Queer Migrant Navigations: Social Navigation and Resilience among Queer Migrants in Berlin, Germany

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Queer Migrant Navigations:

Social navigation and resilience among queer

migrants in Berlin, Germany

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Queer Migrant Navigations:

Social Navigation and Resilience among Queer Migrants in Berlin, Germany Name: Jessica Musler

Student number: 12726915

Master of Medical Anthropology and Sociology Supervisor: Dr. René Gerrets

Second Reader: Prof. Dr. Eileen Moyer Submitted on: August 8th_{, 2020}

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Acknowledgements

“Berlin has stories… everyone has a story. So all the people that I met… even if they didn’t stay longer in my life, they enriched me, because I love to hear stories.” – Nadia, from Bulgaria

As a master’s student doing ethnographic research for the first time, I greatly appreciate the help of the many wonderful people who have contributed to this project. I would first like to thank all of the participants who shared their stories with me, and without whom this thesis would not have been possible. Thank you for your time, trust, and generosity in sharing your opinions and experiences. I would like to thank my supervisor, Dr. René Gerrets, for supporting me and encouraging me throughout my fieldwork. During the initial outbreak of COVID-19 in Berlin and the resulting period of stress and uncertainty, I greatly appreciated having a supervisor who took the time to regularly reach out to me, share ideas, and offer advice. In addition, I am grateful to René for sharing his wisdom and expertise through feedback on my writing. I would also like to thank my research design professor, Dr. Bregje de Kok, for her instruction and feedback during the early stages of formulating my research project.

Finally, I would like to thank my friends and peers whose insights have helped me learn and grow, and whose company has made the time spent working on my research brighter.

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Abstract

This research project focuses on the psychosocial well-being of queer migrants in Berlin, Germany, and studies the ways that queer migrants navigate challenges and enact resilience. The field work for this this study took place during the COVID-19 pandemic and subsequent social distancing restrictions in Berlin, and as a result the study also follows how queer migrants and queer social spaces in Berlin were influenced by the pandemic. Eight informants with migration

backgrounds from Indonesia, Jordan, Bulgaria, Portugal, Canada, Poland, and former Yugoslavia participated in the study through semi-structured interviews. Three additional informants commented on changes in queer social life during the COVID-19 pandemic via digital messages. I conducted observations in queer bars and clubs before the COVID-19 restrictions were

implemented, and conducted observations on several queer Facebook groups both before and after the distancing restrictions. Results from the study revealed several themes. The first theme was loneliness and liminality, pertaining to the liminal process of traversing between countries and cultures, as well as to the liminal aspects of queer identity. Later themes included searching for connection, navigating new social environments and enacting resilience in response to structural barriers. Participants used social spaces such as bars and clubs, as well as digital media platforms such as Facebook and Tinder, as resources to make connections with other queer people and find help navigating migration challenges. The COVID-19 pandemic dramatically changed queer social life, and sociality moved into online spaces, which queer migrants used for connecting to resources and actions, such as volunteering to help those affected by COVID-19, as well as for social connections, artistic collaborations and discussions. Participants described the strategies they used to enact resilience in the face of challenges, with several participants emphasizing self-empowerment and personal determination, and others describing the need for social connection and collective empowerment. Considering participants’ stories and narratives reveals how resilience may be enacted through a combination of personal, social, and environmental factors.

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Introduction

Discrimination, prejudice, and social exclusion are unfortunately common experiences for many queer people around the world. There are currently 73 countries where freedom of expression for queer people is curtailed by law, with some countries imposing death penalties for same-sex conduct (Tschalaer 2019). In addition to legal restrictions, non-conforming sexual and gender expressions are also highly socially stigmatized in many environments (Tschalaer 2019; Kahn et al. 2017). In response to legal persecution, social stigma, and a lack of sexual freedom, many queer people migrate hoping to find increased safety, support, and freedom of expression in destination countries (Ueno, Vaghela & Ritter 2014; Kahn, Alessi, Kim, Woolner & Olivieri 2018).

Berlin is a common destination for queer migrants, partly due to the perception of Berlin as a safe haven for queer people and a welcoming city for immigrants (Bayramoglu & Lunenborg 2018). Compared to other cities in Germany, Berlin has a more international population and is known for its colorful urban diversity, and in this way Berlin is often portrayed as being disconnected from the rest of Germany (Preser 2017). Partly due to this multicultural nature of the city, Berlin has a reputation for openness toward difference (Mole 2018). Berlin is home to numerous activist organizations and support groups that offer services for queer migrants, and is known for welcoming freedom of expression. Mole’s (2018) study of Russian-speaking queer migrants in Berlin noted how many migrants were drawn to Berlin due to the city’s liberal values and the idea that they could live openly in Berlin with their sexual and gender identity.

Despite perceived safety, queer people may still face violence and discrimination in Berlin, and anti-immigrant sentiment in Germany has risen since 2015, a form of backlash to the country’s initially welcoming immigration policies. (Bayramoglu & Lunenborg 2018; Holmes & Castañeda 2016). Migration to Berlin involves the challenging process of adjusting to a new social and cultural environment, and migrants disproportionally face issues such as racism and xenophobia which challenge their well-being (Mule & Gamble 2018). Migrants respond to these challenges in a number of ways, such as through determination and perseverance, forming alternative kinship structures, and seeking social support through digital media. Studying how queer migrants navigate their social environments and migration challenges may enlighten the processes of queer migrant resilience.

For my thesis, I focus on the research question: How do queer migrants in Berlin, Germany experience and navigate their social environment, and how do these migrants use empowerment strategies to promote their own well-being and enact resilience in response to challenges? How

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were these processes influenced by the COVID-19 pandemic? The sub-questions of this overarching research question will be elaborated on in the research question section.

Drawing from prior work by Bayramoglu and Lunenborg (2018), the term “queer” is used as an umbrella term for all sexual and gender identity experiences that lie outside of the norms of their socio-political environments, and that may not reflect Western conceptualizations of sexual and gender identities. The theoretical and conceptual framework for this study includes intersectionality theory and the concepts of social navigation, liminality, resilience and well-being. In this thesis, the term migrant refers to anyone who moves to Berlin from a different country of origin (including migrants from other European countries1_{), and I aim to specifically consider migrants whose}

sexuality or gender identity was a significant factor in their migration. The methods for this study include semi-structured interviews, participant observation in social spaces, and digital ethnography through Facebook.

1_{White migrants from Western countries are often called “expatriates” rather than “migrants” (Kunz 2020). In} this thesis “queer migrant” refers to anyone from a different country of origin who migrates, at least partially, due to their sexuality or gender identity. Participants in this study identified with the term “migrant,” although several also considered themselves expatriates.

