B.1 Standard 1 00:00:10,106 --> 00:00:13,474 Luister, druiloren,
we laten ze iets van piraterij zien. 2
00:00:15,917 --> 00:00:20,578 Er is nog tijd.
We vullen ze met glinsterende buit. 3
00:00:20,612 --> 00:00:23,856 Ik kan die trofee al proeven. 4
00:00:23,891 --> 00:00:26,761 Trofee.
5
00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:33,099 Kapitein! Een zeil in zicht. 6
00:00:34,081 --> 00:00:37,021 Er achteraan, Nummer Twee. - Aye, meneer. 7 00:00:37,056 --> 00:00:41,447 Hijs de zeilen. 8 00:01:03,913 --> 00:01:07,055 Sta klaar bij de kanonnen, mannen. 9
00:01:07,325 --> 00:01:10,974 Vuur kanonnen vier en zes af. 10
00:01:17,460 --> 00:01:20,028 Eet kanonskogels, zwabbers. 11
00:01:23,913 --> 00:01:26,988 Observeer en leer.
12
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,061 Ik ben de Piraten Kapitein. 13
00:01:35,900 --> 00:01:40,799 En ik ben hier voor jullie goud. - Goud? Dit is een plaagboot. 14
00:01:41,009 --> 00:01:43,440
Ik geef mijn rechter arm voor wat goud. 15
00:01:43,475 --> 00:01:45,196 Of mijn linker.
16
00:01:46,751 --> 00:01:51,785 Oké jongens, dat was niet juist, maar deze keer is het betaaldag.
17
00:01:53,744 --> 00:01:57,595 Ik ben de Piraten Kapitein. En ik ben hier voor jullie goud. 18
00:01:58,206 --> 00:01:59,742 Aardrijkskunde excursie.
19
00:02:02,798 --> 00:02:07,292 Ik ben de Piraten Kapitein en... - We zijn naturisten.
20
00:02:08,305 --> 00:02:10,940 Piraten Kapitein. Blabla, goud. 21 00:02:11,379 --> 00:02:14,319 Spookschip. 22 00:02:19,420 --> 00:02:20,738 Sorry. 23 00:02:51,549 --> 00:02:55,636 's Werelds beste kapitein. 24
00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:03,279 Kapitein, we hebben...
25
00:03:03,314 --> 00:03:05,509 nog 'n schip gezien, meneer. 26
00:03:06,962 --> 00:03:08,516 Mooi zo.
27
00:03:13,826 --> 00:03:17,811 Moet ik laten aanvallen?
- Nee, niet echt, ik denk dat ik... 28
00:03:18,246 --> 00:03:22,908 heb genoeg van piraterij. Ik hang m'n sabel op. 29 00:03:22,909 --> 00:03:24,817 Kapitein, nee! 30 00:03:24,843 --> 00:03:28,545 Ik dacht dat ik
misschien babykleding kan verkopen. 31
00:03:28,787 --> 00:03:33,753 Er valt veel geld te verdienen
met babykleren omdat baby's snel groeien. 32
00:03:33,788 --> 00:03:38,178 Maar dat kan niet. Ik bedoel... De bemanning kunnen niet zonder u. 33
00:03:38,213 --> 00:03:41,962 Wat dacht ik ook, Nummer 2? Piraat van het Jaar?
34
00:03:41,997 --> 00:03:44,699 Ik?
Kijk nu naar de prijzenkast. 35
00:03:45,611 --> 00:03:49,226 De beste anekdote over een pijlinktvis. 36
00:03:51,084 --> 00:03:54,294 Dat is al het bewijs
van mijn hele carrière. 37
00:03:55,139 --> 00:03:59,126 Maar, maar, Piraat van het Jaar is maar commerciële onzin.
38
00:03:59,161 --> 00:04:01,630 Echte piraterij draait niet om trofeeën. 39
00:04:01,665 --> 00:04:04,565
Maar om achteruit op trappen te vechten. 40
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:07,977
Om langs zeilen naar beneden te glijden met een mes tussen je tanden.
41
00:04:08,318 --> 00:04:10,311 Glanzende baarden.
