Playground of intimacy : love, sex and money in students’ dating life in urban Ghana

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Playground of intimacy

Love, sex and money in students’ dating life in urban Ghana

Master Thesis

Research Master Social Sciences

Marjolein van Geest

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Master Thesis

Playground of intimacy

Love, sex and money in students’ dating life in urban Ghana

Amsterdam, 06-01-2015

Research Master Social Sciences Graduate school of Social Sciences University of Amsterdam

Marjolein van Geest Student ID: 6115047

Contact: marjoleinvangeest@hotmail.com

Supervisor: Dr. Marleen de Witte

University of Amsterdam – M.dewitte@uva.nl Second Reader: Dr. Rachel Spronk,

University of Amsterdam – R.spronk@uva.nl Local Supervisor: Dr. Jonathan Daapah

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ABSTRACT

Young people around the world experience love feelings and sexual drifts. Whether young people decide to experiment with these feelings and to engage in dating practices is informed by local norms and values. Ghanaian students are exposed to various and sometimes contradicting norms and value systems. Their traditional culture and religion consider premarital relationships to be “illegitimate” and Ghanaian youth are not supposed to talk about or engage in intimacy. In addition, Ghanaian students are exposed to global discourses and practices of intimacy, such as romantic love, through internet, films, travelers, and social media. Students do not simply copy these global notions of intimacy, but actively negotiate, adjust, and implement the form, meaning and degree of global notions of intimacy into their daily lives.

This study looks at how students blend local and global notions of intimacy as they shape their love life, taking their local realities, ideals and individual differences into account. The data is gathered through small talk, participant observation, semi-structured interviews, focus group discussions, and document analysis, during five month ethnographic fieldwork among university students in Kumasi, Ghana.

University students in Kumasi are uncertain and searching how to shape their intimate relationships as local norms often contradicts each other and global notions deviate from these local norms as well. Students’ discourses of intimacy reflect mostly traditional and religious norms. Students do not talk clearly about personal dating experiences with one another, which create ambiguous situations. The indistinctness is enlarged by the fact that students do not show romantic affection in public. Many students make use of these ambiguous situations as it creates opportunities for them, such as cheating. Female students who date multiple partners generally do so to obtain money and gifts, boys to gain social status and have sex.

This study shows how students are puzzling to blend the elements love, sex, and money in their relationships. Most students deal rationally with relationships and prioritize sex and money, but students increasingly adhere to the global notion of romantic love which serves as an important frame of reference for them. Many students indicate that ideally relationships should be based on faithfulness and love. Students prioritize love, sex, and money differently in their relationships, but it seems that personal characteristics such as gender, marital status, gender and sexual orientation matters how students combine these elements. They are searching for a synthesis of love, sex, and money that fits into their local reality.

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

This thesis was developed over a period of one and a half year. During this period I prepared the research, conducted fieldwork, and wrote this thesis. I experienced a lot of joy in the whole process, from the beginning to the very end, which helped me staying motivated all the time. This would not have been possible without the support of some people.

I want to say medase to all interviewees and other respondents who contributed to this study. They gave me insights into their personal dating life which was the basis for this thesis. I look back on these conversations with joy and warm feelings. Some of the respondents also became my friends and I am very grateful to have become so close with some of them. They shared (and continue to share) their most intimate and private experiences with me. They also explained to me over and over again how Ghana differed from the Netherlands and how Ghanaians see and deal with particular things differently than I would do as a Dutch girl. Having them in my life enriched my personal world and I treasure the contact we still have.

From the start of the thesis, during my period of sickness, and till the time I finished this thesis, my supervisor Marleen de Witte has been very supportive and enthusiastic. Every time I handed in a paper, a research or fieldwork report, or a part of this thesis, she took the time to critically look at it. These comments did not only improve this particular work, but they will also be valuable and useful for me in my further career. Thank you very much, Marleen.

Last but not least I want to thank my friends and family, who supported me throughout the process.

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CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION

Relationships of university students can be intense, unexpected, painful, exciting, dynamic, complex, joyful, and vibrant. Youngsters worldwide experiment with their sexuality and feelings of attraction, care, attachment, love, passion, and lust in a personal and cultural way, including Ghanaian youth.

In Ghana it is culturally and religiously forbidden for young people to engage in premarital relationships and to talk about issues of love, sex, and dating. When I arrived in the field I faced the huge challenge to persuade students1 to talk with me about things they should not talk about or engage in. My local supervisor Dr. Jonathan Daapah therefore arranged that his teaching assistants, Vivian2 (22, graduate Sociology and Social Work, single) and Josephine (26, graduate Sociology and Social Work, engaged) would help me. During my stay at KNUST3 campus we became close friends and they became two of my key respondents. One afternoon I brought spring rolls to their office and interviewed them about relationships on campus. I asked them with whom they talk about intimacy and how they learn about relationships:

Josephine: When you’re attracted to someone of the opposite sex, but when your parents haven’t even chat with you about certain things, how do you tell your mum you see this guy and love him? No.

Vivian: And your mum actually could have advised you on what to do, how to go about it. But because we’re cowards, we don’t talk about it [with our parents]. So we normally just talk to our peers and our peers don’t even know about it themselves. And then we watch movies and learn from movies. And then actually do all the things [dating, kissing, sex]. That’s when we go to school, when we go to school, that’s like a free playing ground. We’re in a play stage. We actually engage in the things we have seen on TV, we have seen other peoples too. And then, all what we do here [on campus] is learn. And we learn all basically from you guys. What’s in the book is from you guys. What’s on TV is from you guys […] but your culture is so different from ours.

This quote contains three core issues of this study; the topic of intimacy is surrounded by taboos, the often contrasting and intense relationship of global and local notions of intimacy, and the idea that campus serves as a “playing ground”.

As Josephine and Vivian indicated, talking about intimacy is a cultural taboo in Ghana. Students do not talk about love, sex, and relationships with their parents and hide their intimate practices from them. Students do talk with their peers about dating life, but as “peers don’t even know about it themselves” students shift their focus to global notions of

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The word student is used to refer to a university student at Kwame Nkrumah University of Science and Technology in Kumasi. If I refer to a high school student or a student from a different university, it will be indicated.

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Vivian and Josephine are pseudonyms. I used pseudonyms for all my respondents to ensure their anonymity.

