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“Truly First Place”: Middle Class Parenting of children with Learning
Disabilities in Israel
Efrat Barash 11181125 efratbarash@gmail.com
Supervisor: Dr. Shifra Kisch
Second reader: Dr. A. Hiddinga
Third reader: Dr. R. van Daalen
Word count: 20539
MSc. Social and Cultural Anthropology
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Abstract
Learning disabilities diagnoses has grown exponentially in Israel in the last decade, with particularly accelerated growth in the middle class. Previous writings on the phenomena has concentrated on the role of professionals in ascribing this label within middle-class contexts and the assumed parental role, but not on the parents themselves. This thesis suggests that parenting learning disabilities in Israel becomes the arena in which parents are preforming their parenting skills as part of a specific class. Learning disabilities treatments opens a gateway to reify the values middle-class parents see as imperative. They are willing and wanting to make extreme efforts to treat their child’s disabilities, efforts that require concessions and compromises. These concessions are worn as a badge of honor, as proof of being not just a ‘good parent’, but a very good one, a middle-class parent to an excess.
Drawing on ethnographic research and in-depth interviews this thesis will highlight three key aspects of what it means to be a ‘good parent’ for children with learning disabilities in Israel, as the parents themselves perceive it: the concept of investment, the perception of future, and sibling relationships. In doing so I build on the critical analysis of the professional literature on learning disabilities, that identifies an imagined ‘ideal type’ parent. This thesis looks at the real-life manifestation of this ideal and sees what classwork parents do to overlap being a ‘good parent’ and being a parent for a child with learning disabilities.
3 Preface
Coming back to Israel, my homeland, a wave of humidity hit me with full force. As I started to talk to people (in air-conditioned places) about my field research topic, that is, parenting learning disabilities in Israel, I kept hearing: “oh, you will have no problem finding interviewees, everybody has learning disabilities now.” My partners’ mother, a former teacher turned programmer, sent word to her friends to see if they would like to speak to me and was amazed to realized that almost all her friends were parents to children with learning disabilities. My own sister spent the summer diagnosing her 14-year-old son. The general feeling was that; indeed, everyone has learning disabilities. In casual conversations people talked about learning disabilities in the same sentence as describing how their child became vegan or complaining about the traffic complications caused by the laying of the infrastructures for the light rail in the city, a process that was taking place during my stay. It was referred to as almost a trend amongst certain populations.
This was very much my assumption before coming back to Israel for my field research. It is a very commonly held perception in Israel. I have been working for a couple of years in a treatment center for learning disabilities, have seen news reports about the rising numbers of children diagnosed with learning disabilities and heard about classes with more than 50% of the pupils diagnosed with learning disabilities.
However, coming home from one of my first interviews it suddenly struck me that the people expressing the widely-held opinion that learning disabilities are a new trend in parenting were not, for the most part, parents who had children with learning disabilities. What this mother I
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just interviewed had said could not have been further from this popular opinion. She was a divorced mother with three children, two boys and a girl. The girl, the youngest, Has ADHD and dyslexia. She recently finished the 5th grade and next year will leave her public regular school and will transfer to a school that specializes in learning disabilities.
The mother was very cooperative but also frustrated, high-strung and terse. She expressed anger towards the education system, towards the girls’ teachers and towards the school. She also expressed great concern towards the girls’ future, both the near future and her adult life. She talked about the girl being bullied and shunned due to her inability to read messages in the class’s WhatsApp group and about the frustration of knowing that her daughter will probably not get as many opportunities as her brothers.
The mothers choked-up, angry words, stayed in my mind and were replicated as I talked to more parents. Fathers, mothers, even grand-parents expressed guilt, grief and heartaches when talking about their children that were diagnosed with learning disabilities.
The days became hotter and parents became more exhausted as the summer vacation endlessly wore on. I realized that this tension between a diagnosis with life altering ramifications and a common, ever expanding social phenomena with links to class and capital, is the realm in which the parents are operating and the realm that I find so fascinating.
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Acknowledgements
To Galit Basok and all the staff of ‘Merkaz Koren’ in Tel-Aviv. My years with you enabled me to write this thesis and had brought joy and purpose to my life. Your assistance in this research, as in all realms of my life, was priceless.
To Michal Izhaki. Thank you for driving all over the country with me so gracefully. Your help in this research was very valuable. I am grateful and humbled.
To all the parents who devoted time out of their busy schedules to talk to me and have opened their hearts and their lives to a stranger.
To Shifra Kisch. Thank you for your wise and sensitive guidance.
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Table of Content
Introduction…..……….………..……….7-19 a. The rise of Learning Disabilities in Israel: A Brief Overview..……….…....…………7-11 b. Setting and Population……….………..…12-14 c. ‘Good Parent’: Theoretical Background on Middle Class Conceptions of
Parenting……….…….15-19 Chapter one: Investment ……….………..20-35
a. A Ton of Money: Investment, Material Capital and Good Parenting ……….………..20-24 b. Never Enough Time: Time and Energy as Investment ……….………24-27 c. Friends as Investment: Social Capital ……….………….………27-31 d. Guilt and Blame in the Afternoon Hours: A Good Enough Parent?...31-34 e. Conclusion: Investment……….…….34-35 Chapter two: Designing the Future ……….…….……..36-54 a. In the Future: Growing Up, Learning Disabilities, and Parenting……….….36-40 b. Power Dynamics in School: Future-plans and Parents’ Involvement……….40-45 c. Future Side Effects: The Debate on Ritalin……….……….……….46-50 d. But is There Actually a Future? The Crisis of the Middle Class………51-52 e. Conclusion: Future……….………..……….52-54 Chapter three: Siblings………..………55-66 a. Not Comparing: Parents to More than One……….…………..….55-62 b. Fading into the background: Brothers, Sisters, and Guilt……….….62-65 c. Conclusion: Siblings………65-66 Conclusion: Learning Disabilities as an Opportunity………..……….67-70 Bibliography………..………71-74
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The Rise of Learning Disabilities in Israel: A Brief Overview
Learning disabilities is a very popular diagnosis in Israel. Although statistics may be elusive, most talk about 20% of the population in Israel being diagnosed with learning disabilities. This is a much higher number than the average in The USA and the EU that ranges between 5% and 10%. The numbers grow higher when looking at students who have not been fully diagnosed with a specific kind of learning disability but have been acknowledged as needing assistance in school such as extended time in tests or ignoring spelling mistakes when grading. In 2011, 34.8% out of the students who have taken the matriculation test fell under this category. When looking further into the statistics, the results show a strong link between affluence and learning disabilities; while cluster 1-2 (the lowest) had 25% that got such assistance, the numbers grew to 35%-40 in % clusters 5-8. )Kashti and Scoop, CBS, 2014).