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Literature Review

In recent years, many studies have emerged at the intersection of queer studies and

migration studies. For queer migrants, the process of migrating may be viewed as an act of agency, a form of self-empowerment leading to increased personal liberation (Alvarez 2019). While Western media often gives the impression that queer migrants are forced to move from countries in the East or Global South to ‘liberal’ destinations such as Berlin due to oppression and discrimination in their home countries, studies show that migration trajectories are often much more nuanced and

complex (Mole 2018; Bayramoglu and Lunenborg 2018; Preser 2017). Berlin is a common destination not only for queer migrants from the Global South East but also for queer migrants from other European countries, and queer Germans from other regions of Germany (Preser 2017). In addition, queer migrants often have complex reasons for migrating. While sexuality and gender plays an important part, it is often not the only reason for queer migrants’ migration decisions (Mole 2018).

Many sources in the literature describe the challenges to well-being that queer migrants face in the migration process. Bayramoglu and Lunenborg’s (2018) article on queer refugees in Berlin describes how migrant ideas about Germany as a safe, open-minded place are often met with harsh realities of racism, islamophobia, homophobia, and transphobia. A focus group study by Mule and Gamble (2018) describes how the challenges of leaving one’s country of origin, resettling and adjusting to a new social-political context produce significant stress for migrants, and migration is related to a higher risk of PTSD, depression, and suicidality (Mule & Gamble). For queer migrants, these risks are likely higher, as studies have described the particular vulnerability of queer people to stress, violence, and health issues stemming from their experiences of stigma and discrimination (Aggarwal & Gerrets 2014; Mule & Gamble 2018; McConnell et al. 2018; Fish & Pasley 2015). Depression, psychological distress, substance abuse, and social isolation are just a few of the

concerns associated with queer stigma (Wagner et al. 2013; Ueno, Vaghela & Ritter 2014). However, most studies of queer well-being have looked at white gay men, and less is known about the

experiences of minorities or the experiences of queer women, transgender, non-binary and intersex people (or the various intersecting combinations of these identities) (McConnell et al. 2018; Gray, Mendelsohn & Omoto 2015; Alvarez 2019). The literature review emphasized the need for intersectional studies on the experiences of queer migrants with multiple marginalized identities (McConnell et al. 2018; Mule & Gamble 2018).

However, in spite of these challenges, many queer migrants find ways to enact resilience. Forming alternative kinship structures, organizing around specific social spaces and using digital media to connect to other migrants are examples of how queer migrants work to empower

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themselves (Bayramoglu & Lunenborg 2018; Hwahng et al. 2019; Kosnick 2008). While much of the existing literature focuses on negative experiences and discrimination, authors such as Bayramoglu and Lunenborg (2018) have emphasized the importance of considering the resilience and self-empowerment strategies of queer migrants. Bayramoglu and Lunenborg (2018) describe how previous work often reduces the agency of queer migrants through this portrayal of the migrant as a passive subject. Bayramoglu and Lunenborg’s work instead describes how queer migrants engage in self-empowerment through digital media, community spaces, and activist networks. Similarly, Hwahng et al.’s (2019) study of alternative kinship structures among immigrant trans Latinas emphasizes how resilience can be enacted on a community level through kinship. Through focus group sessions and individual interviews, the study found that trans Latinas demonstrate social creativity in their ability to form tight kinship bonds with each other. Although trans Latinas faced significant challenges and had limited access to financial resources, this strong social and emotional support system led to increased resilience and more positive outcomes in well-being among group members.

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Research Questions

In my study of the well-being of queer migrants, I focused on the ways that migrants navigate new environments, and how they experience and respond to challenges that arise. I was specifically interested in the agency of migrants, and how migrants use various empowerment strategies, such as community-building and alternative kinship structures, to enact resilience. My research questions are as follows:

How do queer migrants in Berlin, Germany experience and navigate their social environment, and how do these migrants use empowerment strategies to promote their own well-being and enact resilience in response to challenges? How were these processes influenced by the COVID-19 pandemic?

1. How do queer migrants experience and respond to processes of xenophobia, homo/transphobia, and the structural barriers they face in Berlin?

2. How do queer migrants experience their social environment and navigate the differences in accepted social practices, beliefs, and attitudes between Berlin and their home country? 3. Through what mechanisms do queer migrants enact resilience and self-empowerment? How

are these mechanisms deployed?

4. How have support structures and social environments for queer people in Berlin been reshaped by the COVID-19 Pandemic?

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Theoretical and Conceptual Framework

The theoretical lens designed for this project uses a framework approach to bring together multiple concepts and theories and apply them to the subject of queer migrants. I draw from intersectionality theory, and include the concepts of well-being, resilience, liminality and social navigation.

Intersectionality

Intersectionality looks at how multiple identities and processes of discrimination can intersect to create unique experiences for those holding specific identities (Mule & Gamble 2018). Queer migrants may experience discrimination from their experiences both as queer people and as migrants, through the processes of homophobia or transphobia, and the processes of xenophobia. In addition, they may experience specific processes of discrimination for other identities they hold, such as class and race or ethnicity. The intersectional lens provides a theoretical framework for the analysis of the effects of these multiple intersecting identities.

Intersectionality may also highlight unique advantages or outlying cases that lie at specific intersections (Mule & Gamble 2018). For instance, queer migrants may be able to draw on their multiple identities as queer people and migrants to gain access to greater resources and community spaces then would be available to either of these groups individually (Gray, Mendelsohn & Omoto 2015). In this way, intersectionality not only reveals processes of discrimination and vulnerability, but also the potential for specific opportunities and advantages which may help queer migrants empower themselves.

Resilience

Resilience refers to the ability of queer migrants to positively navigate through challenges and attain the resources they need to sustain their well-being. Alessi defined resilience as “a dynamic process encompassing positive adaptation within the context of significant adversity” (Alessi 2016: 204). Resilience involves making the best out of a difficult situation, and understanding processes of resilience may be relevant to understanding how marginalized groups can promote their own well-being, even if they cannot change their immediate environment. The process of resilience can be enacted through the methods of empowerment strategies, which can be defined as any action a person or group takes to strengthen themselves socially and psychologically.

