The Difference in Attitude towards
Monogamy between People with and without
BDSM Preferences
Student: Minki Gyles Supervisor: Mark Spiering Student ID-number: 6066909 Number of words: 6248 Date: 24-6-2014
2 Content Abstract 3 Introduction 4 Method 9 Participants 9 Measures 9 Procedure 11 Results 12
Conclusion & discussion 17
References 20 Appendix 22 PDIS, English 23 PDIS, Dutch 24 ASMS, English 25 ASMS, Dutch 27
3 Abstract
Research has shown that sexual contact with someone other than the current partner is more common in people with BDSM preferences than it is in those without. The question arises whether people with BDSM preferences have a different attitude towards monogamy than those without these preferences. 51 people, 19 with and 32 without BDSM preferences, filled in an online questionnaire about their attitude towards BDSM and their attitude towards cheating. People without BDSM preferences labelled behaviours as cheating sooner than those with BDSM preferences. This effect remained when only considering the results of the female participants. Furthermore, when only physical cheating was taken into account, women without BDSM preference still labelled actions as cheating sooner than those with BDSM preferences. Unfortunately, not enough men participated to be able to draw conclusions about them separately.
4 Introduction
The standard most often seen in western society of normal human sexuality is centred around monogamous, heterosexual relationships. Whenever a group of people choose to vary from this standard, this is usually met with a lack of understanding, stigmatization and pathologizing. Over the past century, we have seen society gradually accept homosexuality, one of the diversions of the previously described standard. Though the process isn’t complete yet, the stigma seems to have been lifted somewhat. This is reflected by events like the gay pride parades held in cities around the world but also by the appearance of gay people and gay culture in popular media, movies and books. Another big step forwards was removing homosexuality from the DSM in 1973 (Weeks, 2012). Most recently the head of Exodus, an organization of 260 churches who offered therapy aimed at “curing” homosexuality, apologized to the lesbian, gay and transgender community for the harm he had caused. Over the past few years, we have seen a growing societal interest in another sexual preference which is still listed in the DSM-IV, sadomasochism, SM or BDSM. With the appearance of the erotic novel “Fifty Shades of Grey” by E.L. James, sales figures seem to suggest that the interest in BDSM might be more common than previously assumed. In the Netherlands alone, over 664.557 copies of this book have been sold (NRC.Next, 11 January 2013) In this book BDSM centred sexual scenes are described in detail. After the book became popular, manuals were published and DVDs released with instructions to aid people in recreating these scenes at home. The widespread interest in this book and the related items such as these manuals, seems to suggest BDSM interests might be more common than previously assumed.
Sexual sadism, becoming sexually aroused by physical or mental suffering and humiliation of another person, and sexual masochism, becoming sexually aroused by suffering mentally or physically and/or being humiliated, are both listed in de DSM-IV as sexual paraphilia. In order to diagnose a person with either of these, there must be significant suffering or, in the case of sexual sadism, acts upon these urges without the consent of the other person involved. The people who engage in voluntary acts of sadomasochism more commonly refer to their preferences as BDSM; a more universal term which includes more than just sadomasochism. BDSM refers to the terms “Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism.” These terms describe the activities these people usually take part in, of which sadomasochism is only a small part (Bezreh, Weinberg, & Edgar, 2012). A prevalence of 1,8% for men and 1,2% for women with BDSM preferences has been observed in the Australian population (Richter, de Visser, Rissel, Grulich en Smith,
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2008). Bakker and Vanwesenbeeck (2006) report much higher numbers, with 10,6% of men sometimes longing for BDSM and 7% acting upon these urges. For women, the numbers are only slightly lower with 9,1% having longed for BDSM and 7% having acted upon their urges. These data show that BDSM feelings might be more widespread than originally assumed.
People with BDSM preferences often encounter stigmatization (Wright, 2006). People with BDSM preferences are often seen by others as traumatized, mentally ill or otherwise damaged. Richters et al. (2008) studied the mental health of people with BDSM preferences and concluded that BDSM is a sexual preference which is not related to a history of abuse, trauma or sexual dysfunction. In some case there does seem to be a self-fulfilling prophecy effect, where people with BDSM interests seek help to deal with their interests, not because they themselves are troubled by them, but because common assumptions and media have given them the feeling their preferences are deviant (Brame, 1999).
In mental healthcare, therapists encounter people with a variety of backgrounds, preferences, orientations and life philosophies. Though mental healthcare professionals strive to help people regardless of what their life choices are, research has shown that prejudices and assumptions held by mental health professionals influence the effectiveness and quality of the therapy provided. A lack of understanding is often the root cause of this effect. Mental health professionals are often under informed or have wrong assumptions about life styles which fall outside their own frame of reference (Allez, 2014). It is because of this that special centres have been designed where people can find therapists who understand their background. Initiatives include the option for homosexuals to be treated by a homosexual therapist, or immigrants being treated by someone from their own country. Not necessarily because of a language barrier, but mainly so their therapist will understand their background and culture. Unfortunately, in clinical practice it is not always an option for everyone to find a therapist with a similar background. This amplifies the need for therapists to be well informed about lifestyles they are not familiar with themselves, in order to provide the best possible care to everybody who walks through their door. When knowledge about a client’s lifestyle is limited or incorrect, clients can feel misunderstood or even discriminated against. Research has shown that people with BDSM preferences who seek mental help often belong to this group.
