All or nothing : dating and marriage among youth in South Korea

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All or Nothing: Dating and Marriage among

Youth in South Korea

Sjoukje Diana Krijnen 11263024

MSc Contemporary Asian Studies Thesis Supervisor Gerben Nooteboom

Second Reader: Olga Sooudi Third Reader: Yatun Sastramidjaja

Word count: 30,067 Date: 27-06-2019

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A special word of appreciation

As the author of this thesis I would like to give a special word of appreciation to all the people who have supported and contributed to the final finished product. I would like to thank my family, for proofreading my work and giving me the strength and support to continue during difficult times. But above all, I would like to thank all my informants and interviewees who were willing to share their life and stories with me in exchange for a cup of coffee and some good company. Your stories have inspired and motivated me to write this thesis and I hope they will inspire others as well.

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1. _Introduction

In Seoul South Korea, in the student area, Hongdae. I was sitting in a coffeeshop waiting for my informant. The café was big and open with book cases that reached to the high ceilings. The café was bustling with people and a couple was seated right across from me. The couple must have been in their late twenties/early thirties. As I observed them, they were openly expressing their affection. The man was kissing the woman’s forehead, lips and the palm of her hand. He traced his thumb over her lips and held her face in between his hands while smiling at her lovingly. The woman was just as affectionate returning the gestures by holding hands and placing kisses on his hands.

When I looked across the café I spotted another couple seated near each other to my left, the couple appeared to be in their mid-twenties. The striking thing about this couple was that they had minimum interaction with each other. The woman was focused on reading her book while the man was occupied with something on his phone, you could see him looking up occasionally in attempt to make contact with her but she didn’t look up once. The lack of interaction made it hard to establish whether I was observing a couple or just friends, or even family. After a while the couple started engaging in small conversation

”Korea's fall in population has made dating and marriage important but young Koreans are too busy these days and clumsy in making new acquaintances.”

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after many attempts from the man the make eye contact but it was soon followed again by them focusing on their book and phone again. Then when the couple got up to put back the books that were placed on the small coffee table before. The woman went up to the bookcase and tiptoed in order to get the book back and the shelf she presumably got it from. At this point the man got up behind her and hugged her while helping her put the book back on the shelf, the woman looking back and smiling at him sweetly. This was their first and only display of physical contact which made them appear more as a couple

As I looked at them leaving the café I spotted another young looking couple near the door who were in their early twenties. The woman was hugging a much taller man. The woman had her arm around the man’s waist while the man had one arm draped around her shoulder while using his other hand to caress her cheek. As I observed these different couples, I could not help but wonder if observations like these

were the exception, only possible because it was in a student neighborhood? In the media there are numerous reports on how youth in South Korea are increasingly giving up on dating but when I looked around, I seemed to be surrounded by couples. This left me with the question of what was reality concerning the current situation with dating in South Korea?

The Struggles of the Sampo Generation

Youth in South Korea, in their twenties and mid-thirties, has recently been categorized as

a new generation, the Sampo generation (삼포 세대). This name was created by a big

Korean newspaper, Kyunghan Shinmun, that introduced the term on June 7th 2011 in an

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article called ‘’Talking about the welfare state’’ (Kyunghan Shinmun, 2011). The Sampo

generation translates as ‘’the generation that has to give up three things’’. Sam (삼)

meaning three and Po being short for Pogi (포기) which means to give up. The three thing

the article refers to are dating, marriage and having children. Youth are increasingly giving up on love, marriage and dating due to economic problems e.g. lack of affordable housing and increasingly high cost-of-living and social pressure (Baek, 2012). After the Asian Financial Crisis of 1997-1998 there was an economic restructuring that was designed to allow more young people to participate in the workforce. However, it also led to a more ‘’flexible labor force’’ which meant a reduction of permanent contracts that caused insecure labor market. This has led to a generation of contract workers and temporary workers which caused dissatisfaction among the youth who are now facing more income insecurities and less job stability. The time spend at a first job in South Korea is now on average only a little over a year (Kim, 2015, para. 8). As a result, the youth in South Korea is now faced with high levels of uncertainty regarding their career and future. Kim (2015, para. 10) further explains that to avoid the competition and uncertainty of the labor market many young South Koreans continue their university studies or train and study to obtain special licenses. Thereby postponing marriage, family life and the responsibilities they would hold as fully recognized adults.

According to Ock (2015) the main reason for women in South Korea not to get married is categorized as ‘’economic reasons’’. For men the number one answer was unstable employment. The fact that employment uncertainty and financial struggle restrict a generation from forming romantic relationships and getting married shows how much this generation is negatively affected by the economic restructuring, market liberation and income insecurity and the impact it has on their lives. This has resulted in an continuing decline in marriages. In 2017 there were 264,500 marriages, a 14,7% decline compared to 2009 (Statistics Korea, 2009; Statistics Korea, 2017). The average age for the first marriage has also increased with approximately two years compared to a decade ago. Now standing at 29,6 years for women and 32.2 years for men (Ock, 2015). This has severe

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consequences for the birth rate of South Korea. With a birth rate of 1.1 per woman in 2017 it is ranked as the country with the lowest birth rate among the OECD countries (OECD, 2017). These and statistics are giving us the same message that marriages seem to be a less popular choice among the masses. The declining birth rate that results from this, can in the long term be really threatening to economy and social balance of South Korea. Moreover, the pressure put on young people and the stress they experience is greatly impacting the well-being of youth in South Korea. This can be seen through the term ‘’Hell Joseon’’ that has become trending, youth are referring to their own country as a living hell (Park, 2018; Ock, 2017; Fifield, 2016; Choi, 2016). That’s why it is important to look at the mindset towards dating amongst youth as this is the beginning step that leads towards marriage. Furthermore, understanding the mindset and practices of young people can help us identify the problems they are facing and indicate possible future changes.

The main research question of this research will be ‘’What are the practices and attitudes towards marriage and dating amongst youth in Seoul, South Korea?’’ In my research I aim to investigate changing practices and attitudes towards dating, gender relations and ideas about marriage among young people in Korea and shine a different light on the media discussion surrounding dating and the Sampo generation as portrayed by (Kim, 2015; Kwong, 2018; Ock, 2015; Smith, 2017; Jeong, 2019) and others. Is it time for youth to give up on marriage and dating? And if so, how this has developed? It will also be of importance to look at the practices surrounding dating to understand how dating is defined and experienced in contemporary South Korea.

