Am I the only one? : an explorative study of the taboo on female porn consumers

Am I the only one?

An explorative study of the taboo on female porn

consumers.

Graduate School of Social Sciences Program: Gender, Sexuality and Society

First Supervisor: Marie- Louise Janssen Second Supervisor: Stephanie Steinmetz

A

This study explores the taboo on female porn consumers, what it consists of and some of the effects it can have on women. By asking my respondents questions relating to for example their comfort to speak about their porn watching behaviour, their experiences with watching, their feelings when they watch, their knowledge of female consumers in their personal surroundings, I examined the ideas and experiences women have with this taboo on female porn consumers.

In the outcome if this study we can see that it turns out women experience feelings of embarrassment about watching porn, feeling limited in their freedom to talk about watching, question if their behaviour is normal and fear of being judged by their personal environment.

KEYWORDS: pornography, taboo, stigma, women, feminism, sexuality, gender, agency

T

able of contents

1. Introduction 5

1.1 Am I the only one? 5

1.2 Giving the topic the attention it needs 5

1.3 Research questions 7

1.4 Thesis roadmap 8

1.5 Method 10

1.6 The search for respondents 11

1.7 The right questions 13

2. Theoretical framework 15

2.1 Conceptualizations of main concepts 15

2.2 The ‘sex wars’ 17

2.3 The slut discourse 20

2.4 Female masturbation 22

2.5 Porn and sexual agency 25

3. Data: giving the female porn consumers a voice 28

3.1 The first time 28

3.2 The long search for an arousing video 31

3.3 Talking about watching porn 34

3.4 Barriers and negative feelings 38

3.5 The female porn consumer as a slut 41

3.6 Tough men and innocent women 42

3.7 Porn as a part of the exploration of your sexuality 44

3.8 Is it a taboo? 45

4. Theory and data 48

4.1 A feminist struggle 48

4.2 How ‘slut’ curtails female sexual activity 52

4.3 The taboo on female masturbation 54

5. Conclusion 58 5.1 Where does this taboo on female porn consumers

come from? 58

5.2 Female experiences with the taboo 59

5.3 Contradictory answers 61

5.4 Further research 62

5.5 I am not the only one 63

1

Introduction

1.1 Am I the only one?

For a few years now I have occasionally been watching pornographic videos on the Internet. Until I started doing this research, I never told anyone besides my boyfriend. Talking about sex with my female friends is no problem. We share the experiences we had with men, good or bad. We talk about our insecurities, anal sex, lingerie, orgasms, masturbating, vibrators, one- night stands, it seems there is no topic that can’t be discussed. So then why was I afraid to tell them that I watch porn sometimes? Because I was ashamed, but why? I was afraid they would consider my behaviour to be strange and that they would judge me because of that.

I could not imagine that this hesitation and shame about watching porn was something I was experiencing alone. There had to be more women with similar feelings or experiences. None of the women in my personal surroundings had ever told me that they watch porn, until I started my research. After I told women about my topic and the reason I chose this topic, namely out of personal feelings and experiences as a female porn consumer, some women in my personal surrounding came up to me to tell me they watch too. One was actually whispering, while looking around to see if no one was around to hear: “you can interview me if you want, I watch it too sometimes”. Turned out my feelings were right, I indeed was not the only one. This made me even more curious. I was not the only one, apparently more women watch, but don’t talk about it. How come no one speaks about it, while this is not the case for many other topics related to sexuality? How come men in my environment do speak openly about watching porn? Is watching porn for women a taboo?

1.2 Giving the topic the attention it needs

Every second worldwide $3075.64 is spent on porn, 28258 people are viewing porn and 372 people are typing porn related search terms. Every 39 minutes a new porn video is created1. Porn is no longer a sideshow, many are watching it (Williams, 2004: 2). Trough the Internet porn is more accessible than ever, technologies like the Internet offer women considerable potential in terms of accessing porn (Juffer, 1998:                                                                                                                

6). Rutgers WPF, a Dutch organisation that focuses on sexuality, did research sexual behaviour of 4137 women and 3927 men in the age of 15-71 in the Netherlands (de Graaf, 2012: 88). This research shows that one in three Dutch women watch porn monthly (de Graaf, 2012: 89). Dutch men watch more porn then women. 6.3% of men watch porn daily, compared to 0.4% of women. Most women who watch porn according to this research watch porn monthly, namely 29,6%. 3,2% Watches weekly and 66,8% of the women never watch porn (de Graaf, 2012: 90).

As Schick, Rima & Calabrese state, female viewing has become mainstream (Schick, Rima & Calabrese, 2009: 74). Thus if that many women are watching porn on average monthly (de Graaf, 2012: 90), how come none of the women in my personal surroundings spoke about watching before I ‘came out’ first?

Sex is something that is more associated with masculinity. Men are expected to want sex, sex for them is an innate, healthy and it must be expressed (Averett, Benson & Vaillancourt, 2008: 331). For men it is therefore seen as more normal to watch porn as Feona Attwood, a professor in cultural studies and co-editor of the academic journals Sexualities and Porn Studies, explains. They generally become familiar with it at an early age and besides the use for individual sexual stimulation, porn is often even part of the male bonding process (Attwood, 2005: 70). In a new Dutch radio campaign, initiated by SIRE (Stichting Ideele Reclame), we hear a boy asking his father to educate him about pornographic videos on the Internet2. The fact that we do not hear a girl asking her mother or father, also reflects the idea that watching porn is something men do. For women using porn seems to be more of a taboo, probably because women are taught not to be too sexual (Averett, Benson & Vaillancourt, 2008: 336).

With this study I pursue to explore the experiences female porn consumers have with this taboo and if they feel this taboo has an influence on their watching behaviour and experience. As Sabo describes, young women are often described as a sexually liberated as empowered generation (Sabo, 2012: 2). I find it fascinating that when women are apparently liberated, most women still do not talk about watching pornography. Porn is still seen more as a male territory (Rubin, 1992: 36). I would like to emphasize that I am not claiming that watching porn is completely taboo-free for all men. In my personal surroundings however I feel that men speak more openly                                                                                                                

about watching porn then women. And as we will see in chapter 3, most of my respondents share this experience with me. Thus based on what I see in my personal surroundings, I feel that it is more accepted for men to watch porn and for men to be open about their watching behaviour, then it is for women. If there is a taboo on women that watch porn, this is limiting the sexual freedom of women. If women are going to have equality with men, shouldn’t they be able to openly enjoy pornography as well?