42
00:04:10,345 --> 00:04:13,318 En denk aan al de avonturen die we hebben meegemaakt. 43
00:04:13,353 --> 00:04:15,041 Ons avontuur met Azteken. 44
00:04:15,582 --> 00:04:17,811 Ons avontuur met dat varken. 45
00:04:17,846 --> 00:04:20,108 Ons avontuur met...
46
00:04:21,765 --> 00:04:23,765 Sst!
47
00:04:23,791 --> 00:04:27,541 Oké, misschien niet met
de bibliothecaressen, maar wat 'n plezier. 48
00:04:27,576 --> 00:04:29,293
En wat dacht je van de zeemansliedjes? 49
00:04:29,502 --> 00:04:31,502 Hmm, nou, ik bedoel...
50
00:04:31,528 --> 00:04:34,703 Die zouden mensen missen. - En mensen neersabelen dan? 51
00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:37,937 Ik vind het inderdaad leuk mensen neer te sabelen. 52
00:04:37,938 --> 00:04:39,246 Leuk? U bent er briljant in. 53
00:04:39,272 --> 00:04:42,818 U bent de zilte schrik van de zee. 54
00:04:44,028 --> 00:04:47,135 Denk je dat?
- Iedereen denkt dat. 55
00:04:47,170 --> 00:04:50,818 U bent meer piraat dan
Black Bellamy of wie dan ook. 56
00:04:50,853 --> 00:04:52,405 U bent een èchte piraat.
57
00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:58,352 Daarom vindt de bemanning u de beste sinds voorverpakte ham.
58
00:04:58,387 --> 00:05:01,175 Waarom denk je dat ze anders allemaal die tatoeage hebben? 59
00:05:01,310 --> 00:05:04,165 Kom op! Wat zegt u er van? 60
00:05:05,784 --> 00:05:09,197 Ah, bij Neptunus!
Waar is dat schip? 61
00:05:10,652 --> 00:05:12,408 Negen maal scheepsrecht, mannen. 62
00:05:12,643 --> 00:05:15,953 Deze keer heb ik geluk.
Ik voel het aan m'n baard. 63
00:05:15,988 --> 00:05:19,687 Blijf daar niet gewoon zo zitten! Hijs de vlag. 64 00:05:19,722 --> 00:05:23,386 Standaard, meneer? - Of extra griezelig? 65 00:05:23,792 --> 00:05:27,407
Extra griezelig.
Dat ze het maar in hun broek doen. 66
00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:41,071 Dagboek van Charles Darwin. 67
00:05:41,206 --> 00:05:44,582 Dag 93 aan boord van de Beagle. 68
00:05:45,417 --> 00:05:50,109 Ik heb vandaag een nieuw soort mossel ontdekt...
69
00:05:50,744 --> 00:05:56,402 die ik in de orde van Pygophora gecategoriseerd heb.
70
00:05:59,677 --> 00:06:03,498 Ik krijg nooit een vriendin. Ik ben zó ongelukkig. 71
00:06:17,947 --> 00:06:22,609
En nu word ik aangevallen door piraten. 72
00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:40,288 Halt! Ik ben de Piraten Kapitein en ik ben hier voor je goud. 73
00:06:40,756 --> 00:06:44,239 Ik heb geen goud.
- Geen goud, hè? 74
00:06:44,573 --> 00:06:50,046 Wat is dit dan, als ik mag vragen? - Dat is een bavianen nier.
75
00:06:51,333 --> 00:06:56,907 En dit dan?
- Dat is nog een bavianen nier. 76
00:06:58,663 --> 00:07:01,419
We hebben het ruim doorzocht, kapitein. - En?
77
00:07:01,439 --> 00:07:04,176 Alleen maar wezens,
stukjes van... 78
00:07:04,244 --> 00:07:08,534 wezens in potten.
- En een trieste baviaan. 79
00:07:11,473 --> 00:07:14,582 Wat voor soort schip is dit? 80
00:07:14,683 --> 00:07:19,818 We zijn, nou ja, we waren, een wetenschappelijke expeditie.
81
00:07:19,886 --> 00:07:25,054 Charles Darwin, tot uw dienst. - In hemelsnaam...
82
00:07:25,155 --> 00:07:28,703 Is het dan te veel gevraagd? Nou?
83
00:07:28,737 --> 00:07:31,676 Ik wil gewoon
een heel klein beetje succes. 84
00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:37,758
Gewoon ieniemienie beetje respect door m'n leeftijdsgenoten, eens in m'n leven. 85
00:07:38,061 --> 00:07:41,375 Is dat nou zo'n misdaad?