As these statistics indicates, the cost of treating learning disabilities is high. Diagnosis, at least by a recognized professional is often done privately. There is a possibility of going through the public health care system but it could take up to 6 months to get an appointment. Diagnosis, though, is only the first stage in a long, sometimes life -long, process.
The process, for the most part, goes as follows: Usually, a teacher or a suspecting parent will recommend getting diagnosed. Teachers can strongly advise a parent, but they do not have the authority to force a diagnosis. There are three types of possible diagnosis: a psychological, a didactic, and a psycho-didactic diagnosis. The psychological is done by a certified child psychologist and puts more emphasis on the child’s general well-being, neurosis and mental state. The didactic one is done by a ‘didactic diagnostician’ and focuses on school-related skills,
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such as language skills and math. This profession is a unique profession to Israel. It is a professional that diagnoses learning disabilities specifically.
The last possible diagnosis is the integrative one and the only one that has an IQ assessment as part of the results. This can be performed either by a psychologist or a diagnostician but only the ones who have been specifically qualified for this diagnosis and can give an authorized IQ result. The results always have a recommendation section in which the professional specifies the help he/she thinks is needed. Schools are formally obligated to accept the recommendations but the regulations are vague and leave wide room for interpretation. This diagnosis is valid until the 7th grade and from the 7th grade onwards. For example, a diagnosis that was made in the 5th grade needs to be revisited in the 7th.
This process takes place when there are suspicions for dyslexia or similar learning disabilities. If the assumption is ADHD, the process is a little different. The diagnosis is usually conducted via the public health system, and since it is a shorter, computerized test, the wait for an appointment is not as long. After that, if the test shows that there are indeed concentration or attention problems, the results will be taken to a doctor and he will prescribe the medical treatment. Any visiting doctor can do that and only if there are complications or side effects the family will be referred to a specialist. Most of these medications have been covered by the public health insurance. However, it is not full coverage and some kinds, especially the less generic ones, are significantly more expensive. A regular box of Ritalin will cost between 15 – 125 NIS (the Israeli currency) a month, depending on the dosage and on the type of insurance. The other, non-covered medications, can go up to 650 NIS a month.
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The next steps, depending on the diagnosis and the parents’ ambition, may be one kind or a battery of treatments. It may be comprised of private tutoring, usually done by a learning disabilities expert, child psychologists, medications, social skills development workshops, and the list can go on. Most of these treatments are private.
Part of the treatment, however, is at least formally provided by the Israeli educational system. As mentioned, the school should accept the recommendations in the diagnosis which can vary from extra time in tests, oral exams, a permission to use a calculator or a computer with a dictionary, to sometimes even a designated teacher assigned to the diagnosed child, facilitating the goings on in class. All schools have a consultant that should have regular meetings with the diagnosed child and his parents and all high schools should have an in-house learning disabilities expert.
If the school still feels that a specific student is not able to perform in a regular class and needs to be transferred to a special education class they can summon a committee comprised of the teachers, the school principal, a child psychologist and the parents and discuss the matter, the parents are entitled to bring a specialist on their behalf and appeal. (The ministry of education website, 2016).
The education system in Israel is formally public but there are semi-private schools that must be funded by the government for at least 75% percent of their budget. The semi-private schools are the ones who have some sort of specialty. These schools could be art or science schools or they might be committed to a certain educational ideology. Anthroposophy based schools or democratic school where the children have more autonomy, are such examples and are
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private. That means the parents pay more tuition (how much more varies tremendously). Therefore, these schools are flourishing in more affluent cities and neighborhoods and are considered a haven for children with learning disabilities as they offer more ways to bring to the forefront other talents such as artistic sensibilities or leadership skills. Usually, the tuition at these schools start at about a 1000 a month and can climb up significantly. The average salary in Israel in 2015 was 9600 (the general bureau of statistics, 2016), so this could mean more than one tenth of an average salary on tuition.
Learning disabilities diagnosis plays a part in the next stages after graduating high school as well. The Israeli army, where service is mandatory, requests to bring the diagnosis to the first interview, a meeting in which the young persons’ physical and cognitive skills are examined. A specific version of an IQ test is taking place at that meeting. There is an adapted test for learning disabilities with extra time and sometimes an oral section instead of a written one. This test determines, at least to some extent, the possibilities of the persons’ army service. There are also adapted test at the universities and most institutions have an ADHD specialist that can diagnose and a learning disabilities committee deciding whether a person is eligible for extra time or oral exams.
The relationship between learning disabilities and class in Israel is clear when looking at the data presented above. Most children diagnosed with learning disabilities come from higher socio-economic background, and that has many different implications, both in terms of available means and in terms of values, values that are embedded in the availability of means and class disposition.
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There have been critical analyses of the inflation of the use of “Learning Disabilities” as a label in Israel and its associations with a specific class. Katchergin established the association between class and learning disabilities in Israel and discussed the cultural, political, and economic context that influenced the field. Professional discourses in the learning disabilities field have portrayed an image of an ‘imaginary parent’ for a child with learning disabilities: an ideal, normative type that was identified automatically with an educated, cooperative parent, a parent of a specific class. This imaginary parent the professional literature painted was a funder, a manager, and an enabler of the learning disabilities treatment. (Katchergin, 2013, 2014).
However, while Katchergin did analyze the professional writings and the dominant discourse of learning disabilities experts he did not concentrate on the parents themselves. I will flip the mirror and see who are the ‘imaginary parents’ in the flesh and how do they see their role in the context of learning disabilities in Israel. In this thesis, I ask how do middle-class parents of children who have been diagnosed with Dyslexia and ADD/ADHD contribute to the formation of “Learning Disabilities” as a classed social construct in Israel?
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Setting and Population1
The parents I interviewed were mostly from the suburbs of Tel-Aviv, namely Giv’atayim and Ramat-Gan, but also from Aviv itself and other residential areas in the region between Tel-Aviv and Jerusalem. These two cities, where most of my interviewees reside, are predominantly populated by Jewish middle-class. Giv’atayim and Ramat-Gan are notoriously not very rich, far from poor, mostly homogenous places. Giv’atayim is a little more affluent than Ramat-Gan, which is more heterogenous. In socio-economic rankings, Giv’atayim is ranked 9 out of 10 and Ramat-Gan is ranked 7 out of 10.