When searching for academic literature on this taboo on female porn consumers, there is hardly anything to find. Whereas there is plenty of literature on taboo related to other spheres of female sexuality. When doing a general search on the Internet about this topic, I found that the topic is discussed on several blogs and popular articles. Blogs on for example the taboo on female masturbation, and on the taboo of women talking about their porn watching behaviour.3 Here it becomes visible that it is a topic women can relate to, have experiences with, or ideas about. These ideas have not been given a voice in academic literature. With my research I aim to make a start in giving academic attention to this topic and make people aware of this taboo and women’s experiences with it, by answering the research questions explained in paragraph 1.3. It is important to provide insight in these questions, since taboos can only be lifted when they are made visible.

1.3 Research questions

My main research question is: What does the taboo on female porn consumers consist

of and how does this influence their watching behaviour? By answering this question

I will explore this taboo and women’s experiences with it and give a voice to the experiences of women with this taboo.

The following questions will help provide background information about the taboo on female porn consumers.

• Where does the taboo on female porn consumers come from? (Chapter 2) • How are the ‘sex wars’ from the ‘70s/’80s related to the taboo on female porn

consumers? (Paragraph 2.2)                                                                                                                 3 http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/10321496/Girls-masturbate.-Why-cant-we-talk-about-it.html http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/06/women-is-masturbation-the-last-sex-taboo.htmlhttp://thoughtcatalog.com/samantha-jane/2014/01/there-are-so-many- benefits-to-watching-porn/

• What is the relation of the taboo on female porn consumers and the ‘slut discourse’? (Paragraph 2.3)

• Watching pornography and masturbation are inextricably intertwined. Is there perhaps also a taboo on female masturbation? (Paragraph 2.4)

• How does this taboo on female porn consumers limit women’s sexual agency? (Paragraph 2.5)

The following subquestions, will help answer my main research question.

• How did the respondents feel the first time they watched pornography? (Paragraph 3.1)

• What do the respondents think about the content of pornographic videos? (Paragraph 3.2)

• How do the respondents feel about talking about watching pornographic videos with their personal environment (friends, family, partner) and what are their experiences with this? (Paragraph 3.3)

• Do the respondents experience a barrier/ did they feel they had to overcome something when they first started watching pornographic videos, and why? (Paragraph 3.4)

• What are the respondents experiences with negative feelings about their porn watching behaviour, have they experienced this? (Paragraph 3.4)

• Have the respondents ever felt judged by their personal environment about their personal environment, how/ why? (Paragraph 3.3, 3.4, 3.5)

• How do the ideas of the respondents about gender norms relate to their ideas on watching pornography? (Paragraph 3.6)

• How does watching relate to the exploration of sex and sexuality, according to the respondents? (Paragraph 3.7)

• How do the respondents think about the taboo on female porn consumers? (Paragraph 3.8)

1.4 Thesis roadmap

I will start by explaining the approach I chose for my research (1.5). After this I shall say something about how I found my respondents (1.6). Where did I find these women? In my research many quotes will be used. To give an idea of the background of each interviewee I shall conclude paragraph 1.6 with an table that contains an

overview of all 11 respondents and some of their background information, such as their age, relational status, whether they are porn consumers or not etc. After this I will dedicate a section to the questions I used in my interviews (1.7).

Chapter two will be dedicated to the theoretical framework of my study. I will start this chapter by giving a conceptualization of the main concepts of my research (2.1). My theoretical framework will start with the ‘sex wars’ of the 1970s and 1980s, using theories of among others Feona Attwood, Ann Russo and Gayle Rubin. After this I will elaborate on the slut discourse in paragraph 2.3, by using for example literature of Feona Attwood, Laura Kipnis and Sunny Bergman. Paragraph 2.4 will be about female masturbation. Here I will look at literature of Betty Dodson, Jennifer Marie- Panthea Olsen, Eli Coleman and others. The final paragraph (2.5) of chapter two will be on porn and sexual agency. Once again I will make use of writings by Feona Attwood, but also of for example Ann Sabo and Cherie Matrix.

In chapter three I will present my data by letting my respondents do the talking. In this chapter attention will be paid to the first time my respondents watched porn (3.1) and their ideas on the content of pornographic videos (3.2), talking about porn (3.3), barriers and negative feelings (3.4), the slut discourse (3.5), gender (3.6), the positive effects porn can have (3.7) and taboo (3.8).

In chapter four my date will be studied by using theories presented in my theoretical framework. Paragraph 4.1 will be about the feminist struggle women have with pornography partially as a heritage of the sex wars of the 1970s and 1980s. After this attention will be paid to the way ‘slut’ can curtail female sexuality (4.2). In paragraph 4.3 we will look what my respondents said about pornography and how this relates to research on masturbation. The final paragraph of this chapter will be on the way the taboo is limiting the sexual agency of female porn consumers, but also for those women that might want to try watching porn sometime.

In the fifth and concluding chapter I will explain the main findings of my study, what exactly have we seen in this exploration of the taboo on female porn consumers? I will explain the main aspects the taboo consists of (5.1), the main themes that were the outcome of my data (5.2), several contradictions that can be found in the answers of my respondents (5.3), recommendations for further research (5.4) and I will come back to the question my research started with for me, namely: Am I the only one (5.5)?

1.5 Method

I will provide insight into the taboo on female porn consumers by using a qualitative approach. For this study I conducted in depth interviews with 11 Dutch women in the age of 18 till 34. These 11 women contained both women who watch porn, but also women that belong to the group of non- watchers. Five of my respondents watched porn on a regular basis, on the average two times a month. One of my respondents had watched porn regularly for a period of about 5 years, but did not watch any more currently. Two of the women I interviewed had watched porn once together with their (ex-) boyfriend. Because this was no successful experience for them, they did not consider themselves porn consumers. Three respondents had looked up a video once out of curiosity, generally together with some girlfriends, but never looked at porn for sexual stimulation.

I decided to use in depth interviews because I felt this would provide most insights into my topic and question. As Feona Attwood, a professor of cultural studies explains, most of the research in the area of female sexuality that has been done is quantitative (Attwood, 2005: 66). But as she argues qualitative work is more suited to an examination of the complex, social, cultural and political constructions of sexuality (Attwood, 2005: 65). A qualitative method is more suited to picking up on complexity of meanings that sexuality has for individuals and the importance of context in construction of these meanings (Attwood, 2005: 68). Therefore I chose in depth interviewing as my research method, to get most rich and detailed information.

As explained the women I interviewed included women that watch pornographic video’s monthly for sexual stimulation, generally as a masturbation tool. I will consider these women porn consumers. The second group are the women that had seen a pornographic video, but that did not consume regularly, or see it as sexually arousing. Therefor I will consider these women non- consumers. My reason to include a group of non- consumers into my research, is to create a control group. Women that do watch porn are more likely to have experiences or ideas related to this taboo, this might even be the reason they decided to participate in my research. By including this control group of non- consumers and asking them about their ideas or experiences with this taboo, I aim to get a more broad and objective insight into the topic.