When people decide to be open about their BDSM preferences they often face prejudice, intolerance and discrimination (Wright, 2006). Though this does not necessarily mean that they will seek help in relation to their preferences, they might find themselves seeking counselling for unrelated matters at some point during their lifetime. However, when
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BDSM preferences are mentioned at some point during treatment, even counsellors often prove prejudiced against people with BDSM preferences, which can interfere with the treatment process. Research by Kolmes et al. (2006) highlighted these problems. They questioned 197 people with BDSM preferences about their experience with counsellors. These people described problems varying from prejudice and the counsellors’ doubt about the voluntary nature of BDSM contacts, to the belief conveyed by a therapist that BDSM is by definition morally wrong. Some reported their counsellor had made quitting any BDSM activities a condition for proceeding with therapy, even though the reason these people sought mental help was unrelated to their BDSM preferences. In a study conducted by Brame (1999) 32% of people with BDSM preferences who had visited a counsellor stated that they had felt the professional concerned had handled their sexual preference inadequately.
One particular form of therapy faces another possible problem when discrepancies arise between the clients’ and the therapist’s view: couples therapy and the issue of monogamy. When people, with or without BDSM preferences, enter couples therapy, monogamy, jealousy and cheating are common subjects. Research has shown that people can vary greatly in their definition of monogamy. Which actions are considered cheating and which are not can vary from relationship to relationship (Berry & Barker, 20014). Moreover, literature reflects that men and women differ in their attitude towards monogamy (Mattingly, Wilson, Clark, Bequette, & Weidler, 2010). Monogamy appears to have two factors, physical and non-physical. Men seem to be bothered more by physical acts with someone other than the current partner, such as cuddling, engaging in oral sex or coitus. Women, on the other hand, seem to be bothered more by non-physical acts with someone other than the current partner, like having a crush on someone else or sharing deep feelings with someone else (Mattingly et al., 2010). This diversity in definitions can make it difficult for counsellors to separate their own attitude towards monogamy from that of their clients in order to not let it influence the therapeutic process. After all, actions which would be considered cheating by the counsellor do not necessarily have to be considered cheating by the couple involved. Counsellors must be able to understand the specific vision on monogamy which that particular couple holds. Unfortunately it can be difficult for counsellors to understand these rules when they differ from the counsellors’ own moral values (Hertlein, Wetchler, & Piercy, 2005).
When a couple with BDSM preference starts couples therapy the counsellor in question is faced with two challenges: understanding and accepting the BDSM preferences, as well as the couples vision on monogamy. Even when cheating is not an issue related to the couples’ problems, when BDSM preferences are involved the counsellor might have to deal
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with and learn to understand the vision on monogamy the couple lives by. Many people with BDSM preferences seek each other’s company at parties, clubs or other gatherings. At these gatherings, contacts of sexual nature occur. BDSM actions with someone other than the current partner can occur, but are not the main aim on these gatherings (Weinberg, 2006). However, a study by Richters et al., (2008) shows that sexual contact with someone other than the current partner is more common for people with BDSM preferences than those without BDSM preference. This raises questions concerning the attitude couples with BDSM preferences assume towards monogamy. Although it appears every couple defines the rules of monogamy for themselves, it is noteworthy that sexual contact outside the current relationship might be more common in people with BDSM preference than in those without these preferences (Richters et al., 2008). The question arises whether people with BDSM preferences have a structurally different attitude towards monogamy than people without BDSM preferences. If this is indeed the case, the lack of understanding about a couple’s specific monogamy rules related to their BDSM preference could contribute to the feeling of not being understood by their counsellor, as often reported by people with BDSM preferences.
Although data provided by Richters et al., (2008) does seem to suggest a difference in attitude towards monogamy between people with and without BDSM preferences, in that study only behaviour and not perceptions were taken into account. As of yet, no research exists concerning a possible difference in attitude towards monogamy between people with and without BDSM preferences. The current study is therefore a first attempt at gathering data, with the aim of reporting preliminary findings which future research could expand upon. The main aim of this study is to determine whether a difference can be found in attitude towards monogamy between people who identify themselves as having BDSM preferences and people who do not. Furthermore, a possible difference between men and women shall be examined. Since a difference in perception between physical and non-physical cheating seems to exist (Mattingly et al., 2010) these factors will be examined separately. The main focus of this study will be on physical cheating. This study will be conducted through an online questionnaire. Two validated questionnaires will be used, one measuring attitudes toward BDSM and one measuring attitudes towards cheating. Although only the questionnaire concerning cheating shall be used in answering the main question of this study, the second questionnaire concerning attitudes towards BDSM is included in case not enough participants with BDSM preferences can be found. In this case, the data of this study could still be used to examine a possible difference in attitude towards monogamy between people with positive and negative attitudes towards BDSM.
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The data provided by Richters et al., (2008) seem to indicate that possibly, people with BDSM preferences have a more liberal attitude towards monogamy than those without BDSM preference. Meaning, that they will be less likely to consider an interaction with someone other than the current partner as cheating than will those without BDSM preferences. These findings, however, are based on behaviour rather than perception. Therefore, this study will focus on finding a possible difference in attitude towards monogamy between people with and without BDSM preferences.
Men and women appear to differ in their perception of monogamy (Mattingly et al., 2010). However, the higher frequency of sexual contact outside the existing relationship for people with BDSM preferences was apparent in both men and women (Richters et al., 2008) Therefore, this study will investigate whether there is a difference in attitude towards monogamy between women with and without BDSM preferences. It is expected that women with BDSM preferences will be less likely to consider an interaction with someone other than the current partner as cheating, than would women without BDSM preferences.
