities they identify with might fluctuate.

Demigender is someone who experiences a partial connection to the gender in question, for example demigirl is someone who experiences a partial connection to the gender girl. Aporagender can be both a specific gender identity and an umbrella term for a non-binary identity. Aporagender is separate from being man, woman or anything in between, while still having a strong and specific gendered feeling. Maverique is an autonomous gender which exists entirely independent of the binary genders man and woman, if you would express it in colours a maverique gender would be yellow, it is in no way derived from any other colours or other genders.

Transfeminine can be used by someone who was assigned male at birth and has a predominantly feminine gender identity or expression. The opposite is the case with the identity transmasculine. Genderqueer is a gender that exists outside or beyond society’s concept of gender, often by not conforming to it. It is both a specific identity and an umbrella term that describes non-normative gender identities and expressions. Other umbrella terms that refer to people who identify and/ or express different from societies norms are gender non-conforming, gender diverse, gender variant and gender expansive. Gender Confusion/Gender Fuck is a person who seeks to or enjoys when they create confusion in regards to their own gender.

A genderfluid person can fluctuate between genders and/or experience multiple genders simultaneously. Androgynous was used to only mean possessing both masculine and feminine qualities. Nowadays it is also used as in neither masculine nor feminine, or in between masculine and feminine. Woman is someone who identifies as a woman. Genderflux, someone whose experience with gender changes in intensity, they may feel like a man sometimes but at other times may only feel slightly like a man.

Someone who identifies graygender has a weak sense of gender or is somewhat apathetic about their gender identity/expression. Man, someone who identifies as a man. Agender/genderless, someone who is without gender. Neutrois is someone who may feel their gender as neutral or null. Gender indifferent, means being apathetic about one’s gender. Androgyne someone who identifies as both a man and woman, as neither or somewhere in between man and woman. Intergender, identifies between or as a mix of the binary genders. Some think this term should only be used by intersex individuals, otherwise it would be appropriation. Gender neutral can be used by someone who feels neutral about their gender. Other gender identities I have come across are third gender, neuter, shemale, two-spirit, ambiguous, intergendered, dynamically gendered, hermaprhodyke and gender terrorist (Richards, 2016: 96). As well as gender blender, butch, diesel dyke, stone and sex radical

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(Factor, Rothblum, 2008: 239). Important to note is that every individual chooses for themselves which gender identities they identify with.

One might think, why all these labels? American writer and civil rights activist Audre Lorde was also asked this question. Lorde makes a distinction between labels and identities. She argues a label is something someone puts on a person from the outside. While an identity is something we claim for ourselves. Lorde described her identity as black, lesbian, feminist, mother, warrior, poet. As it becomes clear in her book ‘Zami, a new spelling of my name’ her identities are not evident combinations. In the 1940s in the United States which is where she grew up, few believed women could be lesbian, fewer believed black women could be lesbian. Few believed women could be poets, fewer believed black women could be poets. And few would combinate the words mother and warrior in the same sentence. Lorde resisted the labels that others put on her and claimed the identities that fit her. By claiming these identities she brought the silenced and invisible parts of her identity to the light (Harrison-Quintana, Grant, Rivera, 2015: 166, 167). It is important for me to let my narrators claim their own identities and put no restrictions on what they can identify as. I want to give voice to individuals with non-binary identities and claim they are just as valid as the identities woman and man.

After having explained what gender non-binary identities can entail, I will explain the word transgender. The definition I use of the term transgender is: ‘Someone who does not identify with their sex assigned at birth’. When someone is born the doctor or parents decide what the sex of the child is by looking at their anatomy, that is their assigned sex at birth. Someone who

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does not identify with that sex falls under the definition of transgender that I use. Cisgender on the other hand, is a term for someone who does identify with their assigned sex at birth.

The term transgender got its current meaning after 1992 when American transgender activist Leslie Feinberg published the pamphlet: Transgender Liberation: A movement whose

time has come. Ze called for a political collaboration of all persons who were marginalized

because of their different gender personification, so that they could come together in the struggle against oppression. Ze did this under the word transgender, and so transgender became

an umbrella term encompassing ‘transsexuals, drag queens, butches, hermaphrodites,

cross-dressers, masculine women, effeminate men, sissies, tomboys’, and anybody else willing to use the term (Stryker, 2006: 4). First usage of the term transgender was by Virginia Prince in 1980, back then the term transgender was referring to individuals who socially, by means of expression, displayed a different gender than was assigned at birth, but did not have sex reassignment surgeries (Stryker, 2006: 4).

Nowadays, transgender is still used as an umbrella term, for example, the main organisation for transgender persons in the Netherlands explains transgender as an umbrella term for individuals whose gender identity or expression differs from their assigned sex at birth.

Within the trans community some people identify as binary and some people as non-binary.4

Since 2012 the COC (Dutch organisation that represents the interests of LGBTI persons) strives to abolish sex registration, with one of the reasons being that it forces persons who do not identify (exclusively) as female or male in a box with which they do not identify. The organisation send a letter to the Second Chamber in 2015 to advocate for the abolishment of sex registration This has not led to the Dutch state abolishing sex registration altogether but it did result in less gender indication on for example personal cards such as the card for public

transport which does not have a sex marker on it anymore.5

Besides the existence of two legal genders, there are other indicataors of how well-known and accepted the non-binary gender identities are in the Netherlands. In May 2016 Sociaal Cultureel Planbureau (SCP), which does research to monitor the social and cultural wellbeing of people living in the Netherlands, published the outcome of the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) monitor. People who had a negative attitude towards transgender people were particularly negative about ‘gender neutral behaviour’ and found that there was

4_{Transgender Info Nederland. Wat is transgender? https://www.transgenderinfo.nl/2-2/transgender/wat-is-het/} Consulted on 11-6-2018.