Nou? 86 00:07:43,399 --> 00:07:45,967 Nee? - Nee. 87 00:07:46,068 --> 00:07:49,109 Probeer jij dat maar eens tegen het universum te zeggen. 88
00:07:49,210 --> 00:07:54,278 Gewoon voor één keer. Ik wil gewoon dat het één keer goed gaat, maar één keer. 89
00:07:57,250 --> 00:08:00,899 Dus, zijn we hier klaar?
90
00:08:05,122 --> 00:08:07,048 Lief dagboek...
91
00:08:07,115 --> 00:08:09,717 Ik sta op het punt
om in een zeemansgraf te belanden. 92
00:08:09,784 --> 00:08:12,352 Het is niets persoonlijks, begrijp je, het is gewoon...
93
00:08:12,419 --> 00:08:16,946
Het is een zware week geweest, en een goede loop over de plank vrolijkt hem meestal op. 94
00:08:16,980 --> 00:08:20,359 Ik zal doodgaan zonder ooit een vrouw te hebben geknuffeld.
95
00:08:20,394 --> 00:08:23,501 Schiet toch eens op.
96
Het weer van vandaag: meedogenloos.
97
00:08:35,325 --> 00:08:38,906 Stop.
- Wat nu weer? Een laatste verzoek? 98
00:08:38,974 --> 00:08:43,230 Moeten we die inwilligen? Staan we bij een mensenrechtenconventie ingeschreven? 99
00:08:43,264 --> 00:08:46,440 Die vogel.
- Mijn papegaai? Ze heeft gewoon zware botten.
100
00:08:46,542 --> 00:08:49,650 Nee, dat is ze niet.
Ik bedoel, ze is geen papegaai. 101
00:08:49,684 --> 00:08:52,454 Geen papegaai?
Waar heeft hij het nou weer over, meisje? 102
00:08:52,521 --> 00:08:57,927 Ze is dè wetenschappelijke ontdekking van deze tijd. Ze is een...
103 00:09:00,629 --> 00:09:03,096 Sorry. Het is gewoon... 104 00:09:03,197 --> 00:09:05,900 Dat is mijn favoriete gedeelte. 105
00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:15,528 Een dodo, zeg je?
- Ze zijn al 150 jaar uitgestorven. 106
00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:19,312 Om er tegenwoordig één te vinden
die nog leeft, is behoorlijk onvoorstelbaar. 107
00:09:19,379 --> 00:09:24,002 Slimme meid. Je zal niet uitsterven.
- Als ik zo vrijpostig mag zijn, ben ik bereid 108
00:09:25,093 --> 00:09:28,708 om je 10 pond te geven
voor jouw Polly. 109
00:09:28,809 --> 00:09:32,086 Polly is niet te koop.
- 10 pond. 110
00:09:32,187 --> 00:09:35,972 Ze hoort bij de familie.
- Ze is als een tante, met een snavel.
111
00:09:36,073 --> 00:09:40,465 Ik ben bang dat ze gelijk hebben. Polly is het gevederde hart en ziel van de boot. 112
00:09:40,532 --> 00:09:42,255 Kom mee, kleine dodo.
113
00:09:45,971 --> 00:09:48,134 Dit is toch een gemiste kans? 114
00:09:48,201 --> 00:09:51,837
Als ik haar in Londen kon presenteren aan het Koninklijke Gezelschap...
115
00:09:51,838 --> 00:09:53,278 hun jaarlijkse wetenschap show. 116
00:09:53,404 --> 00:09:55,735 Zal niet gebeuren, ben ik bang. 117
00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:58,404 Ze zou een absolute sensatie zijn. - Niets aan te doen.
118 00:09:58,471 --> 00:10:01,377 En ze is de favoriet voor de hoofdprijs. 119 00:10:02,762 --> 00:10:07,424 Prijs?
- De beste wetenschappelijke ontdekking, ja. 120
00:10:09,046 --> 00:10:14,046 De prijs, is die waardevol? - Waardevol? 121 00:10:15,161 --> 00:10:20,094 Het is onschatbaar. Ongekende rijkdom. 122 00:10:22,931 --> 00:10:27,290 Kapitein?