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Abbreviation of Kwame Nkrumah University of Science and Technology, the university in Kumasi where this research is conducted.

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7 intimacy portrayed in the media to learn about intimate practices. These global notions do not always fit into their local reality, as “your culture is so different from ours”, and students thus actively need to reconcile, negotiate and balance the global and local notions of intimacy. Vivian also argued that students are in a “play stage”. The university campus serves as a “free playing ground” for students where they engage in relationships “since we aren’t even caught” by parents.

Students are in a “play stage” and experiment with intimate ideas from elsewhere, while taking their local cultural and social norms into account. I regard the idea of “playing ground” as a useful entry point to study how students shape their relationships, while being exposed to contrasting norms and values. By looking at how students talk about and practice intimate relationships, insights in the complexities of intimate relationships of Ghanaian university students will be gained.

Problem statement

Initially I wanted to study the role of love in intimate relationships of university students in Ghana. Psychologists and physiologists argue that love is a universal emotion, regulated by hormones (e.g. Firestone et al 2006, Jankowiak and Fischer 1992, Jankowiak 1995). Anthropologists agree on that, only adding that the manifestation of love differs across individuals and communities due to local, cultural, historical, economical, and social influences (see Cole and Thomas 2009; Hirsch and Wardlow 2009, among others). While conducting fieldwork I realized the necessity to broaden my topic to be able to grasp their notion of love, as I did not understand their social and cultural background well enough. I then decided to look at how students shape heterosexual4 intimate relationships.

Dating life of university students is interesting to study because most students are adolescents and experimenting with love feelings and sexual drifts is central in their particular life stage (Gray 2008). In addition, university students are extremely exposed to global discourses and practices of love, sex, and dating due to their intense use of internet and social media. At the same time, their lives are deeply embedded in Ghana, with its social, cultural, and religious realities. Therefore students act as agents of cultural change and play a key role in how global notions about love, sex, and relationships are getting implemented and transformed in their local community (Bucholtz 2002).

Students navigate between various norms and value systems. The most visible norms and values on campus stem from religion, traditional culture, popular culture, academic

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I tried to investigate the issue of homosexuality on campus, but I was unsuccessful because homosexuality is a taboo and illegal in Ghana. Hence I didn’t want to push students too much to open up about their views on and experiences with homosexuality.

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8 environment and social life. As there is no dominant value system on campus and no parents who control their behaviour, campus serves as a relatively “free playing ground” where students can experiment with their sexual drifts and love feelings and practice relationships. They can combine elements from various ideologies, taking opinions of peers and norms of the various value systems into account. Hence I formulated the main research question as follows: “How do university students in urban Ghana shape their intimate relationships?” This question is divided into three sub-questions. The first sub-question serves to reveal notions, discourses, and moral frameworks students employ: “how do university students in urban Ghana talk about intimate relationships?” The way people talk about things does not always correspond to what they actually do. This is especially the case with morally sensitive topics. Therefore the second sub-question is: “How do university students in urban Ghana practice intimate relationships?” Various features influence how people talk and practice intimate relationship, the most important being gender, religion, and marital status. The third sub-question – “what are the differences and similarities in intimate relationships among various groups of university students in urban Ghana?” – reveals how the ways students navigate the playground of intimacy are gendered, and influenced by religion and marital status.

Theories of intimacy, globalization and agency

University students, as agents of change, grapple with global and local notions as they shape their love lives. This section presents a theoretical background to the concepts intimate relationships, globalization, and agency.

Intimate relationships in Africa

Various sorts of intimate relationships can be defined, including courtship, marriage, and (extramarital) affaires. Intimate relationships are gendered and generally convey inequalities (Hirsch and Wardlow 2009). How people deal with these relationships is informed by norms and values.

Anthropologists started to examine intimate relationships in Africa only recently because western scholars have long perceived Africans as oversexed people without affection (Stoler 1997). In pre-colonial Africa love was subordinated to kin and community interests and western scholars had trouble recognizing feelings and practices of intimacy in Africa, such as love. The first studies on aspects of intimate relationships in Africa were conducted by modernization thinkers and anthropologists who were concerned with the

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9 HIV/AIDS epidemic in the 1980s. Cole and Thomas (2009) state that to fully understand one dimension of intimate relationships, its relation with other dimensions should be taken into account. For example, to understand sexual behaviour it is important to know how sex is embedded in emotions such as love, and what instrumental gains are at play (Hunter 2009; Smith 2009; Thomas 2009). Aspects of intimate relationships can only be fully understood when approached integrally, taking intimate relationship as a whole as object of study.

The first scholars to study intimacy in Africa explored intimacy as a problematic concept, employing a health or development perspective on intimacy. Spronk (2012), among others, did not explore intimacy in Africa as a problematic concept, but rather as a source of pleasure for both men and women. She studies how young professionals in urban Kenya engage with love and sexuality and how they use their sexuality and dating practices to express a modern lifestyle. This study will also take intimacy as a source of pleasure as starting point.

Traditionally, ethnic groups in Ghana adhered to different norms and values with regard to premarital intimate relationships. Most northern ethnic groups tolerated premarital sexual relationships, while in southern Ghana it was generally sanctioned with banishment, and sometimes death. Processes of modernization, such as urbanization and education, increased the time span between becoming physical sexually mature and the age of marriage. Although premarital sex is still considered “illegitimate” as most religions and cultures in Ghana dismiss it, premarital relationships and premarital sex are common and tolerated throughout Ghana (Ankomah 1999; Oppong 1974; Steegstra 2004). Some premarital relationships are considered more legitimate than others as the line between marriage5 and premarital relationships in Ghana is blurry. If initial steps of the marital process are taken, the relationship becomes more legitimate (Bochow 2012).