Many studies in the literature have researched the factors that influence resilience among migrants and queer people (Sossou et al. 2008; Schweiter, Greenslade & Kagee 2007; Meyer 2015), but less is known specifically about queer migrants. One example is Hwahng et al.’s study (2019)

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which looked at how alternative kinship structures and closely bonded community networks among queer migrants help to buffer stress and empower queer migrants with social resources. Hwahng et al.’s focus on resilience through social connectedness is significant, as other authors (McConnell et al. 2018; Sims-Schouten & Edwards 2016; Meyer 2015) have argued that most prior resilience research focuses solely on individualistic factors (such as self-determination and personal beliefs) and that more research on social and community empowerment is needed to understand how the social context plays a role in promoting well-being among queer people. The ecological paradigm for resilience used by Ungar (2004) and Asakura (2017) may be helpful for enlightening the intersections between different resilience factors, both personal and social. Through this lens, researchers study resilience by accounting for the complex, reciprocal interactions between people and their

environments.

Social Navigation

The term “navigation” literally means “to sail”, and as a concept navigation involves the act of moving within an environment that is wavering and unsettled. This idea of “motion within motion” (Vigh 2009: 420) offers a unique perspective from which to view the interconnectedness of structure (patterned arrangements in the external social environment) and agency (the capacity of individuals to act and make their own choices), which have been described by Giddens (1984) in his theory of structuration. Giddens emphasizes this interconnected nature of structure and agency without giving superiority to either, and theorizes that structure influences agency by influencing human behavior, and that human behavior can either reinforce or change social structures. Through the lens of navigation, we can view the intersection of agency and structure alternatively,

recognizing the fluidity and motion of these elements. While other frameworks often focus on structure as a relatively stable external environment, the navigation lens allows us to view the structure of the external environment as shifting and changing over time (Denov & Bryan 2012). This lens is relevant to the study of queer migrants, who, in the process of migration, must strategize and move through dramatically shifting social environments. Social navigation highlights how agents continually make calculations and adjustments, seeking to make the best of emerging possibilities in their tentative situation. This may enlighten the mechanisms through which queer migrants perceive and adapt to cultural differences and political barriers in their destination country, working to empower themselves and find their way.

Social navigation is also relevant to studying lived experience. Vigh (2009) states that, through the lens of social navigation, our environments and our futures are contingent on our experiences of the here and now. According to Kleinman and Kleinman (1991), experience can be

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seen in relation to the outcome of interactions between cultural categories, social structures, and psychological processes. This outcome constitutes a subjective, mediating world, and experience is the felt flow of this world. These concepts illuminate how cultural differences, sociality and personal psychology intersect to form queer migrants’ experience of migration, and how this experience in turn affects how queer migrants navigate and influence their environments.

While navigation implies that all people move within changing environments, the speed and volatility of change may be related to a person’s social capital and their position within the social environment (Vigh 2009). For queer migrants, the pressures of navigation may be more or less intense depending on the context of their migration and their social position. Through this lens, we can see how queer migrants may enact resilience and buffer stress when they build greater social capital.

Well-being

The concept of well-being is used to describe the social and emotional state of queer migrants. Well-being is a more holistic term than mental health, as it does not imply medicalization and instead blurs the boundaries between psychological, emotional, and social effects. In the literature, Kahn et al. defines well-being as the “experience of feeling relatively authentic and comfortable within day-to-day life, free from persistent negative feelings and fears and having an orientation toward the future with the sense that one’s potential will be realized” (2017: 3). However, it is important to note that well-being may be defined differently in different cultural contexts. I would like to leave the concept of well-being relatively open to allow for informants themselves to define what it means to them.

Liminality

The concept of liminality is relevant to the study of queer migrants, as it captures personal aspects of both the queer and migrant experience. Liminality is the psychologically powerful state experienced when moving from one status or role in life to another, and often involves a state of heightened awareness and self-realization. Social liminality can be experienced as marginalization from the predominant culture and a lack of power or control (Simicha, Maiterb & Ochocka 2009). The concept of liminality is considered central to understanding exile groups such as immigrants and refugees. As stated by Simicha, Maiterb and Ochocka, (2009: 259) “liminality... captures many immigrants’ feelings of living in a hybrid cultural reality, existing between two social worlds, but belonging to neither.” In this context liminality can be related to the concept of navigation, as migrants who occupy liminal spaces must learn to navigate a new environment with different cultural and social norms from those of their home country.

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While existing in uncertain liminal spaces is often associated with hopelessness, despair, or trauma, liminality can also be used to highlight the dreams and expectations of refugees and

migrants hoping to find community and reintegrate into society (Mzayek 2019). The concept has also been applied to the experiences of queer people (Dhoest 2018) who face marginalization from society, and is specifically relevant to the study of queer people who are in the process of coming out, or in a state of transition.

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Research Methods and Ethics

Study Location

The study took place in Berlin, Germany. Berlin is the largest city in Germany, with a population of approximately 3.5 million people. German is the official language, and the most common foreign language is English, followed by Turkish, Russian, and Arabic. Berlin is known for its urban diversity, a unique mix of cultures and subcultures. Approximately 30% of the population in Berlin has an immigrant background, with Turks and people of Turkish descent comprising the largest group, followed by Poles, Syrians, Italians, and Bulgarians (Amt für Statistik Berlin-Brandenburg 2019).

Berlin’s urban diversity has been shaped by its complex history. The former West Berlin had a reputation as a destination for many leftists, artists, and queer people, and after the fall of the Berlin wall in 1989 even more of these populations flocked to the newly reunified Berlin. Berlin’s relative affordability compared to other cities in Germany also allowed for the organization of creative spaces and alternative communities. This lead to the development of a significant queer scene and a thriving queer nightlife culture (Kosnick 2008). To this day, many queer people continue to move to Berlin due to the perceptions of the city as a relatively free and open place to express one’s sexuality or gender identity.

As my native language is English and I do not speak German, interviews and observations were all conducted in the English language. While English is commonly spoken in Berlin, many migrants and refugees either do not speak English at all or have a low skill level in the language. In addition, English is not a native language for most speakers in Berlin. As a result, my lack of German skills influenced the kinds of queer migrants who could participate in the study. Migrants with a relatively high education level and socioeconomic status are more likely to speak English fluently.