5_{COC. COC bepleit afschaffing geslachtsregistratie.} https://www.coc.nl/politiek-2/coc-bepleit-afschaffing-geslachtsregistratie Consulted on 11-6-2018.

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something wrong with people who did not feel like a man or a woman.6

The term gender-neutral seems to have a negative connotation in the Netherlands. Voters of the most annoying word of the year held by the Dutch Language Institute (ivdnt) chose the word gender neutral to be the most annoying word at the end of the year 2017. The Dutch news site NU.nl explains the word gender neutral as ‘not making a difference between

the sexes’.7_{This could be the meaning but when used in articles about gender neutral toilets}

and gender neutral language it is used to indicate gender inclusion which is not the same as erasing differences between genders, the word thus gets misinterpreted.

The word non-binary does not seem to be used a lot in the Netherlands. When I searched in the database LexisNexis for all Dutch News from 1980 until now and searched for: ‘niet binaire gender’ (non-binary gender) in national newspapers that were not opinion pieces I only found eight articles that mentioned the word non-binary. All the articles were from 2017, it is thus only in the year 2017 that the word non-binary was first mentioned in Dutch national newspapers. When I searched for ‘genderqueer’ another umbrella term for non-binary genders I only found fifteen hits. The term non-binary was in five of the eight articles named together with the word ‘gender-neutral’. The low usage of the word non-binary and genderqueer in Dutch newspapers together with the choice for gender neutral as most annoying word of the year could be an indication for the invisibility and unacceptance of non-binary genders in the Netherlands. Furthermore there is no original Dutch word for non-binary genders. In the next section I will give a theoretical background about the concepts of sex and gender.

1.4 Bodies Are Made into Two Categories

In this section I will give a preview of the theory in chapter two and what is important to know before reading chapter two. I will explain my view on sex categories, by using the work of Lorber (1993). Also will I explain the connection between the terms sex and gender by using the work of Nicholson (1994) and present why Butler (1994) argues there is no unifying characteristic for all women or all men.

American professor in sociology and women’s studies Judith Lorber argues bodies are currently divided into two categories, male and female. These sex categories are thought of as natural and distinctive because of their different anatomy. The norm for men is to have

6_{Sociaal Cultureel Planbureau, 2016. LHBT Monitor.}

https://www.scp.nl/Publicaties/Alle_publicaties/Publicaties_2016/LHBT_monitor_2016 Consulted on 5-7-2018. 7_{NU.nl, December 7, 2017. Genderneutraal verkozen tot irritantste woord van het jaar.}

https://www.nu.nl/binnenland/5038439/genderneutraal-verkozen-irritantste-woord-van-jaar.html Consulted on 5-7-2018 .

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chromosomes, a penis, testes, testosterone and a certain body type, while the norm for women is to have XX-chromosomes, a vagina, ovaries, a uterus, estrogen and a different body type. Even when children are born with sex characteristics that does not match which what is believed the typical standard for male or female bodies, they are often placed in either one of the two sex categories. Bodies are thus made into two different categories, while the similarity between ‘male and female bodies’ are greater than the differences (Lorber 1993: 569).

The definition of intersex according to the Intersex Society of North America is as follows: “Intersex is a general term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male”. There are real biological variations, but which conditions count as intersex is decided upon by doctors. The Intersex Society of North America states: “So nature doesn’t decide where the category of ‘male’ ends and the category of ‘intersex’ begins, or where the category of

‘intersex’ ends and the category of ‘female’ begins. Humans decide”.8_{Since 2006 doctors use}

the term Disorders of Sex Development (DSD). Intersex activists refute the term ‘disorder’, because intersex is not something that needs cure, intersex organizations such as the Dutch

organization for sex diversity (NNID) strive for the demedicalization of intersex.9

The term gender is connected to sex and is used in different ways. American professor of history, women, gender and sexuality studies Linda Nicholson displays there are two ways in which the concept of gender is used. In the first definition gender and sex are something distinct. Before the second wave of feminism in the 1960s the dominant idea in most industrialized societies was that differences between men and women were caused by biology, this is called biological determination. This idea underpins sexism, because when differences between men are women are rooted in biology there is not much hope for change. The term gender was not used yet in the way we know now, the term sex was mostly used, it grounded the idea of the importance of biology (Nicholson, 1994: 80).

Feminists in the late 1960s undermined the idea of unsurmountable inequalities because of biological differences by claiming part of human character is constructed by societal factors. Until then the term gender had been mostly used to point to masculine and feminine forms of language. By diverging from biological determinism the word gender became used to complement sex (Nicholson, 1994: 80). The term sex still stayed important, it was the biological

8_{Intersex Society of North America. What is Intersex? http://www.isna.org/faq/what_is_intersex Consulted on} 5-7-2018.

9_{NNID Nederland Netwerk Intersekse/DSD. De definitie van intersekse en DSD.}

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foundation upon which social instructions were imposed. The body is then seen as a given through which we can cross-culturally distinguish between women and men. On the body cultural artifacts as personality and behavior are imposed, this is what is then called gender, it is influenced by culture. Nicholson calls this concept biological foundationalism. In this way there can exist differences as well as commonalities between women.