These cities are also ranked very high in education rankings. In 2013, Giv’atayim ranked first in a general education survey conducted in Israel. Ramat-Gan reached second place in 2014 in monetary expanse per student. This is an important draw for middle-class parents. Furthermore,
1 All statistical data is this section is taken from:
Trabelsi-Hadad, Tamar, Educational Gaps. Yediot Ahronot 27.01.2015. The General Bureau of Statistics (2013) Ramat-Gan. Local Authorities in Israel, Publication no. 1609. http://www.cbs.gov.il/publications12/local_authorities10/pdf/177_6300.pdf. Retrieved 13.05.2016.
The General Bureau of Statistics (2010) Giva’atayim. Local Authorities in Israel, Publication no. 1498. http://www.cbs.gov.il/publications12/local_authorities10/pdf/177_6300.pdf. Retrieved 13.05.2016.
The General Bureau of Statistics (2013) Ramat-Gan. Local Authorities in Israel, Publication no. 1609. http://www.cbs.gov.il/publications12/local_authorities10/pdf/177_6300.pdf. Retrieved 13.05.2016.
Koren-Dekel, Adi. Forbes Ranking: Best Cities in Israel – Where to live? Forbes 07.01.2013.
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in the more specific field of learning disabilities, the center of Israel is where most clinics and treatment facilities are located.
Access was another reason for choosing these areas. I have worked in a treatment center for learning disabilities located in Tel-Aviv for a few years. Many parents from my chosen cities bring their children there. I have used this previous experience and acquaintance when interacting with parents, bearing in mind that they probably saw me as part of the ‘professional’ milieu, with the pluses and minuses that come with that association.
How to define middle-class? The aspects I will concentrate on in defining my population are the economic aspects I have already briefly discussed, with their cultural and social implications. But, there are some political aspects that affect the structure of what is ‘good parenting’ in Israel, in regards to the Jewish middle-class. The paramount aspect for these parents is the mandatory army service at 18, preferably to the more highly acclaimed combat unites or elitist intelligence unites. For that, good grades and good credentials are needed. I found out that most parents do think about this next step in their child’s life and are concerned with the challenges it brings.
The social and cultural implications of being middle-class parents in Israel are of course varied, but it means a few common things. Usually, it means that both parents are working a full-time job. They will usually have more than one child, 2-3 children or more.
These parents tend to send their children to many after school activities. At least a couple of days a week, children are sent to pre-constructed, designated activities. This is relevant because the treatment for disabilities is considered part of these activities, a fact that contributes to its acceptance process in Israel. Organization and coordination of these activities are a great concern
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for the parents who, in the case of a couple, divide the tasks of bringing the children to the activities. They are also assisted many times by grandparents or by paid help such as babysitters or nannies as well as big brothers or sisters, neighbors and whoever is available for that day.
I have mostly done in-depth interviews but also participant observation, especially in the clinic’s waiting rooms, and attended family affairs. I conducted 32 interviews, most of them individual but in some a big sister or the diagnosed child himself participated. In addition, Ihave followed on-line forums about learning disabilities, seeing how parents present themselves on-line. I logged in to the forums every 3 days throughout my stay and saved the posts that looked relevant.
I relied mostly on what the parents told me and did not interview professionals in the field, concentrating on self-narration, on the way people present themselves. What they do may be completely different. But, I do believe the way they describe themselves “not only present the subjective definition of a situation, as accounted for by the tellers, but also highlight the social” (Goodley, 1996, page 336). I wanted to see how they tell themselves to themselves and to others, how they design themselves and their role in the rise and rise of learning disabilities in Israel.
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‘Good Parent’: Theoretical Background on Middle Class Conceptions of Parenting
What does the term ‘good parent’ mean? Given that it is a relational term that has many different definitions, what does being a good class parent, more specifically a good Israeli middle-class one, mean? In this section, I review some theoretical writings about middle middle-class parenting, and consider how and to what extent they apply in the Israeli context of parenting children with learning disabilities.
Middle-class parents talk about themselves as invested and involved parents. ‘involved parenting’ is defined as “a cultural norm prescribing that parents are to be responsible for their children, spend as much time as possible with them and try to develop a close relationship with them” (Widding, 2015, page 47). Middle-class parents see their involvement as an obligation to their children, but also to their class, a class that shapes their involvement in a specific form.
This form is that of ‘concerted cultivation’, the idea that a parent should cultivate his child to be an accomplished adult. It is fostering the child’s talents, mostly by organize activities, that design the habitus of the child as a part of his class. (Lareau, 2003). In the following chapters I will show how learning disabilities treatment in Israel have become part of this cultivation. The time, money, and energy parents put into enabling learning disabilities treatments positions them as extra-cultivating, at the heart of middle class values of parenting. Such cultivating, enriching activities are considered a must for a middle-class parent, an “indicator of good parenting” (Vincent and Ball, 2007).
Enriching and cultivating requires time, and time is an absent resource for middle-class parents. Thus, the term “quality time” has taken root, indicating to many busy parents that what matters
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is not just how much time a parent spends with his children, but also what is the quality of the time being spent. “quality time has become part of our cultural discourse concerning what it means to be a ‘good parent’. (Snyder, 2007) the wide spread adoption of the term means to parents not just a relief from spending as much time as possible with their children, but also an added worry regarding the quality of the time they spend together.
The limited time Middle-class parents have is a result of their participation in the labor market, as most middle-class parents have full-time jobs (Horvet-McNamra et al, 2003). Therefore, they navigate between multiple, sometimes self-contradicting sets of values (Snyder, 2007). On the one hand, dedication to a career and on the other, a desire to be an involved parent. They manage their family lives after long hours of work in a fashion that is organized, structured and filled with activities, enough to resemble a work day.
But that is an effort deeply embedded in the values middle-class parents attribute to being a ‘good parent’, which is to prepare a child for a middle-class position in the future. The responsibility parents take over their children’s future is part of middle-class values of parenting. At the same time, it indicates to a fear from the future, a future in which the middle-class is dwindling. The constant fear of instability has become a norm for middle-class parents (Narotzky and Besnier, 2014) that leads to a sense of urgency in the present when thinking about their children’s future (Kremer-Sadlik, 2015).