Methodology

The research methods I chose for this project are a combination of qualitative interviews and participant observation. Interviews, in qualitative research, involve exploring the accounts of participants and comparing those accounts with others to develop a theoretical understanding of underlying phenomena (Green & Thorogood 2004). Participant observation is a classic ethnographic method which involves a researcher not only observing but also participating in the social spaces of the field. As my research question focuses on personal experiences and social navigation of

challenges, the combination of personal accounts and observations of engagement in social environments is best suited. Due to the COVID-19 pandemic which caused social distancing

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measures to be implemented during fieldwork, methods were moved online to Facebook

ethnography and Skype interviews during the second half of fieldwork. In this section I will discuss in detail the methods used, the data analysis, the ethics of the study and reflections on my positionality in the field.

a) Interviews

During my fieldwork I conducted 8 semi-structured interviews, ranging between thirty minutes and two hours, with participants from Indonesia, Jordan, Canada, Bosnia, Portugal, and Poland who were currently living in Berlin. One participant identified as a post-migrant (born in Germany to parents from former Yugoslavia). They were all between the ages of 22 and 43, and most had lived in Germany for less than three years. The study was open to participants of all different gender and sexual identities who identified as queer, and included three participants who identified as lesbians, one who identified as agender and trans, one who identified as a trans woman, one who identified as bigender and bisexual, one who identified as bisexual, and one who identified as queer and formerly lesbian. The pronouns used to describe participants in this thesis are the pronouns that participants told me they identify with. Interviews were conducted either in-person (six) or online (two) through Skype. In addition to the 8 participants who were involved in semi-structured interviews, I exchanged digital messages on Facebook with three people who were actively sharing content on a queer-focused Berlin Facebook group. All interviews were recorded with a voice-recorder, and messages from the digital chats were copied digitally and saved.

Interviews can reveal narratives and discursive patterns, as well as specific behaviors and dispositions that help to examine a person’s identity and their experience. In interviews, language is central as both a method and data. Language can be seen as a “route to understanding how the respondent sees the world… or as the route to understanding the categories that shape the world” (Green & Thorogood 2004). The interviews provided insight into the language that queer migrants use, and this enlightened how they perceive and categorize themselves.

b) Participant Observation

Along with interviews, I conducted ethnographic observation in the social spaces that queer migrants navigate. Observational methods provide access to what people do, rather than simply what they say they do, and this goes beyond the partial account of phenomena provided through interviews (Green & Thorogood 2004). I was particularly interested in observing queer or migrant community spaces, locations where queer migrants might find friends and social support for their own empowerment. Studying queer migrants in the context of these social spaces allowed for a

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deeper understanding of their lived experiences and social practices. During the first month of field work I conducted observations in several different bars and clubs in Berlin which were frequented by queer migrants. Most of these spaces were recommended to me by participants during interviews, and I found several others through recommendations on queer Facebook groups. Through these observations in the field, I was able to gather knowledge more directly than through the interviews, which can be limited by the confines of language. Observing in the field offered more embodied, sensory knowledge through feeling, seeing, and hearing what was happening in social spaces.

In addition to observing in physical social spaces, I conducted observations and contacted potential participants on a queer-focused Berlin Facebook group. In recent years, digital media platforms such as Facebook have become increasingly relevant spaces for ethnographic fieldwork and anthropological study (Piacenti, Rivas, & Garrett 2014). Piacenti, Rivas and Garrett describe a form of “expanded ethnography”, which consists of using online spaces as a supplement to offline relationships. This kind of digital ethnography can be helpful for connecting with participants and observing social interactions in spite of physical limitations, such as geographic distance. In addition to allowing researchers to extend in-person relationships online, digital media spaces can also be observed as social spaces in and of themselves, with their own social rules, uses, and expectations. Oliveira Neto and Camargo Júnior’s (2019) ethnography on a Facebook support group for people living with HIV and AIDS in Brazil observed this Facebook page as a social space, studying the group’s rules for engagement and how participants used this platform for social support as well as analyzing the types of posts and their content. In my observations on the queer-focused Facebook group in Berlin, I paid attention to the ways in which users engaged with each other in the group, what content was most popular (in terms of likes, comments) and what was most frequently posted. I looked most specifically at posts related to collaborative projects, activism, support and advice that queer people provide for or seek from each other.

After the first month of field work, the COVID-19 pandemic became a serious issue in Berlin and social isolation measures were implemented. While no strict lockdown was enforced in Berlin, all social spaces, such as bars and clubs, were closed, gatherings of more than two households were banned, and the government recommended that people stay at home as much as possible. The COVID-19 pandemic made it impossible to continue participation and observation in physical sites, and made it harder to find participants for the study. The pandemic caused a rupture that

necessitated a major change in the study design, and I decided to shift from research in physical spaces to virtual sites by engaging more in digital ethnography. I began to more closely follow and engage with the queer-focused Berlin Facebook group I had been observing earlier, and reached out (via digital message) to members of this group who were posting regularly. I kept in touch with

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several participants online throughout fieldwork via Facebook, Skype, and digital messages. I also closely followed and analyzed the content of the blogs and online creative projects of three participants who gave me permission to use their personal blogs for this research.

Data Analysis

I used a grounded theory method for analyzing the data collected, and Atlas.ti software was used to code and structure data. Grounded theory uses a cyclical process of collecting data,

analyzing it, developing a coding scheme, and then using this to suggest further data collection and analysis. Through this process, new theories can be enlightened (Green and Thorogood 2004). Grounded theory involves conducting both inductive and deductive analysis. Inductive analysis is performed through open coding of the initial data, and deductive analysis is performed as this data is further organized, compared with other data and related to theory. Analysis continues as more data is collected, and constitutes an ongoing process that informs the collection of further data (Green and Thorogood 2004).

After conducting the initial interviews, the conversations were transcribed and the data was coded via open coding. Participant observations taken as part of the project were assigned loose codes as they were written or received. Later, the data was compared with other data and was axially coded. Axial coding involves relating data together to reveal codes, categories, and subcategories within the data set, and to find a central phenomenon in the data (Green and Thorogood 2004). Themes that emerge from these codes informed the next stages of data collection, as new ideas and concepts were enlightened.

Ethics

Ethics guidelines for this project followed the American Anthropological Association’s Code of Ethics (2012).2_{For this project, no formal institutional research clearance was required. The main}

ethical issues presented were the need to ensure the confidentiality of informants and the potential for interviews to re-traumatize informants through the discussion of traumatic events and personally sensitive subjects. Due to the nature of queer migrants as a potentially vulnerable group, it was essential to respect the anonymity of participants and keep sensitive and potentially identifying information confidential. The names of all participants have been changed in this thesis. The specific

2_{The Association’s Principles of Professional Responsibility include: Do No Harm, Be Open and Honest} Regarding Your Work, Obtain Informed Consent and Necessary Permissions, Weigh Competing Ethical Obligations Due Collaborators and Affected Parties, Make Your Results Accessible, Protect and Preserve Your Records, and Maintain Respectful and Ethical Professional Relationships.

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bars and locations I visited when conducting observations, as well as the blogs and specific Facebook pages mentioned in this thesis, will be kept anonymous.