Mattingly et al. (2010) discovered there were three dimensions of cheating to be observed: physical, non-physical and deception. When one considers the context of BDSM, physical cheating is the first of these that comes to mind. Though coitus or sexual contact of any kind is not necessary to practice BDSM, most often the context is erotic and some form of physical contact does take place. Therefore this study will look at the physical part of monogamy separately and compare women with and without BDSM preferences on their attitude towards physical cheating. It is expected that women with BDSM preferences will be less likely to consider a physical act with someone other than the current partner to be cheating, than would women without BDSM preferences. It is expected that this same difference will also be found between men with and without BDSM preferences.
Although the aim of this study is to eventually contribute to better treatment options for people with BDSM preferences, no research about this particular subject has been carried out to date. In order to gather preliminary data, this study will be focussing on a normal population. If the expected effects are found within a normal population, the next step would be to look for the same effects in a population of patients. By further investigating the way in which people with BDSM preferences differ from those without them, we will come closer to providing them with optimum care when they are in need of counselling.
9 Method
Participants
Participants for this study were recruited through online forums and Facebook. The questionnaire was posted on an internet forum aimed at young people with BDSM
preferences, an internet forum aimed at young people looking to discuss sexuality overall and the Facebookgroup for UvA students who had taken a sexology course. In total, 52 people participated in this study. One person stopped halfway through the questionnaire and was therefore excluded. The mean age of the participants was 22,8 years with a standard deviation of 3,3. Out of the 51 participants whose responses were used in the data analysis, 10 were male and 41 were female. Of these 51 participants, 19 people described themselves as having BDSM preferences. The other 32 described themselves as not having BDSM preferences. None of the participants claimed to not have known what BDSM was prior to this study. Five of the participants described only having a vague idea of what BDSM was prior to this study, the other 46 described having been aware of what BDSM was prior to this study.
Measures
The PDIS (Wilson et al., in press), or Perceptions of Dating Infidelity Scale, is a questionnaire developed with the aim of measuring the extent to which certain behaviours are considered to be cheating within a romantic relationship. The scale consists of 12 items which fall into three categories: deceptive, ambiguous and explicit, respectively. Behaviours which fall into the deceptive category are lying or other ways in which information can be kept hidden from a romantic partner. The ambiguous category contains items addressing behaviours which could be considered both romantic and platonic, such as talking on the phone, dancing or buying and/or receiving gifts. The explicit category consists of items centred around more explicit physical sexual behaviours, such as oral sex and sexual intercourse. The items are rated on a five point Likert scale ranging from one, an extremely low level of cheating, to five, an extremely high level of cheating. The scale was developed and validated by Wilson et al. (2010)
The Attitudes about Sadomasochism Scale or ASMS was developed and validated by Yost (2010) with the intention of measuring attitudes towards BDSM independent from other measures of social and sexual conservatism. It consists of 23 items which can be rated by a seven point Likert-scale ranging from disagree strongly to agree strongly. The following definitions are provided to take into consideration when answering:
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Sadomasochism: Sexual practices that involve dominance and submission (the
appearance that one person has control over the other), sometimes involve role-playing (such as Master–slave or Teacher–student), are always consensual (all partners participate willingly and voluntarily). Sadomasochist: someone who deliberately uses physical stimulation
(possibly pain) and/or psychological stimulation and control to produce sexual arousal and to achieve sexual pleasure. Dominant: someone who always or mostly is the person in control during an SM sexual encounter. Submissive: someone who always or mostly is the person who does not have control during an SM sexual encounter.
Items include statements such as “A Dominant is more likely to sexually molest a child than the average person” and reversed statements such as “Sadomasochists are just like everybody else.”
There are four subscales which can be identified: Socially wrong, Violence, Lack of
tolerance and Real life. The Socially wrong subscale consists of 12 items which reflect the
attitude that BDSM is morally wrong and unfitting in our society. Items include statements such as '’Sadomasochism is a threat to many of our basic social institutions.” The Violence subscale consists of items reflecting the idea that BDSM is related to violent acts towards others than consenting partners. Items include statements such as “A Dominant is more likely to sexually molest a child than the average person.” The Lack of tolerance subscale consists of items which reflect the attitude that BDSM is an acceptable sexual orientation, as long as every person involved is a consenting adult. Items include statements such as “Many
sadomasochists are very moral and ethical people.” These items are reverse scored. The final subscale, the Real life scale, reflects the attitude that the daily lives of people who practice BDSM is influenced by their BDSM preferences. Items include statements such as
“Submissives are passive in other aspects of their lives (besides sex).”
Both scales where acquired by contacting the authors directly through email. They were translated into Dutch by the author of this article. To check the accuracy of these translations, they were translated back in to English by a native speaker. Differences found between these translations and the original questionnaires were minimal.
The questionnaires were followed by a series of descriptive questions, where the participants were asked to state whether they were male or female. They were also asked whether they considered themselves to have BDSM preferences.
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Procedure
The questionnaire was made available online through thesistool.com. The online questionnaire was then posted to two Dutch internet forums aimed at young people. One forum was designed to bring together people with BDSM preferences, the other was aimed at discussing sex in general, including but not limited to BDSM. In a forum post information was given about the study and forum members were invited to fill out the questionnaire. Upon opening the questionnaire, they were shown a text about their informed consent. It was made clear in this text that by proceeding to the questionnaire, they declared to be in agreement with the informed consent. The respondents filled out the questionnaire online. No reward was offered for participation. At the end of the questionnaire, respondents were given the option of leaving their email address if they wanted to be informed about the results of the study and given the opportunity to leave comments or feedback.