Talking about love and sex is shameful for Ghanaians, especially youngsters, due to social hierarchies and the associated intergenerational respect6 (ef Bochow 2012). Studies (Ankomah 1999, among others) indicate that young Ghanaians do engage in premarital relationships. Men are said to search for beautiful and serviceable girls, girls for wealthy men. This corresponds with practices that are considered expressions of love; men demonstrate their love by giving presents and money to their partner, women by things such as cooking. Engaging in multiple relationships simultaneously is common. It enhances social

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There are three forms of marriage legally recognized in Ghana. The first one, customary marriage, is a family affair, often arranged, and is sealed with a minimum of formalities such as giving and accepting drinks, is easy to untie and men can marry as many wives as they could financially afford. The second legally recognized marriage is the Marriage Ordinance, which is based on the British marriage model and characterized by Christian values such as monogamy and a lifelong union. The third type is the Islamic wedding under the Marriage of Mohammedans Ordinance, where men are allowed to marry up to four women only when they are able to take financially care of them and treat them equally. Nowadays the customary marriage is perceived as the engagement and often combined with either the Marriage Ordinance for the State or Church, or the Islamic wedding (Bochow 2012; Newell 2002; Oppong 1974; Steegstra 2004).

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10 status and self esteem for men and increases instrumental gains for girls. Around a quarter of unmarried Ghanaian women (ibid.) occasionally has multiple boyfriends simultaneously.

Ankomah (1999) indicates a new trend among highly educated women who are less interested in material goods and increasingly look for love and companionship in their relationship. How does that look like at the university campus? Most studies in Ghana about relationships are about premarital sex and its relation with money and health issues, ignoring feelings of love and pleasure and the fact that some couples might not engage in sexual practices due to religion, norms, and traditions. So far no holistic research about intimate relationships in Ghana is conducted. This study hopes to fill this gap.

Globalization and shifting assemblages of intimacy

Norms and values are dynamic and change over time as the society, and the people that make them up, (re)negotiates them. Exposure to norms and values of other societies sometimes inspire individuals and societies to adjust their ideas and practices. Cultural interaction occurred throughout history and many societies have engaged with ideas and practices from others for long. Though global interaction as such is nothing new, the scale has increased tremendously over the past half century and has shaped cultural, economic, and political spheres. This intense global connectedness is called globalization (Appadurai 1996).

Communities and the people that make them up, do not passively incorporate these exotic or globalized ideas and customs into their culture, but actively localize these global influences by negotiating and adapting them to their cultural standards and local reality (see De Witte 2001, among others). Globalization also affects the most intimate spheres and global notions of love, sex, and relationships are spreading around the world (Thomas and Cole 2009). Ghanaians have been remaking local notions and practices of intimacy for long and engaged with intimate ideals about love, sex, and marriage from Christian missionaries, Islam, European colonial regimes, and South Asian films (Cole and Thomas 2009; Spronk 2012). For example, missionaries and the implementation of the Marriage Ordinance7 transformed love and intimate practices in Ghana and promoted monogamy, the nuclear family, and emphasized emotional bonding between husband and wife (Newell 2002; Oppong 1974).

Since a few generations the notion of romantic love is influential in globalizing discourses, though romantic love as such is nothing new. Romantic love is characterized by individually choosing one’s spouse, romantic courtship, mutual fidelity, monogamy, the

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11 nuclear family system, and non-instrumental ways of expressing love (Hirsch and Wardlow 2009; Padilla et al 2007; Spronk 2012). Romantic love does not incorporate money interests, which is at odds with local practices and ideals in Ghana (cf Ankomah 1999). Forms, meanings and degree of romantic love thus vary locally (Hirsch and Wardlow 2009; Spronk 2012).

Every individual deals with uncertainties about love feelings, sexuality and relationship, as everyone (re)negotiates existing norms and values about intimacy within their society. But in a youthful country8 like Ghana, which recently has experienced rapid social changes (CIA World Factbook 2014), uncertainties abound. Parents no longer serve as role models as intimate practices have changed incredibly. Urban youth have more examples about how to deal with intimacy because they are more exposed to the global world as “cities are cosmopolitan engines driving syntheses of local and globally circulating social forms and discursive formulations.” (Fair 2014: 414)

University students are greatly exposed to global influences as they are residing in cities, meet foreign students, and have access to Internet and other global media. Facing various global and local ideas and practices about love, sex and relationships, they need to navigate between them and blend them in such a way that it fits into their local reality. For example, local practices such as providing money and gift giving are in contradiction to the global notion romantic love. How do students shift their assemblages of intimacy, made up of love, sex and money? And do they manage to create a synthesis of global and local notions of intimacy that fits into their everyday life in Ghana?

Students as agents of change

University students in urban Ghana are more exposed to processes of globalization than most other Ghanaians. Due to their engagement with the global world, their imagination expands and they have better means to deal with and respond to these external influences (Appadurai 1996). Hence I regard university students as agents of change who are able to transform social and cultural structures, but at the same time are limited and directed by these very same social and cultural structures.

This perspective is derived from practice theory, which explores the dialectic of how cultural and social structures restrict people, and simultaneously, how human beings construct, reproduce and change these same cultural and social structures (e.g. Bourdieu 1977; de Certeau 1984; Giddens 1979). Ortner (1996) goes one step further and argues for an “embedded agency” approach, giving more attention to resistance and transformation

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12 within the society. Ortner argues that people are situated in “serious games”. Games are social and cultural formations that prescribe rules and define goals for people to follow, and at the same time are structured by people. There are always multiple games at play which often contradict each other. The games are “serious” as “power and inequality pervade the games of life in multiple ways” (ibid.: 12) and the stakes are high. For example, being caught in premarital sex by church members might lead to banishment from the church. However, the punishment might vary based on your position in the church and society at large. Ortner argues that people are active intentional agents who learn the rules of the games and then decide how to play them. As there is always a multiplicity of games at play, people have shifting subject positions and play these games “with skill, intention, with knowledge, intelligence." (ibid.: 12)

The game theory of Ortner is useful as it gives attention to the rules of the games, regards the subject as an active, intentional agent, and points to the shifting subject positions of people as they engage with multiple games simultaneously. Taking inspiration from Ortner and shifting the focus to the active, intentional subject I approach the campus as a playground where students play9 various “serious games” simultaneously. This approach connects well with students’ own view on campus who regard campus as “a free playing ground.” (Vivian) Yvonne (21, 3th year Sociology, in a relationship) said:

It’s the last stage where you’re with a group of people and get to study them for a while and go on. I know this person and I think I can deal with this person in the future, so yeah. Anyway this is more serious [than earlier stages] as this is the last playground for that kind of things.