1.6 The search for respondents

I approached my respondents trough several forms of social media. I did not want to interview women I knew, because as I claim, I am dealing with a taboo topic. I felt I would get most honest, open and broad answers, if I interviewed women outside of my personal network. This is why I placed calls on several forums asking women if they would like to participate in an interview. The call explained shortly that the topic would be taboo and female porn consumers. These calls were placed on forums on the topic of sexuality, that had women as their target group. I also placed calls on several Facebook pages, related to sexuality. Besides this I used Facebook to place a call my network could share, this way my call would go outside of my network. Therefore most of the women in my research that are not consumers were women I did not know personally, but some of them I got into contact with trough other women in my personal network.

The women that responded to my call, were all women that did watch porn. To my surprise it was not as easy to find non- consumers outside of my network that were willing to talk about this topic. The reason of this is unknown. Perhaps these women could not relate to the topic as much as women that do watch and thought they would have nothing useful to say about it. Or maybe they felt uncomfortable with the topic. This lack of comfort I encountered more often in my search for respondents. Two women asked me how the interview would be conducted. When I explained to them I would like the interview to be face to face, they decided not to cooperate. My initial aim was to interview 20 women in the age of 20-30. But soon during my search I found this would be unmanageable in the limited amount of time available. Therefore I decided not to exclude the women below 20 and above 30 that were willing to participate.

The women I interviewed were from all over the Netherlands. Because I wanted to burden them as less as possible and I wanted them to be comfortable, I let them choose the setting of the interview. Most interviews were conducted in quite areas of cafes and two interviews were conducted trough Skype.

The table below will present the respondents (using fictitious names) and some of their background information.

Respondent Age Residence Relational status Educational level4 Religion5 Sexual orientation Consumer6 Current average monthly amount of consumption Sabrina 26 Amsterdam LAT

relationship7

WO None Men Yes 1-2 times

Karlijn 32 Rotterdam Cohabiting WO Catholic, practicing mildly

Men Yes 1 time

Roos 23 Leiden Cohabiting WO None Women Yes 4 times

Lieke8 33 Utrecht LAT

relationship WO Christianity Men women Former consumer -

Suzanne 34 Hoorn Single MBO None Men Yes Unknown

Lisa 18 Roermond Single MBO None Men No -

Tineke 21 Roermond LAT

relationship

HBO None Men No -

Vera 23 Texel Cohabiting MBO None Men No -

Loes 21 Haarlem LAT

relationship

MBO None Men No -

Marloes 28 Tilburg Cohabiting MBO None Men Yes Unknown

Sanne 26 Amsterdam Single HBO None Men No -

4 _{WO= University of Research, HBO= University of Applied Science, MBO= Community College}

5 _{Some of the women had a religious upbringing, were baptised or went to catholic school. Despite this, many}

described themselves as not religious, which is why they are labelled not religious.

6 _{Consumer here means women that currently occasionally watch porn for sexual stimulation. In this research}

women that have seen porn once, or that have watched it for sexual stimulation on a previous occasion with a boyfriend are not seen as porn consumers because currently don’t consume.

7 _{LAT= Living Apart Together}

8 _{Lieke is somewhat different than the other women that cooperated in my research. In the past, she watched}

porn regularly for a period of time. Currently however, she does not watch anymore. Therefore she does have experiences as a consumer with the taboo on watching porn that will be used in chapter 4 and 5.

1.7 The right questions

How make my goal happen and explore this specific taboo? Because taboos are mostly topics that can not be discussed openly easy (see 2.1), I asked the women that had watched porn for sexual stimulation questions relating to their comfort to speak about their porn watching behaviour. I asked them if they spoke about it, with whom and how they felt about this. Do they consider it easier to talk to men about this topic? The women that did not discuss their watching behaviour with their personal surroundings, I asked why and what they would think would happen when they would tell. Also I asked them about their experiences with watching. What did they feel when they first started watching and how about now, did they ever have negative feelings while watching? Why would this be? Because I also wanted some information about their social surroundings, I asked them if other women or men they knew watched, or if they thought they did. The non- consuming women I asked about their ideas about talking about watching porn. Would they tell anyone if they would do it? Do they have experiences with women in their environment that watch porn? How did they feel when they heard these women in their environment watch? Do they think more women they know watch porn? Why won’t they speak about watching? I concluded interviews with both groups of women with the question if they thought watching porn for women is taboo. To both groups I asked some more general questions as well. Because I wanted to get some more insight if these experiences, feelings and ideas were really related to the taboo. These were questions like do they speak openly about sex with their friends? How about male friends and at home? And how about masturbation, is that an easily discussed topic? I felt that with an answer to these questions, I could say something about the relation of the feelings, experiences and ideas of the respondent, and the taboo. After all, if the women are openly about sex and masturbating, how come they are less open when it comes to watching porn? If this was the case, I also asked them what their ideas about this were.

I deliberately did not ask my respondents intimate sexual details about their porn watching behaviour. Questions such as: What exactly do you like to watch? Do you always masturbate while watching? How long do you watch? What exactly do you do with your partner when you watch together? etc. were not asked. These would definitely have been interesting questions to give more insight into the behaviour of female porn consumers, but I feel these questions are best asked using a non- qualitative approach such as a survey. As described in the previous paragraph it was

not easy to find women that were willing to cooperate in an interview. Some women who were first willing to participate in my research, decided not to when they heard I would like to interview them face-to-face. This already shows that talking about porn is not easy for all women. Therefore in the calls I placed on several social media websites (see 1.6), I assured the women that the interview would not be about intimate details of their watching behaviour. Thus in order to find respondents for my research I asked questions purely about the experiences and ideas of the respondents on the taboo on female porn consumers.

All of the interviews were recorded with the approval of the respondent. Afterwards I made a precise transcription of each conversation. In Atlas.ti I analysed these transcripts by using codes. This way I could see how often and where a certain topic was discussed. A few of these codes were for example: ‘not speaking about watching: shame’, ‘not speaking about watching: no interest in sharing’, ‘not speaking about watching: fear of being judged’. Also I made summaries of the transcripts and made notes about what was being said. These notes where what I used most while doing my analysis. By using these notes I examined contradictions, or frequently used ideas and experiences.

The interviews were conducted in Dutch. I shall use many quotes, because I feel this is important since I want to give these female porn consumers a voice. Each language has a way of talking and expressions of it’s own. I tried to translate the sayings of the respondents the best way possible from Dutch to English. Sometimes I felt a word or saying could not be translated directly into English, in these cases I enclosed the Dutch word(s) in brackets.

2

Theoretical framework

As described in paragraph 1.2 there is no academic literature on the specific topic of my research, the taboo on female porn consumers. Therefore I will use literature that in my opinion is related to this topic.

