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“The good and the bad, you should be
grateful for that”: Ruling Feelings and
Disciplining Emotions
A qualitative research on feeling rules and discipline of young Muslim women of colour in the Netherlands
Gözde Nur Akarsu 10811079
University of Amsterdam Master’s Thesis
Conflict Resolution and Governance Supervisor: Dr. Martijn Dekker
Second reader: Dr. Polly Pallister-Wilkins 10/07/2020
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Abstract
Young Muslim women of colour face varying oppressions regarding their intersectional identity, in which their emotions are seldomly touched upon. Adopting emotions as a core concept and regarding it as a social construct, this research demonstrates the way ten young Muslim women of colour get conditioned to certain emotions, or experience feeling rules. The intersectional approach of this research illustrates the importance of religion, race and gender in the experience of emotions in the social and political of Dutch society. Through ten life story interviews and a grounded theory approach, I have identified the ways in which these feeling rules act as a disciplinary power and also how this influences identity. This research reveals the taken-for-granted disciplining nature of emotions in keeping oppressive social relations intact, adding onto theories.
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Acknowledgement
The writing of this thesis has been a long and very difficult journey for me. Personally, I have been going through a rough time but the topic of this research is also a sensitive one. I have a very personal motivation in conducting this research, which has merits and demerits . Writing about your own experiences with injustice is hard and takes much of your energy. Thus, firstly I would like to thank the ten people that have shared their story with me. I know how draining it can be. Then, I want to thank dr. Martijn Dekker for being the most understanding and helpful supervisor. Not only has Martijn been supportive of all my ideas from day one, I felt very understood by him too. He never pushed me to do more than I was able to do and also never showed any disappointment when I was unable to meet any assignment or be present at a meeting. The feedback was always swift and constructive, never attempting to change my style of research. His supervising has been of utmost help to me during this research. Furthermore, I would like to thank dr. Polly Pallister-Wilkins for being the second reader and taking her time to review this research.
Then, I would like to thank my best friend Eva Verschuur for always brightening my mood, even when I made that really difficult. Thank you for having daily Skype study sessions with me, checking up on me throughout the whole process, for always believing in me and
supporting me in everything I do. I love you. Furthermore, much love to my aşklarım Isabel Speelman, Anouk Markus, Weera Koopman and Maryam Peters for supporting me for many years and always being ready to give me feedback on my writing, even when it is a hot mess. I love you all. Then I want to thank my family and especially my mother and my cousin Seren Cinar, for being able to support, tolerate and live with me during a pandemic when I am also at my most stressful. That is not my best self, I can tell you that. I hope we may stay healthy for a long time. Not to forget, many thanks to ‘CRG Simslay queens’, which includes Joep Kies and Rabiya Chaudhry. We have had many fun talks in this chat about sims, thesis and much more. They have been a real light in the darkness. Lastly, I want to give a big shout out to BTS. Embarrassingly enough, they have been one of the few things to bring me joy during these times.
I hope you enjoy your reading. Gözde Nur Akarsu
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Table of Content
1. Introduction 6
2. Theorizing Emotions, Feeling Rules, Emotion Work and Discipline 9
2.1. Emotions 9
2.2. Feeling Rules 13
2.3. Emotion Work 16
2.4. Discipline and Power 18
3. Methodological justification 22
3.1. Ontology, Epistemology and Research Strategy 22
3.2. Research question 23
3.3. Muslim Women 24
3.4. Operationalization 25
3.5. Data Gathering 26
3.6. Research Method 27
3.7. Positionality, Limitations and Ethical Considerations 28
4. Rule #1: “You are always questionable” 30
4.1. “Where do you come from?” 30
4.2. Being a source of knowledge 32
4.3. The power of making someone feel questionable 35
4.4. Concluding remarks 37
5. Rule #2: “You are the voice of the people” 38
5.1. Voice of the people 38
5.2. On being dismissed 40
5.3. The Good Muslim 43
5.4. Concluding remarks 44
6. Rule #3: “Be a true believer” 45
6.1. Emotion work and Islam 45
6.2. Sadness and Islam 47
6.3. Guilt and Islam 49
6.4. Concluding remarks 50
7. An othered identity 51
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7.2. Shame 53
7.3. Grateful 54
7.4. No space for exploration 57
7.5. The Hijab as a sticky object 59
7.6. Concluding remarks 60
8. Conclusion 61
9. Bibliography 63
10. Appendix 68
10.1. Interview Guide 68
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1. Introduction
“No, but to me you are really Dutch!” were the words spoken to me by a fellow student during an exercise in class about identity and privilege. In this exercise one had to fill in different parts of their identity, such as ethnicity, gender, race and sexuality. The teacher had several questions to create a discussion, for example about your most privileged identity, the most oppressed part of your identity or the part of your identity that is most important to you. At one point, I stated that my ethnicity is the most important part of my identity. Not because that is the part of my identity that I hold the most dear, but for the sole reason that society often makes me think about how Turkish I am. The exercise on the whole already gave me an uncomfortable feeling, because it confronted me with the many intersecting oppressions that are related to my identity. However, the aforementioned reply by a fellow student about my ethnicity magnified this discomfort. What was her intention with that comment? Was she just good-heartedly trying to assure me that to her I was indeed Dutch? Why does she even think she has the right to give me this assurance? Does she think that as a white Dutch student she is the one to grant me a Dutch identity? Was she trying to undermine my Turkish identity by stating that I was indeed all Dutch to her? Was she trying to erase the struggle I face with my identity in the Netherlands? While all these feelings and thoughts were going through my head in just a couple of seconds, the only reply that I could manage was ‘thanks’. Creating discomfort and speaking my varying feelings would not be deemed ‘appropriate’ in this situation. I voiced the feeling that was expected of me: gratitude. This demanded a management of my emotions by not letting ‘out’ some of the feelings such as confusion, anger or dismissal that I felt in this situation. However, the emotions I felt, did something in this situation. It made me perform an emotion of gratitude that I felt forced to endure and did not want to perform in this situation. But then why did I? ?
Looking back, I realized that I sometimes act on my emotions, but more often I try to repress them. The reflections on my own emotions have led me to my interest in the subject of this research. The aforementioned emotions I have expressed are not unique to my experience. Dutch society is full of structures of oppression creating contrasting realities for a diverse group of people. Be it regarding gender, religion or ethnicity (Wekker, 2016). In the past decades, the racialization of the ‘Muslim Other’ has been most prominent in the Netherlands, where Dutch Muslims are depicted as the unacceptable (De Koning, 2016; Wekker, 2015). The central subject in this has been the young Muslim woman, who is continuously framed as being oppressed and in need of help (Bracke, 2011, p.28). I wish to think that one of my main goals
7 as a researcher of colour is to give the silenced ones agency and an opportunity to be heard (Collins, 1986). Feminist methodology has taught me that research cannot be objective and value-free. Thus, it is valid when your subject of research derives from your own perspective and interests (Taylor, 1998; Collins, 1986). As a young Muslim woman of colour myself, the intersecting oppressions in this identity are quite interesting to me. That is why this research will focus on young Muslim women in the Netherlands. Their intersectional identity contributes to interesting experiences that are seldomly touched upon, especially regarding their emotions (Wingfield, 2010). Their emotions are bound to the part of their identity as a woman, Muslim and ‘Other’ in Dutch society.