Students are thus in their last “play stage” and campus serves as a serious “playground”. Students engage with various “serious games” simultaneously, as will become clear in chapter 2. The most visible and important games are popular culture, traditional culture, religion, academic environment, and social life. These games set playing rules, norms, but it is up to the student how to play them and position him or herself within these games. The focus of this study is how the active intentional subject plays the games and adjusts, follows, or ignores certain playing rules with regard to intimate relationships.

Studying the invisible and the taboo

The sensitivity and personal nature of the subject matter, the prevailing distrust among Ghanaians, the complexities of dating life, the fact that dating in Ghana is practiced in

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The verb play is easily associated with terms like “playing around”, “a player”, and “cheating”, and has local connotations and meanings. I do not imply these things, but simply employ the term play to refer to students who navigate between various games on the playground simultaneously. If used as a local term, quotation marks will be used.

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13 secrecy and carefully hidden for the public made it difficult to conduct research about intimate relationships on KNUST campus. Nevertheless I took the challenge to find an answer to the question: “how do university students in urban Ghana shape their intimate relationships?” To fully understand what students say and why they do what they do, their context needs to be taken into account. Hence I conducted five months of qualitative ethnographic research to gain understanding of intimate relations among students.

Methods

Intimate relationships are a taboo and invisible on campus and students’ trust is difficult to obtain. Trust, friendship, gossiping, and method triangulation play an important role in this study. I used various qualitative methods simultaneously to validate data, including small talk, semi-structured interviews, focus group discussions, participant observation, and document analysis. Throughout the thesis more attention will be given to how I dealt with the methodological challenges posed by studying an invisible and taboo subject.

During the first month in the field I explored the field and identified hot topics and taboos regarding relationships. In the second month students were supposed to start lectures, but due to strikes university did not start. Only during the third month could I start meeting students and generate trust and friendships with them. During the fourth and fifth month I gathered most of the data.

Participant observation is at the core of ethnography and an essential method in this study. The extent to which I observed and participated in intimate relationships however was limited due to ethical and practical considerations and the invisibility of dating life. I participated in Ghanaian student life, made friends, but did not go beyond friendship. I lived in a student hostel, attended lectures, seminars, church services, parties, visited friends on and near campus, went to concerts, the pool side, and other sport facilities. During these activities I observed how students relate to one another and how they sometimes secretively talk about their partners. Due to the huge time I spent with some students friendships developed. Eventually they shared relational issues with me.

When I participated in student life on campus and in Ghanaian life in general, I met lots of people and spoke casually with many of them. This often undervalued “small talk” (Driessen and Jansen 2013) was essential for my research. It helped me getting a feeling for the Ghanaian social world and a sense for the rules of the games. Small talks about love, relationships, marriage, homosexuality, gender roles, love magic, and intimacy (over 200 in total) indicated which issues were important, what the hot topics and taboos were, confirmed observations and interpretations, and clarified some uncertainties in my research.

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14 Small talk also helped me to specify my interview questions. I conducted 38 interviews, mainly with university students, both married and unmarried, and their age ranged from 18 to 51 years. Most interviews lasted about 45 minutes. Sometimes I interviewed two or three people at the same time, generally when the respondent brought someone along or additional persons happened to be there. The fourteen group discussions were particularly revealing, as group dynamics triggered particular responses as participants did not only want to impress me, but also their peers.

I held three focus groups which varied all in form to adjust to the circumstances and to see what worked best. One time we watched and discussed scenes of a romantic comedy, another time we talked interactively while making comments visual through mapping and we did a ranking exercise. During the last focus group I placed statements and the student who named the last argument for or against the statement won the game.

While being in Ghana I gathered movies, series, novels, guide books, and music. I transcribed (and translated if needed) nine popular Ghanaian songs and analyzed them to see how popular media portray relationships, which norms and values they subscribe, and how this message gets implemented in students’ dating life.

All research relevant talking was in English, just like the documents I investigated. English is the official language in Ghana and used throughout the educational system, so all students spoke fluent English. Besides English, many different languages are spoken in Ghana and not all students were capable of speaking Twi, the local language of the region. When it appeared relevant for my research friends translated ads, songs, or church prayers. I do not think my language skills affected my findings negatively.

Reflection and ethics

Conducting anthropological fieldwork is “intensely personal, in that the positionality [position based on class, gender and race] and biography of the researcher plays a central role in the research process, in the field as well as in the final text.” (England 1994: 251-252) In the field I realized how strong this influence actually is. My white skin, gender, and age provoked specific reactions such as showing off, flirting, and shyness. Students told me probably other things than they would tell a Ghanaian anthropologist. This could be both an advantage and a disadvantage. I was highly conscious about my positionality and tried to “use” it to generate reliable and valuable data.

My personal background also affected my ability to interact, observe, understand, interpret, and analyze the Ghanaian dating world (England 1994; Masrvasti 2004; Verrest 2007). In the beginning I felt a great social and emotional distance to the Ghanaian social world due to my unfamiliarity with their cultural customs, hence I noticed peculiarities of

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15 Ghanaian dating life. Later, when I became more integrated in Ghanaian student life, I took these particularities for granted and was able to understand and interpret their dating practices in accordance with their social-cultural world. Continuously I have been conscious and reflective on my positionality to minimize this bias and to correctly interpret the meanings and practices of intimate relationships of Ghanaian students.

Intimate relationships are personal and hence confidentiality and anonymity is extremely important. Before conducting interviews and focus groups I always explicated the goals of the research clearly and obtained informed consent. Besides relying on research instruments in which my role as a researcher was clearly visible, I also gathered data by observing and participating in everyday life. On those occasions I simply introduced myself as a student or a researcher. If asked or if I felt it was necessary to further explain my intentions, I did so. To ensure anonymity I changed the names of all respondents.

When conducting ethnographic fieldwork some research contacts transform into friendships over time due to intense and personal contact. These friendships form an essential element in this research as friends offered me insights which otherwise would have remained hidden. “Using” friendships for academic purposes comes with ethical considerations which troubled me in the field. With some of my friends I felt the boundary between my role as researcher and my role as friend fading. They shared personal dating issues with me and I listened with ears of both a friend and an anthropologist. I continued emphasizing the purpose of my visit and they all clearly understood my research goals and wanted to contribute to it by sharing personal stories. Nevertheless I continued feeling reluctant in sharing some data gathered through observing and chit-chat, and felt uneasy about “using” friendships.