- Nee, misschien was ik iets te gehaast. 123
00:10:27,357 --> 00:10:32,526
Maar kapitein, Londen? De thuisbasis van koningin Victoria, doodsvijand van elke piraat? 124
00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:35,769 We zullen aan de galg eindigen in Executie Haven.
125
00:10:35,870 --> 00:10:39,286 Ach kom op, we lachen met gevaar, weet je nog?
126
00:10:39,354 --> 00:10:42,500 Ik niet.
- Ik vind gevaar helemaal niet leuk. 127
00:10:43,540 --> 00:10:46,923 Kapitein, kunt u zich
ons gesprekje nog herinneren? 128
00:10:47,058 --> 00:10:50,403 Het gesprek waarin in ging over of varkens eigenlijk een soort fruit zijn? 129
00:10:51,112 --> 00:10:52,836 Nee.
130
00:10:56,349 --> 00:11:01,585
Nee, het gesprek over het uit de weg gaan van wilde plannen die eindigen in de dood. 131
00:11:01,653 --> 00:11:06,586
Je hebt de man gehoord, ongekende rijkdom. Dit is het plan:
132
00:11:06,653 --> 00:11:10,268 We gaan naar Londen,
Polly wint dat wetenschapsshow dingetje... 133
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:14,862
we pakken het prijzengeld, ik doe mee aan Piraat van het Jaar, en ik win. Bingo. 134
00:11:14,896 --> 00:11:17,667 Maar kapitein, ik...
- Dit zal niet mislukken. 135
00:11:17,735 --> 00:11:21,316 En dan nog,
kijk eens naar haar kleine gezichtje... 136
00:11:21,383 --> 00:11:27,228
Ik wil die wetenschapsprijs zeker wel winnen. - Bravo, kapitein.
137
00:11:27,329 --> 00:11:31,079 Ik zie dat u een man met visie bent. 138
00:11:32,194 --> 00:11:36,620
En Charles, wanneer is die wetenschap show? - Morgen over een week.
139
00:11:36,754 --> 00:11:38,545 Verdorie!
140
00:11:38,546 --> 00:11:40,483 We hadden het kunnen redden met een goede wind achter ons 141
00:11:40,484 --> 00:11:43,469 maar jammer genoeg zit er een vies, groot zeemonster in de weg. 142
00:11:44,795 --> 00:11:50,707 Volgens mij zetten ze die gewoon op de map voor de versiering, kapitein. 143
00:11:52,836 --> 00:11:54,694 Is dat een feit?
144
00:11:54,796 --> 00:11:56,130 Nou, val nu omver.
145
00:11:57,332 --> 00:12:00,575 Je kan nog iets leren
B.2 Reversed
1
00:00:08,744 --> 00:00:10,553 All right, now listen up, you coves. 2
00:00:10,612 --> 00:00:14,122 We'll show those swabs
a thing or two about pirating. 3
00:00:14,516 --> 00:00:19,261 There's still time
to fill these chests with sparkling booty. 4
00:00:19,321 --> 00:00:21,961 I can practically taste that trophy! 5
00:00:22,057 --> 00:00:24,628 Trophy! Trophy! Trophy!
6
00:00:28,798 --> 00:00:31,109 Captain! Sail off the port bow! 7
00:00:32,768 --> 00:00:34,208 Let's get after her, Number Two. 8
00:00:34,269 --> 00:00:35,314 Aye, aye, sir.
9
00:00:35,337 --> 00:00:36,680 Clap on all sail!
10
00:00:37,239 --> 00:00:39,549 Royals and topgallants!
11
00:00:39,608 --> 00:00:40,609 Release those gallants!
12
00:01:00,865 --> 00:01:03,539 Fire those long things that go bang. 13
00:01:04,501 --> 00:01:07,607 Fire cannons four and six! 14
00:01:14,211 --> 00:01:16,018 Eat cannonball, lubbers.
15
00:01:19,984 --> 00:01:22,860 Here we go, lads! Look and learn. 16
00:01:25,289 --> 00:01:27,330 Go get 'em, Pirate Captain! 17
00:01:27,925 --> 00:01:30,906 Avast! I'm the Pirate Captain. 18
00:01:31,296 --> 00:01:33,239 And I'm here for your gold. 19
00:01:33,331 --> 00:01:37,973
Gold? This is a plague boat.