Thesis Themes

Youth

As mentioned earlier the youth I will discussing in this thesis is defined by the media as the Sampo generation. The Sampo generation which is defined as youth in their twenties and early thirties (Kim, 2012, para. 3). This means that in this thesis the term ‘’youth’’ and

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‘’young people’’ will exclusively refer to the beforementioned group. Adolescents are not included in this case due to the fact that the majority of Korean youth has their first dating experience in college and they are yet to face the struggles that define the Sampo generation. Arnett (2000, p. 469) argues that due to the fact that marriage and having children is now often delayed to end-twenties and thirties people are settling into adult roles at a later age in life. Furstenberg (2013, p. 36) adds to that saying that the increase of college and university level education is also a contributing factor to people settling into adult roles at a alter age. As a result of these developments, the term ‘’youth’’ can now also include people in their early thirties.

Gender

Gender refers to the activities, behaviors , roles and attributes that are constructed by society to be deemed fitting for men or women. This is not to be confused with the term ‘sex’ which refers to the physiological and biological characteristics that are defined for men and women. As opposed to ‘sex’, gender can therefore differ per society (Alami, 2016, p. 247). In anthropology, the study of gender can also often be seen as the study of power, it shines a critical light on the inclusion and exclusion of people among human kind, as well as evaluation the culturally important developments of marking the ‘others’ in societies (Shahrokhi, 2017). When discussing dating, gender obviously plays an important role. Gender roles, gender ideologies and gender inequality are major themes in this thesis. Abelmann (1997) explains in her article the traditional gender roles in South Korea in which the man is the provider and the woman is the center of support in the household. This role of the man as the provider might still be reflected in modern mindsets towards marriage, dating and dating behavior. Abelmann continues to further explain the responsibilities women bear in regards to networking, producing and reproducing social class, supporting their husbands careers and taking care of the education and marriage prospects of the children. The concepts of these gender roles are still heavily influencing South Korean society today.

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The financial crisis in Asia, and specifically within South Korea, has had a huge influence on gender roles, marriage dating in South Korean society. The increased feelings of insecurity resulted in an extreme level of competition in the field of education. This ultimately also effected an increased level of competition on the job market (Cho, 2015, p. 451). This has resulted in a generation of young people who have followed their parents commands, studied hard until graduating college and then struggle to find a job. Leaving them unrewarded for their years of obedience and effort. Cho (2015, p. 458) further noted he expects South Korea will follow in the steps of Japan and develop a movement similar to freeters. Driscoll (2007, p. 170-171) states that the most commonly accepted definition of freeters are people that are not studying, unmarried, part-time workers or unemployed but only seek part time positions between the age of 15 and 34. Due to the growing frustration of young people in South Korea it is possible that in the future this group will also include adolescents. If that becomes the case, then a big counter movement similar to freeters is very much possible in South Korea. Song (2009, p. 149) already mentions a movement of people in their twenties and early thirties that are reclaiming the ‘’good-for-nothing’’ label. The people reclaiming this label are known for being unambitious in regards to socioeconomic mobility compared to their peers and their parents’ generation. This supports the probability of a movement similar to freeters to develop in South Korea.

Marriage

Almost all over Asia, marriage is being postponed until a later age. In some areas these postponements have reached extraordinary levels (Jones et al., 2014, p. 1568). This is not happening exclusively in Asia but also in Western societies. In both Western and Asian societies the average age for the first marriage for women has changed from early twenties to late twenties. Despite similar trends, the biggest difference is that while non-traditional families like same-sex relationships, living apart together, single-parent families, and unmarried cohabitation are widespread in Western societies, they remain a tiny minority in East Asian societies (Yoo, 2016, p. 1046). Non- traditional family

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formations are therefore often not considered as an alternative to marriage in South Korea. There is a strong social and economic connection between marriage and childbearing and a lingering stigma. While the thoughts on cohabitations in South Korea are slowly changing, with only 1,5% of births being registered to unmarried mothers the connection between having a child and needing to be married still seems to be incredibly strong (Raymo et al., 2015, p. 477).

This is a problem considering the growing number of women that never marry while at a fertile age, in the 1970’s the number of women that were not married in their early thirties was insignificant, but in 2010 this number has grown to almost 30% (Jones et al., 2014, p. 1572). The low numbers of non-marriage left researchers wondering for a while, there was a high level of education and enormous economic growth in South Korea, these factors were related to a growing number of non-marriages in other Asian countries. However, data collected in 2000 showed a delayed increase in non-marriage for Koreans in their early 30’s (Jones, 2005, p. 113). For educated women, marriage is becoming an increasingly unattractive choice due to the responsibilities and expectations connected to marriage. At the same time, women’s opportunities in the labor market are becoming increasingly appealing (Jones et al., 2014, p. 1581). In addition, although marriage adds to happiness for men in East Asia this is not necessarily the case for women. In male dominated societies the burdens of marriages tends to outweigh the benefit, especially with women increasingly participating in the labor market, the positive effects of conforming to the social norm are stronger for men than for women (Hori et al., 2018, p. 853).

Dating

There are different words that are used in South Korea when talking about dating, dating,

yeonae and some. According to the Naver(2017) app the definition of the word ‘’dating’’

which is borrowed from the English language is literally refers to the action of going on dates. Describing more of the action of going on dates than referring to the relationship to the two people involved. However the word dating is also used in dating violence

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which might indicate a specific kind of relationship to people that are involved in dating. The word yeonae is a Korean word for dating but refers more to the relationship between the couple with it literally translating to ‘’for a man and a woman to love each other and be in a romantic relationship

The Sharehouse on Chunjeong-ro

The research took place in the city of Seoul South Korea from the period of 21st_of

December, 2016 until April 1st_{, 2017. For this research I interviewed people from all over} Seoul as my

research had no link to a specific neighborhood. The reason I choose Seoul is because it is a metropolitan city with young people from all over South Korea, therefore it would be a good location to study modern life among youth in South Korea. Moreover, the big cities like Seoul tend to be more progressive then the countryside of South Korea.

Therefore, by studying the capital city it offers the opportunity of spotting small changes and possible future changes in Korean society and ideas on dating, gender and marriage.