In chapter 2 I will suggest that the future becomes shakier with the diagnosis of learning disabilities, heightening the threat of the future for middle-class parents, and creating an even more pressing need to cultivate and invest more, to excess on what is considered necessary.
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Such a responsibility of a parent, that is perceived as an all-encompassing, enriching project, stretching from the present to the future, always comes with the other side of the coin: a constant feeling of guilt. Guilt is a part of any parenting, but in the middle-class style of parenting it takes the form of failing by your own set of values: not investing enough, not having enough time, not being able to pay enough attention to all your children (Widding, 2015).
The ideals parents set for themselves are: having time and means to enrich their children or to strengthen their children by paying for professional help, having an ability to pay attention to the well-being of their children and having enough social, cultural, and material capital to give all of that to all their children. In short, being great parents to great children which in turn will be great adults and great parents themselves. This is a mission verging on impossible.
Hence, having children with learning disabilities presents both a challenge and an option for these over-achieving, eternally guilty, parents. On the one hand, treating learning disabilities as most of these parents see fit requires more time, money and different forms of capital. But, on the other hand, making such an effort, and making this effort very apparent, is declaring yourself very loudly a ‘good parent’.
The concept of guilt is especially prevalent when addressing the family dynamics and the relationship between all the siblings. An important value for middle-class parents is to cultivate all their children equally. Concepts of equity and favoritism are juxtaposed (Suitor et al, 2009, Meunier et al, 2012, Hertwig et al, 2002) when parents struggle to align the value of equity with a reality that makes this value unfeasible. Examining the family dynamics raises the middle-class
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trait of constant compromise. Being in the middle means to aspire higher while being scared to fall down the ladder. Managing the family as a unit brings this tense conduct to the fore. These conceptions have a few specific variations in the Israeli context. Parenting has a very central role in being an Israeli and in being an Israeli middle-class. Households with children are 81% of the overall households in Israel. As opposed to a decline in fertility in the western world, in Israel there have been an increase in the average of children2.The popular discourse in Israel tends to treat parenting in Israel as a very “child-centered”: one where the child always comes first.
Another trait considered typical to Israeli parenting, is the high percentage of involvement and help parents get from their own parents, that is, the grandparents. The grandparent’s involvement, participation, and the close connection between the grandparents, the parents, and the grandchildren is considered Israeli specific, at least to the degree it occurs. 3
Being a good parent means being a good middle classer. “processes of imagining yourself as having the characteristics of this category make an emotional commitment to the category membership” (Widding, page 50). Talking about one’s parenting is an essential part of the classwork. It is a reification and a creation of what it means to be a ‘good parent’.
Israeli middle-class parents are enacting the values mentioned in this section through their parenting of children with learning disabilities. It becomes a prism through which the parents
2From 2.8 in 1995 to 3 in 2013, Central bureau of statistics data for the family day in 2015.
3 In a survey that was published in 2011 Almost 70% of young middle-class parents say they are assisted by their own parents with taking care of the young children (Shilo, 2011).
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strengthen their position in a certain class. The values attributed to the middle-class are taken to an extreme, and are being over-performed in ways which will be discussed in the next chapters.
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Chapter one: Investment
If there is one thing almost all the parents I met mentioned, it is how much time, money and energy they put into their parenting overall and improving the diagnosed child situation in particular. Whether it is fighting against the institutions, convincing teachers and doctors this child has learning disabilities and therefore deserves special treatment, or whether it is going through a series of treatments, medications and private tutoring. The modus operandi was that parenting is a task that requires involvement far more reaching them providing for the child’s basic needs and a will and ability to provide for those ‘additional’ needs. In this chapter, I will see what comprises the term ‘investment’, as the parents perceive it.
A Ton of Money: Investment, Material Capital and Good Parenting
“...It costs a ton of money...”
As I mentioned in the introduction, treatments for learning disabilities are not cheap. Throughout my field research, many parents have been surprisingly open about the amount of money they spend on learning disabilities treatment. Bringing their voices, I will consider the meaning of spending so much money, and candidly talking about it in parenting learning disabilities. I will see how it becomes a tool for validating a position as ‘good parents’ in middle-class terms.
All the parents I talked to mentioned the economic cost of parenting a child with learning disabilities. Some were allusive and said diplomatic things such as “I’m glad I have the means” but some were very detailed in their monetary account. I will bring here two examples of parents who talked in numbers and narrated the economical meaning of being parents for children with learning disabilities.
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The first example is of a mother who I have known for a couple of years. I met her and her son while working in a treatment center for learning disabilities. When I started working there, her son has already been treated for a couple of months. She is a principal nurse at the delivery room in a hospital in Tel-Aviv and a breast-feeding consultant. Her husband is a high-tech worker. They live in Kiryat-Ono, which is the most affluent part of Ramat-Gan. They have 4 kids, two of which have been diagnosed with learning disabilities. One of these two, a girl of 12 at the time the interview took place, has a hearing impairment as well and is using a hearing aid. The youngest brother had slight developmental difficulties as a toddler, as I found out during the interview, but is now considered to be developing normally. I am bringing here an expert of what she said regarding the cost of treatment:
“emmm and the funding is crazy… I… there were years on Dan (*one of her sons) that I reached 5000 NIS (the Israeli currency) a month because it doesn’t end here it’s also support in math in the afternoon and it’s another day where this guy comes and he works with him a little on English you know so there won’t be a decrease and it’s not just him, it’s him and it’s Raz (the sister) and I have another son that is also but a little different so the accumulative sum was something like 8000 NIS for 3 kids. We calculated that not so long ago
so, we kind of stand… I mean I don’t speak about… if we had the public health services so it was less but it’s been 3 years already so we’re on 8000 a month for help “
The tone of this interview was optimistic. She felt that all her children are improving, feeling better in school and in general, and that while the sum of money is “crazy” she says later in the
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interview that the “really intensive work proves itself”. She feels the money she invested is bringing results and that her decision to spend the money that way is a beneficial investment.
Nevertheless, even in cases where the money invested did not necessarily bring results, there was no question that as a parent, one should at least try. The next example is of a mother who I knew before but had less of a long-term relationship with. She used to come to the center but left after a short period because her son did not like it and refused to come. When I came for my fieldwork I have discovered they were back for a second try. This family could be considered high middle-class. They own a successful chain of stores selling antique furniture. They are not religious but the sisters which often came with the mom attended a religious school. There were 5 brothers and sisters and the boy diagnosed with learning disabilities, 10 years old at the time, is the oldest. This is what she had to say regarding the cost of treatment:
Mom: it’s a very high economic investment. Very very high! and you know... so far, we don’t see so much improvement
it’s such an economic investment. Here, just now, I did the math in my head and I talked to him in the car … because it has taken him 15 minutes to organize
Me: ok
Mom: 15 minutes means we’re 10 minutes late here and it costs so much money. I told him this and this and this and I told him: “listen, it costs us 3000 NIS a month!”