I'd give my right arm for some gold. 20 00:01:39,004 --> 00:01:40,506 Or my left. 21 00:01:41,172 --> 00:01:43,678 Right, lads. Minor hiccup. 22 00:01:43,742 --> 00:01:46,387 This time, it's payday!
23
00:01:48,147 --> 00:01:51,920 I'm the Pirate Captain,
and I'm here for your gold. 24
00:01:52,351 --> 00:01:54,456 We're on a field trip.
25
00:01:56,990 --> 00:01:59,067 I'm the Pirate Captain, and... 26 00:01:59,825 --> 00:02:01,168 Naturists. 27 00:02:02,194 --> 00:02:05,698 Pirate Captain.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, gold. 28 00:02:05,764 --> 00:02:07,141 Ghost ship. 29 00:02:12,372 --> 00:02:13,817 Sorry. 30 00:02:44,422 --> 00:02:46,422 World's best Pirate...
31
00:02:53,248 --> 00:02:57,321
Captain, we've sighted another ship, sir. 32
00:02:58,354 --> 00:02:59,992 That's nice.
33
00:03:05,100 --> 00:03:06,835
Do you want to give the order to attack? 34
00:03:06,900 --> 00:03:11,786 No, not really, Number Two. No, I think... I think I'll quit piracy. 35
00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:13,823 I'm hanging up my cutlass. 36
00:03:14,260 --> 00:03:16,035 Captain, no!
00:03:16,310 --> 00:03:18,984 Yeah, I was thinking
I might go into baby clothes. 38
00:03:19,010 --> 00:03:20,080 What?
39
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,004 It seems there's a fortune to be made in baby clothes because
40
00:03:22,950 --> 00:03:24,154 babies grow so fast.
41
00:03:24,340 --> 00:03:26,911 No, but you can't. I mean, the crew... 42
00:03:27,490 --> 00:03:28,897 They'd... They'd be lost without you. 43
00:03:28,980 --> 00:03:30,882 What was I thinking, Number Two? 44
00:03:30,970 --> 00:03:32,143 Pirate of the Year?
45
00:03:32,220 --> 00:03:33,358 Me?
46
00:03:33,530 --> 00:03:35,341 Look at my trophy cabinet. 47
00:03:36,030 --> 00:03:38,943 Second Best Anecdote About a Squid. 48
00:03:41,180 --> 00:03:43,727 I mean, that is all I've got to show for my entire career.
49
00:03:43,810 --> 00:03:46,185 But... Pirate of the Year?
50
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,863 It's just commercialized nonsense. 51
00:03:48,890 --> 00:03:51,370 Real piracy isn't about trophies. 52
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:54,440 It's about
fighting up staircases backwards. 53
00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:57,633 It's about sliding down sails with a knife in your teeth. 54
00:03:57,700 --> 00:03:59,506 Beard glossiness!
55
00:04:00,110 --> 00:04:02,784 And think about
all the adventures we've had. 56
00:04:02,870 --> 00:04:04,780 Our adventure with Aztecs. 57
00:04:04,860 --> 00:04:06,737 Our adventure with that pig. 58
00:04:07,010 --> 00:04:08,445 Our adventure in...
59
00:04:12,510 --> 00:04:16,321 Maybe not the library.
But the fun we've had. 60
00:04:16,410 --> 00:04:18,219 And what about the shanties? 61
00:04:18,700 --> 00:04:21,306 Well, I mean...
People would miss my shanties. 62
00:04:21,390 --> 00:04:23,097 And the running people through. 63
00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:26,113 Well, I... I do find
running people through enjoyable. 64
00:04:26,210 --> 00:04:28,583 Enjoyable? You're brilliant at it! 65
00:04:28,660 --> 00:04:31,437 You're a brine-soaked terror of the high seas!
66
00:04:32,070 --> 00:04:33,242 Do you think so, Number Two? 67
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:34,529 Everyone does!
68
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:38,177 You're more of a pirate
than Black Bellamy or any of them. 69
00:04:38,270 --> 00:04:39,679 You're a real pirate.