My research started off in the sharehouse I was located in for the duration of my fieldwork. I chose a sharehouse in Chungjeong-ro because it was close to Hongdae, which is known as a hub for young people, because I thought it would be a good location for observing and meeting possible informants. Furthermore, it was conveniently located near subway line #2 which made it easy to navigate through the city. My initial plan was to start from the sharehouse and through snowball sampling obtain more interviewees. The sharehouse I lived in had a maximum capacity of 19 people of whom half of the

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beds/rooms were reserved for Koreans. During my previous time I had spent in Seoul I lived in a sharehouse from the same company for a duration of six months albeit in a different neighborhood. My previous experience made me assume that I would have no problems communicating because everyone can speak English. However, in this particular sharehouse that was not the case, making it harder to find interviewees within the sharehouse then I had expected. After one month, I had only conducted three interviews of which one in Korean. However, since I am not confident enough in my Korean language skills, I had to find another method to find informants who were able to speak English.

Therefore, I installed the dating app Tinder and made a profile in English and Korean stating that I was looking for people to interview about dating and asked them to contact me if they were interested. This ended up being a very productive method to meet people as this method has allowed me to meet over 15 people. Some of these people later introduced me to their friends. In addition, some of the people I connected well with I met multiple times during my fieldwork. The Tinder app allowed me to connect with people within a range of 160 km. As a result, I met people from all different areas of Seoul and people from outside of Seoul as well.

The sharehouse offered a good base to form deep connections with local youth and have in-depth conversations about dating and their relationships in an informal setting. In addition to conducting interviews with a selected number of housemates, the sharehouse also allowed me to have an informal environment where people could speak freely. This has offered me insights and updates that would have been hard to acquire with just interviews alone. The sharehouse had a common room where I would spend a lot of my free time in order to talk and often interact with other people. Even though the large majority of the residents were young workers, the sharehouse had a sorority house or dorm like atmosphere with a lot of parties and group activities. This created many opportunities for me to get closer to the other residents of the sharehouse.

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The variation within my group of informants was limited by the fact that I conducted my interviews in English instead of Korean. This meant most of my interviewees were higher educated and/or had experience being abroad for a longer period of time. All of my interviewees had pursued some kind of tertiary education. However, there is a variation in social classes among my interviewees ranging from high class to working class. This being said, the majority of my informants would be categorized as middle class.

Methodology

Due to the setting of the research, participant observation was a crucial element of my research. Within the sharehouse there were many informal conversations on the topic of dating which provided a continuous flow of information throughout the fieldwork period. I have had one-on-one conversations with other girls that lived in the sharehouse about their dating problems but also group conversation about dating over drinks. During these conversations I would not take notes or record the audio, I just engaged with them and then afterwards when I got to my room I would write down the most memorable aspects of the conversation on my computer or in my notebook. Not only did participant observations provide me with a constant flow of information on dating and marriage, it also allowed me to get information, albeit limited, on topics that were hard to discuss during interviews. I soon discovered that regardless of the setting it was hard to discuss topics like sex during interviews. However, over drinks in a house full of ‘’foreigners’’ who are talking freely about sex and relationships, it made it easier for the young Korean people to share their opinions and experiences. For the same reason, instead of follow up interviews, I had follow up meetings with 3 female informants I connected well with outside of the sharehouse. During these meetings I would bond with the informants in the hope of gaining new information and following their current dating process. I had planned to use participant observation according to Bryman’s(2016) teachings as a tool to validate information from interviews and to look for inaccuracies between the information people where giving me versus how they acted. During my research the information gained from participant observation, although at times less detailed, turned

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out to be equally valuable as that from interviews. Although participant observations are less structured than interviews, it was a great way to discover new related factors like the increasing friction between genders and social pressure young Koreans experience.

The second method I used for this research is semi structured interviews. I interviewed a total of 28 people, 24 people in one on one interviews and 4 people in two group interviews. I did not plan on conducting group interviews but the informants I was in contact with offered to bring another person to the interview so I happily agreed. I aimed to have an even division of men and women in my group of informants and ended up with 13 female informants and 15 male informants. The age limit for my informants was predetermined at 20-35 as I followed the age restrictions of the Sampo Generation. The people in their twenties were the easiest to find and were more open and available to help with my research. Especially people in their twenties that were currently unemployed or students, they had more free time compared to people in their thirties who are often working over 40 hours a week. When I started to notice that I had considerably more people in their twenties than in their early thirties I made an effort to pursue more people in their early thirties. In the end, 17 of my informants were in their twenties and 11 of them were in their early thirties. Even though I did not manage to get an even distribution I did manage to have quite an even group of informants in their early, mid and end twenties. In general, I am content that I ended up with quite an even spread of informants.

When I first started conducting interview I used an interview guide I created to lead the interviews(see appendix figure 1). The guide was very useful for me in the beginning as I was new to interviewing and the guide helped me through the interview at times where I felt stuck. However, over time as I was gaining more confidence and interviewing skills I was using this guide less. The reason I chose to use semi structured interviews as a method was to gain direct detailed information and the freedom to immediately go deeper into the information the informant was providing. When following this guide I

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gained a lot of information from a wide range of topics but after 8-10 interviews the answers seemed to have a lot of overlap. From this point onwards I decided to focus more on people their personal dating experiences and directed the interviews according to the information I was receiving.

Tinder as a research tool

After the first month had passed and I only had conducted three interviews. I noticed snowball sampling was not having the expected effect, therefore I tried new ways to find and approach informants. I downloaded the Tinder app in South Korea and made a profile stating I was looking for informants to interview for my thesis and in total I matched with over 200 people. Originally, I thought a dating app would be the ideal place to find people who are actively dating or are looking to date and the profiles made the filtering and selection process incredibly easy. Due to the fact that I am a woman it was easier to for me to convince men to become my interviewee than women. Overall, women asked more questions about the research and declined more often than men. Furthermore, because there was a lack of personal connection many interviews were ultimately cancelled and some unexpectedly ended all communication. In order to get interviewees through this method I ended up planning ten interviews a week in the hope of actually conducting two. The people that did participate often coincidentally happened to have some free time and I met many of them on the weekends or in the evening. There seems to be a mentality of ‘’work hard, play harder’’. Meeting someone in their free time might have been a ‘’better’ way to spend their free time than to just be at home. The fact that I’m considered a ‘’foreigner’’ might also have helped, some people might have been interested in talking to a foreigner, even if it was to participate in an interview.

The final method I used in this study is non participant observation. This method I used mainly to see how couples interacted when out in public and to see if it matched the information I was gathering from interviews. My main focus when looking at their interactions was to look at the level of public physical display of affection.