This mom has expressed frustration and anger towards the fact that her son does not show enough improvement. She says that “The goal is that it would be easier”. The “easier” can mean
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many things: her son’s performance in school, his happiness, or a hope that the costs of improving all that will ease up soon. But, before she reaches that point, the point where things are easier, it is clear to her that she will need to spend a lot of money. Nevertheless, it seemed to both mothers that an investment in a professional treatment is a worth-while investment: “the buying-in of expertise through activities is one of the more obvious ways in which cultural capital is linked to economic capital” (Vincent and Ball, 2007).
And although there is an economic capital, it is not unlimited. Both moms were not indifferent to the amount of money they spend of treating learning disabilities. On the contrary, they regarded it as “crazy”, a term that expresses their bafflement from the total sum. Many parents have described to me how those expanses are taking a toll on them and their spouses and changing the priorities of the family. The fact that they do not treat it lightly may be a validation of their belonging to a middle class and not to higher classes. On the one hand, they can spend large amounts of money and on the other, it is a concession, and a big one.
This also cements a perception that may be a typical middle-class perception of parenting, at least in terms of material capital: children cost a lot of money and to spend money on the children’ education and that allusive ‘improvement’ parents refer to is not only a legitimate expense but an estimable one. The parents specified the exact amount they spend on their children to stress that they are doing the right thing, which is paying large amounts of money to assist your child in areas where he is not as strong. The sacrifice, that is, the fact that it is not an easy choice or an expanse they cannot ignore, makes them even better parents and sheds a positive light on them. It is an over-performance of the value of spending money on children’ education. While they expressed resentment towards how much private tutoring or other
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extracurricular ‘improving’ activities cost, the ability to allow that for their children is a validation of their middle-class belonging. The fact that this is an expense they need to give up other things for presents them as mothers and fathers who will put their children well-being and treatment always first, even, and maybe even more, if paying for it is a serious matter.
Another interesting aspect, worth noting, is that the children, at least in these two examples, are very aware of these expanses. In one interview the son was in the room and in the other, the mom describes herself telling her son how much a delay of 10 minutes will cost. The idea that on the one hand a good parent spends money on a learning disabilities treatment center and on the other hand that this is indeed a painful expanse is being enacted and projected to the children. Talking about this specific aspect of what good parenting is becomes a message that is not just targeted at peers but also at the children themselves.
Never Enough Time: Time and Energy as Investment
“… I sit in waiting rooms a great chunk of my life … “
this quote is taken from the interview with the mom of four I have mentioned before. But, she certainly was not the only parent that talked about how time-consuming the treatments are and how much stress it puts on their already very busy schedule. Even parents who were reluctant to share with me the details of their expanses account, were more than willing to recount how much time and mental resources they put into it, and time is not a resource they have plenty of. “Parents often complain that they have too much to do and not enough time to do it. Juggling longer working hours, increased scheduling of children’s activities, and greater pressure to be involved in all aspects of children’s lives not only render parents exhausted at the end of the day
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but also leave them uncertain about their ability to do a good job on all fronts”. (Ochs and Kramer-Sadlik, 2013, page 217).
The importance of the term ‘quality time’, that was discussed as one of middle-class parenting values, rises to the surface in this context. ‘Quality time’ is perceived as a time a parent or parents spend/spends alone with his child or children and waiting in a waiting room for your child to finish his/hers learning disabilities treatment is not the common image of a quality time. Parents see the time they spend on learning disabilities as a worthwhile investment but are also painfully aware of the fact that this is not on top of, but instead of, spending time with their children in other ways.
As I was searching through my interviews for the word time, it came up in each of them. Almost all the parents I have interviewed are working parents. The example I will use here is of an interview with a parent to one of the most ‘severe’ cases I have encountered in this fieldwork. This mom is currently living in Tel-Aviv, married and a mother of three. Her youngest son has dyspraxia and dyslexia. Dyspraxia is a coordination disorder that affects motoric skills in varying degrees. In this case, one of the most apparent manifestations was his difficulties in speaking and producing a coherent, clear sound. He started talking at 5 years old after an extensive treatment with a speech therapist. After that, he spoke for a while only at home with his family and did not speak outside at all. He goes to a school in Giva’atayim that specializes in learning disabilities and has private tutors in almost every subject. In this excerpt the mom explains the changes in her life because of the diagnosis:
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“First, I quit my job because I worked at a… I was a senior accountant and it took a lot of hours, it was a position that took many hours and I knew it’s the job or Ron (her son), it’s not that I, you know, there were fazes where he had a nanny that took him everywhere but as long as I’m not there to hear what that specific therapist has to say and to take it and to continue at home… no… it’s not, nobody can do it instead of the parents so that’s what I did personally but it’s a concession and it’s not a concession because for me Ron is kind of my project … you know… “
This quote conveys the idea that, first, there is no substitute for the presence of a parent. Even if you can afford help, and clearly this mom can, it is just not good enough. This approach, that a parent should know and be involved in the treatment and therefore must be willing to invest time is one that was deeply rooted in other interviews as well and in theoretical writings about middle-class parenting. The time invested in the child and in taking him to all his therapy plus working with him at home is presented here as an inevitable choice that a ‘good parent’ must take: ‘nobody can do it so I did’. This moms’ willingness to be so invested in her Childs’ treatment journey is the only plausible way to go as a mom for her.
Furthermore, this mom left her job to be more invested in that journey. In that, she is exceptional. Besides her, all my interviewees had a full-time job. This choice has of course economic implications and probably says something about this family’s socio-economic situation, but it is also a possibility that is presented as a choice between being a ‘good mom’ and between her job and not as an option that would allow her, let’s say, to have more time for herself or to do other things. The child’s well-being is presented here as almost the only legitimate reason to quit a job.
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This mom is referring to the time she is now dedicating to her son through a term directly taken from a work environment jargon: “my project”. The perception of her sons’ upbringing as a project suggests that she has transferred the skills she had in her previous job that got her to a senior position into her parenting. In that sense, she is right - it is not a concession because she is still working, working on her son. Using this specific term, she can hold the stick from both ends: she is making tremendous efforts as a mom but also using her business skills to do so.