For in-person interviews, information sheets were given to participants prior to interview, and for online Skype interviews this information was described verbally. The information sheets explained the purpose of the study, the potential risks, and how to contact me for any later questions about the study. The information sheets also explained that participants can withdraw data permissions up to one month after the completion of the study. After reading or listening to the information, informants were asked if they consented to participate in the study, if they consented to be audio recorded, and if they consented to the publishing of anonymized quotes from the interview. All participants consented on all three counts, and informed consent was recorded verbally along with the interview files.

Because some informants may have past experiences of violence or trauma, I took precautions to avoid re-traumatizing informants during interviews and conversations. Prior to meeting for an interview, the triggering nature of the topics was disclosed to potential informants, so that potential informants were aware of the risks of participating and can be self-excluded from the study if needed. I also excluded anyone from the study who was under 18 years old, by asking informants to confirm that they were at least 18 prior to conducting an interview. Care was taken not to push informants to discuss subjects that may be traumatizing to speak about. I kept a list of resources for informants who are interested in psychological counseling, support groups, or social services.

To ensure the security and confidentiality of data, all interview documents and notes from observations were anonymized immediately after transcription. I changed participant names to pseudonyms for the written thesis. Audio recordings of interview files were stored on a password-protected electronic device. Data from the project will be kept on a password-encrypted computer or password-encrypted external hard drive for a minimal duration of 10 years.

Reflexivity

As for reflexivity, is was necessary for me to reflect on myself, my preconceptions and my intentions throughout the study. While I have connections to and personal interests in the queer community, I am not personally connected to queer migrant spaces. While my identity as a queer woman provided some insider access, this did not outweigh the differences in racial and class privilege between me and some participants.

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My queer identity influenced how readily I was welcomed into certain spaces, such as queer Facebook groups and queer parties, and after disclosing my own queerness I often felt a sense of support and encouragement from other queer people I met. My foreign nationality may have led participants to disclose more to me about the challenges they faced regarding German culture and the migration process than they would have disclosed to someone with German nationality and heritage. However, privileges such as my whiteness, my University education and my upper-middle class background influenced my ability to connect to specific migrant groups.

When I first began this research project, I was interested in studying queer refugees. However, difficulty finding access to queer refugee organizations and reflections on my own positionality influenced my decision to broaden the scope of the project and shift the focus away from refugees. I became more aware of how my identity as a white, North American, privileged researcher was viewed by some of the queer migrants I hoped to connect to. One woman from Turkey, who identified as a lesbian and a person of color, told me directly that she thought privileged researchers such as myself often took advantage of the trauma of queer Turkish people and queer refugees, hijacking narratives and using migrant stories in a colonialist way for their own personal ambitions and projects. After reflecting on this, I recognized that focusing my research on refugees as a white researcher could be problematic and unwanted. For these reasons, as well as the lack of access, I decided to shift focus toward more privileged migrants, most of whom came to Berlin from other European countries. Because the difference in privilege between me and the participants was less significant in this context, it was easier to build trust and establish rapport.

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Chapter I

Loneliness and Liminality: Searching for Connection

For us, who linger in between two worlds, For us, who left our loved ones behind. For us, who never settled anywhere,

For us, who have strived and still strive to understand our origins. For us, who no longer feel at home in the country we were born in. For us, who never learned to distinguish colors, until they showed us how. For us, who have experienced nostalgia for both worlds without discriminating. For us, who are trying to lean in on both sides and listen carefully,

Condemning the racism of the one and the naivety of the other.

For us, who have realized that our freedom often has the cost of loneliness, too. We, aliens in one place, half-casts in the other.

No country for us.

- Z.K.

In this chapter, I will describe and analyze findings related to the topic of loneliness that emerged from participant interviews. I will relate the concept of liminality to the participants’ descriptions of living between worlds, and I will use the concept of social navigation to enlighten how migrants responded to challenges.

Almost all participants mentioned experiencing some level of loneliness after migrating to Berlin. Participants often cited the coldness of Germans, different cultural expectations, and the difficulty of communication as reasons for this loneliness. They discussed how they navigated the different cultural and social norms of their new environments and responded to the challenges of living between the worlds of their place of origin and Berlin. Several common strategies mentioned by participants for navigating cultural difference included searching for connection through migrant groups where one could connect to other people of their background, as well as involvement in activism and subculture scenes. While the majority of informants expressed a desire to connect with locals in Berlin, this required some degree of social adaptation as they often had to adjust their expectations and social behaviors in order to fit the norms of Berlin sociality. As a result, it was important to also have spaces where they could interact with other people who understood their cultural heritage and emotional language.

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In this context loneliness can be seen through the lens of liminality, or the state of existing between spaces while moving from one status or role in life to another. Queer migrants traverse in-between space both as queer people and as migrants. They navigate a liminal space in-between their home countries and their destination in Berlin, as well as the socially liminal space of queerness by not conforming to society’s expected sexual and gender roles. While these liminal spaces may be related to increased feelings of loneliness or isolation, in some cases they may also be

transformational sites where change, including growth, can occur. The concept of navigation is useful here, as it defines a special form of movement or relationship of people to environment. Rather than indicating movement across something rigid and fixed, navigation designates the environment as fluid and constantly shifting (Vigh 2009). Navigation can help to describe how migrants engage with the world around them as it changes and wavers. Navigation illuminates how these engagements are not only reactive, but aim to influence the surrounding environment as well.

Loneliness and the navigation of cultural difference

Several participants (five) described the challenges of adjusting to a new social environment with different social rules and expectations as being at least partially responsible for their feelings of loneliness. The most commonly noted challenges and cultural differences were the perceived coldness of Germans (in the sense that Germans tend to be more reserved and distant towards strangers) and the expectation of privacy. A majority of participants (seven) described the Germans and locals in Berlin as “cold” and noted how getting to know people in Berlin took more time and energy than making social connections in their home countries. Cindy, a 25-year old lesbian from Indonesia, states:

“I guess in Indonesia it’s really easy to just meet up and hang out and talk, but in the beginning I found it really hard here to get closer to someone because they really like privacy… not really the [warmest] people and it takes a longer time to finally say ‘oh yeah we’re friends,’ so it was hard in the beginning to get used to that.”

Several respondents also stated that certain social behaviors which were normal and expected in their home countries were seen by locals in Berlin as an invasion of private space. Eva, a 25-year old from Poland who identified as queer and bisexual, was used to spending time at the homes of her friends. When she first arrived in Berlin, Eva mostly met Germans and felt confused by their desire for privacy: “I was really weirded out by the way that they don’t come to each other’s homes but hang out at bars… like I was with a friend for two months and normally I would have a sleepover with this person after this short time.”