Emotions have a significant place in all of our lives, as they are often deemed as precursors to action (Hochschild, 1979). Moreover, emotions are not only about action, but they are grounded in the structures of society. They are about attachment and meaning. “What moves us, what makes us feel, is also that which holds us in place, or gives us a dwelling place” (Ahmed, 2013, p.11). Adopting emotions as the foundational concept of this research enables me to put the feelings and experiences of young Muslim women of colour at the core of my analysis. To reveal social and cultural structures in relation to young Muslim women of colour in Netherlands, this research will look at the way they are conditioned to feel certain ways. How do they experience their emotions and what do they think is expected of them? Do they follow what is expected of them or do they deviate from it? On the micro-level then, the emotions of Muslim women can be studied with regards to their intersectional identity. How are these women conditioned to feel in their own circles? How do they act accordingly and what is the role of religion in this? In the Islam, ‘negative’ or ‘bad’ feelings such as anger and hate are not encouraged, but how does this carry out in the lived experiences of Muslim women in the Netherlands? The study of emotions demonstrates a gap in literature around the relation between emotions, race, religion and gender (Emmons, 2005). How do these influence each other? This research aims to answer these questions. The main research question guiding this thesis then will be:
How do young Muslim women of colour in the Netherlands experience feeling rules and how do they discipline them?
8 To answer this question, I am expanding the concept of feeling rules, as defined by Hochschild, by analysing this concept through an intersectional lens. Where Hochschild has paid attention to class and to a lesser extent to gender, she states that the different ethnicities and religious groups in experiencing feeling rules is missing (Hochschild, 1979, p.572-573). This research will aim to create an understanding of the experience of feeling rules within a group of people that is mostly unexplored. Furthermore, I am deepening the knowledge regarding feeling rules, with the analysis diving into a more enhanced understanding of feelings. Where Hochschild mainly focused on basic emotions such as anger, happiness and fear, this research dives into an area of feelings that is more contextual. Feeling rules will be discussed that are distinct to the experience of young Muslim women of colour in the Netherlands. Furthermore, I will try to point out the social structures in the creation and maintenance of these feelings. Moreover, a focus will be put on the power relations in society that can be seen demonstrated through the feeling rules.
In addition, drawing on Sara Ahmed’s readings about what emotions do in combination with the concept of discipline, this research will try to demonstrate how these feeling rules can be seen as disciplinary technology. This research will attempt to disrupt the taken-for-granted nature of disciplinary processes that take place through emotions and feelings. This will be an addition to Hochschild’s theory, as she does not seem to quite ‘go further’ and explain what these feeling rules do on the individual and societal level, such as keeping certain social relations intact.
For this research, I have spoken with ten Muslim women of colour that have been raised or have grown up in the Netherlands. Through qualitative life story interviews, I have obtained rich and deep descriptions about the lives of these women, which have created this research and enabled me to answer my research question. However, before I can do this, first the theoretical framework will be discussed in the following chapter. Chapter three illustrates the methodological justification for this thesis. Then, four chapters of analysis follow of which the first three entail the feeling rules that are derived from the data, whereas the last chapter digs into the identity creation of these ten Muslim women. Finally, the conclusion of this research can be found in the last chapter.
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2. Theorizing Emotions, Feeling Rules, Emotion Work and
Discipline
This section will discuss different theories that are relevant for this research in order to build a conceptual framework to help answer the research question. First, the concept of emotions will be discussed and defined, including the perspective this research takes on emotions. Then a theoretical account will be provided of the concepts feeling rules, emotion work and discipline.
2.1. Emotions
Emotion is the foundational concept of this research. However, as with many other essentially contested concepts, emotions have varying definitions based on which perspective one takes (Turner, 2009). Even though the aim of this research is not to find out what emotions are, but what they do, how they get experienced and what they do to the creation of one’s identity (Ahmed, 2013), a definition is in order. The concept of emotions will be loosely based on the following definition:
Emotions involve: (a) appraisals of a situational stimulus or context, (b) changes in physiological or bodily sensations, (c) the free or inhibited display of expressive gestures, and (d) a cultural label applied to specific constellations of one or more of the first three components.
(Thoits, 1989, p.318)
This research, then, will regard emotions as contextual mechanisms. Furthermore, it is mentioned in this definition that not all these components need to be present for an emotion to exist or to be experienced. Oftentimes, emotions are used synonymous to feeling. Thoits (1989) argues that this is not exactly the case but that “the general term feelings includes the experience of physical drive states… as well as emotional states” (p.318). In this way then, emotions can be regarded as “culturally delineated types of feelings… (Thoits, 1989, p.318). This links emotions and feelings quite closely and contextualises the concept of emotions, allowing me to use these concepts interchangeably. Emotions in this research will then also not be restricted to primal emotions such as happiness or fear, but are extended by the previously given definition.
10 There are different typologies of emotions, which will be discussed here to gain a broader understanding of the concept and to come to the definition and perspective that this research will take. Turner (2009) argues that emotions operate at different levels of reality such as the cultural, biological, religious, neurological and structural. Thus, there are many perspectives one can take, some of which will be elaborated on here. Firstly, organismic theorists, or biologists, view emotions in merely biological accounts (Turner, 2009; Hochschild, 1979, p.553). Scholars such as Freud, Darwin and William James can be found in this category, where emotions are primarily tied to bodily sensations (Hochschild, 2012, p. 215; Ahmed, 2013). This perspective takes a more evolutionary perspective, which argues that emotions have evolved through time just as the body has. Social factors then only enter after the emotions are expressed and stimulated; they do not have any influence on the emotion itself, nor on how it is evoked or suppressed (Turner, 2009; Hochschild, 1979, p.553). A more psychological or cognitivist account of emotions follows an ‘appraisal process’. Emotions are only formed when a judgement of an event or objects can be made. For example, the accomplishment of goals will create positive emotions. However, oftentimes cognitive awareness precedes emotional arousal, in which the expression of emotion goes unnoticed. Another shortcoming is that the bodily sensation is completely cut off in this approach (Ahmed, 2013; Turner, 2009).