I will start this chapter by saying something about the main concepts used in this study. These main concepts are pornography, taboo and sexual agency. When writing about pornography in a feminist context it is impossible not to say anything about the ‘sex wars’ of the 1970s. Paragraph 2.2 will be dedicated to this period, where feminists where divided over a number of issues related to pornography. Paragraph 2.2 will be about another topic related to pornography and women, namely the slut discourse. I will take a look at what the concept ‘slut’ comes from and how it is used as a means of exclusion, also in the Dutch context. Female masturbation will be the theme of paragraph 2.3. Attention will be paid to the ideas women have on masturbation and the importance of masturbation for sexual health. Also I will say something about masturbation in the Netherlands. The fourth and final paragraph of this chapter will be about literature on pornography and sexual agency. How watching porn can be a vehicle for women to explore their own sexuality (Sabo, 2011: 6) and the role feminist porn can play in this.

2.1 Conceptualization of main concepts

In this paragraph I will provide some information on the definitions and operationalization’s of the main concepts of my study. These main concepts are pornography, taboo and sexual agency.

Since pornography is one of the main focuses of my research I will start with the operationalization of this concept. There are many different definitions given of pornography. It is perhaps not surprising that the term literally means ‘pictures or writings about prostitutes’ (Rodgerson & Wilson, 1991: 16). Originally this word was a rather rare and scholarly one, derived from a single instance in a Greek writing, used for works on social policy and public administration of the regulation of prostitutes (Rodgerson & Wilson, 1991: 17). According to the American Heritage dictionary of English language pornography is: ‘written, graphic or other forms of communication intended to excite lascivious feelings’ (Rubin, 1992: 25). There are two basic sensed of pornography Robert Jensen states in the introduction of Pornography: the

Production and Consumption of Inequality. First there is the widely understood

definition of pornography in the culture. Here pornography is the material sold in porn shops for the purpose of producing sexual arousal for mostly male consumers. From critical feminist analysis porn is a specific kind of sexual material that mediates and helps maintain the sexual subordination of women (Jensen, 1998: 3). Feminists tried to redefine pornography so that it was sexist by definition, pornography would be defined as: verbal or pictorial material which represents or describes sexual behaviour that is degrading or abusive to one or more of its participants. Porn by its very nature requires that women be subordinated to men and mere instruments for the fulfilment of male fantasies (Longino, 1980: 42).

Williams tried to define the concept pornography as neutrally as possible (Williams, 1999: 30). Therefore this is the operationalization of the term that I will use in my research. She described pornography as: “visual (and sometimes aural) representations of living, moving bodies engaged in explicit, usually unfaked, sexual acts with a primary intent of arousing viewers (Williams, 1999: 30).

The next important concept in my study is the concept: taboo. Early anthropologists define taboo as a prohibition that shapes one’s daily actions. They are those prohibitions that are the basis for behavioural norms, internalized by the societal group (Sabri & Obermiller, 2012: 869). Walter later added conversation to the definition of taboo. He defines taboo as: “ something prohibited by custom as well as something that must not be mentioned in conversation (Sabri & Obermiller, 2012: 869).

The next concept I will operationalize is sexual agency. Averett, Benson and Vaillancourt use a definition of sexual agency that I will use in my research. Their operationalization of sexual agency is: “Initiative taking, awareness of desire, an individuals confidence and freedom to express sexuality” (Averett, Benson & Vaillancourt, 2008: 332). They also mention that abstinence can also be a form of sexual agency, which is something I also want to keep in mind in my research. After all some women might not watch porn because of a taboo, but because they simply don’t find it pleasurable to watch. To Averett, Benson and Vaillancourt sexual agency can also be found in women who say no after they have truly, and freely, reflected on a situation (Averett, Benson and Vaillancourt, 2008: 332).

2.2 The ‘sex wars’

During the late 1970s and early 1980s a debate emerged between feminists about pornography. Anti- porn feminists and sex- positive feminists were deeply divided about a number of issues related to pornography. The basic feminist anti- pornography argument was that pornography was central to the way in which men subordinate women. Porn, it is argued, both depicts and causes violence against women (Segal & McIntosh, 1992: 5).

As Robert Jensen, a professor of media law, ethics and politics at the University of Texas and Gail Dines a professor of sociology and women’s studies at Wheelock College in Boston, describe in the bundle Pornography: the Production

and Consumption of Inequality, there producers of porn clearly assume that the

typical viewer is a man. The representational conventions are geared toward the presentation and maximum visibility of the female body, particularly the vagina. In most videos the female body is typically scanned by the camera before the sex begins (Jensen & Dines, 1998: 75). Sometimes women even help by opening their vaginas for the camera. The sexual activity happens in such a way that there is a maximum visibility of the female body. The camera is positioned in such a way that we see things we do not see while having sex. The positions might be somewhat uncomfortable, but the goal is maximum visibility of the female body and genitals (Jensen & Dines, 1998: 76). The penis is rarely focused on exclusively, just at the ejaculation. We see it mainly in relation to the woman, to be consumed by her orally or to be used by him to penetrate her vaginally or anally (Jensen & Dines, 1998: 76). The sexual responses of women and men are interesting. Women are constantly orgasmic, while men show little reaction. Ironic, because the man is the one that is surely enjoying sex, as is evidenced by his orgasm (Jensen & Dines, 1998: 77). Women are the bearers of pleasure in porn. Her pleasure is constructed for and around the male pleasure. The woman seems to be the mirror of the male pleasure, while he remains cool and in control (Jensen & Dines, 1998: 78). The cum shot is the most important shot of the video. Here the penis becomes the central character. The man usually removes his penis from the woman’s body and masturbates himself to orgasm. Then he ejaculates in full view of the camera. After orgasm the man often slaps his penis against the woman’s mouth, vagina or anus (Jensen & Dines, 1998: 78). The videos almost all have a hierarchical order without a need for men to exercise overt control (Jensen & Dines, 1998: 82). Violence is often used as a heightening of the

erotic charge of the scene. For example slapping the woman, pulling her hair and deep thrusting in a her throat are common in porn videos (Jensen & Dines, 1998: 82).

As Ann Russo, an associate professor at the faculty of women’s and gender studies of DePaul University in Chicago, explains the object of the anti porn feminists campaign has never been to ban sexually explicit material. The object was to challenge and eliminate the porn industry’s participation in discrimination bigotry and violence (Russo, 1998: 10). The main goal of the fight of feminists against porn was not an objection to sexual activity or sexual representations. Their objection was to the sexism and racism in pornography. To the structure and dynamics of eroticized inequality and the sexual mistreatment, abuse and violence that occur in connection with pornography’s production, distribution and consumption (Russo, 1998: 10).