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Previous studies of German culture, such as Trepte and Masur’s (2017) study on German attitudes towards privacy and social media, have noted how German citizens tend to value privacy more highly than other Europeans. During my field work I learned that some Germans attribute this emphasis on privacy, at least in part, to the history of spying and government surveillance during the Cold War, which was particularly intense in East Germany. Trepte and Masur’s study also noted that Germans rarely disclose personal information to those who are not close friends, although younger generations of German citizens are more likely to disclose personal information than older

generations. This tendency to withhold personal information may contribute to why Germans are perceived as cold by people from other cultural backgrounds.

Participants also reported that smiling at strangers, and talking or laughing too loudly, was seen as odd. One participant noted that Western countries, such as Germany, seemed to have a more individual focus than the social structure he experienced living in Arab countries, and found that Arab countries were “a little less lonely.” He noted experiencing a sense of warmth and

affection when visiting Arab shops and restaurants in Berlin that he missed in the dominant German culture.

While participants agreed that Germans come across to them as cold, two participants noted that when you get to know Germans better the attitudes change and closer friendships can form. Daisy, a 22-year old trans woman from Canada, described how she became closer with her German flatmates after she spent more time with them. “Here either you’re a stranger or you’re a friend, so at first you feel a lot separated from other people but when you get to know them suddenly they’re willing to help you”, she told me. Daisy explained that making genuine friendships isn’t necessarily more difficult in Berlin, but the colder way people treat you at first is what creates the initial feeling of distance and separation.

Several participants (three) described how they initially felt intimidated by the relatively relaxed attitudes that Berliners held regarding sexuality and sexual expression. One participant, Eva, described her experience going to a lesbian night at a bar after arriving in Berlin:

“On Tuesday there’s a lesbian night… I went there and I was so overwhelmed! I didn’t know what to do, because for me it’s so much… I was like “I’m surrounded by lesbians!” I didn’t know where to look, I was so overwhelmed, it’s such an intense feeling for me… so sometimes in these situations I feel like I’m such a baby.”

Eva grew up in a town in Poland where she was the only queer person she knew, and where she had often experienced intense homophobia from the Catholic church, which held a lot of

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significance in their community. From a young age Eva had experienced romantic feelings for other women, but she often dismissed these feelings as impossible, and she had never seen openly queer people before she visited Berlin for the first time as a teenager. Coming from this conservative environment in Poland to Berlin and being surrounded by other queer women at a lesbian bar was an exciting yet intimidating experience. While attending the lesbian bar initially made her anxious, Eva later described how she grew to enjoy attending this bar space and also sought out other similar spaces to meet and mingle with other queer women.

Another participant, Pau, a 25-year old from Portugal who identified as a lesbian, described her experience going to queer clubs in Berlin. At first she felt overwhelmed by the nudity and open expressions of sexuality she saw there:

“At the beginning, especially when people go… naked, if you go to a lot of queer parties they’re naked… and you see dicks, you see boobs, you see vaginas… and I was like yeah, I love this, but I was feeling… very shy. Everyone seems so confident… that really scared me… I think I’m a confident person but when you see that all around you and coming from a small place like where I was in Lisbon… it was like whoa.”

While Pau felt intimidated at first in the club environment, she eventually warmed up to these spaces and discussed how much she enjoyed the freedom she was able to experience:

“And now I’m the person, I can be naked on the dancefloor, I don’t have any problem with that and I wouldn’t have done that before, but it’s just the same cycle like the way I feel comfortable is the best way… so if it means I’m naked or dressed… and I feel I can do it and people will respect it then yeah… that was like a major thing, seeing all this openness.”

Adjusting to the different social norms and expectations in Berlin posed a challenge for most participants, who reported that their perceptions of coldness and the expectations of privacy contributed to their feelings of loneliness. However, several participants eventually appreciated some aspects of social life in Berlin that were different from what they were accustomed to. Daisy found that Germans were more helpful and acted more communally than people she had known in North America, and over time she was able to forge deeper connections with locals. While Eva and Pau were initially intimidated by social differences they encountered regarding sexual expression, they described enjoying the sexual freedom they found in Berlin.

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Emotional Communication and Language

Most participants (five) found communicating their feelings and emotions in a different cultural context very difficult at times. Language barriers further increased the feelings of distance and the difficulty of communication. In response to these challenges, participants specifically sought out connections with people who they described as having a similar level of emotional intensity – typically either other people from their home country or Germans who they considered more emotionally intense.

Rory, a 42-year old participant from Portugal who identifies as queer, described her

experiences trying to understand the feelings and emotions of her German flatmates. Rory has been living in Berlin for four years, and initially came for a master’s program. She decided to stay and settle in Berlin because of the queer community and the career opportunities she found. Rory lived in a WG 3_{with all German flatmates, and often felt confused by what she called their ‘emotional}

communication’. When conflicts or arguments occurred in their flat, Rory struggled to understand how her German flatmates could appear to be so calm and collected: “I was expecting people to be angry at each other… raise their voice at each other… I don’t know”, she states. “People are not so close to each other, people are not loud. I was used to when people laugh they really laugh out loud… people [in Berlin] speak very quietly, they’re very rational.”

While she maintained friendships with many Germans, eventually Rory also searched for other Portuguese people who might better understand her communication style emotionally and verbally.

“I got to a point, I never looked… to meet other Portuguese people, but after three years I didn’t know any Portuguese and I somehow felt the need to not worry about what I was saying, to have someone who would understand the same emotional behavior… even body behavior, so I looked for people… because I live with Germans, I work with Germans, I was somehow very surrounded by this.”

Rory described how being able to meet with other people from Portugal gave her a sense of relief, of being able to relax and not stress over the details of communication. Being with others who were able to understand similar emotional behavior gave her one less thing to worry about. However, she was cautious of spending too much time with other Portuguese people, because of the stereotypes that Portuguese and Spanish people are poorly integrated in Germany. She described how a career adviser had spoken differently to her upon realizing she was from Portugal:

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“I [went to] get some career advice and the person [was] asking me ‘What is your nationality?’ I said Portuguese… ‘Oh yeah try to learn German that is very important because… I know that people from Portugal tend to spend a lot of time together and they end up being in their own circles and they never learn German’ and I was like why… that is such a generalization… it was Portuguese and Spanish they tend to be in their own groups… and speaking their own language… and I was thinking oh, so you are just being racist right now with me… or xenophobic.”