Although this view gives more room to combat sexism it is still not enough according the Nicholson. In this view the body is a constant, but different societies interpret the body in different ways (Nicholson, 1994: 83). The other meaning of gender, the one Nicholson endorses is one which claims not only personality and behavior are shaped by society. How we interpret the body is shaped by society as well. Rather than a constant the body is a variable because there are culturally different understandings of the body and of what it means to be a woman or a man (Nicholson, 1994: 79).

There is a general consensus that to female and male bodies belong fixed corporeal body parts, but this is a very static idea claims the American philosopher Judith Butler. The body is not static or natural, it is cultural. We do not know our body without the sex that is assigned to it. From the moment the sex of a baby is decided, expectations are placed upon them. Behavior and dress are not so much restricted by anatomy, but by cultural institutions which determine what female and male bodies are able of (Butler, 1985: 45). Our body always has a social meaning in the world as it is already defined as a certain sex often before we are born (Butler, 1986: 39).

From a poststructuralist standpoint Butler believes there is not one characteristic all women or all men share. Some claim the unifying characteristic of women is that they are all child bearers and that that is where feminist representation should be built on. However not all women are mothers, can be mothers, want to be mothers or find that an important point in their feminism. To specify a characteristic that applies to all women ultimately leaves women out. Descriptions of identities are always exclusionary and will meet resistance (Butler, 1994: 15). “Paradoxically, it may be that only through releasing the category of women from a fixed referent that something like agency becomes possible” (Butler, 1994: 16). To deconstruct a term does not mean to forbid the usage but to be able to give different meanings to it and release it from the oppressive, exclusionary significations it had (Butler, 1994: 16).

1.5 Thesis Outline

In chapter one the main question got introduced: How do agender, genderqueer, femme, non-binary,

non-binary and man, gender-fluid people and people who prefer no gender identity term react to the gender binary in order to be rightly gendered? It included an introduction to the topic of non-binary

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gender identities and the perspective on sex and gender that will be followed in this thesis.

Chapter two will answer the question: How is the gender binary theorized in sociology?. In this chapter sociological theory on the gender binary will be explained. Also will it include initiatives for gender inclusive words and an explanation of the legal and medical system for transgender people in the Netherlands. This will be performed by a comparative literature analysis.

Chapter three will answer the question: How do the narrators find ways to express themselves

in the Dutch language? This will be carried out by a content analysis of the interviews.

Chapter four answers the question: How do the narrators communicate their gender-identity

through their appearance? A content analysis of the interviews will be performed here as well.

Chapter five focuses on binary gendered spaces, communities of the narrators and will give an answer to the main research question.

Chapter six will present what I have done in the previous chapters. I will summarize, propose solutions and show the implication of the thesis.

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2. The Gender Binary Theorized

2.1 The Natural Order of Men and Women

On June 5th_{the second chamber of the Netherlands debated the initiative to explicitly strengthen}

the legal position of transgender and intersex individuals. The initiators want to add to the law of equal treatment, that one should not be discriminated upon sex characteristics, gender identity and gender expression. In that way the advocators want to make sure transgender and intersex individuals get absolute certainty that the law will also protect them. Dutch politician Roelof Bisschop, member of the second chamber of the Staatkunding Geformeerde Partij (SGP) reacted to the initiative as follows:

What stings us as SGP is that the initiative is factually a resistance against the biological reality and the natural fact of being men and women: two sexes which both are a part of the beautiful order God has created. The SGP is against the radical relativism of the clear division between men and women. (…) It is about a very

different view of the natural order.10

Bisschop claims that he does not want to resist the ‘biological reality’ of ‘men and women’. However, which sex characteristics count as male and female is decided by medical practitioners as showed in the previous chapter. Biological variations are a reality but what counts as male and female is a construct. Bisschop also argues he is against diminishing ‘the clear differences between men and women’. Yet Butler argues there are no clear differences between men and women. As is shown in the previous chapter, there is not one characteristic that all men or all women share. Descriptions of what men and women are, are always exclusionary. Sex and gender are both constructs. Gender characteristics are formed through repetitive acts, not through nature. Bisschop does not deny that there are people who do not feel like a man or a woman but thinks the state should not interfere with the main rule of there being

only men and women.11

There is definitely a norm in the Netherlands to be either a man or a woman as is evident in the legal system. In this chapter I will show what the gender binary entails and what binary institutions we have in the Netherlands that are a struggle for non-binary individuals. Consequently, in this chapter I will ask the question: How is the gender binary theorized in sociology and visible in binary institutions in the Netherlands? A comparative literature analysis

10_{Tweede kamer, June 5, 2018 plenair verslag.}

https://www.tweedekamer.nl/kamerstukken/plenaire_verslagen/detail?vj=2017-2018&nr=89&version=2 Consulted on 11-6-2018.

11_{SGP, June 5, 2018, Genderdebat: maak van de uitzondering geen hoofdregel.}

https://www.sgp.nl/actueel/genderdebat-maak-van-de-uitzondering-geen-hoofdregel/9181 Consulted on 11-6-2018.

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will be performed in order to answer the question. The first section focuses on how sex and gender are binarized and how this results in the heterosexual matrix. Second, I will explain how the gender binary manifests itself in language and how this is resisted. Next I will explain the history of the medical and legal situation in the Netherlands of transgender people and how the gender binary has influenced this.