Some respondents approached me with underlying intentions too. Many students offered help in the hope it would lead to friendship, that I could sponsor10 them, or marry within their family. Dealing with these expectations was challenging for me. It worked being clear about what I could mean for them. However, I felt uneasy about my inability to become friends with all interviewees who wanted to. The personal interviews generated intimate bonds between me and the interviewees which I treasure. Due to lack of time it was sadly impossible to remain friends with all of them.

My respondents did not seem to experience the uneasiness of “using” friendships in such a degree as I did. This corresponds with the global and local ideas of instrumentality in intimate relationships. According to my “western” perception, friendship and relationships should not be based on instrumentality and hence I felt uncomfortable having objectives in mind I wanted to obtain in friendships. Contrary, for Ghanaian students fulfilling someone’s

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16 instrumental needs is a way to express love and care and a natural element in relationships, including friendships.

Structure of the thesis

To be able to delineate a solid and contextual view of how students talk about and practice intimate relationships, the context of the students will be sketched in chapter 2. KNUST campus is described as a playground where students engage with various “serious games” simultaneously. They all prescribe different, and sometimes contradictory, playing rules for dating. Overstepping these rules has implications for students, so they have to consider carefully how shape their relationships within this playground of intimacy.

Chapter 3 shows how Dora manages the playground of intimacy. This case study offers insights in how the dating life of one particular student looks like, celebrating individuality and the complexities and subtleties of life as lived.

How students talk about love, sex, and money becomes clear in chapter 4. It highlights how students’ talk varies based on personal interest, personality, and age, how students adjust their discourses to their social environment and locality. It also shows that students remain silent about personal dating experiences because of intergeneration respect, to avoid stigmatization and judgement, because they are cautious trusting peers, and because it creates opportunities for them.

In chapter 5 it becomes clear that although engaging in premarital relationships is considered “illegitimate” and students do not want to be associated with it, students do engage in them. They enjoy engaging in relationships and derive money and sex from it, but also point to the importance of love.

The boundary between talk and practice is not always clear cut, but this division is useful as it shows contradictions in talk, which reflect norms, values and ideal situations, and practices in everyday life. Talk and practices do not always correspond as students combine love, sex, and money differently in talk and practice.

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CHAPTER 2: SKETCHING THE PLAYGROUND

This study was conducted at the campus of Kwame Nkrumah University of Science and Technology in Kumasi, Ghana. To comprehend contemporary dating practices of KNUST students, a short history of Ghana will be provided to show the dynamics of the country.

Ghanaians have been negotiating with various actors for a very long time, adjusting, defending, and negotiating their way of living to foreign influences. From the 15th century onwards what is now Ghana was exposed to North African and European influences. The Berbers from North Africa traded with the Northern regions of what is now Ghana and introduced Islam. The Portuguese arrived in 1471. Many other European countries followed to trade in gold, ivory and slaves. Europeans brought missionaries to convert local people to Christianity, in which they succeeded from the 1830s on.

Christianity influenced moral frameworks and ideas about love, sex, gender relations, and marriage and rejected many traditional practices, such as puberty rites. “Being Christian became equal to being modern and civilized, while not being Christian was regarded as being backward.” (De Witte 2001: 136) Christianity was associated with progress as missionaries strongly promoted education, provided health care, and created economic opportunities by introducing cacao (De Witte 2001; Moerkamp 1997; Steegstra 2004).

The British colonized what is now Ghana in 1874 and introduced a centralized colonial government, alongside the existing traditional local governance ruled by chiefs. Ghana was the first African country to gain independence in 195711 and kept the dual system of ruling (Government of Ghana 2013).

Contemporary Ghana consists of ten regions and provides home for over 100 ethnic groups12. Each sub-ethnic group has its own traditions, customs, rituals, and language (Moerkamp 1997; Steegstra 2004). Students emphasized that although the distinctive ethnic groups remain important for them, the division between North and South Ghanaians is much more important, which corresponds roughly with the Muslim-Christian distribution.

Kumasi is the capital of the Ashanti region and home to the Asantehene, king of all Ashanti. One of the most important jobs of current chiefs is maintaining the balance between modernity and tradition. Though Kumasi is the second biggest city in Ghana with over two million residents, students often emphasized the difference between “westernized Accra”, the capital of Ghana, and “traditional Kumasi”. They state that student life in Accra is all about fashion, showing off, and sugar daddies, while student life in Kumasi is more about

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After gaining independence the country was named Ghana.

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All regions are ethnically heterogonous, the major Ghanaian ethnic groups are the Akan, Ewe, the Ga-Adangbe, Guan, and Mole-Dagbon (Federal Research Division 2013; Steegstra 2004). These ethnic groups are further divided into sub-groups. The Ashanti and Fante people are for example part the Akan group.

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18 excelling academically, being a good religious person, and keeping traditional and religious values.

Campus

One of the main reasons to choose Kumasi as research location is the presence of Kwame Nkrumah University of Science and Technology, the second biggest public university and currently ranked as the second best university of Ghana13. KNUST is established in 1952 and situated on the outskirts of Kumasi. The green and spacious campus is more than just a study centre for students. All first year students reside in one of the seven student halls on campus, the rest of the students live in student houses on campus and nearby. Most students live in dorms and the number of roommates and the size of rooms vary. Students normally do not have televisions or couches, but most have a desk and a chair, and all have a bed (mostly a bunk bed), a closet, a small shared kitchen and bathroom. All the necessary facilities are located on campus. There are street vendors, supermarkets, churches, sport and study facilities, and there is a commercial area. Though everything is within walking distance, students prefer travelling by trotro14 or taxi because of the hot weather and to maintain their social status: only poor people who cannot afford the transportation fee walk. Due to the central location of Kumasi and the good reputation of KNUST, students from all over the county come to KNUST to obtain an academic degree. Many languages are spoken, but the dominant languages are English, the official language of Ghana; Twi, the local language of Ashanti; and Pidgin, a mix of English and local slang. Around 25.000 students attend KNUST, roughly one fourth of the student population is female and the majority is Christian (information obtained from the administration of KNUST).

Social life on campus

Many KNUST students spent most of their time on campus. The two main activities of students are studying and worshipping. Students, and especially their families, take their studies very seriously as it is considered the way to a bright future, out of poverty15. Parents, or the extended family, generally finance the student and take the need of work away, so that students can focus totally on their academic career. Some students behave accordingly

13

According to the 2013 University Web Ranking (http://www.4icu.org/gh/).