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Self-Reflection

My role in the field was a very ambiguous one as my relationships with the informants varied from informant to informant. To some I was close enough to be considered a friend, especially within the sharehouse, but there were also others who considered me just a roommate as I was not able to get close to everyone in the sharehouse during the fieldwork period. To the people outside of the sharehouse I tried to present myself and take on the role of a student as much as possible. I chose the role of a student because I considered it to be a very disarming one. I believed it would help my informants to feel more comfortable. If I had presented myself as a researcher, I think informants might have felt more intimidated. However, by presenting myself as a student I felt like it was viewed more as a school project to them which helped them to let their guard down. This is important as dating is a very personal topic so I feel I would benefit from having my informants feel comfortable when speaking to me.

My identity as a white female student in her early twenties is another factor that contributed to the comfort level of my informants. As a young female, it made men and women more willing to meet me because I was probably perceived as unintimidating. For women it also aided in them being able to open up as people often feel more comfortable discussing the opposite sex to someone of the same sex. This being said, I did worry that me being a woman would prevent men from opening up and being honest to me. In order to check if they were being sincere with their answers I would try to paraphrase the questions and use follow-up questions to explore their answers. I did this to see if I could encounter, and sometimes even address, any contradictions. However, based on the many controversial opinions men shared during interviews I would say that in general they felt fairly comfortable to share their honest opinion.

In addition, it is a possibility that my age played a big role in people speaking freely to me because at the age of 23 I only had two informants who were the same age as me, all other

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informants were older. In South Korea there is a strong social hierarchy between older and younger people at work, university and other aspects of social life. The general narrative is that older people are wiser and should therefore younger people should listen to the older ones. Due to the fact that I am considered to be a ‘‘foreigner’’ in South Korea it is hard to determine whether my informants considered me to be part of the same societal system. Me being in the position of the younger person, they might feel like I am not in the position to judge them regardless of what they tell me and therefore speak freely.

Moreover, my identity as foreigner causing exclusion from South Korean society can be viewed as a positive aspect as it made me more approachable to talk about the topic of dating. Me being ‘’an outsider’’ made it easier for informants to talk to me. As I am not a part of their social circle talking to me will not have any effect on their direct surroundings. For some people this makes it easier to talk to me openly than to someone close to them because my opinion will not have any interference to their social life.

Overall, when I reflect on my role as a young researcher on her first fieldwork I see someone who has grown significantly in a short time but also has a long way to go. Due to my inexperience I had a slow start in the field and interviews only started to become more frequent during the second month of fieldwork. I believe, a more experienced researcher might have been able to find solutions faster. When reflecting on the matter, I feel like I should have been more assertive, Furthermore, I would have preferred to obtain more information on casual sexual relationships in South Korea. However, I did not manage to establish a close enough relationship with my informants, in the short time of my fieldwork, in order to discuss this topic in full detail. I think for future fieldwork it would be beneficial to invest more time and effort in creating close relationships, where we can meet multiple times and follow their dating process, as opposed to many superficial relationships, in order to obtain more in-depth quality data.

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Ethical Considerations

In order to cover the ethical risks and considerations I took related to my research I will use be using Bryman’s(2016) four main ethical principles. Firstly, there was no direct harm done to the participants of my research. I took precautions to talk at private tables at cafes so other people could not easily listen in on our conversation. I went to locations ahead of time to see how busy the cafes were and always had 2 other options ready in case I felt we would not be able to talk comfortably. In order to protect the privacy of my informants, I made sure to change all of their names. This also prevents them from any harm that can come from other people finding out about their dating history. In regards to consent, I always asked my participants directly if they would be willing to sit down for an interview. Some would ask for details about the interview or research before giving their consent and I would honestly explain it to them as my research is not based on a very sensitive or controversial topic. This bring us to our last point, whether there was deception involved. As mentioned earlier for interviews I always asked consent and all the people I talked to in a more informal setting were aware of who I was and what my purpose was for visiting South Korea.

Thesis Outline

In the next chapter, I will start by explaining the different aspects that influence perceived masculinity and femininity which will be mainly based on traditional gender roles in South Korea. I will argue that these traditional gender roles are hard to fulfill considering the changes in the socio-economic climate. In addition, I will discuss recent changes and modern adaptations in gender roles and how despite these minor developments youth still struggle to fulfill their gender roles. I will continue by reasoning how the strict division in gender roles, and the gendered struggles that youth experience, are creating friction that is affecting male/female relationships.

In the third chapter, I will start of by illustrating how traditional gender roles and gendered societal expectations play a role in selecting a partner for marriage. In addition,

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I will explain how hypergamy is still present and enforces traditional gender roles while in practice, hypergamy is often mainly enforced by parents and not the youth themselves. Moreover, I will explain the extent to which parents and family are involved in the process of getting married as well as the marriage itself. This in order to show how family is often enforcing traditional gender roles while the mind-set towards these gender roles is changing among youth, resulting in youth postponing and giving up on marriage. Hereby, identifying two groups of people choosing to give up on or postpone marriage, the ones who are unable to fulfill the standards and the ones choosing to pursue a life that does not match traditional gender roles.

In the final chapter, I will debate on enforced gender roles, family involvement and changing mindset on the smaller scale of dating. I will start by discussing how there seems to be a change over time from a emotional to a more practical approach to dating. Furthermore, I will explain South Korean dating practices in order to better understand how dating is experienced. I will follow this by showing how gender roles are being enforced through paying behavior on dates and presenting a paradox where these enforced gender roles are creating pressure but at the same time youth are still striving to attain the standard that is being set. In addition, I will give a voice to the other group of youth who choose to move away from dating as they have other priorities where they choose the spend their time and money on. I will end the chapter with a section dedicated to discuss how conservative views on romantic relationships are affecting dating behavior and practices. At the end of this thesis a conclusion and analysis will be provided.

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2. Gender roles and Conflict

‘’In Korea for everything there is rules and a set way of doing things, it is not sincere but if I don’t do it then I’m considered to be weird, there is this kind of pressure’’

- Lim Changwook

In this chapter we will explore the traditional ideas of masculinity and femininity and how they are still enforced in society today. We will go deeper into how this affects young people in their daily lives and their attitudes towards traditional masculinity and femininity. Afterwards, we will discuss the role of gendered struggles in increasing gender conflict in South Korea.

