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Shimmering images: on transgender embodiment and cinematic aesthetics
Steinbock, E.A.
Publication date 2011
Link to publication
Citation for published version (APA):
Steinbock, E. A. (2011). Shimmering images: on transgender embodiment and cinematic aesthetics. Eigen Beheer.
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Acknowledgements
During the researching and composing of this doctoral project I was accompanied by a number of voices in my head – no, not the crazy kind --, but sometimes ones that made me a little crazy. During a doctoral writing workshop with Susan Stocker and candidates much further along than myself, I was asked to identify which voices were acting like ‘cops’ to limit what I might think and write. The exercise involved a lot of fun role playing; its importance struck me later. I needed to listen to those voices that were supportive and encouraging. I am fortunate that in the last years I heard many expressions of solidarity, interest, and inspiration. I wish to acknowledge them here.
I am extremely grateful for the good faith invested by ASCA in my discipline-police defying project. Their monetary support said a great deal to me, however, this message was also re-enforced through a training program and staff dedicated to developing professional scholars. Though the product of this dissertation may consist in words, the actions of practicing interdisciplinary research also speak volumes. Through the theory seminar, the international workshop, and by supporting my reading groups, seminar, and symposium, by hosting guest speakers, and arranging special events, ASCA’s taught me the value of research as a practice.
The first voice influencing this project-- and one that continues to resonate – is Mieke Bal’s. Her initial supervision was crucial for launching this project. I thank her for trusting in my boldness and helping to make a space for me to continue my research at ASCA. I then had the great opportunity to listen to Maaike Bleeker’s advising words as well as learn from her numerous activities about how to bring together fields, theories, and people. Co-editing the issue “Installing the Body” involved a steep learning curve on my part, but thankfully you showed confidence in my decisions. Our meetings over very large lattes to discuss various incarnations of chapters always helped me to see the big picture in my small effort. Thank you for believing that work like mine has something to say in the cacophonic field of visual studies. From the start Murat Aydemir’s timely discipline and guidance gave me ‘good cop’ voices to refer to and to keep me company. Certain refrains heard during our meetings even found their way to post-it notes on the side of my computer screen, manifestations of your daily supervision reminding me that solitary writing doesn’t have to be lonely. I’m grateful that you have seen this often unwieldy project, its chapters, and researcher through, and with what gusto and panache.
Managing director Eloe Kingma, the beating heart of ASCA, helped me to find my way through the Dutch university system and to the bottom of many celebratory wine bottles. Thank you for your kindness and generous wit. The shape-shifting collective of ASCA researchers also chimed in with welcome distractions and committed engagement to thinking beyond individual specialties. I heard so many valuable contributions in the seminars and in our offices that I cannot address them all. I will settle for singling out the voices of the earlier generation, Begum, Pieter, Carolyn, Saskia, Tarja, Itay, Bastiaan, Michael, Ihab; and my cohorts, Paulina, Cigdam, Jules, Pepita, Lucy, Esra, Jennifer, Anik, Jannah, Maryn; and the more recent friends Erin, Aylin, Hanneke, Melanie, Adam. To my officemates -- Marlene, Jules (past), Maria, Noam (present), and Noa (continuous through thick and thin) -- I can’t express
enough how much I appreciated your good humor putting up with my frantic spells of working. Noa, I have loved sharing this struggle with you. Thank you for your always
valuable pep talks and fixing of all problems. Astrid, your knowing looks from just beyond where I was gave me little boosts to keep going. My gratitude will always be extended to you for efficiently stitching the chapters together for the first time, for showing me the magic of formatting, and then for sitting with my summary and getting it across in Dutch. Though translations will never be precise, I am convinced you’ve done the next best thing: made it clear.