70
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,204 That's why the crew,
71
00:04:41,249 --> 00:04:45,196 they think you're the best thing since boil-in-the-bag ham. 72
Why do you think they all got that tattoo? Come on. 73
00:04:49,420 --> 00:04:51,324 What do you say?
74
00:04:51,710 --> 00:04:53,185 Arrr!
75
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:55,703 By Neptune, where's that ship? 76
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,038 This is the one, lads!
77
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:02,579 Ninth time lucky!
I can feel it in my beard! 78
00:05:02,590 --> 00:05:04,699 Well, don't just sit there
like a bag of lemons! 79
00:05:04,780 --> 00:05:06,088 Hoist the flag!
80 00:05:06,460 --> 00:05:07,768 Standard flag? 81 00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:09,747 Or extra gruesome? 82 00:05:09,830 --> 00:05:11,173 Extra gruesome! 83 00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:13,285 Let's make their gizzards shake. 84
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:26,503 Journal of Charles Darwin. 85
00:05:27,070 --> 00:05:30,482 Day 93 aboard the Beagle. 86
00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:35,459 I have, today,
discovered a new kind of barnacle, 87
00:05:35,470 --> 00:05:41,352 which I have categorized
in the order of Pygophora. 88
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:48,104 I'll never get a girlfriend. l am so unhappy.
89
00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:06,182 And now I'm being attacked by pirates. 90
00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:23,243 Avast! I'm the Pirate Captain, and I'm here for your gold. 91
00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:25,778 There's no gold here.
92
00:06:25,860 --> 00:06:27,296 No gold, eh?
93
00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:29,946 Then what, might I ask, is this? 94
00:06:30,570 --> 00:06:32,106 It's a baboon's kidney.
95 00:06:32,390 --> 00:06:34,562 Is it? Oh. 96 00:06:34,570 --> 00:06:36,514 And what about this?
97
00:06:37,140 --> 00:06:38,611 It's another 's kidney.
98
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,438 We searched the hold, Captain. 99 00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:43,740 And? 100 00:06:43,750 --> 00:06:45,529 Just creatures... 101 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:48,347 bits of creatures in jars.
102
00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:50,737 And an unhappy-looking baboon. 103
00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:56,202 What kind of ship is this? 104 00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:58,311 We're a... 105 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,377 Well, we were on a scientific expedition. 106 00:07:01,430 --> 00:07:03,769 Charles Darwin, at your service, sir. 107
00:07:04,151 --> 00:07:06,089 For pity's sake!
108
00:07:06,420 --> 00:07:09,662 Is it so much to ask? Is it?
109
00:07:10,190 --> 00:07:12,864 I just want one tiny bit of success! 110
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:17,143 One teensy weensy bit
of respect from my peers 111
00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:18,936 just once in my life!
112
00:07:19,250 --> 00:07:20,661 Is that such a crime?
113 00:07:20,700 --> 00:07:22,145 Is it? 114 00:07:23,795 --> 00:07:26,070 - No? - No! 115 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:27,135 No. 116 00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:29,737 But you try telling that
to the universe. 117
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:33,000 Just once,
just once for things to go right. 118
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,240 Just once.
119
00:07:37,115 --> 00:07:40,324 So, are we done here?
120
00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:46,811 Dear Diary,
121
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,939 about to meet a watery grave. 122
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,207 It's nothing personal, you understand. 123
00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:53,273 It's just... It's been a tough week, 124
00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:55,876 and a good plank walk
usually cheers him up. 125
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:59,543 Will die without reaching second base with a lady.
126
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,978 Get on with it!
127 00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:05,654 Today's weather: 128 00:08:05,940 --> 00:08:07,010 inclement. 129 00:08:14,065 --> 00:08:15,708 - Stop! - Now what? 130 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:18,144 Last request, is it?
Do we have to grant those? 131
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,847 Is there some sort of
human rights convention we're signed up to? 132
00:08:20,930 --> 00:08:23,039 - But that bird!
- My parrot? 133
00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:24,417 She's just big-boned!
134
00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:27,517 No, she's not.
I mean... I mean, she's not a parrot. 135 00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:29,077 Not a parrot? 136 00:08:29,100 --> 00:08:30,311 What's he on about? 137 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:31,458 She's... She's... 138 00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:34,276
She's the scientific discovery of our age! 139
00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:36,411 She's a...