14

A van which forms an essential part of the public transportation system.

15

Though the economy is on the raise, still 28,5% lives in poverty. Around 11% of the working population is unemployed, the unemployment rate among youth is 16,6% (CIA World Factbook 2014) . If parents are too poor to pay school fees for a child, the whole family (sometimes even the whole community) helps to send the child to school. However, some families and communities are simply too poor to do so.

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19 and go home after class to study or relax, till it is time to attend one of the many religious functions which are held on campus.

Although some students never go to worship, most students attend church service once or twice a week, others go even more often. Religion serves as a social institution where people meet each other, hang out, and engage in activities together. Some students choose to become active for their church or mosque and join the choir, theatre group or band of their church. The church or mosque is an important organizer of social life.

Besides studying, praying, and attending church activities, most students spent much of their free time indoors, reading and watching series and movies on their laptops. Sometimes they go to town to go shopping, mostly accompanied by friends. Students also go and visit each other in their rooms. Almost none of the students have a job on the side. Those who do are often married and bear family responsibilities.

A small, specific group of boys and girls are more outgoing and engage in sports. Even fewer students attend parties regularly. Having fun is labelled as distraction and people look down on those students. Girls who are outgoing and make fun are considered irresponsible. For many girls it is therefore a well-considered choice not to engage in night life activities such as clubbing and attending parties, as it implies intimate dancing which damages their reputation. Hephzibah (23, graduate Geography and Rural Development, single) stated: “I’m not going to parties because the types of things they are doing: drinking, touching, so I haven’t been to any.” By contrast, engaging in night life activities enhances the social status for boys. Hence more boys than girls enjoy Ghanaian night life. Also the norms regarding dating are gendered. As said before, engaging in premarital relationships is still considered “illegitimate”, but Vivian (22, graduate Sociology and Social Work, single) argued: “if you’re my boyfriend and we’re going out and I will sleep with you, it’s socially accepted in school.” Still, dating remains less accepted for girls than for boys on campus.

Social life of KNUST students is thus gendered, but that does not imply girls have less social contact than boys. Technology plays a key role in social contacts in Ghana. Phones are essential in social life and help Ghanaians to stay connected, especially smart phones. I only met a few students without smart phones, even the poorest students try to get one in order to fully participate in the online social world. Students regularly call each other. Often the conversation is short and only “how are you?” is asked. To save credits many students also engage in “flashing”: “a person calls a mobile telephone number and then hangs up before the mobile’s owner can pick up the call.” (Donner 2008: 1) With almost no time and cost involved students show concern and maintain social relationships. Alongside calling, texting and flashing, also Skype, Facebook, Viber, WhatsApp, and Instagram are popular means of staying connected.

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20 Married students said not to mingle too much with non-married students as: “the interest is not the same.” (Akosua, married for 25 years, 6 children) Serious church goers who attend the same church also tend to spend much time together. Boys and girls also mingle and can be friends. Some committed believers are more reserved in other sex friendships, especially Muslims. Mohammed (24, graduate English, single) said:

Mohammed: Coming to university especially, I got to know the religious aspect of trying so much not to mingle so much with the ladies.

Marjolein: Why?

Mohammed: Because of the possibility of that you engage in you know, there’s a saying, nearness is love.

Marjolein: Nearness is love?

Mohammed: Nearness is love. So when you’re too close with the ladies, sometimes certain things might begin to happen unconsciously. And when you get used to their company, you would realize that sometimes when you’re there and they aren’t around, you tend to feel uncomfortable and you want to be with them and when you’re with them you want to hold them, you want to touch them, and these are the things that God has warned us against. And therefore it might happen gradually, holding hands, hugging and at a time you realize that it landed into something else.

Marital status, religious affinity and gender thus matter in whom students socialize with, but most students do not socialize solely with people in the very same group.

Students, like other Ghanaians, are cautious in trusting people. Georgia (23, 4th year Integrated rural arts and industry, in a relationship) said: “It’s not every person you can trust, so not all of my friends, just a few of them.” The distrust is not easily observable as people are very friendly and supportive towards each other. However, during my stay in Ghana I encountered many situations in which this general distrust manifested, such as avoiding sharing personal stories and giving unreliable answers. Ghanaians are scared that others will betray them. They are therefore reserved when it comes to personal things. Robert (graduate, single) argued it is because of superstition, the legacy of traditional religions. When friendship ends, your forgone friend might curse you. Samuel (graduate, in a relationship) asserted the main reason is the rapid social and political changes Ghana experiences in the past decades. Aisha (21, 3th year Social Work, married) and Khadija (22, 3th year Social Work, single) claimed instrumental interests are the cause:

Khadija: We don’t really trust one another.

Aisha: It’s because of money […] Mostly people don’t trust each other. If one fails, one wants to cheat the other.

Others stated it is just the Ghanaian culture: “that’s how Ghanaians are” (Dora, 21, 2nd year English, in a relationship). This lack of trust penetrates many (if not all) aspects of social life in Ghana, including friendships and relationships.

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21

Games on campus

At the university campus there are various “serious games” to be played (Ortner 1996), each with their own playing rules, a set of norms, values, and goals to pursue. How students play these “serious games”, how they position themselves within these games, and which choices they make, have costs and benefits and affect their social status on campus, as they are watched by their peers. However, the consequences of their behaviour on campus are lower than at other sites in Ghana, as there is no dominant norm and value system and there are no parents around who control and reprimand them if they disobey traditional or religious rules. This provides freedom, or a degree of agency, for students.

Students also experience this relative freedom in regard to dating, as there is no dominant discourse about how students have to deal with love, sex, and relationships. Campus thus functions as a playground where students play multiple “serious games” simultaneously, combining elements from various, sometimes contradictory norms and value systems, without very big consequences. Now the five most influential games in regard to dating will be described: religion, traditional culture, popular culture, academic environment, and social life on campus.

First, probably the most visible game on campus is religion. When walking around on campus it is impossible to miss the big numbers of churches and the various praying groups who loudly pray to God day and night. I have not met a student who was not religious. Most students are Christian or Muslim. Christianity and Islam condemn premarital sex and dating, but allow courtship, a time in which two people openly court with approval of both church and family without sex. During this time a couple explores whether they are compatible and prepare themselves for marriage. Islam and Christianity are both monotheistic religions and consist of various denominations. Each denomination highlights other aspects of the religion and the rigidness of living up the doctrine varies, also in regard to intimacy.