A completely different approach to emotions are the interactive accounts of emotions. They argue that social factors have a crucial effect on emotions. Emotions are seen as deeply social. Furthermore, emotions are deemed to be manageable. The interactional model assumes that “social factors enter into the very formulation of emotion, through codification, management and expression” (Hochschild, 2012, p.217). The influence of basic emotions is recognized here, but considerable weight is assigned to sociocultural factors. Bodily changes in relation to emotions are acknowledged and emotions are seen as a joint product of sociocultural factors and situational factors (Thoits, 1989, p. 32). This is very similar to a social constructivist view on emotions, which puts emphasis on the construction of emotions through social and cultural systems. Some ‘strong’ social constructivists may disregard the biological aspect of emotions and claim that all emotions are inherently socially constructed, and all meaning is only created through culture (Hochschild, 1979; Turner, 2009; Thoits, 1989). A less extreme socially constructive perspective, and one that is more aligned with the interactional model of Hochschild (2012), argues that “societies reveal an emotion culture of ideologies, norms, logics, vocabularies, and other symbolic elements that specify what individuals are to feel in particular types of situations and how they are to express emotions” (Turner, 2009, p.341). This
11 perspective then also recognizes the biological basis of emotions. However, the emphasis is put on the fact that culture has an influence on the emotions people express, are supposed to express or feel. This perspective then does not neglect the biological bodily system of emotions, but does not put emphasis on the causal importance of basic emotions. Emotions do often override sociocultural constraints and have a pure basis in the human body (Turner, 2009; Thoits, 1989). Hochschild (2012) explains that “social factors enter not simply before and after but interactively during the experience of emotion” (p.221).
As religion plays an important role in this research, an explanation of how emotions are regarded in the Islam is necessary. This is not in line with the previous typologies, but more so to create an understanding of emotions through a religious perspective. Religion and emotions are two concepts with a deep connection. It is even argued that religion creates more of an awareness regarding emotions. Emmons (2005) states that “religion likely influences both the generation of emotion and the regulation of emotional responses” (2005, p.237). Islam teaches that Allah (Subḥānahu wa-taʿālā1) has created all human beings in their complex ways, including their emotions. Islam recognizes emotions and acknowledges that human beings experience emotions such as anger, love and fear. Islam also tells us that it is completely fine to be sad, to cry or to feel joy. As we are created with our emotions, we are encouraged to experience and manage them. The repression of emotions is actually not encouraged at all. You can get angry if you experience injustice and you can feel happy when something good happens. However, Islam also teaches that it is important to be conscious about the way you deal with those emotions. The religion teaches to be balanced in every aspect, including your emotions:
And thus we have made you a justly balanced community that you will be witnesses over the people and the Messenger will be a witness over you.
(Surah Al-Baqarah; 2:143)
This is one of the often-discussed verses when the concept of balance is brought up. It is believed that one is required to take charge of one's actions and balance is to be sought as one experiences certain emotions.
12 With this overview of the perspective on emotion, it is important for this research to make it clear that this research is not aimed at finding out the psychological or biological elements of emotions. This research assumes the social constructivist and interactional assumptions of Hochschild. Furthermore, I will build on the work of cultural theorist Ahmed, who sees emotion as something productive that can shape us. This means that emotions and feelings will be used interchangeably, as is the case with Hochschild (2012). This also implies that the concepts hereafter will not only be applied to primal emotions such as ‘anger’ or ‘happiness’. More socially constructed feelings that are grounded in this research will be discussed, which seem to be a better indication of the social structures in society. Then, this research follows Ahmed (2013) in the way she discusses emotions or feelings to be social and cultural practices, as other anthropologists and sociologists have done also:
So emotions are not simply something 'I' or 'we' have. Rather, it is through emotions, or how we respond to objects and others, that surfaces or boundaries are made: the
'I' and the 'we' are shaped by, and even take the shape of, contact with others. (Ahmed, 2013, p.10)
Neither the individual nor the social gets neglected in relation to emotions. Rather, the individual and the social both get produced, and in turn, produce emotions. Emotions move us, but they also move between us. Ahmed (2013) points out how the word ‘emotion’ itself comes from the Latin emovere, which means ‘to move, to move out’. (Ahmed, 2013, p.11). What moves us, creates attachment and meaning. This attachment and meaning is what this research aims to demonstrate. Nonetheless, a person is not always aware of their emotions and their impact. Oftentimes, they can become norms that shape our world. Through repetition, emotions can become powerful; they can shape the world as well as the bodies inhabiting it.
Lastly, I would like to discuss the idea of ‘rationality’ behind emotions. Ahmed (2013) argues that there often is a distinction made between emotion and rationality and that emotions often are associated with certain parts of a population, such as women specifically. In the same way, Hochschild (2012) states that “we tend to associate the idea of emotions more with irrational or unwise actions than with rational or wise actions” claiming that this idea results from the cultural policy towards the management of emotional life, rather than observations that are made of the interplay between feeling and action (p.214). This creates an idea of emotions being unreasonable, an obstacle to good judgement or irrelevant to justice. Furthermore, Ahmed states
13 that “indeed, it is the hierarchies established by such models, which allow women and racial others to be seen as less moral, as less capable of making judgements: it is such others, of course, who are often presented as ‘swayed by their emotions’” (Ahmed, 2013, p. 195). Moreover, ‘emotionality’ is also a gendered construct that is often linked to femininity. When a feminist, especially a subaltern woman, expresses anti-racist critique, she is often seen as too emotional and impartial to form ‘good judgement’ (Ahmed, 2013). Black women are stereotyped as an ‘angry, black woman’, serving to silence them (Lewis & Neville, 2015, p. 291). Feminism is made emotional and ‘hostile’. Ahmed (2013) further develops the relation between imperialism and emotion by stating: “whilst thought and reason are identified with the masculine and Western subject, emotions and bodies are associated with femininity and racial others” (p.170). Creating the link with ‘emotion’ and the racialized Other leads to dismissing the emotional aspect of reason and thought, but also excludes the Other from this. Instead Ahmed argues for “understanding emotions as ‘the unthought’, just as we need to contest the assumption that ‘rational thought’ is unemotional” (Ahmed, 2013, p.170).
This first part of the theory has aimed to give an overview of the different perspectives on emotions and feelings. Emotions and feelings are deemed to be social and cultural practices, inherently tied to the social structures of society. Thus, emotions and feelings will be used interchangeably in this research, where the focus lies in the aim to make clear what certain feelings do. To guide this research, the following concept of feeling rules will be discussed.
2.2. Feeling Rules
The main concept of this research will be that of ‘feeling rules’, which was first introduced in 1979 by Hochschild. She argues that:
Rules seem to govern how people try or try not to feel in ways “appropriate to the situation.” Such a notion suggests how profoundly the individual is “social,” and “socialized” to try to pay tribute to official definitions of situations, with no less than their feelings.