2.2 Intelligible Genders

The unproven assumption that bodies can be divided into two categories is still recognizable in Dutch Law and Dutch politics. I already confuted this belief by noting that there are indeed bodily variations, but that what counts as male or female is decided upon by doctors. Intersex individuals do not comply to the normative standards of male and female bodies. Bodies are made into two categories. It is also believed that there are two genders, which are opposite and desire each other. I will explain the relation between sex, gender and desire which Butler calls the heterosexual matrix.

For heterosexuality to be the dominant norm in society it is important that there are only two genders which are mutually attracted to each other. This has created an ‘illusory unity’ between biological sex, gender identity and desire. It is believed that someone with a female sex, identifies as a woman and is attracted to men and that someone with a male sex identifies as a man and is attracted to women. Women should be feminine and men should be masculine and desire each other. Butler describes these as intelligible genders. Anything that deviates from this illusory unit is subject to social punishment and social exclusion (Alsop, 2002: 97).

French feminist philosopher Simone de Beauvoir stated that one is not born a woman, but becomes a woman because gender attributes are achieved through culture, not through biological sex. Butler, following this argument, states that when gender is not a consequence of biology, because it is cultural and thus unnatural, then a particular gender identity does not necessary follow up a particular sex variation. A woman does not necessarily have to have a female sex, because gender does not stem from biology (Butler, 1986: 35). Butler views both sex and gender as unnatural. As already stated in chapter one, we only know the body through cultural interpretation. Gender does not follow from biology, rather gender norms are

structuring biology. The regime of heterosexuality demands the existence of two and only two genders, this structures our thinking about biology as there only being two sexes (Alsop, 2002: 97).

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formed by a repetition of acts. These acts can be words, decisions, behaviour and expression. What is considered male or female differs cross-culturally, as it is constituted in society by a repetition of acts (Alsop, 2002: 98). We come to see these acts as natural after they are repeated many times. Men perform masculinity and women femininity because it seems natural to do that. Social punishment can be a result of not following those seemingly natural gender roles (Alsop,2002: 99).

There are ideals of femininity and masculinity, and those that meet the ideals hold the most power, usually heterosexual men. Those who do not adhere to the ideals can be treated as social outsiders (Alsop, 2002: 99). Deviating from the norm is possible even when it is prohibited writes Butler. For example, when a law is constituted prohibiting homosexuality, it is known to exist and therefore thinkable. When something is thinkable, people can act upon it. Gender is constituted by repetitious acts, but these acts are subject to change. The change can undermine the dominant system (Alsop, 2002: 103). Critique on Butler is that she does not concretely says how that works.

American sociologists Kristen Schilt and Laurel Westbrook did research as to how cisgender people react to transgender people to show how heteronormativity is enforced. They researched two cases. They researched how cisgender colleagues reacted when a colleague stated they were a transgender man and were going to transition and they researched how journalists reported hate crimes towards transgender woman. They state transgender people undermine heteronormativity as their gender identity does not match their sex assigned at birth. Heteronormativity is ‘the suite of cultural, legal, and institutional practices that maintain normative assumptions that there are two and only two genders, that gender reflects biological sex and that only sexual attraction between these ‘opposite’ genders is natural and acceptable’ (Schilt & Westbrook, 2009: 441).

Schilt & Westbrook found out that after someone came out as a transgender man at work, their colleagues asked the men to engage in ‘male gender rituals’, such as lifting heavy stuff. The male colleagues began talking to the transgender men about women, to show they of them as ‘one of the guys’. By these gender rituals and assuming heterosexual desire the gender binary remains untouched, the colleagues gave the transgender men their place in the already existing heteronormative framework. Many transmen were seen as masculine gender nonconforming lesbian women before. The physical transition to a man seemed natural for their colleagues and they were now assumed to be heterosexual, something which their colleagues were more comfortable with. First the transgender men failed performing their femininity in a right way, but after coming out they performed masculinity as a man in a good

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way and thus nothing changed in the gender binary and the male colleagues were comfortable with that (Schilt & Westbrook, 2009: 449).

Heterosexual men should not think about or look at male bodies, because that is not heterosexual, they consequently did not ask a lot of questions about the medical transition. The authors showed that their female colleagues could often not see the transgender men as men when they were lacking ‘male genitalia’. Socially the women thought of the transgender men as men but sexually they hesitated to see them that way. The male colleagues did not have this problem as they are not allowed to think about male bodies (Schilt & Westbrook, 2009: 451). It is evident here that the female colleagues believed a male gender should have typical male sex characteristics otherwise the illusory unit would be interrupted.

The second case focused on hate crimes performed by cisgender men against transgender women. The focus of the articles lay on the belief that the transgender women deceived the cisgender men because they had male genitalia. The phrase ‘true gender’ was often used, and it was argued that the women had hidden their true gender. Journalists did not use this frame for transgender women who had attained female genitalia, their female sex and gender matched. In this case the women got accused because their sex and gender did not match, they also broke the illusory unit. From these to cases it becomes evident that the cisgender surrounding wanted the gender binary to remain untouched

Butler argues contesting and distracting the status quo results can result in being punished. Courage is needed when challenging the status quo. Butler is interested in the moment one realizes that an authority is not needed anymore for you to follow the norm, because you have internalized it, but then still decide to deviate from the norm. When

deviating the status quo together with others, it raises a possibility for changing the social and political norms. New subjects can arise that were erased earlier (Ahmed, 2016: 3).