12 Results
Although both the ASMS and the PDIS were administered to all participants, only the results of the PDIS were used to answer the research question. The ASMS was administered as a backup for post-hoc results in case the number of participants with BDSM preferences would be insufficient.
The PDIS was used to answer the research question. The results of the PDIS were reliable (α = 0,85). A factor analysis was performed to determine whether the three factors found within the English questionnaire could also be observed in the Dutch version. Without these factors, evidence could not be found for three out of four hypotheses. The three factors observed in the English version of the PDIS were the Deceptive Factor, the Explicit cheating factor and the Ambiguous factor. Twelve items, each consisting of a statement scored on a one to five Likert scale, were factor analysed using principal component analysis with a Varimax Kaiser rotation. The KMO and Bartlett’s Test of Sphericity both indicated that the set of variables are at least adequately related for factor analysis. Three factors were observed, explaining 76,27% of the total variance for these 12 items. Factor one was consistent with the ambiguous scale for the English PDIS, with high loading items such as: Eating or drinking
with someone other than your partner; Buying or accepting personal gifts for/from someone other than your partner and Hugging someone other than your partner. This first factor
explained 43,14% of the total variance. A second factor explaining 21,48% of the total variance was observed in accordance with the explicit cheating factor found on the English PDIS. The high loading items on this factor were for example: Heavy
petting/caressing/fondling with someone other than your romantic partner and Giving and/or receiving oral sex with someone other than your partner. The Deceptive factor found on the
English PDIS was also observed, explaining 11,65 % of the total variance. This scale consisted of only two items: Lying to your partner and Withholding information from your
13 Fig. 1. Onderzoeksresultaten PDIS
BDSM voorkeur n=19
Geen BDSM voorkeur n=32
Gem SD Gem SD
Liegen tegen je partner 3.42 1.54 3.13 1.66
Praten met iemand anders dan je partner via de telefoon of internet
1.53 0.96 2.03 1.12
Geven en/of ontvangen van orale seks met iemand anders dan je partner
5.79 1.44 6.81 0.55
Eten of drinken met iemand anders dan je partner 1.58 0.84 2.34 1.28
Dansen met iemand anders dan je partner 1.74 0.99 3.06 1.48
Iemand anders dan je partner knuffelen 1.79 1.27 3.28 1.50
Het kopen of aannemen van persoonlijke cadeautjes voor/ van iemand anders dan je partner
1.79 1.35 3.29 1.50
Daten met iemand anders dan je partner 5.74 1.33 6.09 1.03
Ergens heen gaan met iemand anders dan je partner 1.79 1.03 3.00 1.37
Heftig strelen/liefkozen/vrijen met iemand anders dan je partner 6.00 1.33 6.75 0.51
Geslachtsgemeenschap/seks/naar bed gaan met iemand anders dan je partner
6.10 1.37 6.94 0.35
Informatie achterhouden voor je partner 3.79 1.62 3.66 1.56
The assumptions of normality were not met for this dataset (KS = .026). Therefore a
Mann-Whitney test was conducted to test the hypothesis that both men and women without BDSM preferences would score higher overall on the PDIS. The results were in the expected direction and significant, z = 4.67, p < .000 People without BDSM preference had an mean rank of 33.48, where people with BDSM preferences had a mean rank of 13.39.
The second hypothesis stated that women without BDSM preferences would score higher overall on the PDIS than women with BDSM preferences. This hypothesis was also tested with a Mann-Whitney test. The results were again significant and in the expected direction, z = 4.36, p <.000. Women without BDSM preferences had a mean rank of 26.55, where women with BDSM preferences had a mean rank of 9.04.
The third hypothesis stated that women without BDSM preferences would score higher on the physical scale of the PDIS then women with BDSM preferences. The results were significant and in the expected direction, z = 2.87, p =.014. Women without BDSM preferences had a mean rank of 24.09 where women with BDSM preferences had a mean rank of 14.35.
The fourth hypothesis stated that men without BDSM preferences would score higher overall on the PDIS then men with BDSM preferences. The fifth hypothesis stated that men without BDSM preferences would score higher on the physical scale of the PDIS then men with BDSM preferences. Due to the low number of men who participated in this study (n
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=10), no conclusions about these hypothesis could be drawn. The number of male participants was insufficient to perform any tests.
Exploratory, the data gathered on the ASMS were used to create a correlation matrix. ( Fig. 3) Overall results of the ASMS are displayed in fig. 2. A few noteworthy correlations can be found in the correlation matrix. A high correlation of .874 is found between the item stating one would be uncomfortable being alone in a room with a known dominant and the one stating one would be uncomfortable being alone in a room with a known submissive. While one might have previously assumed these items measure two different things, namely the level of discomfort around dominants and the level of discomfort around submissive, the high correlation suggest these two items might measure the same construct. These items seem to measure the uncomfortableness at being in room with someone who practises BDSM, regardless of their preference for dominance or submission. A similarly high correlation of .849 is found between the item stating dominants are more dominant in other aspects of their lives (besides sex) and the item stating submissives are more submissive in other aspects of their lives (besides sex). Once more, it appears no distinction is being made between dominants and submissives when forming an opinion on people practising BDSM.