(Hochschild, 1979, p.552)
Everyone is in some way affected by these rules, whether they are aware of it or not. However, it is clear that women are argued to experience feelings rules more than men (Hochschild, 1979,
14 p.561). These feeling rules become most apparent when the emotions seem unexpected to the situation or an emotion seems to be missing (Hochschild, 2012). Hochschild (1979) argues that social factors or ‘guidelines’ have influence on what people do and think about what they feel. She describes it as a form of pre-action (Hochschild, 2012). These rules are often precursor to action and thus shape a person significantly. Examples are feeling like you should be grateful when something good happens to you, or you should feel sad at a funeral. It could also be the case that others point out that ‘you should be happier’ or tell you to ‘not be such a downer’. These can be seen as ‘rule reminders’, where you are reminded by others or yourself of how to act in a certain situation. They indicate the extent of how one should feel as well as the direction in which to feel, such as sad or happy.
It is apparent that Hochschild positions herself between a Goffmanian perspective on designed appearances, and a Freudian focus arguing for unconscious intrapsychic events, borrowing insight from both. Goffman (2002) argues in his theory on social interaction that people will aim to control their impressions and expressions to fit social norms, adjusting them to different settings. In this perspective, emotions are already pushed to the forefront and attention is paid to social patterns and their influence on emotive experiences. According to him, every action of an individual is considered to conform outwardly (Scheff et al., 2015; Goffman, 2002). However, the passiveness of the actor and the neglect of the social structure make this theory different from the theory of feeling rules. The Goffmanian actor in question tries to manage an outward impression, in which actively managing inner feelings are not present as such. The emotion of shame is the main driver of the performance of actors. Thus, Goffman provides us with knowledge about feelings and social rules, but does not elaborate on the actor itself and the management of inner feelings. To gain understanding of the ‘self’ and the active management of how people try to feel, Freudian insights are borrowed by Hochschild. Freudian theory argues emotions to be secondary to drive, with sexual and aggressive drives as Freud's main points of focus. Contrary to Goffman, the focus here is on the ‘self’ and the way neurotic symptoms are stated to reveal underlying unconscious thoughts. The surfacing of these feelings and the creation of ‘inappropriate affect’ is then also used to indicate the functioning of the ego, where no link to social rules or the appropriateness of the situation is made (Hancock & Garner, 2015; Hochschild, 1979). All in all, the concept of feeling rules borrows the perspective of Goffman in the way people try to appear to feel, but then according to the social rules dependent on the context. Additionally, in contrast to the Freudian perspective of unconscious feelings, Hochschild pays attention to the conscious management of feelings.
15 Hochschild (2012) also mentions that these feeling rules can take the form of ‘claims’ or external reactions, varying in intention and strength. Expectations are posed as claims, reminding us what society, your family or even yourself expects from you. These feeling rules disguised as claims are not directly linked to primary emotions such as happiness or sadness, but resemble a more disciplinary action of how one should feel and therefore act (Hochschild, 2012). In other words “we absorb the standards and values of our society in the very process of learning the language of emotion, and those standards and values are built into the foundation of our emotional constitution” (Jaggar, 1996, p. 179). The emphasis of this research will focus more on this area, where disciplinary actions are more apparent. Examples of this are feeling rules that request people to feel as if they have to justify themselves, as if they have to be a source of information or giving the feeling that one is not an individual.
Furthermore, Hochschild (1979) explains that there is no single set of ‘feeling rules’ and like other rules, they can be broken, obeyed or be challenged. Some rules can be universal, others can be arbitrary or not agreed upon. The concept of framing then comes in, as “framing and feeling rules are back to back and mutually imply each other” (Hochschild, 1979, p.566). Hochschild’s ‘framing rules’ refer to “the rules according to which we ascribe definitions or meaning” (Hochschild, 1079, p.566). How one frames their ideological stance, then, also decides how they regard feeling rules or what the expectations in society are. An example is the way someone might frame getting fired. They could frame it as a personal failure, or an instance of capitalists’ abuse. Moreover, feeling rules change over time as ideologies also change. What is lacking in Hochschild's theory is a reflection of power in that framing. As Jaggar (1996) states “the norms and values that predominate tend to serve the interest of the dominant groups” (p.179). Thus, even though there might be no single set of feeling rules, it is crucial to keep in mind that there are dominant powers in society deciding what the rules are. This research will create a deeper understanding of power in feeling rules.
Hochschild also talks about the different dimensions in which feeling rules are present, where she makes a distinction between private and public life. As her theory is more of a Marxist interpretation, she has a heavy focus on class difference and the commercial uses of feelings. Private is, for her, mainly the area of personal issues and the private sphere of the family. The public life is where emotional labour is required on the job and where she sees the management of emotions as being more of an issue for middle-class jobs (Hochschild, 2012). Hochschild
16 (1979) points to the importance of class in feeling rules. Feelings can be commoditized because they are expected in a certain market sector and are also bought and sold in its value. An example is the feeling rules that are often expected in many middle-class jobs such as in the service industry. The stewardess that is trying to reassure you with her feelings, is in a way commodifying her emotions. However, for the sake of this research and the dimension that feeling rules will be discussed in, I will build on her theory and differentiate from the separate categories Hochschild has established. As she has a more class-oriented perspective, my analysis will differ quite thoroughly and add an intersectional perspective. Through a grounded theory approach, a different set of rules has been established and will be analysed to find out what they imply.
Then, feeling rules and ideology all come together in the social world and specifically in social exchange. Hochschild points to the exchange of gestures as a prime example of feeling rules, because it is an exchange of displayed acts and also an emotion work. Agreed upon gestures are used as a medium of exchange (Hochschild, 1979). The question of power is merely evident for Hochschild in the economic sense, differing between classes. I will expand her theory with an intersectional perspective and by incorporating different social structures to the rules that are implied, as Hochschild herself also mentions a lack of understanding in how gender, ethnicity or religion shapes feeling rules (Hochschild. 1979, p.572-573). Feeling rules give us guidelines on the private emotion system and are therefore directly involved in deep acting or emotion work, which will be discussed in the following section.
2.3. Emotion Work
Hochschild argues that emotions are often “subject to acts of management” (1979, p.551). She discusses how people are subjects to ‘emotion work’; “the act of trying to change in degree or quality an emotion or feeling” (1979, p.561). It is the effort that is put in place ‘to manage’ an emotion or feeling, to try to manipulate the emotion - which may or may not have a successful outcome. Thus, this concept pays attention to “how people try to feel” (Hochschild, 1979, p.560). When one fails to control it, the ‘work’ of wanting to control it, still is in place. It is not merely about the “suppression” or “control” of emotions. But, “emotion work refers more broadly to the act of evoking or shaping, as well as suppressing, feeling in oneself” (Hochschild, 1979, p.561).