The Traditional Man

According to Gutmann(1997) in anthropology there are four basic ways to use and define the concept of masculinity and the associated ideas of men’s roles, male identity, manhood and manliness. Firstly, masculinity contains all that men think and do. Secondly, masculinity is considered all that men think and do ‘’to be men’’. Thirdly, it concerns the idea that some men are acknowledged to be ‘’more manly ‘’ in comparison to

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other men. Finally, concerning the essential standing of male- female relations, masculinity is considered to be everything that women are not (Gutmann, 1997, p. 386). In this thesis we will associate ‘’masculinity’’ with the actions, behavior and the gender roles that men fulfill in society. As masculinity is a social construct, its definition and the actions and behaviors associated with masculinity vary per society and are subject to change over time. In the case of South Korea hegemonic masculinity and militarized masculinity play a big role in how masculinity is formed and perceived. Hegemonic masculinity is based on the idea that men are dominant and women are subordinate. Due to the fact that South Korea is a patriarchal society these beliefs are rooted deeply in the culture and have been a core component of how masculinity has been constructed for generations (Kim, 2001). This is due to the strong influence from Confucianism that has helped form Korean society and gender roles since the 1500’s (Yang et al., 1958, p. 81).

A New Superman is Back

Tikhonov(2007) states that traditional ideas of masculinity, in premodern Korea, showed the origins of South Korea as a class society as there were different standards for commoners than for those considered high class. For the commoners, masculinity was most often associated with fighting ability, but for the higher classes masculinity was more defined by devotion to ethical and ritual norms and self-control. These separated concepts of masculinity seem to later merge into a new hybrid concept of masculinity in early modern South Korea. The post war idea of masculinity has changed to a general concept for all classes with two different sides of masculinity. Fighting ability transformed to a powerful, disciplined physique and a patriotic, militarized masculine mindset while self-control and adherence to norms slightly changed to the traditional Confucian rhetoric of ‘’virtuous gentlemen’’ (Tikhonov, 2007, p. 1030-1032). This shows the big role Confucianism has played in forming ideas of masculinity and how it has continued to influence ideas of masculinity in modern South Korea.

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The position of men, when it comes to a male-female relations has changed significantly since post-war Korea. In families, there used to be strong preference for sons as they were necessary in order to carry on the family and continue rituals of ancestor worship. Due to the need to have a son, sex-selective abortions became widely used in the 1980’s. As a result, the government started campaigns to try and counter them (Larsen et al., 1998, p. 324). In the end, education and urbanization had a higher effect on the decline in son preference (Chung et al., 2007, p. 766).

Additionally, Chung argues that the declining fertility rate lessened familial pressure to bear a son. This being said, in Chung’s (2007, p. 765) article one of the informants says ‘’now a few young people are able to bear the burden of not having a son’’ shows the heavy norm that was still present at the time. Although the sex ratio stabilized in the late 2000’s and South Korea is often used as a success story the underlying preference towards sons still seems to persist, although not often openly expressed (Yoo et al., 2017, p. 45). The fact that this is not often openly expressed can also be seen in Kang’s (2014, p. 390-391) article about the patriarchy in contemporary South Korea. Despite decreasing son preference as a sign of increasing gender equality, in practice the man’s side of the family still tends to hold more bargaining power and authority when it comes to making family decisions, in this specific case regarding rituals and traditions.

In addition, there are signs of change in societal ideas on masculinity when it comes to the behavior and actions associated with masculinity and gender roles. Iryanti (2017) argues how the Korean television show ‘’Superman is Back’’ is showing a new kind of

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masculinity. In the show the fathers are left alone to take care of their children for 48 hours. The show displays fathers cooking, cleaning, changing diapers and taking care of their children. The fact that this is a concept for a show already illustrates that this is not common behavior for the average man. Iryanti does argue that the show tries to discipline men, fathers in particular, who still have a traditional view on parenting and gender roles. The display of new or paternal masculinity is supposed to normalize and encourage a new ideology of masculinity that is more focused on respect and equality then on power or strength.

The Unchanged Masculinity of a Soldier

A way in which traditional ideas of masculinity are continuously being enforced is through the influence of militarized masculinity. Mandatory military conscription requires all men between the age of 18-35 to serve 21 months of active or supplemental service. (Yeo, 2017, p. 294). This was also the start of militarized masculinity influencing the standard of what it was to be a man in the eyes of society and also in the eyes of the opposite gender. Due to the fact that the military service has to be completed between the age of 18-35 many men decide to take a break from university in order to complete their military service and delay their graduation. The reason many men choose to do this is because for men it is necessary in South Korea to complete their military service in order to be perceived as a ‘’man’’ by colleagues in the workforce. Kim (2013) wrote an article covering the opinions and experiences of South Korean men with mandatory military service. This article included excerpts from interviews in which men emphasized the importance of military service. The article stated that the consequences of not having completed their military service affected their work environment. Seniors in the company would ask their male juniors if they had completed their military service in situations where the seniors disagreed with their attitudes or actions. The young men in the article stated that in order for them to be seen as a men by the older generation that had already completed their military service, they also needed to complete their military service. While the details of the companies of the interviewees were not mentioned, it did seem to

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concern an office setting. In South Korea most work environments tend to be strictly hierarchical (Bader, 2018, p. 364) so I imagine this problem exists in a majority of the working industries.

Moon(2005, p. 72) similarly argues that the gender roles enforced in the military also have an effect on larger society. He continues to add that the completion of military service has become the ticket into adult life for men in South Korea. He adds that the emphasis on masculinity in the army comes from the fact that men from all different walks of life are forced to complete military service together. In order to create a sense of community and comradery they looked for the lowest common denominator, which is the fact that they are all male. In order to play that up a hyper masculine environment was created e.g. repetitive military marches and drills are accompanied by songs and exclamations that enforce hypermasculinity in the group and disciplinary actions that are focused on aggression, toughness and the obedience to authority.

This might be connected to the importance of military service in the work life as well, as they created a bond of comradery among all soldiers. However, as Kwon (2001, p. 48) claims these bonds and values are still active even outside of the military environment. As Moon (2005, p. 72) argues this shared experience between men, the sacrifice

they made, becomes their passport to being acknowledged as an adult and lead an adult life. This is something beneficial young Korean men take with them when they complete their military service. The sense of comradery is created to continue to exist outside of the confinement of the military. In addition, this also means that the hypermasculine ideas

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installed in soldiers will most likely also continue to exist when going back to normal life in society. Therefore, if the commodification of women in military culture continues, while women are educating themselves and desire more equality, the struggles between genders might become even more intense in the future.

Kwon(2001) wrote an article on the feminist exploration of military service. In her article she argues that military conscription played a crucial role in forming ideas about masculinity, femininity, motherhood and fatherhood. The enforced morals of masculinity in the military are mostly known as self-sacrifice and physical strength but Kwon claims it goes beyond that. It not only portrays the expected roles of men, women, mothers and fathers are supposed to play in society, it also illustrates the dominant gender order. In the military, the girlfriends of soldiers will wait patiently until their boyfriends complete their duty and welcome them back into society.