I also had the benefit of learning from colleagues at the Utrecht University’s Gender Studies program, first as a student of graduate courses, and later as a fellow gender scholar attending their exciting events. Thank you to Marta, Iris, Doro, Annabel, Domi as well as Gloria, Rosemarie, and Rosi for welcoming me. Tim Stüttgen and Katrien Jacobs have offered excellent support in the field of (post)porn studies. Your trailblazing has been deeply inspiring. For the transgender scholars Zowie Davy, Helen Hok-Sze Leung, Jules Rosskam, Aren Aizura, Jonathan Williams, Dean Spade, and Alexis Shotwell, I am extremely lucky to have as my contemporaries. Here in Amsterdam, I am always glad for an Erotic Salon with Marije Jansen, Jennifer Lyon Bell and whoever fabulous is in town. I also want to thank my creative comrades the Pornova crews and the film/video genius Charles Lofton. For beaming out more trans images, I appreciate the support from the film festivals MIX NYC, Hamburg LGFF, SF’s TrannyFest, Brussels’ Pink Screens, amongst others.
This dissertation would not have its premise of examining trans images were it not for the makers, whose cooperation was generous and spirited. I want to extend my
gratitude to Tobaron Waxman for sharing knowledge as well as his vision, to Buck Angel for his willingness to speak out and work hard, to Johanna Breiding for her image of Dean that appeared like a beautiful dream in the final stages, to Mirah-Soleil Ross for making thought-provoking and stylish pieces, to Annie Sprinkle for
introducing trans-eroticism to a wider public, to Hans Scheirl whose oeuvre continues to preoccupy me with its complexity, and to the brave works from Barbara
DeGenevieve, who also as a teacher has advocated for young trans/queer filmmakers. The archiving of feminist, queer and trans images is also a crucial step and at
Bildwechsel Hamburg outstanding work is being done in this respect. During research trips there, I benefited from the expertise of Christina Schafer and Chris Regn as well as the film buffs Melissa and Skadi. In Manchester, Stephen Whittle kindly opened up his treasure trove of zines, journals, and trans cultural works. Thank you too to those who invited me to share my work on trans imagery and theory: Louis Baily in Manchester, Nora Koller in Vienna, Jack Waters and Peter Kramer in New York, Marie-Hélène Bourcier in Paris, Susan Stryker in Bloomington, Jürgen Brüning in Berlin, Anke Engel in Hamburg, and Gert Hekma in Amsterdam. Those audiences too deserve a round of applause for asking instructive questions and offering brilliant comments.
The director of the Netherlands Transgender Film Festival, Kam Wai Kui, created a space not only in Amsterdam, but across many cultural locations for trans cinema and arts. His dedication is unparalleled. I was fortunate enough to work with you for three editions, to learn from your incredible professionalism, your sharp eye, and your inclusive spirit. I cannot thank you enough for trusting me with the details, for soliciting my suggestions, and for offering me a platform to program erotic works. And then, you also honor me by accepting my invitation to be a paranymph. My personal and scholarly life has been enriched also through knowing you, Lena Eckert.
You have been a role model for living in a space in which academia and social reality are not isolated, but speak forcefully for and to each other. I appreciate your fighting courage, your abundance of joy in the face of difficult, necessary change. Thank you too for honoring me by being my paranymph; I hope to make it as much fun as you did for me. My thinking is also deeply indebted to Sebastian’s articulateness on trans living and loving. Thank you for a near decade of friendship. You were always emotionally real to me; I offer you a theory that makes that realness at least a theoretical reality. To the Kentucky girls, Laura, Sarah, and Brooke: thank you for keeping it real, down home.
Along the way Laura Copier made my daily world nothing short of a delight. Your easy grin and unwavering support made the rough road to completion more like a series of mini-celebration parties. Thank you for sharing your wealth of cinema trivia, for teaching me how to look at (not just feel) film, and for offering, always, the best advice. I’m grateful that you, your parents, and sister have become my family in the Netherlands. Though farther away, my family of origin – Stuart, Stacie, Katherine, and the Steinbock clan -- has always made it known in large and small ways that they support my endeavor. I appreciate you asking about my progress even if at times I couldn’t explain what I was writing about; at least not in two sentences. I also want to acknowledge the importance of hearing from my late grandfather and my dear
grandmother that they believe in what I do. I’m proud to be the first.
This work is dedicated to my parents, Allen and Sherry Steinbock, for giving me life and enabling me to sustain it, and equally, to those who have not been able to survive heard or unheard, seen or unseen.