17 Hochschild then continues with two broad types of emotion work: evocation and suppression. With evocation the focus is the absence of a desired feeling. Suppression, on the other hand, means the presence of an emotion that is undesired. Moreover, Hochschild mentions how emotion work can create a “system; it can be set up for a longer amount of time or last for five minutes. It can be done by the self upon the self, by the others upon oneself or by the self upon others (1979, p.562). Nonetheless, there is a consciousness in the individual about the discrepancy between what one feels and what one wants to feel. This in turn is affected by feeling rules; what one is supposed to feel in the situation due to social expectations.
Hochschild mentions three techniques of emotion work that are explained separately but often go together in practice. The first one is cognitive. This means that emotion work is done by creating cognitive thoughts, images or ideas to change a certain feeling. The second technique is related to the body. Within this category bodily reactions to emotions are attempted to be managed, such as trying to slow down your breathing or trying to stop shaking. The third technique is that of expressive emotion work. This entails the management of expressive gestures with the aim of trying to change inner feelings. This is not only a display of emotions, but also directed at changing this feeling. Examples are trying to smile or attempting to not cry (Hochschild, 1979). Hochschild states that emotion work is often recognized when the feeling does not fit the situation and also that emotion work is often done by women (Hochschild, 1979; Ahmed, 2013).
This is specifically interesting when considering the intersectional identity of Muslim women of colour in the Netherlands. Not only are women argued to perform more emotion work than men, but another dimension is added when one is a woman of colour. Subordinated identities are argued to be subjected to more feeling rules, as well as having to perform more emotion work (Ahmed, 2003). One reason for this could be that women of colour are most often seen as ‘irrational’ when expressing their emotions. Moreover, women of colour are deemed to threaten social bonds when they speak out about the injustices they face (Hochschild, 1979; Ahmed, 2010). They can be deemed as the ‘feminist killjoy’; the one that disturbs the fantasy of happiness when pointing out topics such as sexism and racism (Ahmed, 2010). Along the same lines Audre Lorde (1984) states that
When women of Color speak out of the anger that laces so many of our contacts with white women, we are often told we are ‘creating a mood of hopelessness”, “preventing
18 white women from getting past guilt”, or “standing in the way of trusting communication and action.
(p.131).
This demonstrates an interesting structure in which women of colour are conditioned to manage themselves. When they speak out about issues that anger them, they can become the angry person of colour that is killing the mood. Sara Ahmed introduces the figure of the ‘melancholic migrant’ to point out ideas that exist around a person who ‘haunts’ contemporary culture by being a reminder of racism. Because, if only the migrants’ memory of racism would ‘go away’ so would the issue of racism itself (Ahmed, 2010).
Emotion work can also be analysed according to Islamic interpretations. An example is the approach to the emotion of anger. One can experience anger, but one must not act upon it or let it influence their speech:
And make not your own hands contribute to your destruction; but do good; for Allah loves those who do good.
(Surah Al-Baqarah; 2:195)
Thus, ‘negative’ thoughts such as anger and jealousy can be inevitable, however, one must not act upon it. Islam highly encourages positive actions and thoughts, such as love, hope and gratitude. Even in times of hardship, ‘negative’ thoughts are not favoured as:
For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.
(Surah Ash-Sharh; 94:5-6)
As demonstrated in this ayah2, even when a Muslim is going through hard times, the idea of ease and trust in the Creator encourages one to always be hopeful and positive.
2.4. Discipline and Power
As mentioned before, this research is aimed at finding out what emotions and feelings do. To be able to do this, first the groundwork has been set by defining emotions and feelings. But to
19 find out what they actually do and to elaborate on Hochschild's neglect of power in feeling rules, theories about disciplining will be used. An elaboration of some of the theories will be given in this part.
In Discipline and Punish, Foucault traces the historical roots of punishment and the contrasts that can be seen in the relationship between the human body and punishment in modern times. Foucault argues that prior to the 18th century, state power was displayed through public torture. Often the monarchical power was demonstrated through public punishment of the body. the goal then was not real justice or fairness, but to maintain social order by preserving the existing power structure (Foucault, 1995; O’Neill, 1986). However, a shift occurred during the 18th century. Punishment was no longer public, but moved into the private realm. This meant that punishment was not at the forefront of public consciousness anymore, but changed into something more abstract and silent. It became much harder to locate who the people in power, inflicting punishment and disciplining society, were (Foucault, 1995; Macleod & Durrheim, 2002). Furthermore, there was a shift from punishment of solely the body to also punishment and control of the mind, which was a much more effective way of controlling people (Foucault, 1995). Foucault elaborates on the idea of a panopticon prison to demonstrate this shift in social control. The panopticon is a prison architecture that is composed of a circular building, with a surveillance tower in its midst of which one could not be sure whether it was occupied. The cells would be facing this tower and through the idea of surveillance, the inmates would be disciplining themselves. The life of the prisoner becomes one of constant surveillance, conditioning them to behave as good prisoners as proposed by the people in power (Caluya, 2010; Foucault, 1995). Thus, the panopticon has become a metaphor of how bodies are under constant surveillance in modern times. This means that if human beings feel as if they are being policed enough, they will eventually fall into the structure of this policing and start to police themselves. They will feel the pressure to adhere to a set of normalized standard behaviours, developing ‘docile bodies’ (Gore, 1995; Burkitt, 1993; Macleod & Durrheim, 2002).
Power is not seen as something possessed by someone, but as a relational concept that exists ‘between people’. Hence, power is something that has pervaded society. In this sense, power is much more difficult to identify, as it is diffused and widespread in all levels of society. It is in the way we speak, and in what we see as science. It has embedded itself into the very fabric of society (Gore, 1995; Burkitt, 1993). Discipline then would be “the continued exercise of power through surveillance, individualization, and normalization” (Birt, 2008, p.26). Foucault
20 describes discipline as “…a type of power, a modality for its exercise, comprising a whole set of instruments, techniques, procedures, levels of application, targets; it is a ‘physics’ or an ‘anatomy’ of power, a technology” (Foucault, 1995, p. 215). It is a form of disciplinary power that is disguised in discourse and in all sorts of institutions of a state, and operates through normalising judgement and hierarchical observation (Maclead & Durrheim, 2002; Deveaux, 1994). As power is diffused and widespread in all layers of society, it can thus also be found in discourse. Here discursive power not only refers to words that are being used, but also to practices, beliefs and ideas that form normative structures (Ghorashi & Sabelis, 2013). Thus, this means that in society certain people are formed into the norm and some are ‘othered’ through everyday speech acts (Stam, 2019; Foucault, 1995; Marshall, 1999). Discourse and discipline work together to decide what is allowed to be thought and felt by ‘othered’ bodies.