During this period, quite similarly to the role of the mother, girlfriends are expected to write emotional letters of support and send gifts. This is the way femininity is portrayed in regard to the military, as subordinate. Kwon argues that also in parenthood the military reinforces traditional roles, as mothers often display nurturing behavior by sending packages and letters to their son which can be viewed as servitude towards the son. While fathers form a relationship of comadery with their sons which puts them on an equal level.

Apart from self-sacrifice and physical strength, there is another important characteristic of masculinity in the military which is not often talked about, and that is the sexist culture. It could be seen as a part of physical strength or seen as the ability to reproduce, but Kwon (2001, p. 48) claims it goes beyond that and it is actually implementing the idea of the commodification of women. Brothels are often in close proximity of military bases and she claims the experience of the sexual culture during military service affects the concept of gender in the minds of these young men. As the normalization of sexual

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services enforces the idea of women as a commodity. She adds that the bigger problem with using hyper masculine ideas to homogenize soldiers is that these hypermasculine ideas are not contained within the military setting. As soldiers are discharged they bring these values back into society, ultimately affecting male/female relationships.

However, after completion of their military service, men often tend to go back to school and are still not seen as adults by society. While completing military service is required a factor in order to be seen as a man, completing military service in itself does not mean you will suddenly be perceived as a man by society. Due to the fact that women in South Korea do not have to complete any mandatory military service, they generally graduate earlier and start earning money at a younger age compared to men. This can be a cause of struggle as providing is another important aspect of perceived masculinity. This will be discussed in more detail in the following chapters.

My Mother’s Daughter

The gender roles that women are expected to fulfill change throughout their life and through marriage and childbirth. There is still a very present Confucian traditional idea of how women are supposed to act and behave, despite changing mindsets and an increasing desire for self-actualization outside the family structure.

The first role a woman will fulfill in her life is the role of the daughter. Shin (2014) argues that Korean parents who grew up in a time of rapid social and economic change did not have a fulfilling youth and/or the ability to pursue their own dreams. As a result, their hopes and dreams are often projected unto their children as they believe their children’s’ success is also their own success. Therefore, children are under pressure to take the responsibility of making their parents proud. It is a trade where the parents are expected to be selfless and even sacrifice themselves and in return children feel a sense of obligation. Shin(2014) argues that children offer two ways of upward social mobility. Firstly, through obtaining success through education and career, described in her article

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on the national teacher test in particular, this results in the parents having ‘’face’’ within social circles and even within the family. Secondly, upwards mobility can be attained through daughters finding a good marriage partner. While the other aspects applied two both sons and daughters, when it comes to marriage women are expected to marry ‘’up’’, while that is unlikely, and unanticipated, for men. Therefore, finding a good marriage partner is part of being a good daughter. Shin’s article discusses young women who are studying to become teachers, not only because this job has a good societal image, but because the job will help them find ‘’good’’ husbands of high status. Due to women playing a big role in the social mobility of their families (Abelmann, 2003, p. 135) and other ways of social mobility limited for working class individuals, the hope of striking a high status man through attractiveness and other preferred specification is still strived after.

Wise Mother and Good Wife

After a woman gets married there are new roles that she is expected to take on, the role of a wife and the role of a mother. The construct of ‘’wise mother and good

wife’’ is debatably the most influential gender ideology in contemporary South Korea (Choi, 2009, p. 1). Choi explains that since the beginning of the construct, both rooted in western ideas and Japanese colonialization, it has evolved to accommodate modern day challenges. But the same time it is an enforcement of patriarchal gender arrangements. While the more modernized construct allowed women to pursue a career more freely, the kind of careers desired for women are those of teachers, nurses of other professions that have a role as educator or nurturer. In this way, still limiting the identity women outside

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of their role of wife or mother. One of Lee (2013, p. 37) her informants expressed her frustration with these roles ‘’I don’t have a role in this society. It’s crazy because I’m my mother’s daughter, I’m my husbands wife, I’m my child’s mother, I’m nothing else’’. This can also be seen through the way mother’s are often referred to, instead of their own name they are often referred to as ‘’child’s-name’’’s mother. It shows how much marriage and childbirth forms a part of women’s identity in South Korea.

The in-Laws

Besides the role of a wife and mother, a woman is also expected to fulfill the role as the daughter-in-law. Kim (1996) illustrates in her article the common stereotype of the dictatorial, dominant, mother in law and the dutiful, submissive daughter-in-law. The reason for this stereotype is explained as mothers-in-law try to compensate their declining power in the family by asserting authority over their daughter-in-law, often through unreasonable demands. The daughters-in-law would try to meet the demands in order not to disrespect or disrupt the patriarchal family system. However, this relationship is changing due to two major changes. First, daughters-in-law are increasingly working and pursuing their own careers, according to Kim (1996, p. 188) this actual helps lessen the friction between daughter and mother-in-law. As the daughter-in-law is not ‘’imposing’’ on the mother-in-daughter-in-law’s role as a family administrator it is actual beneficial to the relationship. On the other hand, women’s increase in education, the second change, actually seems to increase conflict in mother/daughter-in-law relationships. Daughters-in-law tend to use their educational achievements as negotiating power in undermining family obligations and the authority of their mother-in-law (pp. 181). The established norm still puts the authority of the mother-in-law and family obligations above the opinion of the daughter-in-law. This is due to the husbands family being ranked higher than her own family and effectively being higher ranked than herself, putting her in a subservient position (Kang,2014, p. 390). This often results in the daughter-in-law having to conform the wishes of the family before her own, leaving her with little opportunity for self-actualization.

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According to Johnsrud (1995, p. 30) the different roles women have to take on within the family in combination with working is causing them a lot of stress. Women expressed that they often feel like they are working two jobs because after they finish their day job they go home and are in charge of taking care of their children, their homes and their husband’s family. Furthermore, the extra responsibilities that women carry also influence their careers. One of Johnrud’s (1995) informants describes it as having to run on the same track as men but women are carrying a sandbag on their shoulders (pp. 30). While it is still possible to win, it is important to acknowledge the situation and be realistic about the odds.