140
00:08:37,990 --> 00:08:40,630 Sorry. It's just,
141
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:42,837 that's my favorite bit, actually. 142
00:08:47,900 --> 00:08:49,238 A dodo, you say?
143
00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:52,076 They've been extinct for 150 years. 144
00:08:52,101 --> 00:08:55,344 To find one alive today,
it's quite incredible. 145
00:08:55,900 --> 00:08:58,204 Well, clever old girl. Not going extinct. 146
00:08:58,380 --> 00:09:00,951
If I might be so bold, I would be prepared 147
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,679 to pay you 10 pounds for your Polly. 148
00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:06,704 Polly's not for sale.
149
00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:08,399 Ten pound.
150
00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:09,572 She's one of the family.
151
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:11,273 She's like an auntie.
152
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:12,040 With a beak.
153
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,640 Yeah, I'm afraid they're right, Charles. 154
00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:16,344 Polly here is the feathery
heart and soul of the boat. 155
00:09:16,344 --> 00:09:17,584 Come on, little dodo.
156
00:09:21,950 --> 00:09:23,923 It's such a missed opportunity. 157
00:09:23,950 --> 00:09:25,588 If I could've presented her 158
00:09:25,588 --> 00:09:28,995 in London to the Royal Society at their big science show... 159
00:09:28,995 --> 00:09:30,672 Very nice,
but no question of that. 160
00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:33,346
- She'd have been an absolute sensation. - Yeah, well, can't be helped.
161
00:09:33,350 --> 00:09:35,887
And of course a shoo-in for the top prize. 162
00:09:37,873 --> 00:09:39,116 Prize?
163
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:42,004 For best scientific discovery. Yes. 164 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,373 This prize, 165 00:09:45,630 --> 00:09:47,973 - valuable, is it? - Valuable? 166 00:09:49,470 --> 00:09:51,416 It's priceless. 167 00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:53,707 Untold riches. 168 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,308 - Captain...
- No, no, no, no. 169
00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:00,942 I was thinking, perhaps,
perhaps I was being a touch hasty. 170
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,104 But, Captain, London?
171
00:10:02,422 --> 00:10:03,901 The home of Queen Victoria, 172
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:05,946 mortal enemy of pirates everywhere? 173
00:10:05,946 --> 00:10:08,187 We'll end up hanged at Execution Dock. 174
00:10:10,057 --> 00:10:12,132
We laugh in the face of danger, remember? 175
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:15,437 - I don't.
- I don't really like danger at all. 176
00:10:16,359 --> 00:10:20,236 Captain, do you remember the little talk we had? 177
00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:23,213 The one about whether pigs are actually a type of fruit? 178 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:25,235 No. 179 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,035 No.
180
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,012 The one about us trying
to avoid harebrained schemes 181
00:10:32,013 --> 00:10:34,249 that end in us facing certain death. 182
00:10:34,250 --> 00:10:36,093 You heard the man, Number Two. 183
00:10:36,100 --> 00:10:37,843 Untold riches.
184
00:10:37,855 --> 00:10:38,890 Here's the plan:
185
00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:42,404 We go to London,
Polly wins this science show thingy, 186
00:10:42,405 --> 00:10:46,110 we take the prize money, I enter Pirate of the Year, I win! 187
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:47,011 Bingo!
188
00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:49,702 - But, Captain, I'm not sure... - But I am.
189
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:53,173 And besides, look at her little face. 190
00:10:53,173 --> 00:10:56,052 I sure want to win that science prize. 191 00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:56,938 Squawk! 192 00:10:56,939 --> 00:10:58,412 Bravo, Captain! 193 00:10:58,416 --> 00:11:01,963 I see you're a man of vision! 194
00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:06,206 Right, then, Charles.
When is this science show of yours? 195 00:11:06,300 --> 00:11:08,007 A week tomorrow. 196 00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:09,745 Confound it! 197 00:11:09,750 --> 00:11:11,427 You see, we could've
made that with a good wind behind us, 198
00:11:11,428 --> 00:11:14,104 but unfortunately there's this dirty great sea monster in the way. 199
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:20,315 I think they just add those onto maps for decoration, Captain.
200
00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:24,756 Is that a fact?
201
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,843 Well, blow me down.