Nonetheless, power is not only repressive, but it is also productive. Power is not only restricting, but it also creates. It creates norms, but also constrains us (Fraser, 1981). Power has “the capacity to shape, facilitate and generate practices, processes and social relations” (Cooper, 1994, p.436). This power also relates to the self, in the form of self-discipline. This research will demonstrate how this self-disciplinary power works specifically on the bodies of young Muslim women. They are oftentimes regarded as bodies ‘out of place’: bodies that are recognized through disciplinary techniques as not belonging in a place (Ahmed, 2016).
It can be argued then that disciplining power in modern times is not employed to create justice, but to keep the power structure in place. Citizens are disciplined to conform to the norms of society, eventually internalising these unspoken (feeling) rules. Standards are provided by all media and are related to what one’s body should look like, what one is allowed to say, what one can or cannot feel or even what one has to feel. Everyone is then exposed to these rules, but we also surveillance ourselves by our own thoughts, by forcing ourselves to adhere to certain rules or even to feel a certain way, while constantly being aware of being watched by society (Stam, 2019; Bartky, 1997; Adams, 2003).
Feminist literature has related the ideas of Foucault to new, more subtle and insidious forms of control and oppression that women face in our current age. The following quote of Foucault depicts this point:
21 There is no need for arms, physical violence, material constraints. Just a gaze. An inspecting gaze, a gaze which each individual under its weight will end by interiorising to the point that he is his own overseer, each individual thus exercising this surveillance over, and against, himself. A superb formula: power exercised continuously and for what turns out to be at minimal cost.
(Foucault, 1995, p.155)
This conceptualization of power turns it to the individual and claims that there is a sense of self-surveillance, in this case of women, to fit to patriarchal ideas of femininity or actually collide with it (Deveaux, 1994). One compares their own behaviour to that which is deemed acceptable, getting subjected to self-regulation (Maclead & Durrheim, 2002). Femininity is regarded as a social construct, one that molds and disciplines the female body (Devaeux, 1994). Not only is this related to how the female body has to look, but also how it has to think and feel.
Lastly, it is important to note that “where there is power, there is resistance” (Foucault, 1990, p.95). As power is relational and diffused in everything but also productive, so is resistance present in every part of this power network. Actors are not solely subjects of dominant discourses, but do have agency in responding to this domination, similarly to how feeling rules do not have to be obeyed. Feminist work perceives resistance as a crucial part in the production of power, as power solely in terms of domination would mean inevitable oppression. Any situation of power had the opportunity to be productive and create a plethora of resistance possibilities (Cooper, 1994)
Analysing feeling rules through the analytical lens of disciplinary power gives this research the tools to see what emotions and feelings do. Foucault has a quite structural approach to power. His concepts will be used to guide the story of this thesis, to demonstrate that these women often do feel rules and forms of discipline they have to adhere to. However, that is not the whole story, as resistance is involved. This research will also demonstrate the agency of the participants and show how they navigate forms of (emotional) discipline.
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3. Methodological justification
This chapter outlines the methodological justifications for this research. First, I consider the ontology, epistemology and research strategy. Then the research questions follows, where I lay out my thought process in coming up with the main leading question. The following section gives information on who the participants of this research were, followed by the operationalization of the main concepts. I will also explain the data gathering process, as well as the research method. I end with a reflection on my positionality, the limitations of this and the ethical considerations.
3.1. Ontology, Epistemology and Research Strategy
Ontologically, this research assumes social constructivism. As, “reality does have a way of conforming itself to our conception of it” (Haslanger, 1996, p.102). This means that ‘the self’, and central to this the emotions that the Self experiences, are deemed as a product of social construction and interaction. Emotions create meaning and attachment through moving between us. The self is an irrevocably cultural and social dynamic, because it takes shape through contact with others (Ahmed, 2013). Our realities are shaped by our social and political networks (Butler, 2009). Different selves can be constructed over time. The self then is also not deemed as separate from the mind and body. Rather, there is a complex relation that creates the self through the mind, including its thoughts and emotions, and the body (Stanley & Wise, 2002; p. 194-195). Emotions are seen as cultural and social constructions that get regulated through social engagement and “conditions by age, class, race/ethnicity, gender and indeed sexuality” (Stanley & Wise, 2002, p.202).
In this research, I have aimed for a feminist standpoint epistemology approach that maintains experiences as the central point. In a world with dominating patriarchal structures, feminist standpoint epistemology challenges researchers to “critically examine society through women’s eyes” (Brooks, 2007, p.58). It is a central belief throughout this research that voices of marginalised have a better understanding of their experience and the unjust systems of power, than an ‘outsider’ would. As Brooks (2007) argues “feminist standpoint scholars emphasize the need to begin with women’s lives, as they themselves experience them, in order to achieve an accurate and authentic understanding of what life is like for women today” (p.56, emphasis in
23 original). “Criterion for credibility” is achieved through lived experiences of marginalized women (Collins, 2002, p. 257). There are shared group based experiences, but all the participants are regarded to have their own unique context (Collins, 1997). Furthermore, there will be an understanding that there are intersecting oppressions. Oppression of race, gender, religion or class are deemed to not act on their own, but have an intersectional structure in society (Yuval-Davis, 2006).
Moreover, a feminist epistemological position will be taken that assumes the validity of personal experiences as well as “emotions as legitimate source of knowledge” (Stanley & Wise, 2002, p.196). Because the emotion or the experience is felt by someone, it means that it is real and a source of information. Moreover, emotions are considered to ‘shape’ bodies and their actions (Ahmed, 2013, p.4). As this research aims to create an understanding of the lives of young Muslim women in the Netherlands, their experiences and their stories are the pillars of this thesis. By researching their experiences regarding feeling rules, this research will demonstrate the structures of Dutch society, in which the participants are entangled. Furthermore, the well-known statement “the personal is the political” makes clear that power dynamics in society can be examined through looking at the everyday lived personal experience. The experienced life of a person is not separate from the system it is entrenched in (Stanley & Wise, 2002). This research also recognizes the fact that as knowledge is personal, it cannot be objective nor separated from the individual. The contexts and structures in which this knowledge is created are crucial to it (Collins, 2002; Stanley & Wise, 2002). Furthermore, lived experiences will be fundamental to this research in creating meaning. A phenomenological perspective is essential as it demonstrates the multidimensionality of emotions and the creation of structures such as racism, sexism and Islamophobia (Collins, 2002; Essed, 1991). Lastly, a qualitative research strategy will be conducted. The aim will not be to generalize the experience of young Muslim women in the Netherlands, but to deploy a explorative research strategy to gain a deeper understanding of the experiences of the participants.