Inequality on the Workfloor

Won (2005, p. 11) argues in her article that while there is an increasing need for dual incomes for families, especially in the big cities. But the same time, company policies to accommodate work and family are often not put to use due to a discouraging company culture and only exist due to legal reasons. In addition, Won (2005) argues the mindset that women should and will prioritize family over work is hindering companies from allowing women to fully participating (pp. 14). Marriage and childbirth are still viewed as a negative interference when it comes to female employees as they assume that women will put their family before work, making them unreliable employees (pp. 15). As a result, married women are viewed as less favorable to hire compared to single women and it is still common for women to be forced to resign when the company discovers a female employee is pregnant (pp. 20). For men, marriage or children are not viewed as negative as according to traditional gender roles to man will put his role as breadwinner before child rearing, therefore placing a higher importance on his job (pp. 14-15). Won (2005, p. 10-11) adds that due to these firm believes in patriarchal gender roles, it is making it difficult for women to fully participate on the same level as men. According to Won,(2005, p. 16) there is often a distinction made between the motivation for women to pursue a career, either out of economic need or out of need of self-actualization. Women

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pursuing careers out of self-actualization are often looked down upon, as male colleagues assume these women do not take their career as seriously as men, who ‘always’ have to work out of financial need.

The women that do manage to obtain and maintain a job are often still facing struggles in their work environment, due to women not being acknowledged for their skills and expectations of traditional feminine behavior. Lee (2013, p. 40) says there is an emphasis on good looks when South Korean firms evaluate female applicants but also after they are hired there is an importance placed on looks and femininity. In Lee’s (2013) article, one of her informants describes a situation of being told to sit across a supervisor so he had ‘’something nice to look at’’ and she involuntarily had to serve her male colleagues drinks despite her higher status in the company (pp. 40). The enforcing of femininity in often male-dominated workplaces can also be seen from the use of aegyo. Aegyo is behavior and speech that enacts a child-like charm and cuteness, e.g high pitched voice, whispering, baby-talk, pouting, sulking, elaborate gestures and diminutive word choices (Puzar et al., 2018, p. 333-334). In the article of Puzar et al. (2018) it is described that in the work environment aegyo is expected of female workers, especially towards their male seniors, in order to be favorably looked upon. Men expressed that women hold power in talking softly, if they were express their opinion too strongly it would be perceived as rude (pp. 345). In this manner women are still being forced to conform and behave in a traditional feminine matter, as resisting these norms might make it difficult for women to continue to pursue a career and will result in them not being able to gain financial independence.

Another aspect in which women’s independence is being restricted is through housing. In her article, Song (2010) argues about the importance of spatial autonomy for

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unmarried women. She explains that conventionally women are expected to live with their parents until they get married due to the high costs of housing in the cities and tradition. It is seen as the parents’ responsibility to protect their unmarried daughters and supervise them. Subsequently, unmarried women who live without supervision and parental protection risk the reputation of having loose sexual morals (pp. 132) because of the assumption that without parental supervision these unmarried women will ‘’freely’’ engage in sexual activities. According to Confucian patriarchal views, women belong to their fathers until they are married and it dictates that the parents have a duty to protect their daughters’ sexualities (pp. 134). The fact that these women are under parental supervision, which is difficult to escape from, reproduces these Confucian patriarchal views and makes it hard for women to act according to their personal wishes.

In addition, it is not easy for single people to find housing. Unmarried people under the age of 35 cannot apply for bank loans and the national housing fund is only available to married couples of those who supply evidence they will get married soon (p. 135). Without these loans a yearly lease for housing becomes unattainable. Monthly rent is often the only available option as it requires a significantly smaller sum upfront. However, this system of renting is effectively the most expensive and ultimately is discouraging for unmarried people who are seeking an independent living space.

In order to break away from the parental supervision, some women actually choose to pursue marriage as a way to obtaining independence and privacy (p. 132). However, for the women who are not pursuing marriage, they are willing to face the challenges in order to move out on their own. Ironically, the pestering and constant discussions surrounding marriage was the main motivation for her informants to seek their own living space. This can indicate that there is a desire to escape the parental pressure and live more freely in privacy according to their own wants and value (p. 134).

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Potential Criminals Against Potential Victims

On May 17th, 2016 in Gangnam, Seoul, a gruesome murder took place in the public

bathroom of a Karaoke place. The victim, a 23 year old woman, had left her group to use the washroom where she was brutally stabbed to death with a 30 cm knife. The security camera footage of her boyfriend discovering her body after he had gone to look for her had gone viral over the internet. Unreleased footage, from the same security camera had helped in finding the murderer. A 34 year old male, who was arrested while working in a BBQ restaurant close to the Karaoke where the murder took place. The reason that this specific murder case caused a big reaction in South Korea is that there was no relationship between the murderer and his victim. He allegedly waited outside of that public bathroom for about an hour, letting six men pass, and then finally attacked the female victim as soon as she entered the bathroom. He publicly announced that his motivation for the murder was that he was tired of being belittled and ignored by women (Hankyoreh, 2016). This event has caused many women, that were hesitant before, to speak out on the misogyny they experience and how it affects their sense of safety.

Due to the fact that this murder caused such a big reaction, the police received a lot of backlash when they announced they did not perceive this murder as a hate crime towards women. The police said that his unstable mental health was the cause as the murderer was allegedly suffering from schizophrenia (The Korea Herald, 2016). However, as people, especially young people, are getting more educated on mental health they are not allowing the government to dismiss cases based on the mental state of the perpetrator. Particularly, in this case, it was seen as an attempt to ignore publicly visible signs of misogyny.

As an increasing number of women started to speak out against the violence against women, many started being categorized as ‘’Megalia’’ by men. Megalia is the name of a group of extreme feminists founded in 2015 but is also often used as a derogatory term by men against women who express negative feelings towards men (Jeong et al., 2018, p.

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706).

Jeong et al. (2018) explained the movement was highly criticized by Korean men for being a movement of ‘’men haters’’ and promoting misandry while hiding behind feminism (pp. 709). As a result, the megalia.com website has been vandalized multiple times, mainly by men right’s activists (Singh, 2016, para. 17) but Megalia continues to organize political action both online and offline (Jeong et al., 2018, p. 706).

The start of Megalia has resulted in a male counter movement. Pailin Wedel has followed some of the men’s right activists in his documentary ‘’South Korea’s Gender Wars’’ (2017). The men’s rights groups are an answer

to feminism which many perceive to be aiming towards women’s rights rather than equality. The documentary starts at the protest at Gangnam station where both feminists and men’s right activists are present. The men are seen yelling ‘’Men are not potential criminals’’ and the women yell ‘’but women are potential victims’’ in return.