2.3 The Gender Scale

Sex and gender are a construct to maintain the dominance of heterosexuality. Binary gender identities are privileged. Non-binary genders are often explained as falling on a spectrum between men and women as the binary genders are used as a referent point to refer to other genders. Dutch historicist and writer Alex Bakker wrote a very interesting book about the transgender history in the Netherlands. In this book he dedicated a small section to non-binary genders. He explains non-binary as used for ‘people who are somewhere on the spectrum between men and women’ (Bakker, 2018: 246). In this section I will explain why non-binary genders should not be placed on a binary gender scale.

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orientation scales such as the well-known but highly problematized Kinsey Scale. The Kinsey Scale was designed to measure sexual diversity. One end of the scale is labelled as exclusively heterosexual and the other end is labelled as exclusively homosexual, it measures the degree of one’s homosexuality or heterosexuality. Critiques points out that this scale normalizes monosexual experience as strictly homosexual and strictly heterosexual represent the two extremes (Galupo, Lomash, Mitchell, 2017: 147). Bisexuals are grouped in the middle, this is not a correct representation of bisexuality as it assumes all bisexuals feel fifty percent attraction to men and fifty percent attraction to women. It showcases a binary view of sexuality and erases sexual identities that do not fall on the scale.

These critiques can also be applied to critique the gender binary scale which non-binary genders are sometimes places on. It normalizes binary genders and puts non-binary in the middle while this is not an accurate presentation of what binary identities entail. Some non-binary people may fall precisely in the middle but others do not even fall on the scale between man and woman. It thus erases gender identities that do not fall on this scale. The Gender Unicorn has been designed by Trans Student Educational Resources (TSER) to beter represent gender and sexual identities. In that version they distinguish the categories gender identity, gender expression, sexual attraction and romantic attraction. For each of these categories there are three scales, female, male and other. In that scale one could identify as seventy percent male and seventy percent female, when one feels more male it does not mean that one feels less female. 12

2.4 Ze/Hir/Hir, Xe/Xir/Xir, Zed/Zed/Zier and Other Pronouns

In Western context, actions to make gender more fair have been primarily directed at including women in language. The generic use of masculine forms in language decreases visibility of women. For example, when job advertisement use masculine words in the job description women feel less addressed to respond. As a solution gender inclusive language is promoted, using both he and she pronouns, both masculine and feminine words (Sczesny, Moser, Wood, 2015: 944). I refer to gender inclusive language as language that includes all gender identities, not only men and women. In this section I will write about gender inclusive language.

Two responses on making language gender inclusive can be seen. One is adding female versions to the already existing male versions in for example professions. The second response is called neutralization, which means a gender neutral version is preferred above a gendered

12_{Trans Student Educational Resources (TSER) The Gender Unicorn. http://www.transstudent.org/gender/} Consulted on 17-6-2018

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version of a word (Sendén, Bäck & Lindqvist, 2015: 1). I think both are important as making women explicitly visible in language will be positive for their inclusion. But I do not think it is enough as it is not including non-binary genders. I will use the term ‘gender-inclusive language’

to mean recognizing all gender identities .

Non-binary genders are rendered invisible when language only refers to male and female genders argue American sociologists MacNamara, Glann & Durlak (2017: 270). When constantly being referred to with language one does not identify with feelings of exclusion can arise (MacNamara, Glann, Durlak, 2017: 271). They argue that transgender persons who want to be acknowledged have been forced to use the language of the ‘oppressor’ (Macnamara, Glann, Durlak, 2017: 270). And write that when people want to be heard, seen or acknowledged they have to use the language that exists. I argue that one is not fully heard, seen or acknowledged when being forced to use language that does not reflect ones identity. I will also show that non-binary people have invented and do invent words so that they are recognized and actually acknowledged for their identity.

Gender non-binary words have been invented in multiple languages. The American Dialect Society, an organisation dedicated to the study of the English language in North America reported that in 2015 the singular pronoun ‘they’ was chosen as ‘word of the year’ by their voters. They explained the pronoun as “as a conscious choice by a person rejecting the traditional gender binary of he and she” (Hord, 2016: 8). For a gender inclusive pronoun to get such support is valuable in being able to demonstrate the validity of the pronoun.

Other less frequently used gender inclusive English pronouns are ze/hir/hir, ze/zir/zir, ze/zan/zan, zed/zed/zed, zed/zed/zier, zhe/zhim/zhir, zhe/zhir/zhir, zie/zir/zir, e/em/eir, ey/em/eir, ey/ehm/eir, hir/hir/hir, ze/hir/hir, xe/xem/xyr, xe/xir,xir, xie/xem xyr and zay/zir/zirs.

13_{In 2013 the proposal of the gender-inclusive ‘Mx’ in addition to the already existing ‘Mr and}

‘Mrs’ was introduced in municipal legislation in Brighton (Hord, 2016: 8). This is a welcome solution to address non-binary individuals.

In April 2016 Transgender Netwerk Nederland (TNN) hold a poll on their website to vote for a gender neutral pronoun. Five hundred people voted and ‘hen/hen/hun’ got the most votes. A lot of non-binary trans persons said the first ‘hen’ could also be replaced with ‘hun’

according to TNN.14 Hen/hen/hun as singular pronouns is not officially recognized in the

Netherlands. The main dictionaries in the Netherlands do not recognize singular hen/hen/hun

13_{Ashley Mardell. (2016) The ABC’s of LGBT+. Mango Media}

14_{TNN. (June 10 2016) Zo maak je na toiletten ook taal genderneutraal.} https://www.transgendernetwerk.nl/non-binair-voornaamwoord-uitslag/ Consulted on 2-6-2018.