This experience of being stereotyped and the expectations of integration into German society resulted in feelings of frustration for Rory. By seeking out connections with other Portuguese people who might better understand her emotional behavior and connect with her more readily, Rory was putting herself at risk for being further stereotyped as a poorly integrated Portuguese migrant. Rory’s situation is by no means unique, as there is significant research in migration literature on migrant communities and the expectations placed on migrants to integrate. Migrant communities and social spaces, either in-person or digital, are important places where migrants can more easily build social networks in a new place, and connect with others who may be able to understand and help them (Bayramoglu & Lunenborg 2018; Berger, Galonska & Koopmans 2004). In addition, these communities and spaces not only allow migrants to connect with other people who can closely relate to their situation, they also provide a place where migrants can socialize without being defined or “othered” by their migrant identity (Kosnick 2008). As described by Berger, Galonska, and Koopmans (2004), the emergence of such migrant communities and spaces is a hotly contested political issue, due to fear that such migrant communities lead to the emergence of “parallel societies” and fragmentation of the population. As a result of this fear, societies and political

institutions put pressure on migrants to abandon connections with their home countries, resulting in further isolation and marginalization.

Another participant, Eva, also complained about the lack of emotional intensity she saw in Germans when compared to people in her home country, Poland. When she first arrived in Berlin, she felt concerned that she would be unable to form meaningful connections due to these cultural differences. In addition, Eva was used to speaking Polish and had limited skills in German and English, so she was concerned that this would further complicate her ability to make meaningful connections because she would not be able to “get to the soul through language”, as she describes it.

However, Eva was able to find the connections she desired through her involvement in Berlin subculture scenes and through several romantic relationships with native English and German

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speakers. Eva found that she could have emotionally intense connections with Germans in the punk scene, where she described the people as being more artistic and open. She began a polyamorous relationship with a lesbian couple from the United States who helped her learn English, and later she began dating a German man who helped her learn German. In her words, “it was all love.”

Participants described how they navigated the challenge of communicating their emotions and deeper feelings in a different cultural context. Several participants, such as Rory, sought to make some connections with other people from their home country, who might be able to better

understand their communication style. However, due to stereotypes that migrants who spend time with other migrants from their home country are poorly integrated, Rory described feeling wary of spending too much time with other Portuguese people. In addition to differences in emotional expression across cultures, participants described that language barriers also posed a challenge for communicating on a deeper level. While Eva was initially concerned that her lack of English and German language skills would make it complicated to form deeper connections, she eventually found these connections through her involvement in more artistic and activist scenes, such as the punk scene, and improved her language skills through personal romantic relationships.

Between worlds

A majority of participants (six) mentioned the concept of navigating liminal spaces and being unable to fully fit in with either the culture of the home country or the culture of Berlin. Several participants (three) mentioned that while they often felt more at ease to express their sexuality or gender identity in Berlin than in their home countries, they found challenges connecting on a deeper level with Germans or locals in Berlin who did not have a similar experience of migration. These participants responded by looking for spaces where one could communicate with other queer migrants or queer people from their home countries.

After migrating to Berlin, Eva became more involved in leftist activism and regularly travelled to Poland for activist conferences. In these spaces, she discovered how deep of a connection she felt to Polish queers.

“Because I’m an activist, but mostly in Poland, I’ve been travelling a bit for conferences and most of the activists are queer… and I must say there is such a different level of connection for me with Polish queers, it is like we are illegal together. Now I’m meeting those people but in my home… it’s amazing, going to a conference, [connecting] with those people… I think there’s something very powerful in being able to share something and someone being like ‘yeah I get it so much.’ I feel like here [in Berlin] I can have best friends… but they’re never gonna

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get me, they’re never gonna know exactly… like with the church and stuff it was really intense.”

While most of Eva’s friends were Germans or international students she met at her University in Berlin, she found that there was some level of distance in that they could not fully understand her background and how it influenced her life. Eva described a certain level of vulnerability that allowed for a deeper connection right away with Polish queers. She found it important to be able to talk with other people from Poland who could relate to her difficult early experiences in the Catholic Church. The activist context also provided a space for inspiration, as Eva was able to meet queer Polish people who had faced the same discrimination and adversity and were continuing to fight for the rights. “When I see these people or these trans people… and they live there… I’m dying, I fall in love like seven times a day with these people.” she describes of the queer activists in Poland.

Another participant, Xenia, was 29-years old and identified as queer, bisexual and bigender (she/her pronouns). While Xenia herself was born in Berlin, her parents migrated to Germany from former Yugoslavia, and she discussed how this cross-cultural heritage led her to feel like she was living between worlds. During our conversation, Xenia described feeling unable to entirely fit the queer spaces which were often predominantly German and where it was difficult to talk about her cultural heritage, and shared a desire to connect to people who could understand both her experiences of queerness and her experiences of her heritage. However, she had limited success searching for a queer migrant group to join, and was unable to find other Eastern European and Balkan migrants who were interested in starting something. Xenia began to use blogging as a way of expressing her experiences, connecting to her cultural heritage and bridging the worlds:

“When I write… it is a way to express things and to connect with this background. Writing helps a lot actually. Sometimes even stuff like… I wrote an article about post-punk and goth bands from former Yugoslavia, and it’s just a list of bands and the history and why they’re important, but just through reading this I learned something about my background that not everyone knows, and now I can recommend something to people who like this kind of music, and it’s not really talking about my experience but still a way to feel connected and to share something.”

Writing about musicians and artists from the Balkans became a source of connection and inspiration for Xenia. In another blog, she wrote about the Bosnian singer Božo Vrećo, who combines traditional Bosnian music with what Xenia calls ‘unapologetically queer’ performances. In the music video shared on this blog post, Božo Vrećo is first seen dancing in a the Bosnian countryside, dressed in a

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beautifully flowing dress, showing off waist-length hair and dark, sultry eye makeup. He sings both the higher-pitched, traditionally female and the deeper, traditionally male parts to the songs. When describing his work, Xenia states, “I never saw someone become so, both very open about being queer and very traditionally Balkan… for me being in Berlin and seeing someone doing traditional Bosnian music and being queer and being very unapologetic about it was something special. And he kind of shows that it’s not a contradiction, to do traditional, religious, spiritual stuff, to use this kind of music and to queer it.” Xenia’s blog also covers her opinions on topics related to queerness, such as bi-erasure (the dismissal of bisexual people as essentially either straight or gay) and topics related to xenophobia and racism. Years after she had stopped actively searching for a queer migrant group to join, Xenia was approached by someone who had read an article on anti-Slavism she wrote for her blog.

“I wrote this article about anti-Slavism, like racism against Slavic people… and this woman from the post-ost4_{group approached me and said we are post-migrants}

from Eastern Europe and Southern Europe and we are leftists and we want to make a group.