202
00:11:27,697 --> 00:11:30,607 Number Two, you could
B.3 Intralingual
1
00:00:09,744 --> 00:00:11,553 All right, now listen up, you coves. 2
00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:14,422 We'll show those swabs
a thing or two about piracy. 3
00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:19,961 There's still time
to fill these chests with sparkling booty. 4
00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:22,861 I can practically taste that trophy! 5
00:00:23,057 --> 00:00:25,628 Trophy! Trophy! Trophy!
6
00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:32,409 Captain! Sail off the port bow! 7
00:00:33,968 --> 00:00:35,508 Let's get after her, Number Two. 8
00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:36,714 Aye, aye, sir.
9
00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:38,280 Clap on all sail!
10
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:40,549 Royals and topgallants!
11
00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:41,609 Release those gallants!
12
00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:06,739 Fire those long things that go bang. 13
00:01:06,801 --> 00:01:09,907 Fire cannons four and six! 14
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,618 Eat cannonball, lubbers.
15
00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:26,060 Here we go, lads! Look and learn. 16
00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:30,830 Go get 'em, Pirate Captain! 17
00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:34,506 Avast! I'm the Pirate Captain. 18
00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:37,339 And I'm here for your gold. 19
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:42,673
Gold? This is a plague boat, old man. I'd give my right arm for some gold. 20 00:01:43,004 --> 00:01:44,506 Or my left. 21 00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:48,278 Right, lads.
Minor hiccup, that last one. 22 00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:49,343 This time, 23 00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:50,987 it's payday! 24 00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:56,920 I'm the Pirate Captain,
and I'm here for your gold. 25
00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:59,656 Geography field trip.
26
00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:04,967 I'm the Pirate Captain, and... 27 00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:06,268 Naturists. 28 00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:10,598 Pirate Captain.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, gold. 29 00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:12,041 Ghost ship. 30 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:19,917 Sorry. 31 00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:04,921
Captain, we've sighted another ship, sir. 32
00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:08,392 That's nice.
33
00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:15,196
Do you want to give the order to attack? 34
00:03:15,262 --> 00:03:17,941 No, not really, Number Two. No, I think I've...
35
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:20,604 Think I had enough of piracy. 36
00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:22,511 I'm hanging up my cutlass. 37
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,311 Captain, no!
38
00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:27,445 Yeah, I was thinking
I might go into baby clothes, actually. 39
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:28,311 What?
40
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:31,379 I hear there's a fortune to be made in baby clothes because
41
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:33,049 babies grow so fast.
42
00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:35,985 No, but you can't. I mean, the crew... 43
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,756 They'd... They'd be lost without you. 44
00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:39,520 What was I thinking, Number Two? 45
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:41,260 Pirate of the Year?
46
00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:42,460 Me?
47
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,334 Look at the trophy cabinet. 48
00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:48,506 Best Anecdote About a Squid. 49
00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:53,845 I mean, that is all I've got to show for my entire career.
50
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:56,076 But... Pirate of the Year?
51
00:03:56,136 --> 00:03:58,639 It's just commercialized nonsense. 52
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:01,119 Real piracy isn't about trophies. 53
00:04:01,208 --> 00:04:04,448 It's about fighting up
staircases backwards. 54
00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:08,025 It's about sliding down sails with a knife in your teeth. 55
00:04:08,182 --> 00:04:09,388 Beard glossiness!
56
00:04:10,151 --> 00:04:13,025 And think about
all the adventures we've had. 57
00:04:13,087 --> 00:04:15,397 Our adventure with Aztecs. 58
00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:17,333 Our adventure with that pig. 59
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,126 Our adventure with...
60
00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:27,342 Okay, maybe not the librarians. But the fun we've had.
61
00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:29,410 And what about the shanties? 62
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:32,776 Well, I mean...
People would miss my shanties. 63
00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:34,346 And the running people through. 64
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:37,354 Well, I...
I do enjoy running people through. 65
00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:39,084 Enjoy it? You're brilliant at it! 66
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:43,023 You're a brine-soaked terror of the high seas!
67
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:44,989 Do you think so, Number Two? 68
00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:46,861 Everyone does!
69
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,097 You're more of a pirate
than Black Bellamy or any of them. 70
00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:51,966 You're a real pirate.
71
00:04:52,026 --> 00:04:53,530 That's why the crew,
72
00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:57,241 they think you're the best thing