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In other languages there has been more progress in investing in non-binary language. In 2012 the gender neutral pronoun ‘hen’ appeared in a children’s book which started the debate of a gender neutral pronoun in Sweden although the pronoun already appeared in 1960 for the first time. In 2015 the pronoun hen was included in the Swedish Academy Glossary. The pronoun exists next to the already existing hon (she) and han (he) (Sendén,Bäck & Lindqvist, 2015: 2).

Furthermore, the letter ‘x’ is sometimes used in the Spanish language to refer to LGBTQ persons. For example, Latino is used for males Latina is used for females and Latinx (pronunciation Latinex) is not gendered and can thus be used for non-binary Latin individuals (Harris, Battle & Pastrana, 2017: 4). These are examples of language invention that can validate the identities of non-binary persons. In the next section I will present the legal and medical state and history of transgender people in the Netherlands.

2.5 Official Transgender Protocol

When the term transgender is used as an umbrella term to describe individuals whose gender identity or expression differs from their assigned sex at birth, non-binary individuals fall under this umbrella. Not all non-binary individuals identify as transgender though. Although the interviews did not specifically focus on medically transitioning, it is for some of the narrators something they wish to do or did. The laws around transgender individuals wanting to medically transition thus also affects them which is why I will write a section about the evolvement of transgender laws in the Netherlands.

Transgender individuals can legally change their sex marker from male to female or female to male since 1985. A change to a different gender is legally not possible. The exception is made for individuals who have sex characteristics that are not viewed as hundred percent male or female, they can have the sex marker on their passport stated as indeterminate.

From 1985 until 2014 when someone wanted to legally change their sex it was under the condition of medically transitioning as fully as possible to the ‘other sex’ and not being able to have children anymore. Transmen needed to have their uterus removed. The sterilisation demand was added because the legislator found it undesirable that a child could have two fathers or two mothers (Bakker, 2018: 239). Furthermore, until 2001 individuals who wanted to change their sex marker had to divorce, because a marriage with two persons of the same sex was not possible until 2001. Here it becomes very evident how related gender and sexuality were and that the transition had to be in line with heterosexuality.

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The organisation Human Rights Watch declared the sterilisation demand from 1985 as a violation of human rights. In 2011 they published the rapport ‘Controlling bodies, denying identities’ in which they stated it was infringement of personal autonomy and physical integrity to deny people to determine their own gender identity. Since July 2014 the law has changed and it is not necessary anymore to change medically when wanting to change one’s legal sex .15_{Legally changing one’s sex marker is possible from the age of sixteen. One does need a}

declaration from a psychologist or psychiatrist. Human Rights Watch, COC and TNN strive for dropping those two conditions. They do not want the age limit nor the need of a declaration from a psychologist, because they are for the right of self-determination (Bakker, 2018: 245).

At the end of the nineties the term ‘transgenderist’ got introduced for people who did not want to transition fully, a term which is not used anymore. This however did not comply with the medical transgender protocol. Stichting Rene, an organisation who strived for help for travesties, transsexuals and transgenderists tried to convince the genderteam at the VU to listen to people who wanted to transition partially. They were met with incomprehension and the VU referred to the official medical protocol for transgender people which is that you had to transition fully (Bakker, 2018: 218).

People who did not want to fully transition have always been present but not always been visible. In 1981 someone made complaints in the magazine T & T about the impossibility to only transition partially and otherwise having to find a private doctor and pay everything yourself (Bakker, 2018: 220) There was a lot of resistance from within the genderteam at the VU to help people who wanted to transition partially. The gender protocol did not allow people who did not want the full treatment (Bakker, 2018: 218).

Transwomen who did not want to go through the full transition were silence about that and disappeared before the final surgery would occur (Bakker, 2018: 221). For transmen it was no demand to have a sex reassignment surgery, because it is very difficult. But transmen had to be unhappy with their genital organ. In the beginning of the 21st century the idea that all transgender persons had to have the desire to physically change as much as possible to the other sex changed a little bit. The VUMC became more open for transgenders who did not fit the ‘classic image’ (Bakker, 2018: 222)

Johnson (2016) writes about the concept of transnormativity. He states that transgender persons are expected to tell about their transgender story from a medical perspective. It is an ideology that can be constraining or empowering. Some trans identities are rendered legitimate,

15_{Transgender Netwerk Nederland. Erkenning voor de wet.}

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that are the ones who comply with a medical model. ‘While others are marginalized, subordinated, or rendered invisible’ (Johnson, 2016: 467). Johnson speaks of a ‘realness’ or ‘trans enough’ aspect that is dependent on a heteronormative medical model.

He highlights two aspects of the medical story, ‘the born in the wrong body model’ and a ‘discovery narrative’. Both binary and non-binary transgender people are subject to these models he argues. The gender experiences and expression of cis people are also regulated through societal norms but they are not officially sanctioned. Transgender people have to convince psychologists of their gender identity to be able to get access to medical treatment and legally change their sex (Johnson, 2016: 468). It takes away the autonomy of transgender persons, they are dependent on medical professionals to perform desired changes.