I went there and I thought maybe they would talk about theories on nationalism and Eastern Europe but no, they were talking about their personal experiences, about not being able to connect to people, about feeling like you are in between two worlds and you can’t connect them, and then… I found the group I always wanted to find, when I didn’t look for it anymore. And the people said similar stuff, like I thought maybe no one has this problem like me, maybe the others are assimilated or just don’t care or… don’t have a conflict in them so there is no need for this group, but it was a relief to see other people had these same experiences.”

Xenia and Eva both described their migration experiences in the context of liminality, and navigating spaces in-between worlds. Eva’s expressed how her earlier experiences in Poland, where she often faced homophobia from the church and in school, made her feel more distanced from queer people who grew up in Berlin. While Xenia was born in Germany, she expressed how her Balkan heritage led her to feel disconnected from the mainstream German society. Eva and Xenia sought to make connections with people of similar backgrounds who could understand and relate to their

experiences more directly. They described how their feelings of liminality contributed to feelings of

4_{Xenia used the terms “post-ost” and “post-migrant” to describe German-born people with Eastern European}

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loneliness, but found fulfilment and meaning through connections to those who understood their background.

Chapter Summary

Loneliness and liminality were some of the most common subjects that participants described in interviews, and almost all participants described feeling some level of loneliness after moving to Berlin. Participants attributed their feelings of loneliness to social differences in Germany society, perceived coldness of German people, differences in emotional communication styles, and language barriers. While participants described feeling frustrated by the difficulty of connecting through social and cultural differences, several participants, found that they found some of the social differences in Berlin refreshing. Daisy described how Germans tended to be much more helpful and generous on average than the people she knew in Canada, and Eva and Pau described how they enjoyed the freedom of sexual expression in Berlin. Participants described navigating liminal spaces and feeling like they were moving in-between worlds, neither fully connected to either the home country or the destination country. Rory, Xenia, and Eva stated how they navigated liminal spaces by seeking connection to other people from similar background who could relate more closely to their experiences.

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Chapter II

Navigating Berlin’s Social Scene: Expectations and Realities

On 3/13/2020 in Berlin’s Mitte neighborhood, I attend a bar with a friend and observe the space. My friend, who is a native Berliner, tells me that the bar is an alternative, left-leaning space with frequent rock music events. The interior has a mix of vintage furniture: well-worn couches, carved wooden chairs and tables, floral-printed lampshades with tassels. The walls are covered in stickers with various slogans and logos, mostly for left-leaning organizations as evidenced by the anarchist “A” and antifascist flag symbols. They read slogans like “Gegen Nazis” (against Nazis) and F*CK AFD (the far-right party in Germany). Red sequin curtains line the back wall near the

bathrooms. The space is dimly lit with glowing red lights, and in the back room there’s a table football game.

The bar’s website informed us that the music event for that night, a soul concert, was cancelled due to COVID-19.5_{Instead of the live music we had hoped for, a Spotify playlist of rock}

music plays over the sound system. The bar has a few patrons, but many chairs are open still. For a Friday night, my friend and I remark that it seems very deserted. One group of men and women, dressed casually in jeans and dark-colored hoodies, sit next to the bar and chat amongst themselves, drinking beers. In the back, one white blonde 20-something man dressed in a button-down and slacks sits on a couch while a young white woman with dark hair and a tight black dress straddles him, aggressively sucking on his mouth and licking his face. My friend and I try not to stare.

We try to play a game of table football, removing a red wooden covering board from the table and inserting 50 cent coins to start the game. After a few rounds, a man from behind the bar approaches, talking intensely but at a moderate volume in German and waving us away with his hands in a wrist-flicking motion. From his gestures, I interpreted that he was telling us to leave the table, although in the moment I didn’t quite understand why. We leave the table and he puts the cover back on. He points to the handles and glares at us before saying more words in German and leaving. I was still confused by what this meant, but I figured it had something to do with the Coronavirus, and I recall thinking “perhaps the handles would spread the disease?” My friend and I sit down at a table in the back. The man from the bar comes back again and says more words in

5_{This observation was from the last weekend before the bars in Berlin were mandated to close due to the} COVID-19 pandemic, and at this point in time, my friend and I did not understand the severity of the coming situation. However, it began to dawn on us this night.

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German, my friend responds to him in German, and then he goes back to the bar. It did not appear to me that his expression or volume or tone of voice changed the entire conversation, but my friend translated the encounter as one with a mix of emotions. At first, she described, he was angry at us for using the machine due to the risk from Coronavirus, and he wanted to kick us out of the bar. He told us to get our things and leave. However, when he came back the second time he apologized for his reaction, which he described as overkill, and said that he was upset and stressed because he would lose his bar job this week. My friend had then apologized for us and told him that we were sorry for the stress we had caused.

My friend and I chat for some time and then decide to move tables to sit down next to two 40-something white, bald men dressed casually in jeans and printed sweaters who tell us they are from Bosnia and Croatia. They are smoking cigarettes (most bars in Berlin allow smoking inside) and drinking beer, and in English they tell us, animatedly, about their experiences in Berlin in the early 2000s. “There used to be a lot more places like this back then.” They pointed around the room and waved around at the different people sitting. I tell the man from Bosnia about my research and ask him about migrating to Berlin. He tells me that he had to be closeted about his gay sexuality growing up, and described that during his youth in Bosnia there was no concept of gayness in mainstream life. After travelling a bit around Europe and finding himself in Berlin, he fell in love with the city. “There was just so much freedom and openness here, you could really do anything, and you could live how you wanted. You could be gay, you could be an artist, an anarchist, a punk, really anything. The city is gentrifying now and it’s becoming a bit less like this,” he describes. “But I’d still rather live here than anywhere else.” He also described how, as he had grown older, he began to connect more with queer people in Bosnia and travelled back last year (2019) to attend Bosnia’s first ever pride parade. He smiled and laughed as he spoke about how beautiful it was to finally attend a pride parade in his home country, and how he had spent the entire parade crying.

At this time, a man from another table, who appeared to be in his 30s or 40s, approached with a paper box of yellow unfrosted cupcakes, each with a candle letter on it that read out “happy birthday” in total. The candles had already been burned and blown out, and the cupcakes appeared home-made, the cake surface a bit lumpy, uneven and imperfect. He told us, in English, that it was his birthday and we should celebrate together. The two men and I took cupcakes, while my other friend told him no thank you, for fear of Coronavirus. The man with the cupcakes asked if she was sure, and then after she said yes he took the cupcakes around the room to the other tables of patrons. The man from Bosnia laughed and said that he liked seeing people like this. He spoke about how these random encounters were what made Berlin special… he doesn’t fully articulate what this means but I kind of get it.

Queer Migrant Navigations: Social Navigation and Resilience among Queer Migrants in Berlin, Germany