15 Fig 2. Onderzoeksresultaten ASMS
Items BDSM voorkeur
n=19
Geen BDSM voorkeur n=32
Gem SD Gem SD
1. Sadomasochisme past gewoon niet in onze maatschappij 1.84 1.38 2,56 1.44 2. Deelnemen aan sadomasochisme zou niet toegestaan
moeten zijn voor leden van kerken of synagogen
1.26 0.56 1.75 1.55
3. Sadomasochisme is een perversie 2.16 1.46 3.00 1.63
4. Sadomasochistisch gedrag is simpelweg verkeerd 1.11 0.32 2.35 1.74 5. Sadomasochisme is een bedreiging voor veel van
onze maatschappelijke instellingen
1.32 0.75 1.91 1.06
6. Ik vind sadomasochisten walgelijk 1.21 0.42 2.81 1.84
7. Sadomasochistische activiteiten zouden bij wet verboden moeten worden
1.21 0.42 1.44 .91
8. Ouders die deelnemen aan SM activiteiten zullen hun kinderen eerder fysiek mishandelen
1.16 0.37 2.00 1.27
9. Sadomasochisme is een minderwaardige vorm van seksualiteit
1.16 0.37 2.72 1.92
10. Als ik alleen in een kamer was met iemand waarvan ik wist dat hij/zij een Dominant was, zou ik me oncomfortabel voelen
1.21 0.42 2.50 1.57
11. SM komt vrijwel nooit voor bij mentaal gezonde individuen 1.26 0.65 2.13 1.26 12. Als ik alleen in een kamer was met iemand waarvan ik wist dat
hij/zij een Submissief was, zou ik me oncomfortabel voelen
1.11 0.32 2.19 1.59
13. Mensen die deelnemen aan SM activiteiten raken eerder betrokken bij huislijk geweld
1.37 0.83 2.18 1.38
14. Een Dominant zal eerder zijn/haar partner verkrachten dan de gemiddelde persoon
1.53 0.84 2.56 1.53
15. Een Dominant zal eerder een vreemde verkrachten dan de gemiddelde persoon
1.26 0.73 2.13 1.28
16. Een Dominant zal eerder een kind seksueel misbruiken dan de gemiddelde persoon
1.21 0.54 1.66 1.15
17. Verschillende ernstige psychische stoornissen worden in verband gebracht met sadomasochisme
2.00 1.49 2.72 1.42
18. Sadomasochisten zijn net als iedereen 6.32 0.75 5.06 1.43
19. Sadomasochisme is erotisch en sexy 6.16 1.07 3.43 1.34
20. Veel sadomasochisten zijn zeer morele en ethische mensen 6.10 1.04 4.78 1.28 21. Sadomasochisme moet legaal zijn, zo lang het bedreven
wordt door vrijwillig deelnemende volwassenen
6.95 0.23 6.47 1.06
22. Submissieven zijn passief in andere aspecten van hun leven (buiten seks)
2.05 1.34 3.31 1.49
23. Dominanten zijn agressief en dominant in andere aspecten van hun leven (buiten seks)
Fig. 3 Correlations between the Items of the ASMS 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 1) Past niet 2) Niet Kerk .466* 3) Perversie .661* .574* 4) Verkeerd .610* .709* .672* 5) Bedreiging .610* .591* .611* .678* 6) Walgelijk .447* .594* .662* .815* .647* 7) Verboden .638* .461* .500* .565* .729* .515* 8) Kinderen .535* .516* .514* .756* .552* .602* .518* 9) Minderwaardig .562* .548* .652* .820* .653* .836* .648* .701* 10) Oncomfortabel .381 .330 .376* .614* .370* .535* .406* .612* .437* 11) Niet gezond .251 .443* .421* .535* .223 .440* .141 .514* .473* .334 12) Oncomfortabel .564* .399* .430* .641* .430* .544* .562* .608* .540* .874* .340 13) Huiselijk geweld .342 .415* .366* .603* .307 .426* .351 .801* .568* .457* .467* .435* 14) Partner .212 .210 .200 .471* .331 .362* .106 .490* .315 .448* .470* .384* .495* 15) Vreemde .279 .352 .336 .651* .437* .508* .285 .712* .538* .609* .501* .502* .706* .699* 16) Kind misbruiken .133 .189 .256 .522* .274 .528* .127 .611* .554* .271 .457* .242 .645* .499* .683* 17) Psychische .359* .345 .408* .481* .525* .498* .443* .532* .510* .374* .418* .353 .430* .408* .543* .472* 18) Net als iedereen -.095 -.113 -.121 -.286 -.109 -.353 -.073 -.203 -.296 -.328 -.328 -.279 -.246 -.296 -.319 -.278 -.320 19) Erotisch en Sexy -.501* .-429* -.506* -.633* -.537* -.712* -.338 -.512* -.587* -.565* -.373* -.499* -.367* -.465* -.464* -.315 -.386* .377* 20) Morele mensen -.199 -.108 -.165 -.257 -.217 -.322 -.027 -.326 -.315 -.279 -.413* -.268 -.308 -.526* -.426* -.509* -.384* .334 .438* 21) Legaal mits -.454* -.306 -.383* -.628* -.402* -.571* -.586* -.616* -.666* -.552* -.565* -.684* -.479* -.337 -.529* -.649* -.481* .412* .319 .423* 22) Submissief .270 .265 .389* .388* .440* .412* .370* .519* .420* .428* .215 .371* .376* .255 .454* .337 .445* -.206 -.342 -.185 -.259 23) Dominant .430* .310 .468* .437* .495* .401* .396* .628* .425* .531* .300 .517* .475* .475* .510* .393* .453* -.183 -.453* -.286 -.308 .849*
Discussion
Although the current study describes the first study into this particular subject and the study was conducted with a small sample, the results seem to be promising. The data as accumulated seem to support the existence of a difference between people with and without BDSM preference when it comes to their attitude towards monogamy. This effect is also observed when we look at the women separately. Moreover, when we only look at the difference in attitude towards physical cheating, women without BDSM preferences seem to consider these behaviours to be adulterous sooner than do those with BDSM preferences. Unfortunately, this study did not provide enough data to look for these differences in men. Where Richters et al., (2008) had already show a behavioural difference in sexual contact outside the current relationship between people with and without BDSM preferences, this study suggests a difference in perception as well. If there are indeed differences in perception between people with and without BDSM preferences, as this study suggests, then the need for counsellors to be well informed about BDSM becomes even greater (Allez, 2012).