On May 31, 2018 TNN published an article on their website about the long waiting lists at the gender departement. In half a year the waiting list changed from 52 weeks to 111 weeks, which means a two year waiting list to get the first consult. Children who do not identify with their assigned sex at birth need puberty blockers, otherwise it will be more difficult to change physically to the other sex, so the waiting list is a real problem for them. Transgender organisations in the Netherlands are concerned about the transgender people who have to wait

that long and are afraid of suicide amongst transgender persons. 16

For a lot of transgender people it is very important to be able to take hormones and change sex characteristics. I think it is very good that this is possible in the Netherlands. Still I am reluctant to write much about it. The medical world now has the right to determine whether someone is in fact transgender or not and whether they can receive medical treatment or not. Psychologists need to confirm one’s gender before medical treatment is possible. I do not like it that this takes away so much agency. People who know for sure they want to medically transition or change sex marker still have to get approval from psychologists that they in fact are transgender. I would really like to advocate for people’s right to determine themselves if

they want to change their sex marker and medically transition.

2.6 Conclusion

In the beginning of this chapter I asked the question: How is the gender binary theorized in sociology and visible in binary institutions in the Netherlands? Butler states the heterosexual matrix is present to uphold heterosexuality as the dominant sexuality in society. This requires the creation of only two genders and sexes which are exclusively attracted to each other. It

16_{Transgender Netwerk Nederland (May 31, 2018). Transgenderbelangenorganisaties zijn wachtlijsten beu.} https://www.transgendernetwerk.nl/transgender-belangenorganisaties-zijn-wachtlijsten-beu/ geraadpleegd op 31-5-2018.

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erases non-binary individuals. The gender binary ideal can be found in both the Dutch language and the Dutch medical and legal system. The Dutch language does not have a lot of gender-inclusive words and no official gender-gender-inclusive pronouns which is why non-binary individuals invent new words themselves. In the medical system the gender binary is also highly visible. Laws concerning transgender people in the Netherlands have been concentrated among the goal of beholding the gender binary. Only recently has the Dutch medical system been more open to gender diversity. Formerly it only focused on remaining the gender binary by making a clear distinction between male and female bodies. I have now given a background for the stories of the narrators. In the next chapter I will show the stories of the narrators deal with the Dutch language

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3. Words for Non-Binary Experiences

“What’s the point of languages without, you know, terms to define what you are feeling on the inside”. (Ellie Mitchell, genderqueer, actor)17

3.1 “Call Me Comrade”

Thijs studies to become a high school teacher. They currently work at an internship at a high school and loves to teach. However they are not ‘out’ to their colleagues about their genderqueer identity nor to the students they teach. They felt like it would be difficult to disclose their gender identity at that school, which resulted in the students and supervisor assuming they identify as a man. It is difficult for Thijs to be called ‘sir’ and be addressed with ‘he’ on a daily basis by his students and supervisor. However, at their next internship Thijs definitely wants to disclose their gender identity, because they want to be addressed in a way they feel comfortable with.

A month after our interview Thijs posts a message in a Facebook group for non-binary individuals we are both member of. “What are alternatives for being called meneer (sir) or mevrouw (madam) as a teacher on high school?” they ask. Within an hour Thijs has received ten responses, some serious, others rather funny. One person suggests the students can call Thijs ‘comrade’ on which Thijs jokingly answers: “Yes bringing communism to the classroom!”. Unfortunately nobody has a perfect answer for their question. Letting students use Thijs’ forename seems to be the best solution.

Thijs does not know a vocative case for teachers who identify non-binary. This is why Thijs asked if other people online knew of possibilities, the Dutch language is unfortunately not rich enough to provide this. Thijs has to be creative and think of what suit their situation best. This is exemplary for how other non-binary individuals I spoke with have to deal with the Dutch language. My question in this chapter is: How do the narrators find ways to express themselves in the Dutch Language? I will answer this question by analysing the interviews I conducted.

Levi Hord (2016) who studied gender-neutral language argues that gender-neutral language can help non-binary individuals in expressing their identities and that representation

in language is important so that other people can understand non-binary identities.18 American

17_{Ellie Mitchell is a genderqueer trans person. They perform the role of Michael, a transgender person on NBC’s} Rise.

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psychologists Losty and O’Connor (2018) did research to the psychological realities of six non-binary individuals and did a section on correct and incorrect language. They found out that using the right pronoun feels hugely validating, while using wrong pronouns led to negative feelings (Losty & O’Connor: 2018: 51). I think it is important that persons who are transgender feel validated and have the possibility to express their identity. That is why it is important to show how the narrators deal with the binary Dutch language system and try to be visible in this binary language.

In this thesis I explore how the narrators whom react to the gender binary in order to get rightly gendered. Because of the importance of language, the first chapter of my analysis will be devoted to the preferred language use of the narrators. I asked the narrators with what words they described their identity which will be the focus of the first section. In the next sections I will pay focus on their preferred pronouns, how they are being addressed with binary language and how some choose a different name for themselves.

3.2 “A Lot of Things Are true at the Same Time”

During my interviews I asked the narrators to describe their gender. The narrators described themselves respectively as non-binary, agender, gender-fluid, man and non-binary at the same time, genderqueer, femme and no gender-term preferred. In this section I will explain why they choose to identify with those words and how they explain their gender identity.