This is an example of class-work, suggesting that a middle class stay at home mom is not staying at home due to some personal limitations. On the contrary, she had a thriving career but as a dedicated mother she decided to invest her already proven skills in her son. She is there at home because she is an extremely good, knowledgeable, and involved mother who is currently working on her most important project - her son.
Friends as Investment: Social Capital
When looking for people to interview, one person led to another. Thus, sometimes I interviewed groups of friends who share the same social circle. One day I had two interviews. The two families were neighbors, living in a small town between Tel-Aviv and Jerusalem. I met them both at the house of one of them. As the other one came in it was very clear they had a long-standing relationship. She knew the hostess children and was friendly with her husband. I interviewed first the hostess: a pedagogic consultant at a high school nearby who has a son with ADHD. Afterwards, I interviewed her neighbor. While recounting the story of her three children who all have been diagnosed with learning disabilities, she mentioned that at one point, the committee that went over her daughter’s request for assistance at school declined the request. They have
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consulted the hostess, as she is a pedagogic consultant, and she agreed to go over the file. After she did, they appealed and the request was approved.
Both women told me to approach another friend of theirs. I did and about two weeks later interviewed her as well. She also mentioned the hostess name as someone who helped her transfer her daughter to another school after her daughter have been bullied by her classmates. She helped her with filling the forms of transference and the daughter is now at a different school.
Throughout my time in Israel, I have also been following my own sisters’ journey to diagnose her son. She took him to a clinic where he was diagnosed and was very unhappy with the results. My sister enlisted a high school friend of hers, now a well-known child psychiatrist, to go over the diagnosis and declare it insufficient. Once that was established, the waiting time for another diagnosis has shortened significantly since it is not a second opinion but a first one.
These are examples of the use of social capital. That is, the use of a social network as a resource that proves itself beneficial. The parents who talked to me were proud and grateful to have friends who can assist and spoke very highly of them. To have such friends is to have capital that links these parents in a strong knot of class and values.
In all this cases, the person who could help was a professional of sorts, working within the system, whether the educational or the medical. What these connections have enabled the parents to do is to find shortcuts or easier ways to solve their problems. They had an allay within the system. That may affect the level of cooperation with these systems, a cooperation that will be discussed
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in chapter two, but also strengthens the feeling of ‘good parenting’. To be a good parent is to have the right friends and to be in possession of “social capital”.
What is “social capital” exactly? I will use two different definitions as each of them sheds light on different aspects of the term, aspects that apply to the way Israeli middle-class parents see and use social capital. James Coleman defines social capital as the social relationships which come into existence when individuals attempt to make the best use of their social resources. Social capital, to him, is the value that specific aspects of the social structure carry as they are used to realize the actors’ interests. To this capital, obligation and trustworthiness between the actors are key factors. Social capital is based on a mutually profitable exchange, creating a kind of insurance policy. (Coleman, 1990) This definition explains the process of my sister calling her longtime friend or on asking help from your neighbors as described in the examples above.
This option is made possible, as Coleman points out, because of an implicit insurance policy, that the psychologist may need my sister or that the consultant will need her neighbors at a different situation in their social lives. Coleman also points out a very relevant feature of social capital to this specific case: it is a by-product. A parent won’t usually befriend another, deviously planning to use him when his child will need help. That seemingly unintentional trait of social capital is what makes it effective, it is something that one does not think about, until the need arises, and then may or may not possess it.
The possibility of not possessing social capital is not an option Coleman considers, which brings me to the second definition of social capital, that of Pierre Bourdieu. Bourdieu emphasizes the fact that social capital is power and maintaining it, or the struggle to maintain it, creates a specific
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structure of power relations where some possess more of than others. The existence of such a network is not a natural given. It is constantly enacted with endless effort, reaffirming by that, time and time again, the limits of the group in possession of a social capital. (Bourdieu, 1986). Bourdieu’s definition adds a crucial aspect in my case, that social capital is enacted constantly and defines the social group.
Thus, if learning disabilities is a definition adopted by those in possession of social capital, how are they constantly drawing the lines around the certain class they are part of, or aspire to be associated with, using the label of “Learning Disabilities”? How do they become “good parents” by possessing and enacting their social capital?
It is not only that the parents evaluate their parenting skills in terms of involvement and investment, their friends are involved too. The disability, or more specifically the parenting for disabilities tasks, is now a joint effort and therefore, the social capital is part of what is considered ‘good parenting’. You know who to turn to and you can do so.
A mirrors’ image of the strength of social capital was presented to me through my only interview that was not conducted in Hebrew. The mother is a single mom who came from Russia. She did not speak Hebrew and so we had to use a translator. She told us that she had no idea that there were such things as centers for child development (these are designated clinics with pediatrics, child psychologists, nutrition advisors etc.) until another Russian speaking mom met her incidentally at school and told her. She does not know this mom and her son does not study in the same class as the other mother’s son. They had a chance meeting. The feeling of not knowing
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who to turn to and of getting information only by chance stood in stark contrast to the assurance in which the more well settled middle class parents turned to their friends.
Guilt and Blame in the Afternoon Hours: A Good Enough Parent?
One of the common threads between all the parents I interviewed was the feeling that they are not doing enough as far as treating learning disabilities. This common thread may seem self-contradictory to the parents presenting themselves as “good”, invested parents who do the absolute best for their children, but it is a self-contradiction deeply embedded in middle-class parenting values and way of life.
Many of them have expressed wishes to spend more time with their children, or wished they had more money that would allow them to stay at home more. This was very apparent in the on-line forums. Sign-offs like “Thank you. Frustrated parents to a frustrated kid” or sentences such as “I feel like everyone is blaming us the parents” (Tapuz forums, retrieved 24.6.2016) were very common amongst other expressions of guilt, anger, and self-blame. Although in general the on-line forums tended to be more prone to hyperbolic phrasings than the parents I met in person, the emotion these parents allowed themselves to convey on-line was one that the parents I met expressed too.