Christianity and Islam do not simply replace traditional belief systems16. Ghanaians do not regard traditional beliefs and Christianity or Islam to be contradictory and mutually exclusive, but rather as complementary and overlapping (De Witte 2001). To illustrate, all students believed traditional love spells help to seduce someone. However, students do not use love spells anymore as they put their faith in God or Allah. Many students combine to varying degrees their modern religion with traditional sets of beliefs and blend the two together.

16

All ethnic groups have their own traditional belief system, which is still practiced in rural areas. Central in traditional belief systems is worshipping multiple smaller gods and ancestors to whom libations and sacrifices are made. Priests communicate with the sacred world through ancestors and smaller divines, who residence in places such as streams and mountains.

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22 Second, traditional culture plays a predominant role in how students should behave in regarding to dating. Ghanaian traditional culture is characterized by the extended family system, the importance of ancestors and respect for the elderly, hospitality, life cycle rituals, and chieftaincy. Many traditional customs and rituals such as puberty rites17 are waning. Others remain important for students at KNUST, such as the traditional marriage, the extended family system and traditional gender roles. The perception that premarital relationships are “illegitimate” is still dominant, which results that young Ghanaians do not talk about love, sex, and relationships. Premarital relationships become more legitimate when they meet a number of marriage criteria. In marriage care is the most important practice. The man is supposed to provide financially for the woman and she in return runs the household and has sexual intercourse with him. People without the necessary means to fulfill these criteria are not supposed to engage in or talk about love, sex and dating (Bochow 2012).

Third, also popular culture plays a substantial role in the life of Ghanaian university students. They like watching films, especially movies from the west and western and South American television series. These movies show how people fall in love, come together, sometimes cheat on one another, and break-up when the love is gone. Western films and series strongly promote the notion of romantic love. Students dislike the more local film industry such as Nollywood18 and Ghallywood19. Alongside pop songs from the west, Highlife songs and the newer Hiplife and Azonto music are extremely popular. Hiplife and Azonto songs are characterized by provocative sexual and love lyrics as the excerpts of KCEE’s song Limpopo and P-square’s hit Personally show:

PERSONALLY: P-SQUARE

I no go lie

The things weydey [within] my mind When I see you dancing girl

You got me high And if you want to try Gbebe go dey tonight Cos I’m in the mood

As long as you feeling the groove I go deal with you

Personally personal personally, aahaah Personally I go deal with you

(2x)

LIMPOPO: KCEE

Baby please give it to me tonight (2x) I’m going crazy…. Tonight (2x)

Oh, let me be ur maga [lover]…. Tonight Ur maga

I want to be ur maga…. Tonight Tell me what you want

I just want to know your need Cos the way you dey touch bodi

I like the way you dey do [you move] the Make me to dey gum the bodi

Oya Limpopo [sex]

Baby make we go Limpopo

17

A life cycle ritual which initiates girls into womanhood.

18

Nigerian film industry

19

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23

I go deal with you

Personally, Professionally

I see what you’re doing intentionally Girl me want it physically

So give it to me (2x)

Radically, emotionally, psychologically You’re turning me on biologically Sexually, Dramatically

And she talk say she no wan leave

(2x)

Cos you know the koko [how it is] So make we go Limpopo

Oh yeah, tonight

Specific gender roles are portrayed in these songs. Men are depicted as conquerors who want sex and impress ladies with money as P-Square’s song Chop my Money indicates: “Chop my money (3x), cause I don’t care (3x). I no fear, cause I get plenty. I don’t care (2x). I no fear, cause e no dey empty.” Women are represented as passive sexual and beautiful objects: “Girl, your behind is a killer, I can see you sensual.” (Davido, Gobe) who are solely after money: “You like getting money, I’ll make it rain every season. […] If na long thing you want, I’m mister Giving You All That You Need.” (Wizkid, Sexy Mama). Popular culture thus displays a various sets of norms and values and uses multiple means of conveying information.

Fourth, students are on campus to obtain a university degree and students have to engage with the academic environment. Parents and lecturers press students to excel in academics and not to engage in leisure activities such as dating, sports, and partying to avoid distractions.

Finally, also social life on campus is a game. Social status is very important for Ghanaian students. There is a status competition going on at the university campus. Maxwell (28, PhD student Social Work, married) remarked:

Campus is a place where there’s a latent competition, some kind of hidden competition. You have to dress in a certain way, you have to wear, you have to perfume and all that. And the pressure is more on girls to appear in certain ways.

Aisha added:

Everything here on campus is because of competition. Someone has a Samsung Galaxy, so you also want to get a Samsung Galaxy. So you have to get a rich man, a sugar daddy.

This status competition is again gendered. For girls it is very important to dress fancy and to have new haircuts regularly, while for boys status can be obtained by being in a relationship or having sex.

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24 These five games have different playing rules, their norms and values are often contradictory and incompatible, also when it comes to intimate relationships. By acts of betrayal, the rules of the games become most visible. Students thus deal with ambiguous situations in which they actively need to position themselves within these games and consider which rules to follow. Students actively need to think about the kind of intimate relationship they want, whether their partner wants the same kind of relationship, and how to justify such a relationship to the various games they are involved in. As students navigate the playground of intimacy they also need to justify their choices to themselves, their peers, and sometimes to their family and religious leaders. Engaging in intimate relationships is thus a highly conscious and ambiguous practice for students at KNUST campus.

On the one hand campus life is vibrant and social, a perfect place to meet new, interesting people and to experiment with sexual and love feelings. On the other hand it is difficult as it is full of uncertainties and ambiguities, the stakes are high and the expectations and norms are contradictory. How do students navigate this serious playground? To get an idea about how students at KNUST deal with these games, the love life of student Dora will be sketched in the following chapter.

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CHAPTER 3: PLAYING THE GAMES

This chapter is about a female student Dora and explores how Dora navigates the playground of intimacy. This case study is not representative as it only offers insights in the live of one student, but the challenges she faces are shared by her colleagues. Besides, a case study offers the opportunity to celebrate individuality and the complexities and subtleties of life as lived. In addition, this case study is special because it is about a girl. Ghanaian girls are very secretive about their intimate relationships, especially when they date multiple boys simultaneously.