Though promising, this study is faced with a number of limitations. First and foremost, the sample used in this study is small and predominantly female. The findings would indeed be more robust if the sample were both larger and more equal in the amount of male and female participants. Any further research might also benefit from a wider age range, as the participants in this study were quite young. One might argue that younger people are not yet focussing on settling down and starting a family, and might therefore have a different attitude towards monogamy in this stage of their life.
Another possible limitation is the fact that, though the questionnaire used in this study has been validated, this is the first time the Dutch versions were used. Further validation of the translated questionnaire is in order. In addition, only one questionnaire with a limited number of items was used in this study. Any further research ought to focus on developing a more detailed method of measuring attitudes towards cheating and monogamy. These could include not only a measure of which acts are considered to be adulterous, but also a more comprehensive measure of the importance emotional and physical fidelity holds within the lives of the participants.
In the feedback given by the participants themselves at the end of the questionnaire, the point most often raised was their desire to be able to provide more details concerning the statements of the PDIS. A number of participants stated that whether they would consider certain behaviours to be cheating, would largely depend on whether or not their partner had consulted them before engaging in various activities. The participants felt that it was difficult
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to state whether they considered the actions described in the PDIS to be cheating, without being able to differentiate between actions taken by their partner with their knowledge, or without. There are multiple ways to look at this criticism. On the one hand, the PDIS asks participants to rate certain actions on a scale ranging from Always cheating to Never cheating. Therefore, when one feels a certain act would only be cheating if their partner had not
consulted them first, an answer somewhere halfway between Always cheating and Never
cheating might be appropriate. After all, there would be scenarios in which the participant
would indeed consider this to be cheating and there are scenarios when he or she would not. On the other hand, these remarks made by the participants in this study do show that there might be another factor that should be taken into consideration when looking at attitudes towards monogamy. These remarks seem to indicate that communication and openness, at least for some people, plays a part in deciding whether something is adulterous or not. Keeping this in mind, it might be of interest to take this into account in any further study of this subject. A variation of the PDIS might be constructed, where every item has two variations, rather than one. One where the participant is aware of their partner’s actions and one where he/she is not. In this case, the statement should indicate that the partner has only informed the partner of his or her intended actions, not asked for his or her permission. After all, in many cases participants would argue that they would not have given their partner permission. A set-up as described might give insight into how big a factor disclosure is in both people with and without BDSM preferences. Furthermore, it might indicate whether there is a difference in the importance of disclosure between these two groups.
Apart from possible improvements in set-up for further research, there is an important possibly confounding factor to be taken into account. One might argue that people who identify themselves as having BDSM preferences, might belong to a group that is more liberal towards sexuality overall than the average person. After all, the study by Richters et al., (2008) did show that BDSM preferences often coincided with the use of sex toys or watching pornography. This being the case, the difference in attitude towards monogamy found in this study might be explained by a higher level of liberalness towards sexuality in the group with BDSM preferences, as one could argue that a less conservative attitude towards monogamy is a part of sexual open-mindedness. To control for this confounding factor in further research, a questionnaire measuring sexual open-mindedness overall could be administered to a group of participants with BDSM preferences and a group of participants without BDSM preferences. Subsequently, both groups could be split according to their level of sexual open-mindedness. The results of the PDIS for these four groups could then be compared. If the difference in
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attitude towards monogamy would disappear when comparing only the BDSM group with high sexual open-mindedness with the Non-BDSM group with high sexual open-mindedness, then this would indicate that the difference found in this study was caused by the confounding effect of sexual open-mindedness. However, if the difference remained then this would strengthen the findings of this study significantly.
BDSM does not yet seem to be a popular subject for study, other than to determine whether it has any relation to sexual abuse and deviance. Although this study is small, the results are a vital clue that there is more to be discovered about people with BDSM
preferences than we might have previously thought. If their attitudes differ from those without these preferences, one might ask where this difference has come from. One might also wonder what influence this difference in attitude has on the relationships people with BDSM
preferences form with their partner. All these questions are yet to be answered.
When looking at the path homosexuality has taken, from disease or lifestyle choice to a recognised sexual preference people are born with, one might wonder whether this is the future for BDSM. Whether it is or not, the path of homosexuality has taught us that understanding is an important part of accepting. For counsellors, understanding is also an important part of their ability to help. This study may have only skimmed the surface of what there is to discover about BDSM, but it is a step in the right direction.
20 References
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Clinical Treatment in Psychosexual Therapy. Londen: Karnac Books Ltd.
American Psychiatric Association. (2000). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (4th ed., text rev.). Washington, DC: Author.