The analysis of the porn industry by feminists grew out of a grassroots anti- violence movement in the U.S in the ‘70s. Feminists met in groups to speak about the seemingly individual, private, isolated experience of sexual violence of women (Russo, 1998: 10). Violence in women’s lives is not simply linked to male dominance, but it is intrinsically connected with racial, colonial, postcolonial, heterosexual and class domination (Russo, 1998: 11). This violence in women’s lives can be connected to the construction of a naturalized heterosexuality of dominance and submission in many forms of mass media and in culture (Russo, 1998: 11). The feminists analysis of the porn industry thus begins with the problem of pervasive violence against women, not with the pornographic images itself (Russo, 1998: 12).

Women formed groups such as Women Against Violence Against Women (WAVAW) and Women Against Violence in Pornography and Media (WAVPM). These groups of women wanted to educate women about sexist and violent images in media and demand social responsibility from media institutions (Russo, 1998: 12). The strategies of the anti- pornography movement have not been directed towards criminal laws that ban pornography. The goal of this feminist movement has been critical analysis and discussion as well as accountability by the industry for the harm that is being done through porn (Russo, 1998: 13). This harm consists of for example the sexism, racism, violence and male dominance in porn.

Sexual liberals on the other hand, have been involved in attacking the feminist anti- porn movement (Russo, 1998: 16). One of these groups of sexual liberals were the feminists against censorship. They founded this group in order to counter the increasing dominance of censorship lobby. They wanted to ensure an alternative

feminist view was heard as well (Rodgerson & Wilson, 1991: 14). The sexual liberals focussed on issues of sexual restriction and repression rather than oppression (Russo, 1998: 16). They recognized the oppressive nature of dominant heterosexual culture (Rodgerson & Wilson, 1991: 11) and practices, but opposed to legal restrictions of porn (Rodgerson & Wilson, 1991: 12). Sexual liberals also feel that porn does contain stereotypes of women that feminism wishes to challenge, but this also goes for other genres as well. From renaissance paintings, to vogue magazines which have also been subjected to feminist critiques (Rodgerson & Wilson, 1991: 26). This does not mean that porn is good, simply that it is not much worse than a great deal of the rest of the patriarchal and misogynist culture it reflects (Rodgerson & Wilson, 1991: 27). If porn is defined as representations that are both sexually explicit and have as their function the sexual arousal of their audience, it is not necessarily oppressive to women (Rodgerson & Wilson, 1991: 27). Feminists who have been arguing in favour of censorship use definitions that identify porn with sexually explicit images of degradation and violence against women (Rodgerson & Wilson, 1991: 27). I will elaborate on these definitions and conceptualizations in paragraph 3.5.

Pro- sex feminists insisted that the way to counter the dangers associated with sex was not to censor images of women as sexual objects, but to challenge the central assumptions about sexuality (Rodgerson & Wilson, 1991: 12). It was important not to close down on sex and narrow boundaries of the permissible, but to expand possibilities of women’s sexual pleasure (Rodgerson & Wilson, 1991:12). They wanted liberation of women in all domains, including the domain of sexual expression (Rodgerson & Wilson, 1991: 9). They believed that as feminists they had the responsibility to be critical of sexist, racist or exploitative images and counter them in the most effective way (Rodgerson & Wilson, 1991: 14). This was not by getting them banned, but by initiating a more wide- raging debate about sex (Rodgerson & Wilson, 1991: 15). In their defence of pornography their focus was on pornographic publications that cater to sexual minority communities (Russo, 1998: 17). The sexual liberals focus on the bigotry that members of a sexual minority face from the larger society for their choice of sexual fantasies and behaviour (Russo, 1998: 17). Sexual minorities refer to a wide variety of groups such as lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, transvestites, transsexuals, sadomasochism etc. (Russo, 1998: 17). Sexually explicit material produced for sexual minorities is seen as vital because it is one of the only arenas available for sexual expression (Russo, 1998: 17).

By looking at these ‘sex wars’ debates, my aim is to look at one of the ways this taboo on women and pornography emerged. Many feminists accepted the anti- feminist ideas on pornography and pornography was seen as sexist by many. Rubin explains that because porn is a male territory, in order to remain a ‘respectable woman’ women should not watch porn and have less opportunity to do so (Rubin, 1992: 36). For some women there is a contradiction in their feelings about porn. They might be aroused by pornographic material, but have a political stance of feminist disapproval of porn (Attwood, 2005: 77). The general idea is women in the porn industry are exploited and objectified. Therefore enjoying porn as a woman is something that is disapproved of. Women have to be concerned about the treatment of women in the industry and be angry about sexist images (Attwood, 2005: 77).

2.3 The slut discourse

Feona Attwood is a professor of cultural studies whose research is in the area of sex in contemporary culture. In her article ‘Sluts and Riot Grrrls’, about female identity and sexual agency, she writes about the way patriarchy defines women by using terms such as slut, or whore (Attwood, 2007: 239). Jane Mills, an associate professor that consults, teaches and publishes in screen studies, screen literacy, visual media and communication, explains exact origins of the word slut are unknown, but in the fourteenth century the word was used for both men and women who were dirty, or untidy (Mills, 1991: 223). It was later that the word became associated exclusively with women. Then it acquired the negative sexual sense of a promiscuous woman (Mills, 1991: 223). Mills explains that by the twentieth century it had become a widespread term of abuse for women who did not accept the double standards of society (Mills, 1991: 223). Bonnie Blackwell, an anthropologist and historian, explains that the word slut was first used by men, but later began to be used by respectable women for female servants who were employed for domestic use and often also unofficially for their sexual services (Blackwell, 2004: 145). Blackwell argues that the use of the term slut by women of other women, marks out a performative speech act, that turned a sexually exploited woman into a source of filth and became the prelude for their dismissal. In this was the naming of sluts became the work of women, women who allied themselves with sexual aggressors rather then with their victims (Blackwell, 2004: 145). The history of slut demonstrates that historically women have been seen in terms of their sexual relations to men, and often

as a source of pollution. Also that the term is not only an indicator of gender, but also of class and that the term is used by and between women, as well as by men of women (Attwood, 2007: 235).