3.2. Research question
My aim was diving into the emotions of young Muslim women in the Netherlands. I have always found that there is too much research done on Muslim women in the Netherlands, but not so often with their own voices heard, or researched by a Muslim woman herself. Looking through literature regarding emotions, I finally settled on the concept of feeling rules. I thought
24 that this concept could demonstrate what emotions exactly do for these women, on two levels. Firstly, at the personal level these feeling rules can demonstrate how these women get shaped through their feelings. Secondly, feeling rules can also demonstrate the different powers at play in a bigger societal level. Soon after this, I made the link with disciplinary power, which gave my research interesting depth. This is because in my opinion, the way Hochschild uses feeling rules neglects the relation of these rules with societal structures, which I aim to demonstrate in this research. Thus, the concept of feeling rules is used in this research to demonstrate how young Muslim women in the Netherlands experience disciplinary power and what this does to their identity, but also to Dutch society. To do this the main question guiding this thesis is as follows:
How do young Muslim women in the Netherlands experience feeling rules and how do they discipline them?
To help answer this main rule, the following sub-questions have guided the analysis chapters:
1. What are the main feeling rules young Muslim women experience?
Three categories of feeling rules have been devised, which have generated the first three analysis chapters. In these chapters, more discipling rules are illustrated.
2. How do these rules discipline them?
Every analysis chapter demonstrates how the feeling rules can be observed as varying disciplining power and what this means to the women themselves, but also for Dutch society.
3. How do the feeling rules and the disciplining powers influence their identity?
The final chapter illustrates what these feeling rules and disciplining power does to the identity of these 10 women.
3.3. Muslim Women
This research has been grounded in the knowledge that ten young Muslim women of colour have shared with me. The group I have focused on is young Muslim women between the age of 21 and 35 in the Netherlands with a non-migrant western background that are born or grew up in the Netherlands from a young age. This is done with the idea that this group of participants would have a similar context growing up and are more likely to share the same experiences
25 with their identity in the Netherlands. Half of them I have spoken with before and I am on a friendly basis with. Some of these women I know through our involvement in a feminist platform, which I will reflect on in a further section. The other half, I had never spoken to prior to our conversations. I was brought into contact with them through a snowball-sampling. The Muslim part of their identity could have referred to any Islamic school or branch, creating an interesting depth to their identity. However, almost all of my participants identified as Sunni Muslims. Being Muslim here then means anyone that identifies themselves as Muslim, culturally or in the practicing sense. To ensure the anonymity of the participants, pseudonyms have been used, which were either suggested by the participants themselves or agreed upon by the participants. . Further details will be revealed in the analysis when necessary.
Furthermore, this research rejects that there is a universal basis for what a ‘woman’ is or that there is a binary between women and men. I understand that employing the category of women reinforces the binary and the structures that I try to resist with this research. However, for the sake of seeking representation and to give a voice to marginalized women, a divide will be made between ‘men’ and ‘women’. Nonetheless, people that do not define themselves as ‘women’ for any reason, would still have been eligible for this research.
3.4. Operationalization
To answer the main research question, I started off with the concept of feeling rules. As mentioned before, Hochschild (1979) defines feeling rules as to how “people try or try not to feel in ways “appropriate to the situation.” Such a notion suggests how profoundly the individual is “social,” and “socialized”” (p.552). My aim was to delve into this socialized part of the individual by focusing on their emotions throughout the conversation, where I use feelings and emotions interchangeably. I looked into instances where participants have mentioned feeling something in regards to their social environment. Some occasions were quite clear, such as Burcu saying “I have the feeling that I am always required to have an answer ready for everything”. Or Siham explaining how her father explained to her that she should be grateful to be in the Netherlands. I first classified these to the theme feeling rule and then under a specific category, such as ‘feeling questionable’ or ‘feeling grateful’. However, some cases were not explicit emotions, but to me still seemed to indicate the socialization of an individual. For example, the idea of having to be a ‘good Muslim’ is not an emotion per se, but does depict that something is happening. Then, after the division of different feeling rules, I was able to
26 analyse the situation and explain how these instances could be seen as disciplinary power.
3.5. Data Gathering
The data for this research has been gathered qualitatively through life story interviews. The life story interview method has been able to provide a rigorous story of the experience of these women and provide them the space to shape the conversation as they please. I did create an interview guide (see appendix) to help me guide these conversations. There were no specific questions on these guides, but they referred to phases in their lives and some crucial themes that I would ask about if they did not bring it up themselves. This has been quite helpful in creating a safe space where these women could talk about anything they wanted, and leave out what they did not feel comfortable with. Moreover, I tried to anticipate with every story whether they were comfortable with questions that asked for elaboration or if that would make them uncomfortable. This technique of interviewing made the interviews much more like a conversation, as opposed to an interview with a prepared set of questions. Furthermore, this way interesting knowledge was shared with me that I would not have asked about myself. An example is the ‘good Muslim’ trope that had not occurred to me, but did come up several times in different conversations, giving me a wider scope of knowledge. Additionally, I also contacted the participants afterwards on Whatsapp to ask additional questions or to ask for clarification about certain things that they had said.
Due to the outbreak of the recent COVID-19 pandemic, face-to-face interviews have not been possible. Thus, nine interviews have been done through Skype, whereas one person preferred a phone call. This process went relatively well, as it was much easier to decide on a time where we both were available. However, I still think that this has restricted me in my research. The conversations were often quite emotional and entailed sensitive topics. These would have been better to discuss face-to-face, as one can also feel their emotions better. Nonetheless, I am still thankful that the outbreak of the pandemic has not substantially modified my research. Skype allowed me to also record the interviews, for which I first asked permission. The phone call was recorded with another device and all interviews were transcribed afterwards. The interviews were all between 50 minutes and almost 2 hours. To prevent a data-leak, the interviews have only been stored on my own password-secured laptop. The data will be deleted after handing in this research.
27 I started the conversation by introducing myself and stating that everything they tell me will be anonymized. Then I explained the purpose of this research. I told them that they should not focus on this, but that they could keep it in the back of their mind when telling me about themselves. My aim here was to be as transparent as possible, as I also explained what a life story interview was. I elaborated that I did have some themes in mind, but the purpose was to let them take the lead and tell me anything they feel comfortable with. This is in line with the feminist standpoint epistemology approach, where it is stated that knowledge about marginalized groups should be stated by them and not for them (Brooks, 2007). Then, I asked them if they could introduce themselves and start with where they have grown up. Usually, they told me stories that they could vividly remember, about experiences that have had some impact on them. The conversation then also allowed me to ask detailed questions regarding certain situations and ask about their emotions during that time (Montell, 1999). This was crucial, as the research is based on the normalization of certain behaviour, asking the right follow-up questions provided me with useful knowledge. However, I tried to interrupt them as little as possible and ask questions when they finished talking. After every interview, I reflected shortly on the most important immediate findings. This influenced the following interviews, as it made me aware of certain interesting topics and themes to ask about.