Brame, Gloria. 1999. ‘‘BDSM Demographics Survey.’’ Available at http://www.gloria-brame.com/therapy/bdsmsurvey.html
Berry, M. D., & Barker, M. (2014) Extraordinary interventions for extraordinary clients: existential sex therapy and open non-monogamy. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 29:1, 21-30
Bezreh, T., Weinberg, T.S., & Edgar, T. (2012). BDSM Disclosure and Stigma Management: Identifying Opportunities for Sex Education. American Journal of
Sexuality Education, 7, 37 61.
Gijs, L., Gianotten, W.L., Vanwesenbeeck, I., & Weijenborg, P.T.M. (2009) Seksuologie. Houten: Bohn Stafleu van Loghum
Hertlein, K. M., Wetchler, J. L., & Piercy, F.P. (2005) Infidelity, an overview. Journal of
Couple & Relationship Therapy: Innovations in Clinical and Educational Interventions, 4:2-3, 5 16
Kelsey, K., Stiles, B. L., Spiller L., & Diekhoff, G. M. (2013) Assessment of therapists’ attitudes towards BDSM, Psychology & Sexuality, 4:3, 255 267
Kolmes, K., Stock, W., & Moser, C. (2006) Investigating Bias in Psychotherapy with BDSM Clients, Journal of Homosexuality, 50:2-3, 301-324
Lawrence A. A., & Love-Crowell, J. (2008). J. Psychotherapists’ Experience with Clients Who Engage in Consensual Sadomasochism: A Qualitative Study. Journal of Sex &
Marital Therapy, 34, 67-85.
Mattingly, B. A., Wilson, K., Clark, E. M., Bequette A. W., & Weidler, D. J. (2010). Foggy Faithfulness: Relationship Quality, Religiosity, and the Perceptions of Dating Infidelity Scale in an Adult Sample. Journal of Family Issue, 31(11), 1465-1480. Powls, J., & Davies, Jason. (2012). A Descriptive Review of Research Relating to
Sadomasochism: Considerations for the Clinical Practice. Deviant Behaviour, 33, 223-234.
Richters, J., de Visser, R. O., Rissel, C.E., Grulich, A. E., & Smith, A. M. A.
(2008). Demographic and Psychosocial Features of Participants in Bondage and
Discipline, “Sadomasochism” or “ Dominance and Submission (BDSM): Data from a National Survey. Journal for Sexual Medicine, 5, 1660-1668.
Veen, T. (2013, 11 january) Zelfs Kluun kan ons niet redden. NRC Next, 4-5.
Weeks, J. (2012). Sex, Politics and Society: The regulation of sexuality since 1800. Oxon: Routledge
Weinberg, T.S. (2006). Sadomasochism and the Social Sciences: A Review of the Sociological and Social Psychological Literature. Journal of homosexuality, 50, 17 40.
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Wilson, K., Mattingly, B.A., Clark, E. M., Weidler. D. J., Bequette, A. W. (2011). The Gray Area : Exploring Attitudes Toward Infidelity and the Development of the Perceptions of Dationg Infidelity Scale. The Journal of Social Psychology, 151(1), 63-86.
Wright, S. (2006) Discrimination of SM-identified Individuals. Journal of homosexuality, 50, 217 -231
Yost, M. R.. (2010). Development and Validation of the Attitudes about Sadomasochism Scale. Journal of Sex Research, 47(1), 79-91.
Yost., M. R., & Zurbriggen, E. L. (2006). Gender Differences in the Enactment of
Sociosexuality: An Examination of Implicit Social Motives, Sexual Fantisies,
Coercive Sexual Attitudes, and Agressive Sexual Behavior. Journal of Sex
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23 Perceptions of Dating Infidelity Scale (PDIS)
(Wilson et al., 2011; see also Mattingly et al., 2010)
Please rate the extent to which you consider these behaviors to be cheating.
Never Cheating
Always Cheating
Lying to your partner 0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Talking by phone or internet with someone other than your partner
0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Giving and/or receiving oral sex with someone other than your partner
0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Eating or drinking with someone other than your partner
0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Dancing with someone other than your partner
0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Hugging someone other than your partner
0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Buying or accepting personal gifts for/from someone other than your partner
0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Dating someone other than your partner
0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Going somewhere with someone other than your partner
0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Heavy petting/caressing/fondling with someone other than your romantic partner
0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Sexual intercourse/sex/sleeping with someone other than your partner
0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Withholding information from your partner
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Perceptions of Dating Infidelity Scale
Nederlandse vertaling door M. Gyles
Never Cheating
Always Cheating
Liegen tegen je partner 0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Praten met iemand anders dan je partner via de telefoon of internet
0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Geven en/of ontvangen van orale seks met iemand anders dan je partner
0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Eten of drinken met iemand anders dan je partner
0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Dansen met iemand anders dan je partner
0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Iemand anders dan je partner knuffelen 0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Het kopen of aannemen van persoonlijke cadeautjes voor/van iemand anders dan je partner
0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Daten met iemand anders dan je partner
0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Ergens heen gaan met iemand anders dan je partner
0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Heftig strelen/liefkozen/vrijen met iemand anders dan je partner
0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Geslachtsgemeenschap/seks/naar bed gaan met iemand anders dan je partner
0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Informatie achterhouden voor je partner
25 Attitudes About Sadomasochism Scale
Instructions: For each of the following statements, please note whether you agree or disagree using the following scale:
1, Disagree Strongly 2, Disagree Moderatly 3, Disagree Mildly
4, Neither Agree nor Disagree 5, Agree Mildly
6, Agree Moderatly 7, Agree Strongly
Use the following definitions when considering your responses:
Sadomasochism: sexual practices that involve dominance and submission (the appearance that one person has control over the other), sometimes involve role-playing (such as Master-Slave or Teacher-Student), and are always consensual (all partners participate willingly and
voluntarily)
Sadomasochist: someone who deliberately uses physical stimulation (possibly pain) and/or psychological stimulation and control to produce sexual arousal and to achieve sexual pleasure
Dominant: someone who always or mostly is the person in control during an SM sexual encounter
Submissive: someone who always or mostly is the person who does not have control during an SM sexual encounter