In the twentieth and twenty- first centuries the term is commonly used as a means of branding and exclusion, most notably by younger women and girls by their peers. For teenage girls in particular the term slut pops up as a sexual double standard. It marks female sexuality as deviant, and works to control girls’ behaviour (Attwood, 2007: 235). Attwood argues that words such as slut are designed to prohibit female display and also curtail sexual activity (Attwood, 2007: 236). This is what we also see in the documentary and book Sletvrees (English: slutphobia) by Dutch philosopher and documentary maker Sunny Bergman. In this documentary and book with the same title and topic, Bergman researches the thinking on female sexuality and how the ‘slut phobia’, as she calls it, enters our consciousness and our sex lives. In the documentary we see Bergman ask her much younger sister and her friends if they considers themselves sexually free, their answer is no. In the book we see the way the term is used as a means of branding and exclusion in the example Bergman gives of the Dutch phenomenon, the so called ‘bangalijsten’ (English: ‘banga’ lists). Banga, which is slang for slut, lists are being spread by Dutch youth and include girls that are considered easy. The lists include personal details of girls and are mainly meant as a warning for men, because no man should want a relationship with a ‘banga’ (Bergman, 2013: 249). Also in Dutch fraternities men make lists of women who have had ‘too many’ sexual partners. Bergman describes it is important for women not to end up on one of these lists because that could limit the chances at a relationship (Bergman, 2013: 249). A slut is dirty, pathetic, depraved and nasty. But at the same time a slut is seen as lecherous. Porn is often sold using lines such as ‘horny sluts that always want to fuck’ (Bergman, 2013: 256). The double standard becomes even more clear when you realise the term slut is rarely used for men and there is no equivalent of the term for men. The term player for example is not necessarily negative, it is often even used to brag about a man’s amount of sexual conquests (Bergman, 2013: 256).

‘Slut’ makes women fearful of enjoying their bodies (Attwood, 2007: 238). She argues that the low class image of the slut has been important in pornography, women displayed here are often tricksters with a hearty appetite for sex (Attwood, 2007: 239). Laura Kipnis, a professor in media studies, says porn makes use of the

grotesque body, which is associated with low culture. The classical body on the other hand belongs to high culture. The highness of high culture is structures trough the banishment of low cultures and thus grotesque bodies (Kipnis, 1992: 374). Thus the appearance of the women is seen as low culture and as trashy or vulgar.

This slut discourse might be an important part of the taboo on women watching porn. Women who take to much pleasure from sex, ‘who take their pleasure as men’ (Attwood, 2007: 236) are often seen as sluts. This way the slut discourse curtails female sexual activity and makes women fearful of using their bodies, maybe fearful of watching and enjoying porn.

2.4 Female masturbation

In 1974 Betty Dodson wrote Liberating Masturbation, with the goal to teach women about masturbation. Dodson is a pro- sex feminist and (erotic) artist that dedicated herself to the sexual liberation of, mostly, women. Trough her book and workshops she wanted to show women masturbation is a healthy form of sexual expression. In het book Dodson explains that when it comes to masturbation, there is a censorship women place upon them selves (Dodson, 1980: 11). Masturbating is seen as a second rate activity (Dodson, 1980: 1). She states that there is a whole anti sexual system that represses us. Because of this we feel sexual guilt when we masturbate (Dodson, 1980: 7). Women have to become responsible for their own orgasms, because this is a basis statement of independence (Dodson, 1980: 9). Sexual liberation is crucial to women’s liberation, and masturbation is crucial to sexual liberation (Dodson, 1980: 12).

In the latest edition (1996) of the book, called Sex for One: the Joy of

Selfloving, Dodson releases herself from the feminist commitment to liberate

masturbation, because she considers her mission completed (Dodson, 1996: xiv). One could indeed argue that Dodson’s book, originating in 1974, is out-dated. But is it really?

Jennifer Marie- Panthea Olsen wrote her MA-thesis at the San Fransisco State University on female masturbation (2012). In her thesis she studied how young women learn about masturbation and based on this study she states there is a missing discourse on female masturbation. She says the gender gap in many sexual behaviours has diminished, but there still remains a substantial gap in reported rates of masturbation between men and women (Olsen, 2012: 1). Women begin to learn more

about masturbation and its pleasurable sensations, but they also hear negative messages from society that women are not as sexual as men and should be focussing on romance within heterosexual relationships (Olsen, 2012: 1). Also negative emotions was a recurring theme in her study. All but one of her respondents had experienced negative emotions related to masturbation. The emotions these women had consisted of a combination of embarrassment, shame and guilt due to messages outside of themselves (Olsen, 2012: 1).

The missing discourse of female masturbation, negative messages and negative emotions about masturbation Olsen describes, could lead to women masturbating less which can be problematic. Eli Coleman, a professor in the department of family medicine and community health at the University of Minneapolis, whose main interests are in the field of sexology, states that masturbation is important to achieve sexual health. Masturbation has been linked to orgasmic capacity, healthy sexual functioning and sexual satisfaction in relationships (Coleman, 2003: 6). Alfred Kinsey, a biologist and sexologist, who did a study on female sexual behaviour over half a century ago (1953), found that women who had not experienced orgasm before marriage were much less likely to be orgasmic with their partners in marriage (Coleman, 2003: 6). Masturbation has also been found to be a means of increasing comfort with one’s body and self- esteem (Coleman, 2003: 7). This comfort is essential to decrease anxiety in interpersonal sexual contexts improve comfort with being sexual and increase sexual satisfaction. This is why sexual therapists have used masturbation as some of the first steps in treating sexual dysfunctions (Coleman, 2003: 7). Coleman states that the ill effects of masturbation come from the guilt associated with the behaviour and not the behaviour itself (2003: 7). Christine Kaestle and Katherine Allen, both professors of human development at the Virginia University, write about the role of masturbation in healthy sexual development and the perceptions of youth on masturbation. They write that masturbation can be seen as unnatural, because it has no reproductive goal. They also write that there is a stigma surrounding masturbation (Kaestle & Allen, 2011: 983). Shere Hite, whose main interests are in the field of sexology, wrote a rapport in 1976 in which she lets 3000 women in the age of 15 till 78 describe their most intimate feelings about sex. Here we see that 61% of young women have a positive attitude towards masturbation, this compared to 29% in the 1970s (Hite, 1976: 74). This could mean that the attitude towards masturbating amongst women has changed positively.

At the same time this means that 39% of young women in 1976 did not have a positive attitude toward masturbation. According to a survey done by the University of Chicago 47% of women who masturbated one to five times a year expressed they experiences feelings of guilt about it. Coleman also states that negative attitudes about masturbation also currently persist. For example many religions condemn the practice. Also parents are often uncomfortable and respond negatively to pre- adolescent masturbation (Coleman, 2003: 8). Males masturbate more then females, but to what extent is this because of socio- cultural influences? There is a difference in racial/ cultural groups, socio- economic class, education and religious affiliation which points to socio- cultural determinants (Coleman, 2003: 11). Also the differences between men and women are more dramatic in some cultures, which also points to socio- cultural factors (Coleman, 2003: 12).

Coleman stated there is a difference per cultural group, so how about the Dutch context? The research by Rutgers WPF in 2012 on sexual experiences and behaviour in the Netherlands (described earlier in paragraph 1.2), states Dutch men in the age of 15-71 masturbate significantly more then women. 83% of the men and 65% of the Dutch women masturbate. Dutch men also masturbate more then women. 30,9% of the men masturbate a few times a week, compared to 8,8% of women. 23,2% of women masturbate maximally once a week and 32,8% once a month. 35,1% of the women in this study never masturbate compared to 16,7% of the men (de Graaf, 2012: 90).