3.6. Research Method
The ten conversations have provided me rich and deep data to analyze. This has been done through the use of the computer program Atlas.ti. During the transcribing of these interviews I created ‘open codes’, which means that anything that stood out to me got a code. By looking through these codes then, I did ‘axial coding’, meaning that I arranged the codes according to themes. Then, the different themes brought forth broader relations, creating the analysis chapters. These themes were guided by the theories I have used, but the way of coding was explorative. Different aspects of feeling rules, discipline or emotion work were detected and giving varying codes. After this, I came to the conclusion that three ‘bigger’ feeling rules could be seen, which have developed into the first three chapters.
I wanted to keep the analysis as close as possible to the interpretation of the participants themselves. With this in mind, when something interesting was being told, I often asked the participant what they thought of that mechanism themselves or why they thought like this. For example, Hasna explained an instance where she felt furious about a request she had received from her work. Instead of trying to come up myself as to why she felt furious, I tried to find out
28 through further questions why she had this emotion. As this research is based on emotions, something very personal, I tried to stay as close as possible to the experience of the participants.
Direct quotes have been selected and can be found in cursive and inside quotation marks, followed by a number. For full transparency, the original Dutch quotes have been added in the appendix, with their correlating number. The quotes used in this research have been translated by myself. Furthermore, the participants themselves have consented to these quotes and to their translation too.
Some limitations in this research are also evident. As mentioned before, almost all, if not all, my participants were Sunni Muslims. Even though everyone has their own distinct and unique relation to their religion, participants from different Islamic branches could have brought a deeper understanding to the role religion plays in this research. Furthermore, I have taken the Netherlands as a whole for the location of this research. However, I have spoken with young Muslim women that have grown up in the more urbanized areas and others that are from the countryside. An interesting difference was clear to me, where the people that grew up in the countryside had different experiences, growing up in a predominantly white neighbourhood. The scope of this research did not allow me to delve into this, but I think that a geographical lens could bring about interesting findings for future research. Lastly, gendered notions can be found throughout the whole research. But, to make these more visible, a comparative research between Muslim women and men could be done on the same topic. This would bring a more unmistakable gendered perspective in the area of emotions, feeling rules and discipline.
3.7. Positionality, Limitations and Ethical Considerations
My substantial personal involvement in this research requires proper reflection on my positionality. First I want to start off by saying that I do not believe that ‘good’ research should be objective, since the very notion of objectivity can be argued to be tainted by racism and imperialism (Harding, 1992, p.71). Quite the contrary, from a feminist standpoint epistemology perspective, I believe that doing subjective research in which one is personally involved gives a special type of motivation to do ethical and good quality research. Someone that is part of the marginalized community that the research is on, would have a better understanding of it. Thus, I realize that my personal stance has influenced my interpretation and analysis in this research. Nonetheless, I think that my position has given me some advantages in this research. First of
29 all, being able to reach these young Muslim women was relatively easy for me. As a young Muslim women myself, I have a network of women I could reach. Furthermore, I believe that my position as an ‘insider’ has enabled me to get the information I did through these conversations. Being an ‘insider’ creates a non-hierarchical relationship, enabling a comfortable space. In reflections with my participants, some of them said they would have never had this same conversation with a white person. I can relate to the experiences of these women, which made them more comfortable in sharing their grievances with me. It enabled me to create a safe space where these women had the feeling that they would not be judged and trusted me with their knowledge.
However, my position also brings with it certain limitations. First, the fact that I knew some of the women I have talked to. These people know me and know that my interests are with issues such as race and gender. This could have influenced the knowledge they have shared with me, restraining me from other interesting knowledge. Furthermore, the fact that I knew some of the participants and that I could relate to all of them, could have influenced me in making assumptions. Even though I tried not to ask leading questions, this could still have been the case. I could have assumed their emotions in certain situations or overlooked opportunities for critical elaborating questions. Another limitation could be my own personal emotional involvement. While being able to relate to a research makes you understand the study better, it can also be burdensome. The topics discussed were not always easy for me to digest and did cost a lot of emotional energy. A work of research might be just academia for some, while it is opening up wounds for others.
Additionally, I made very conscious ethical considerations. I tried to involve the participants as much as possible in this research. I really did not want to make them feel as if they were solely a source of knowledge for my research. For example, I stated that everything would be anonymized and that they could choose a pseudonym for themselves if they wanted. Some of them did, while for others I came up with names and asked them if they agreed with it. Furthermore, the life history interview also allowed me to be ethical, as the participants had the freedom to tell me anything that they felt comfortable with and leave out what they did not want to share. Furthermore, I asked their consent for all the direct quotes I used of them. Once again, I am very grateful for everything these people have shared with me. All in all, I can only hope that they had as much of a pleasant experience as I had.
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4. Rule #1: “You are always questionable”
This chapter of the analysis will dive into the experience of the participants with regards to them feeling ‘questionable’. Sara Ahmed (2016) discusses in chapter 5 of Living a feminist life what ‘being in question’ means. She states how “not to inhabit a norm (or not quite to inhabit a norm) can be experienced as not dwelling so easily where you reside” (Ahmed, 2016, p.115). Not fitting in the norm makes one feel out of place, makes it uncomfortable to reside in. This can lead to being asked questions, creating the feeling of having to justify your existence. This chapter will delve into the feeling of being questionable, how the participants have described this in varying ways, what this feeling does to them and what this means in Dutch society.
4.1. “Where do you come from?”
First I will start with the type of questions that my participants indicated they get asked. One of the main questions people of colour receive in the Netherlands is ‘where are you from?’. I have often been asked ‘where I am from’. A question that is familiar, but uncomfortable. My way of answering this question has varied from context to context. Sometimes I do not want to give them the satisfaction, so I answer ‘The Hague’. Of course, this is not the answer they were searching for, and will lead to another question. “No, but your name is…?” or “no, I mean originally”. Or I give them the answer they were looking for and say that I am Turkish. Which will still lead to more questions. “Were you born here?”. “Were you parents born here?”. “Why did they come to the Netherlands?”. “How come you speak Dutch so well then?”. A more complex situation happens when one is outside of the Netherlands and you get asked this question. Do you just say that you are Dutch? That you are Turkish? Will you give them your whole family background? Somehow, with one question, I am turned into a body that is ready to be examined. If one even has the ‘privilege’ or right to be questioned. Oftentimes assumptions have also been made about me. That there is something ‘exotic’ about me, about my family, about us coming from ‘a village in Morocco’. Which essentially boils down to not inhabiting a norm and our bodies looking out of place.
Ahmed (2000) argues that “…the stranger is some-body whom we have already recognised in the very moment in which they are ‘seen’ or ‘faced’ as a stranger…Strangers are not simply those who are not known in this dwelling, but those who are, in their proximity, already
recognised as not belonging, as being out of place” (p.21, emphasis in original). The bodies