It perfectly sums up the miscommunication and friction between the two genders. These men rights groups often interpret feminism as hatred towards men. According to Mr. Choi, the leader of a men’s right group with over 3,000 members it’s all due to the current imbalance between men and women, men feel like they have lost their place in society. Mr. Hong, who is also a men’s right activist but operates alone, explained in the documentary that South Korea makes men miserable. They are expected to make sacrifices and go to the army and bear most of the workload while working longer hours than women. He said that under this pressures men’s backbones aren’t just bending, but are about to break.

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For women, one of the main motivators behind feminism is South Korea’s violence against women. While South Korea’s overall crime rate does not appear to be high, only 1,3% of the sexual crimes are reported and domestic violence even less. In the documentary (Wedel, 2017), Miss Sun spoke on this issue in the documentary stating that she does not feel women are taken seriously, as she had heard stories of people close to her where police would not intervene because domestic violence was ‘’a personal issue’’ that a couple had to resolve among themselves. According to Gover et al. (2011) domestic and partner violence in South Korea has always been thought of as a private family matter (pp. 1239) and even now that is often still the case (pp. 1255).

Gender struggle and dating Violence

Despite the Prevention of Domestic Violence and Victim Protection Act of being instated in 1997 it has done little to change the view of domestic violence as a private matter (Gover et al., 2011, p. 1255). Consequently, it is not hard to imagine why dating violence, violent physical or emotional behavior between a couple in a romantic relationship, is discussed even less. It is not acknowledged as a social phenomenon when it comes to intervention, prevention or in terms of research. With 40% of university students having experienced some sort of sexual violence, half of the women maintain the relationship, because their partner ‘’did not always act that way’’. With 45,9% of male students considering these kinds of actions as natural between a couple in love (Kim et al., 2019, p. 47). It leaves a lot of room to educate on recognizing these actions for what they are in order to bring awareness and prevent dating violence. One of my own informants was willing to share her own story. A women in her mid-twenties, currently in between jobs.

My first boyfriend was like really violent, he always said’’ I'm going to kill you like this’’ or he would grab me by the wrist and shout at me. I didn't know that this wasn't normal because he was my first boyfriend. I thought every boy was like that, they're violent. He cheated on me and when I caught him with the other girl, again

Protest for the conviction of former presidential candidate Ahn Hee-jung, who repeatedly raped his former secretary. Photo by Ra Dragon on Unsplash

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he said to me ‘’I will kill you’’. After we broke up he started to stalk me, seriously following me, calling me, texting me. He also found me on Facebook and other social media. It would be really hard for me to report the guy, in Korea usually the police thinks of it as a private thing, so usually they don't want to interfere. This was 8 years ago, so back then it was really hard to report this kind of thing. I didn't even think of actually reporting it to the police, I thought they just wouldn't help me.

Actually I don't remember much about him, I just remember that he was violent, I just remember him shouting, grabbing me and dragging me.

– Lee Rena

Her story illustrates that even in modern South Korea, intimate partner violence is still often looked at as a private matter. Due to this perception intimate partner violence is lacking awareness and education as is made apparent in Rena her case. At first she was unaware that her situation was not the norm, and even when she came to this realization, she felt like help was unavailable to her. It is no wonder that women feel like they are not being taken seriously when they are being ignored as victims of abuse. Rena was not the only informant that spoke out on the issue of dating violence.

These days there is a manual in Korea called the safety dating manual. It is because it's like every week there is a news story about a boy killing his girlfriend because she wanted to break up with him or spraying acid on her face, or stabbing or cutting her. These days I feel like that's the sentiment. It is like ‘’hey be careful you'll never know how crazy this person might be’’. It even happened to one of my friends, she was abused, not physically fortunately, but yeah, abusive guys are everywhere.

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While Jihyo mostly reacted to stories in the media and in her direct surroundings, it does appear she perceived these stories to have become quite common. Yet there is a lack of counter actions and preventative measures from the police and government. The dating manual Jihyo mentioned seems to be an attempt for women to protect themselves in an environment where they are not protected by their government. Through this manual, it seems that women now once again carry the responsibility to protect themselves against becoming potential victims instead of resolving the issue with a focus on perpetrators. This traditional view on women carrying a great responsibility in preserving their own safety and sexuality. In the documentary (Wedel, 2017), Mr. Choi said that in his opinion women are tempted by the media to victimize themselves in those situation, insinuating that women carry more responsibility in those situations then they might be willing to admit. This view became more apparent when Jihyo focused in on sexual violence

in particular.

If there's one reason for a woman to avoid sexual contact, it is because you don't know how abusive the guys can get. There is a lot of cases of guys taking pictures or video during the sexual intercourse. Then later they put it up on the internet or threaten to spread it if the girl wants to break up. It happened to a friend of mine she was filmed in a motel, he was kind of taking a selfie with her while she was sleeping and she was naked. It also happened to my sister so I think it's pretty common, in her case it was a sound recording.

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Once again these actions of violence seemed quite common yet little has been done to help counter these actions. Jihyo explained that in many cases even reporting could end up harming the woman more than the men, due to the stigma that is still present on pre-marital sex. Exposure could hurt the woman’s reputation while the chances of the man getting some sort of punishment are very slim. It seems quite apparent that these actions are done in order for the man to maintain power in the relationship, as many cases mentioned these actions as behaviors that caused them to have a hold over these women in case they wished to break off the relationship. In the past women were believed to be more subservient and adhered closer to the Confucian gender role that forced them to put the ‘face’ of the family above their personal interests (Kim, 1996, p. 181). Luckily, in the light of recent events, more women are speaking out for women’s rights. It is also noteworthy that while dating violence towards women is supposedly grossly underreported, women are still more likely to report actions of violence than men (Seligowski et al., 2009). There is also a stigma for men to speak out on abuse, as it might hurt their perceived masculinity. Therefore, active measures are needed to decrease violence, not exclusively against women, but on dating violence in its entirety.

When it comes to equality, Hoffman (1995) offers an interesting perspective on gender inequality. She argues that for too long men and women are seen as opposites as opposed to a tradeoff of power that creates harmony and centers around cooperation. She explains that the traditional views on women being subordinate to men who go out and work to get the money has been looked at all wrong. She divided the traditional views of power in two categories: public and private. While men might have had more public power, women often held more private power as they controlled the finances and were the center of the family that made sure everything else was functioning. However, women these days strive to obtain more public power while men have expressed little desire to gain extra private power. Therefore, this perception of trading off power can cause friction between men and women when it comes to modernizing gender roles.

All or nothing : dating and marriage among youth in South Korea