Dodson declared her mission to liberate women sexually and teach them how to use and love their bodies erotically accomplished in 1996, but when we look at the studies of for example Olsen, Kaestle and Allen, Coleman and de Graaf, we see there is still some work to be done. Designer Tina Gong seems to have taken over Dodson’s mission though a modern day method that teaches women about masturbation. Currently she is working on an app called HappyPlayTime that will encourage women to get to know their bodies and masturbate. On her website she states: “HappyPlayTime is an sex education game whose aim it is to eliminate the stigma around female masturbation”9.

This taboo on female masturbation, or stigma as Kaestle, Allen, and Gong call it, probably has a strong relation to the taboo on female porn consumers. This because                                                                                                                

although watching porn can also be done out of curiosity, watching porn is generally done because of the visually stimulating effect it has for some while masturbating.

2.5 Porn and sexual agency

In her article what people do with porn, Feona Attwood explains some positive experiences of female viewers of pornographic material. She explains one woman said that once she figured out how to use porn and come- how to look at erotic material and use her sexual imagination to turn desire into a self generated orgasm- her life irrevocably and positively changed. She explains that for the first time she felt sexually autonomous (Attwood, 2005, 69). Other women in this research of Attwood said that using mainstream porn ‘for men’ gave them pleasure. They felt porn gave them permission to be more sexually active (Attwood, 2005, 78).

According to Sabo, who writes mainly about porn made especially for women, porn can be a vehicle for women to explore their own sexuality and define it for themselves (Sabo, 2011: 6). Laura Kipnis assesses the cultural significance of porn as a transgressive fantasy. Kipnis states all popular culture genres obey to certain rules and the primary rule of pornography is: transgression. Pornography locates the prohibitions in a society and transgresses them (Kipnis, 1996: 164). Jeffrey Escoffier, an author whose writings are on topics related to GLBTQ history, politics, culture, sexuality, explains that porn can let people explore new fantasies, porn are passports to fantasy worlds (Escoffier, 2011: 269).

The reader Tales from the Clit: a Female Perspective of Pornography, is dedicated to positive experiences of women that watch pornographic material. This reader aims to provide a positive image of women in the porn industry and women who enjoy porn, because the authors feel their voices are suppressed by the anti- porn movement (Matrix, 1996: VII). The essays in this reader elaborate on the way porn helped women to see themselves as sexual beings and empowered them to discuss desire. Trough freedom of guilt women can become desirable for themselves and not feel sluts for being sensual (Matrix, 1996: VIII). I will give some examples of experiences of women as described in this reader. “Every time I tell someone what I do [watch porn] I have to defend the right to consume and participate in what is perceived as a men only club” (Matrix, 1996: 66). “Working often in an predominantly male environment my own sexual confidence [gained trough watching porn] means that jerks can’t browbeat me on my figure and tastes because I’ve

learned there are more choices than being a slut or a whore” (Matrix, 1996: 70). “It’s more acceptable for men in our society to be sexual and not for women” (Matrix, 1996: 73). “ I think many women remain passive because they fear rejection for being sexual. They fear being called dirty or a bimbo because they have been conditioned to believe that being sexual is equal to having little self- respect, self worth and intelligence. Such notions take their roots in the same fear and ignorance I felt growing up and would still be experiencing if I had not had the early influence of porn, leading to the bliss of quilt- free sex” (Matrix, 1996:75).

Feminist porn uses sexually explicit imagery to contest and complicate dominant representations of gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, class, ability, age, body type and other identity markers. It explores concepts such as desire, agency, power, beauty and pleasure (Penley, Parreñas Shimizu, Miller- Young & Taormino, 2013: 9). For decades the media has represented porn as being for men only, but women represent a large and growing audience for porn. They represent at least a third of all consumers adding up to millions of women watching porn each month (Sabo, 2012: 1). Today’s young woman is described as a sexually liberated and empowered generation. But a group of third wave feminist argue that today a ‘horny woman’ is still very much taboo. Women’s sexual freedom apparently only goes so far, they argue (Sabo, 2012: 2). Mainstream porn in general is sexist Rubin argues. It is porn aimed at men, thus it represents what the average man want’s to see (Rubin, 1992: 37). Feminists have the responsibility to be critical to those kinds of images they find sexist, racist or exploitative. They should be countered, not banned. A wider debate about sex should be initiated and an alternative body of sexual images for women should be created (Rodgerson & Wilson, 1991: 15). In the Netherlands this takes form trough Dusk! TV, a pay television channel that broadcasts ‘porna’, pornography that is aimed at a female audience10_{. As explained already, Rubin wrote that because porn}

is a male territory, it was not for ‘respectable women’ (Rubin, 1992: 36). Attwood explains that it can be difficult for women to openly enjoy porn, because of the general idea that women in the porn industry are exploited and objectified. Therefore enjoying porn as a woman is something that is disapproved of. Women have to be concerned about the treatment of women in the industry and be angry about sexist images (Attwood, 2005: 77).

Trough feminist porn, porn can broaden its terrain and become a female territory as well. Therefore women might start to feel less of a taboo on their watching behaviour. Also it is porn made by feminists, who claim they don’t exploit and objectify women. Therefore the concern of women about the treatment of the women in these videos might be lifted, which gives them more opportunity to openly enjoy porn and thus increases the sexual agency of women.

Thus being able to openly enjoy porn can increase the sexual agency of women that would like to watch these type of vidoes and the taboo on female porn consumers is therefore a limitation of female sexual agency. I find it important to emphasize that by no means I claim that women that watch porn are all sexually liberated and that non- consumers do not have sexual agency. After all some women might not watch porn, simply because they do not find it pleasurable to watch. As Averett, Benson and Vaillancourt explain abstinence can also be a form of sexual agency. Sexual agency can also be found in women who say no after they have truly, and freely, reflected on a situation (Averett, Benson and Vaillancourt, 2008: 332).

3

Data: giving the female porn consumers a voice

In this chapter I will present my data by letting the women I interviewed speak. Each paragraph is dedicated to a theme. I chose to elaborate on seven themes, because these are the themes that recurred in most of the interviews.

I will start by saying something about the first time the women watched porn, how did they get in touch with porn and what was that first experience like? In the second paragraph I will give attention to the ideas of the women about pornographic videos since all of the women, both consumers and non- consumers, spoke about the fact that they did not always like what they saw in the pornographic videos. Since taboo has much to do with the possibility in a society to speak about a certain topic, this will be the topic of the third paragraph. I will let the respondents explain whether they talk about their porn consumption with their personal environment or not. The fourth paragraph of this chapter I will dedicate to the barriers and negative feelings of the porn consumers. Since many of the interviewees had something to say about the cultural status of porn, the fifth paragraph will give some attention to this topic. The seventh paragraph is about the ideas of the interviewed women about the differences between men and women, in relation to watching porn. In the eighth and final chapter I will let the women give their ideas on the question, is watching porn for women taboo?