Although there are many words to identify with, not all the narrators had or preferred a word to describe themselves. When I asked Sophie to describe her gender she told me she liked wearing women’s clothing. She feels like a woman when presenting as a woman, feels like a man when presenting as a man and feels like neither when presenting as neither. I thought it was interesting that she had multiple gender identities which depended on the clothes she was wearing.

Nathalie also did not use a gendered term to describe herself, but talked about falling somewhere on a spectrum instead. Nathalie said she considered herself to be in the middle of the spectrum between man and woman. Emily used a spectrum as well and said to be more on the feminine side of the spectrum, whichever spectrum you would use. It seemed like she tried to take some distance of the binary spectrum by saying ‘‘whatever spectrum you would use’’, but did not specifically name another spectrum.

Mick, on the other hand, used the idea of gender as a spectrum on which one side is male and on the other side is female to explain he does not fall on that line at all and identifies as non-binary. Also Nikki finds it very important for others to understand that his non-binary

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identity does not mean falling somewhere on a scale between man and woman. He finds it important that other people understand that because otherwise it would mean that his non-binary identity is a mix between femininity and masculinity, while that is certainly not the case for him. When using a spectrum to describe their identities the narrators thus place themselves on different points of that scale or outside of a binary scale. They do use a binary gender spectrum to explain their identity.

Romy prefers not to use a gender-term for themselves but sometimes uses the word ‘androgynous’ to make it easier to explain their gender identity to others. They explain:

The reason I use such a label is because most people whom I speak with have the boxes man and woman as a reference. And androgynous is a familiar term, which already exists longer. So when you say ‘androgynous’, people understand much more easily what you mean.

Romy shows the utility of gender identity terms to get other people to understand you better by making their gender intelligible to others. Romy uses the word androgynous even though they say they do not like gender labels. They is against the way people usually speak of gender identity. Romy continues: ‘‘We know men and women and use that as starting point, and then say something in between or something outside of this and actually I don’t agree with looking at it in that way. ’’ Romy specifically wants to distance themselves from using a binary scale to explain their identity, because it privileges the identities men and women.

As Nathalie, Emily, Mick and Nikki all use a spectrum with the starting point of man and woman to make their gender intelligible, Romy wants to distance themselves from using from using a binary gender scale because it privileges the identities men and women. Romy says their gender cannot be placed in a category, but they need words others are familiar with, to be able to get other people understand their gender identity a bit more. I think it is for the same reason that Nathalie, Emily, Mick and Nikki do use a spectrum others are familiar with, to make people understand them and they also only have the words available that already exist although it might not be perfect.

Needing words other people know of had resonance with what Sophie told me when I asked if she had a term to describe her gender identity. She told me she liked the word gender-fluid but that using that word only works when people actually know what it means. At this point she thought people did not yet know what gender-fluid entailed and thus chooses not to use it to describe her gender identity. For explanatory purposes it can be convenient to have a term for your gender identity that is well-known by others.

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Just as Sophie, Nikki has multiple gender identities and he especially refutes the idea of only having one gender identity at a time. He identifies himself as man and non-binary at the same time. He feels most comfortable when people see him as a man, because when people doubt about him being a man he believes it means there is something feminine about his identity, which is not the case. He explains his identity with the term bigender, having two genders at the same time, in his case man and non-binary. However he does not identify with the term bigender. This is because when he says ‘I am bigender’ people still do not know what his two gender identities entail, it could for example be that people assume he identifies as both man and woman. The term bigender in itself thus does not say so enough about him yet, but is

handy for explaining his gender identity.

Realising he could have multiple gender identities at the same time, was an important moment for Nikki, he explains: “I am non-binary and man at the same time. (..)It is just a feeling like it is both true at the same moment and not dependent on a situation.” He further explains about this discovery:

A lot of things are true at the same time and when I noticed that, I thought, that also means that when I express myself in one way at a certain day it does not have to mean that my other gender identity is not true anymore. That gave me a lot of peace. After a lot of thinking, Nikki came to the conclusion that he has multiple gender identities at the same time. When he expresses himself in one way it does not mean that other parts of his identity are not present.

In the Netherlands it is the rule to only have one gender identity, which remains the same throughout life and certainly does not change more than once. This is reflected in the fact that on passports it is only possible to have one gender indicator. Sophie and Nikki have identities that oppose this static idea because they have multiple gender identities. Also Bay and Quentin who identify as non-binary believe gender to be fluid.

For Thijs their genderqueer identity is certainly not static. When I asked Thijs about their gender they beautifully describe:

It is difficult, I do not understand it fully myself, but I find genderqueer the best description because my gender is all over the place. Sometimes it is present and sometimes it is not. Sometimes surprisingly enough I feel masculine, but the other day I can feel very feminine. Sometimes my gender is nothing, sometimes it is all over the place. Everyday it is a surprise what it is going to be. I find genderqueer the best description of that.

How Thijs feels about their gender identity shifts a lot and is a surprise for them as well everyday. The best summary to describe genderqueer for Thijs is “it is something weird I

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guess”. They feel the term non-binary is too broad, so they prefer genderqueer.

Most of the narrators got introduced by showing their gender identities. Some used a spectrum to describe their identity. The restrictions in the Dutch language became apparent as most of the gender identity terms the narrators use are English. They often needed to use the word male and female or masculine and feminine to be able to explain themselves. In the next section I will show how the narrators are often addressed with binary gendered

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen”... “Okay, I Might As Well Walk Out of The Room Already.” : Struggles and Victories of Gender Non-binary Individuals in the Netherlands