One of my best friends in Ghana was Dora. We spent a lot of time together and she showed me around on campus and in Kumasi. She also introduced me to her family who welcomed me warmly. Dora was 21 years during the time I conducted my fieldwork and a second year English and social work student. She was in a committed relationship with George. Like most Ghanaian girls she was very reserved when we met, but with time she opened up and our friendship flourished. During the couple of months we spent together I witnessed her dating life unfold.

Who is Dora?

Dora grew up in Kumasi and belongs to the Ashanti people. She attended the Methodist church, but did not go to church on campus. Only when she went home she attended Sunday mass. The two times I accompanied her to the church, she was not paying attention to the service but made fun with her friends of the youth brigade. She said she prays in silence for herself, so there is no need for her to go to church. Occasionally she read the Bible. When I asked her what love meant to her, she immediately replied: “love is God and God is love,” equating love to God and indicating the importance of religion in her love life.

Dora has three elder sisters, they all finished university, have jobs, are married, and have children. Her parents completed secondary school. Her mom is a trader and her dad owns a big farmland. They are comparatively wealthy and live in a big house in a serene neighbourhood. They own a car and have a private driver. Like most Ghanaian students her parents provide everything for her so she can focus totally on her studies.

Dora lived with her parents until she went to a boarding school for her secondary education in Accra. Before going to high school she did not like socializing too much, but when she shared her room with peers she was forced to mingle and Dora learned to appreciate hanging out with friends. During her first year at university she stayed at Republic Hall, one of the three gender mixed student halls on campus. She shared a room with three

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26 girls. When her second academic year started she decided to share a tiny room with one roommate in a student hostel in Ayeduase, just off campus. Her 10m2 room contained a bunk bed, an unfinished wardrobe, a broken chair, a fridge, a stove, and a bathroom. In her room she generally walked around breast naked due to the hot weather and simply wrapped herself in a cloth when male friends came along.

Dora’s favourite activity was staying in her room watching movies and series on her laptop. Her favourite series were Grey’s Anatomy, Beauty and the Beast, and Lost. She watched them closely and we often discussed them. She distanced herself from certain things that happened in those series, such as kissing outdoors, declaring love in public, and girls who approach guys. These conversations revealed some of the local rules of dating to me. Dora, in contrast to her mother, also did not belief in television love:

She [mother] will say television love is the sweetest love ever, but it’s not like that. Because if the television says this guy is in love with this girl, they would definitely end up getting married. But it’s not like that in the real world. You can fall in love with someone but circumstances can change and you end up just being with somebody else.”

Dora referred to the unexpected and unforeseen reality of everyday life, and therefore cautiously distanced herself from television love.

Furthermore Dora loved shopping and liked it when I took her to the pool side and taught her how to swim. Though she learned the basics of swimming and got to know many people at the pool, she did not continue swimming after I left.

Guys and attention

One of the first things I noticed about Dora was that she spent most of her time with male friends. Seldom a girl dropped by to visit Dora in her room. Occasionally Dora escorted a female friend to town or asked one of them (or me) to escort her. Besides these rare trips to town and the compulsory lectures, Dora generally stayed indoors. She did not go out to visit friends and rarely attended birthday parties. But when we walked around together on campus, I noticed she had good contact with numerous girls as she enthusiastically greeted many of them and started chitchatting. Apparently it is more common for guys to visit friends on campus, but I was a clear exception and visited many people on and around campus, especially Dora.

In the beginning I thought every day other male friends visited Dora in her room, but later I recognized their faces and identified some of her best friends. What struck me was the physical intimacy Dora shared with them. As Dora’s small room contained only a bunk bed and a broken chair, everyone was sitting or lying on one of the two beds. Often Dora lied

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27 in the arms of a friend while fondling. When they went outside to buy food, Dora devoted all her attention to her male friend(s), uttering things in their ears and giggled about their whispered answers.

Certain guys visited Dora regularly for a particular period, offering her companionship and emotional and financial support. Sometimes they brought her small surprises, food or gave her money. Some of her friends knew she had a boyfriend, most did not. Dora told me that many of these guys proposed love to her, which she politely declined.

Dora also received a lot of attention from men she met on the street or in the class room. As Dora is very beautiful she attracted a lot of attention. There were always numerous men staring at her when we walked together outside. Some approached her and started a conversation or proposed love to her. Dora seemed to enjoy the attention she received from guys.

Dora’s relationship

When I met Dora she was in a three year relationship with George. She knew him for a very long time as they grew up together in the same neighbourhood in Kumasi, attended the same Methodist church where they both participated in the youth brigade. When Dora was in Senior High something developed between her and George and he continued to propose love to her till she finally accepted his proposal. Dora had dated other guys before, but that was just for fun. This one she considered serious from the onset and hence referred to George as her boyfriend from the very beginning of their relationship. Often she named George her husband.

When they dated for around a year his work relocated him to London. Since that time they rarely saw each other as he visited Ghana only once or twice a year. The phone was the most important means of communication. Daily they called on Skype. Furthermore they sent each other lots of messages through WhatsApp. Dora loved to talk with George, they can talk for hours.

Dora told me that when they were together, they kissed and touched each other but decided to abstain from sexual intercourse to demonstrate their true love to each other. Although she was a virgin when they started dating, she told George otherwise because “now he thinks I’m sexually experienced and know it all.” During my stay their physical intimacy was further limited due to separation of place. George did not enjoy video-chatting, but after a fruitful discussion Dora persuaded him to switch on his camera and subsequently they sometimes kissed each other on the screen.

Playground of intimacy : love, sex and money in students’ dating life in urban Ghana

Playground of intimacy

Love, sex and money in students’ dating life in urban Ghana

Master Thesis

Research Master Social Sciences

Marjolein van Geest

Master Thesis

Playground of intimacy

Love, sex and money in students’ dating life in urban Ghana

ABSTRACT

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

CONTENTS

CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION

Problem statement

Theories of intimacy, globalization and agency

Studying the invisible and the taboo

Structure of the thesis

CHAPTER 2: SKETCHING THE PLAYGROUND

Campus

CHAPTER 3: PLAYING THE GAMES

Who is Dora?

Guys and attention

Dora’s relationship