As explained earlier, I interviewed both female consumers and non- consumers. In this chapter I will alternately use quotes of both groups of women.

3.1 The first time

In this paragraph I will start at the beginning, the first time my respondents watched porn. I feel it is important to start here, because it will help give an idea of how these women got in touch with pornography and what this first experience was like.

For four of the women the first time they saw an erotic film was on television during puberty. When zapping on the television late at night when their parents were not home, they would happen to see some erotic images passing by. Out of curiosity they kept on watching.

“When I was younger, during puberty, you would have these sex television programs on TV. (..) There was this Spanish show or something and I would watch them secretly. (..) You are then, you then just have curiosity about that right? Like, oh

what’s that? And in the television guide it would have the sign with the little feet you know!11 Ohh exciting! And then I would watch that, or I would quickly zap by that when my parents wouldn’t see.”

(Sabrina, consumer)

The women explained that during these first encounters with erotic images on television, the watching of these programs was out of curiosity. Whereas they generally use porn now as foreplay for masturbation, or as a visual stimulation during masturbation, these first encounters where exciting in a different way. They were not sexually active yet their selves and thus was the first time they saw sex this explicitly, out of curiosity they would continue watching.

As Sabrina explains she would watch secretly when her parents would not see, something Roos also described during our interview. I would not consider this characteristic for the taboo on porn however, since many kids in puberty do not like to discuss sex with their parents. They did not share their experiences with other people in their personal environment either, which shows they did consider this act as something that is best kept a secret.

A pattern that can be found in the first time experience of the respondents with pornography, is that almost all the women that watch porn regularly first came into contact with porn trough a boyfriend. As Marloes, one of the porn viewers, said: “My

boyfriend introduced me to the magical world of pornography!” But it was not a

pleasurable experience for all women. Also some of the non- consumers that had once watched porn in the past did this with a boyfriend. Generally they did not find porn sexually arousing, which is why it stayed with this one time experience. One woman described she found it a grisly experience.

“The boyfriend I had at the time wanted to watch porn with me. Actually I thought it was a weird experience. He wanted to watch it with me so I did, but actually I thought it was weird. It was all new to me. (..) I would not have suggested to do it myself, I thought it was a bit grisly (Dutch: akelig) too, I did not know what to expect, what I was going to see. (..) It made me quite insecure at that time.”

11  _{The  Dutch  government  advises  parents  about  the  content  of  television  shows}  

and  their  appropriateness  for  children.  The  symbol  of  a  program  that  contains   sexually  explicit  images  is  an  image  of  two  pairs  of  feet  facing  each  other.   (http://www.kijkwijzer.nl/about-­‐kijkwijzer)  

(Tineke, non- consumer)

This insecurity was something more women had experienced. For some of the women in a relationship, especially the non- consumers, the idea that their boyfriend would watch porn made them insecure. In the quote above we see that Tineke said watching porn once with her ex- boyfriend made her feel insecure. She said that she would not feel comfortable if her current boyfriend would watch porn either. “I think it would

make me insecure if I would find out that he [her boyfriend] would watch porn. (..) It made me insecure before and I would think why is that necessary you know, am I not enough for you?” Vera also mentioned that she felt that there was a limit to the

amount of porn her boyfriend should watch “At a certain point there is a line that

should be drawn like, uhm, how sexy am I and how sexy is the video.”

As described in paragraph 1.6 there were a few women that decided not to participate when I explained the interview would be conducted face to face. One of these women emailed me, saying she did not want to participate in an interview then, but that she did want to share her experiences with porn. She wrote that her boyfriend watches porn which makes her very insecure. She explained she felt she was not good enough for her boyfriend.

It is interesting that in this study it were just the non- consumers that spoke of these insecurities. The women that watch porn, with and without their boyfriend, did not seem to have these feelings of insecurity related to their partners watching porn too. They even seemed to consider it normal that their boyfriends watch porn. As Marloes said ‘Last week I was in a car with a friend and we were talking about porn, she

found the idea that her boyfriend would watch porn horrible. (..) She said no he doesn’t do that! And I thought, okay, that is really naïve.” In her mind, also this

boyfriend would surely watch porn from time to time. The non- consumers get insecure from their boyfriends watching porn, because as they say they feel they are not enough. In their eyes their boyfriend is looking at other women and desiring these women. For the female viewers this might be less problematic and threatening, because they consume porn just like their boyfriends. They watch sexually explicit images for sexual arousal too.

The fact that these non- consumers feel this way about their boyfriends watching porn, could also contribute to the taboo on watching porn, in this case perhaps for both men and women. Men who know their girlfriends feel this way

might be less likely to talk about their watching behaviour openly. Also women that hear their female friends talk about porn in this negative way, as with the example of Marloes, will probably feel less comfortable starting a conversation on the topic.

‘So uh, I think some women believe it [porn] is really dirty. I just talk about it with friends that I know will be open about it” (Marloes).

After the women were introduced to porn by their boyfriends, some continued watching. Of the six porn watchers three had watched with boyfriends in the past, but now always watched alone. Two watched both with their partner and alone and one said she had always watched alone.

Five out of six women said they now generally watched about 1 to 2 times a month. They all said there was a clear relation to the amount of times they watched and the fact if they were in a relationship or not. They explained that they would watch less often in a relationship, because their sexual needs would be fulfilled trough sex with their partner. Some explained that in their single days, they would sometimes watch up to three to four times a week.

3.2 The long search for an arousing video

On the Internet there are incredible amounts of pornographic videos to be found. You would expect there to be something for everyone. Yet most of the porn viewing women said it took them quite a lot of effort and time to find a video they liked to watch. As Sabrina, one of the porn consumers, explains “I have to say it happens

quite often that I start watching and then immediately close the video I opened, because I really think like, my God! Maybe I’m demanding. I don’t like the women to be trashy, and the men neither, it should be nice, a bit normal people. Also it should not be to wild, or crazy. So I, I sometimes have to search hard before I find something that makes me think, okay I’d like to watch that. (..) It’s all too extreme I think.

The idea that sex should be passionate is also something mentioned by many of the women. Some of the non-consumers also said this was one of the reasons they did not find porn sexually arousing. “I did not like what I saw, it was too much like a

meat factory (Dutch: vleesfabriek). Everything you see is fake, it’s all staged. I also think that, that sex should be passionate en I thought this was really not passionate. It was just, do the most strange positions, everything as big as possible and as fast as possible.”