Parents feel like that do not have enough skills or tools to handle the diagnosis in what they perceive as the best possible way. Hence, many of them seek professional help for themselves and not just for their children. The starkest example of this was brought up in an interview I conducted with a father of 3. He was someone I have seen at the clinic’s waiting room but have not had the chance to talk to until then. His son was an opinionate, vocal child that told me and
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my colleagues many times about his nightmares or about encounters he had with UFO’s or ghosts. His father usually brought him to the clinic. They came on the late hours, around 6:00 PM. Usually, this was the time of day where parents were less cooperative and were taking a nap or answering work related e-mails in the waiting room. Still, this father was very obliging and was happy to talk.
He told me how, when his son was in second grade, they (his wife and himself) saw that despite all the speech therapists, private tutoring and psychological help they got for their child, something, as he said, “did not work”. Performance at school did not appear to be any better, neither in terms of grades nor in terms of general well-being. On the contrary, he had temper tantrums and bursts of crying and at one point refused to go to school all together.
At that point, which the father described as a “dark time” where “he saw the abyss” as a parent, his wife and he decided to “stop and re-group”. The result of this readjustment was changing the whole staff of professionals. They changed a psychologist, a psychiatrist, hired a different speech therapist and a different private tutor. In addition, the parents started to go to a family therapist themselves, without the child. At the beginning, they went three times a week and gradually came down to once every two weeks. He was very satisfied with the results of these decisions and advised parents to do so if they can afford it.
To me, this is an example of the double-edged approach to parenting learning disabilities as seen by the parents. This father felt that although seemingly doing all the right things, it was not enough. Consequently, he looked for extra help for himself from a professional. His actions are mirroring the path he is designing for his son: if you feel something is not going exactly right, go
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see a professional. One can change them or try a few before settling on one but there is no doubt in his mind that asking for external help, for him or for his son, is the right thing to do.
This is a perception that can lead to normalizing learning disabilities. Everybody needs help in something, everyone has a therapist of sorts. Going to a treatment clinic for learning disabilities is no different than any other treatment. It also ties in with that commonly held opinion I had previously discussed that everyone has learning disabilities.
There is a great emphasis on ‘enrichment’ activities for middle class parents as a part of the perception of what a ‘good’ parent should do: “the child here is understood as a project – soft, malleable and able to be developed and improved, with the ‘good’ parent presenting a myriad of opportunities and support for the child to have a range of learning experiences” (Vincent and Ball, 2007, page 1065). These activities are classed since they are both expensive and align with perceptions of parenting that the middle-class parents hold. This is a way of augmenting middle class privilege. The combination of money that buys cultural capital reinforces the class position.
The specific content of the activities is less important than the fact that these activities are ‘stretching’ and ‘developing’ the child. In such a case, the treatment for the disabilities can be considered as such and be perceived more as a class indicator then a treatment for a disability and therefore be devoid of the stigmatizing aspects. Of course, this is not to say that there is no stigma, but if these activities are considered like ballet or French lessons or like the therapist that mommy or daddy have, it might help in explaining the embracing of the label of ‘learning disabilities’ by middle class parents in Israel. This will be discussed more in the third chapter,
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where I examine the relationships between siblings and the similarities and differences in their afternoon activities.
In addition to normalizing learning disabilities, this fathers’ story demonstrates a dominant discourse that represents parents as “insecure and in need of expertise to improve themselves to be considered capable and trustworthy” (Widding, 2015, page 45). What makes a parent a good parent is not just whether he feels he is making the right decisions for his child on his own, but whether he can seek help at the right moment and then how well can he implement that. In other words, how his/her investment in himself is proving to be a lucrative investment for his children.
To conclude the relationships between guilt, middle-class parenting, and investment, I argue that expressing guilt about not doing enough in regards to treating learning disabilities is class related. Namely, feeling guilty is the middle-class way. Even this father, testifying himself that he is willing to do quite a bit, said he would like to have more time and money to invest in his children overall and especially in the learning disabilities treatment. This is guilt manifested as part of middle-class experience: having a clear vision of what should be done but to not necessarily have enough resources to make it a reality.
Conclusion: Investment
“Concerted cultivation” is the organized, structured fashion in which middle class parents organize their children’s’ time to stimulate their children development and foster their cognitive and social skills. The concerted cultivation efforts control not just the children’s’ leisure time but also the adults’. (Lareau, 2003)
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Treatment for learning disabilities can be seen in this context as a culmination of concerted cultivation. This is an organized activity that takes place mostly in the afternoon and affects the parents’ and the children’s leisure time. For most parents I have talked to, this is an unquestionably necessary activity that will affect the rest of the son or daughters’ life. While there are many ways of treatment a parent could choose from, all of them require involvement, time and a concept of prioritizing the development of such skills over free time. Parents are aware of the affects and are quick to note how tired they are and how exhausted the child is but these exhaustion is also worn as a badge of honor for being true to the values and ideas of what an investment in a child is.
To conclude, the idea of investment is central in these parent’s perception of ‘good parenting’ and the learning disabilities diagnosis sharpens that. In terms of purely economic calculations, this investment may seem excessive, but it is exactly this excess that defines the parents, at least in their own eyes, as who they want to be: parents who can invest in their children, who are aware of the discomfort and concessions this investment entails but nevertheless are confident it is worthwhile. If the results are unsatisfying as in some cases I described here, the answer for those parents is to invest more time, money, energy and pulling more strings from their social network. The investment measures in actual results like improvement in grades. But, it is also measured as a separate value. The mere idea of investment and the act of putting time and energy are already a fruitful act, an act of a ‘proper good parent’
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Chapter Two: Designing the Future
The concept of investment, discussed in the last chapter, is linked inseparably to the idea of time. One invests in something that will hopefully be fruitful in the future. Parenting learning disabilities sharpens the relationship between investment and the notion of future, and sheds a light on parenting as a process taking place in the present, but always tries to peer into the future. In this chapter I will discuss perceptions of future, future-plans, and how parents see their role as the designers of a future for their children.
In the Future: Growing up, Learning Disabilities, and Parenting
One interviewee has reflected in his interview about the relation between future, money and parenting. This father is a lawyer and lives in Giva’atayim. He has two daughters and had been divorced for a few years. His ex-wife, a literary editor, and two daughters, two years apart from each other, live close by. They have, as he said, a “cordial divorce, although they do disagree on quite a few things”. Both he and his ex-wife are from France, they speak French at home and still have parents in France which they visit frequently. He is observant and wears a yarmulke but his ex-wife describes herself as secular.