Factor 1: Socially Wrong
1. Sadomasochists just don’t fit into our society.
2. Practicing sadomasochists should not be allowed to be members of churches or synagogues.
3. Sadomasochism is a perversion.
4. Sadomasochistic behavior is just plain wrong.
5. Sadomasochism is a threat to many of our basic social institutions. 6. I think sadomasochists are disgusting.
7. Sadomasochistic activity should be against the law.
8. Parents who engage in SM are more likely to physically abuse their children. 9. Sadomasochism is an inferior form of sexuality.
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10. If I was alone in a room with someone I knew to be a Dominant, I would feel uncomfortable.
11. SM rarely exists in a psychologically healthy individual.
12. If I was alone in a room with someone I knew to be a Submissive, I would feel uncomfortable.
Factor 2: Violence
13. People who engage in SM are more likely to become involved in domestic violence. 14. A Dominant is more likely to rape a romantic partner than the average person. 15. A Dominant is more likely to rape a stranger than the average person.
16. A Dominant is more likely to sexually molest a child than the average person. 17. A variety of serious psychological disorders are associated with sadomasochism. Factor 3: Lack of Tolerance
18. Sadomasochists are just like everybody else. (R) 19. Sadomasochism is erotic and sexy. (R)
20. Many sadomasochists are very moral and ethical people. (R)
21. Sadomasochistic activity should be legal, as long as all participants are consenting adults. (R)
Factor 4: Real Life
22. Submissives are passive in other aspects of their lives (besides sex).
27 Attitudes About Sadomasochism Scale
Vertaling door M. Gyles
Geef voor elk van de onderstaand uitspraken aan in hoeverre u het er mee eens, dan wel oneens bent. Gebruik hierbij de volgende schaal:
1, Sterk mee oneens 2, Redelijk mee oneens 3, Enigzins mee oneens
4, Noch mee eens, nog mee oneens 5, Enigszins mee eens
6, Redelijk mee eens 7, Sterk mee eens
Gebruik de volgende definities bij het overwegen van uw antwoord:
Sadomasochisme: Seksuele handelingen waarbij sprake is van dominantie en onderwerping (het idee dat een persoon controle heeft over de andere persoon), waar soms rollenspel bij betrokken is (zoals Meester-Slaaf of Leraar-Leerling), en welke ten alle tijden met
wederzijdse instemming plaatsvinden (alle partners nemen met plezier en volledig vrijwillig deel aan de activiteiten)
Sadomasochist: Iemand die expres gebruik maakt van fysieke stimulatie (mogelijkerwijs pijn) en/of mentale stimulatie en controle om seksuele opwinding teweeg te brengen en om
seksueel genoegen te verkrijgen.
Dominant: Iemand die altijd of het grootste gedeelte van de tijd de controle heeft tijdens een SM interactie
Submissief : Iemand die altijd of het grootste gedeelte van de tijd geen controle heeft tijdens een SM interactie
Factor 1 Sociaal verkeerd
1. Sadomasochisme past gewoon niet in onze maatschappij.
2. Deelnemen aan sadomasochisme zou niet toegestaan moeten zijn voor leden van kerken of synagogen.
3. Sadomasochisme is een perversie.
4. Sadomasochistisch gedrag is simpelweg verkeerd.
5. Sadomasochisme is een bedreiging voor veel van onze maatschappelijke instellingen. 6. Ik vind sadomasochisten walgelijk.
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8. Ouders die deelnemen aan SM activiteiten zullen eerder hun kinderen fysiek mishandelen.
9. Sadomasochisme is een minderwaardige vorm van seksualiteit.
10. Als ik alleen in een kamer was met iemand waarvan ik wist dat hij/zij een Dominant was, zou ik me oncomfortabel voelen.
11. SM komt vrijwel nooit voor bij mentaal gezonde individuen.
12. Als ik alleen in een kamer was met iemand waarvan ik wist dat hij/zij een Submissief was, zou ik me oncomfortabel voelen.
Factor 2 Geweld
13. Mensen die deelnemen aan SM activiteiten raken eerder betrokken bij huislijk geweld. 14. Een Dominant zal eerder zijn/haar partner verkrachten dan de gemiddelde persoon. 15. Een Dominant zal eerder een vreemde verkrachten dan de gemiddelde persoon. 16. Een Dominant zal eerder een kind seksueel misbruiken dan de gemiddelde persoon. 17. Verschillende ernstige psychische stoornissen worden in verband gebracht met
sadomasochisme. Factor 3 Intollerantie
18. Sadomasochisten zijn net als iedereen. 19. Sadomasochisme is erotisch en sexy
20. Veel sadomasochisten zijn zeer morele en ethische mensen.
21. Sadomasochisme moet legaal zijn, zo lang het bedreven wordt door vrijwillig deelnemende volwassenen.
Factor 4 Het echte leven
22. Submissieven zijn passief in andere aspecten van hun leven (buiten seks)