The daughters go to a religious school but next year, comes junior high, they will go to a non-religious one. The daughter we are mainly talking about is twelve. She has been diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia and has been going to different treatments for the last two years. She has not been medically treated due to an ongoing argument between the parents about whether it is necessary; the father supports medical treatment and the mother is reluctant. After what the
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father describes as a failed attempt to find alternative solutions, the mother agreed but they have yet to begin.
This father makes a direct link between the expenses of the treatment to the concepts of future:
it’s a lot a lot of money. But you know I say whatever we will not invest now we will invest so much more in the future. and that is my calculation. Whatever we are not doing now with children… if we are not having children that’s something else but I’m in favor of children and to give each one whatever he needs for him to succeed in the future but ammm that’s it
This small excerpt presents a specific point of view regarding what is a future and what is the parents’ role in it. One aspect of this point of view is chronological. It is the idea that an investment in the present is better than in the future. That is, the more you wait the more you will find yourself investing. Another aspect is that a parent can and should give a child what he needs to succeed in the future. What exactly is this success is not specified but it is an expectation that is related to career choices, education, and maybe economic expectations as well (I am basing that on things said earlier in the interview). The success of the child in the future is reliant on his parents’ willingness to try hard in the present.
This father did not specify what this success is and regards it as a widely-shared notion. In a way, it is. Many parents have expressed similar perceptions. A reoccurring theme was ‘options’. Parents said it is important for them that their child will have many options to choose from in the future so he could be whatever he likes, not limited by the disability. Yet, these options appear to be all career or education related. While not saying that directly, the idea that performance in school is essential for the future was imperative.
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Parents “were driven by a sense of urgency that what happens in the present influences that child’s chance of a successful life” (Kremer-Sadlik and Fatiganta, 2015, page 79). That approach was very prominent in the interviews I conducted, the link between the present and the future was arresting in its certainty, its fatality almost. The successful life parents imagined had a specific direction, that of a career-driven life, based on a university degree. Parents across all classes are very engaged with the question of future and had future-plans. But, middle-class parents had thought about a professional occupation and one which requires a university education specifically. Moreover, middle-class parents, my interviewees included, saw their role as encouraging their children to succeed in a path that would lead to such a future. (Irwin and Elley, 2013)
Back to the father I interviewed, who, maybe because he comes from another country, identifies this heightened willingness to invest in the children as an Israeli trait: “Listen that’s again, here
in Israel you can say for the parents that kids are truly first priority and you see it in everything”.
He goes on and explains how in France people will invest in themselves and their appearance but in Israel what matters is not how a parent looks but how a child does. This may reinforce the assumption of this thesis that the middle-class in Israel examines itself through the lens of parenting. Consequently, what a child will become in the future is a question strongly linked to the parents’ status.
A child with learning disabilities presents a challenge to a seamless inter-generational class transition and to the realization of a higher education based future. But, the fact that parents are so invested during their offsprings’ childhood will, they hope, strengthen their childrens’ standing
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well within this class and will pave the way for the path they design for him/her. A challenge was met and conquered with all the means and the capital these parents have.
Even when parents do not have the actual means and capital; their parents do. This is a common phenomenon in Israel where reliance on the grandparents is very strong and parents for children who are still in school are being, at least partially, supported financially by their own parents. The willingness to turn for help to grandparents and the willingness of the grandparents themselves to help and finance treatment for learning disabilities is a testament to how crucial this treatment is considered, to the parents and to their own parents, and how capital and class are preserved for the future by previous generations.
While working at the clinic, I remember getting checks from many grandparents, but when I started interviewing the parents, no one mentioned that. While I did ask questions about the grandparents’ involvement, the parents were reluctant to address the financial issues when it came to their relation with their parents. But, after one interview where a mom mentioned that, it was as if a levee broke and others talked openly about the subject afterwards. I will describe shortly the interview with the first mom who addressed the issue directly:
She is a mother of two and a TV editor for the Israeli branch of an Italian television network. She is married, lives in Tel-Aviv and both of her children are diagnosed with learning disabilities and ADHD. They are very close in age: one is 13 and one is 12. The older one has started adolescence rebellion that results in tantrums and a refusal to attend school. Both children attended a democratic school until the 5th grade and then moved to a regular one. The mom is very happy with the move and claims that the children may have gotten more freedom in the democratic
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school but were not ‘well-prepared’ there for the higher classes and the education system requirements.
This mother talked a lot about how the childrens’ diagnosis has affected her life. She talked about how coping with the childrens’ disabilities weigh heavily on her relationship with her husband due to the immense time and effort they put into the children’s’ treatment. She said she feels she is less patient with her children because she is so exhausted from taking them to the different treatments and keeping track of their progress. When she recounted how she had to ask for financial support from her parents she said the diagnosis and the following treatment “have turned her into” a person that needs to ask money from his parents. She was visibly bothered by that.
However, she concluded that she does not have a choice but to do that, or in her words” I do not
have a choice because I need to give her the choice in the future”. This perception of the future
of a child as something that should be limitless and full of opportunities to the point of giving up your own financial independence (again, in her words) is a very specific perception of a future: an unspecified, filled with endless options, vague future, that is worth concessions in the present.
This mom also mentions how important it is for this future to have a school or an education system that prepares the child for higher classes and thus for the future. The relationship between the schools and the parents are an important aspect of that specific perception of future and it is a complex relationship I will unpack next.
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The parents’ perception of the education system is a very ambivalent one. On the one hand, they treat it suspiciously, as a place where their children are likely to be misunderstood. On the other hand, they, almost unanimously see it as an important step and expect their children to do very well in it. The personal performance of their own child is crucial, but the education system in its entirety is not highly appreciated.
Parents both praised teachers and told stories about hurtful and insensitive ones, all in the same sentence. They mentioned tensions inside the school between home-room teachers and principals regarding the level of help a certain child should get. Some parents have described a transition between schools and a great improvement from the previous school to the present one. The general approach to schools was complex and inter-personal. Many parents said that, although involved, they wish they knew more about their kids’ daily experiences in school and are ergo ill-equipped to encounter the teachers and the educational staff, which they do not whole-heartedly trust.
Therefore, sending the children to school is an act of guilt, of sending them to a potentially harmful and inconsiderate place. The practice of dropping a child with learning disabilities off at school and driving to work is a practice that many parents experience almost as a betrayal.
However, there are in the system some “very good people” that the parents appreciate. These ‘good’ teachers, mirror imaging the parents themselves, are fighting against the system to give their children more hours or more help during class. My impression was that the rule is to have no trust in the system but to appreciate some of the people working in it.
