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TOWARD A PHENOMENOLOGY OF THE (FEMALE) ORGASM

In document EMBOdying Ambiguity (pagina 42-48)

“Feminine pleasure radiates through the whole body; it is not always centered in the genital system;

vaginal contractions then even more than a true orgasm constitute a system of undulations that rhythmically arise, subside, re-form, reach for some instants a paroxysm, then blur and dissolve without ever completely dying.” (SS 421)

Beauvoir sees feminine pleasure as a whole body experience. Contractions arise and subside, like waves through the body. Although Beauvoir argues that feminine pleasure is not goal-oriented – “It does not include any finality” (SS 421) – I will argue that her description of feminine pleasure shows us what orgasmic embodiment looks like. We will see that the orgasm is an experience of

“riding the waves of the body”. If we understand the embodiment of the orgasm, we might be able to see how to close the orgasm gap. But we first need to discuss the role of the female orgasm in heterosexual partnered sex.

“First there is kissing” (Gagnon & Simon, 1973: p. 75-76). In the famous American step-by-step baseball analogy of sexual acts this is referred to as “first base”. Second base is touching the breasts, either through or underneath the clothes. Second base slowly evolves into third base, or

“foreplay”: oral or manual stimulation of the genitals. This is followed by penetration – which is called a home run and is considered “real intercourse” as opposed to non-penetrative sex which is not “real sex” – followed by an orgasm (often male). The male orgasm is defined as the end of sex.

This is a pattern most heterosexual couples follow. The most common sexual act is penile-vaginal intercourse (henceforth PVI), and clitoral stimulation is considered part of foreplay which precedes intercourse. Unfortunately, only a small amount of women are able to have an orgasm through PVI alone. Most women require some kind of clitoral stimulation (Towne, 2019: p. 70-75).

It is clear that heterosexual sex is very much defined by and constructed around male desire.

The clitoris is ignored by both men and women. Clitoral stimulation is not even seen as part of the

“real” act of sex; it is just foreplay, “something to get the juices flowing”. Meaning: no matter how much women can enjoy PVI, their main source of orgasm has a secondary role and therefore their pleasure is in some ways deemed irrelevant.

Another important difference between male and female sexuality, is the way their orgasms are perceived. Men's orgasms are seen as something natural, as something that comes easy, and as something that is a “primal need” for men. Women's orgasms are perceived as very difficult, complex, mysterious, and as an “unessential bonus”. Interestingly, not only does our sexual

program revolve around the male orgasm, but also if the female orgasm occurs, it is associated with the male's sexual skill (Séguin & Blais, 2019: p. 328-333).

Clearly, there are two important steps to close the orgasm gap: we must first regard the female orgasm as just as important and natural as the male's. When we have done this, we can take the next step which is to put clitoral stimulation on the same hierarchical level as penile stimulation.

This is easier said than done: part of the problem is that women might not know the importance of the clitoris for their own pleasure, because they have been cut off from experiencing themselves inwardly and therefore it becomes difficult to feel what you desire. On top of that comes the fact that women prioritize other's sexual needs (Fahs, 2014: p. 975) and that they worry about making the man feel inadequate when communicating about a desire for clitoral stimulation (Towne, 2019:

p. 76). And of course, we should not forget the role of the man: one of the problems is that sex revolves around male pleasure. They might not be as eager as women to change the problem.

I will not focus on how the clitoris can take center stage in heterosexual sex (or better: how the clitoris can become one half of a duo of protagonists. There is no need for oppressing the penis).

I want to focus on the step before that: how women can come in touch with their own desires and sexual pleasure. Without diminishing the importance of a new sexual discourse in which the clitoris gets the attention it should get, I will argue that a phenomenological view on sexual embodiment could help us close the orgasm gap.

I will first focus on a mode of bodily experience called “middle mode”. This is a type of experience that cannot be categorized by transcendence or immanence, it is a form of ambiguity. I will then explain an aspect of the (female) orgasm that has been coined “transformative

embodiment”. I will show that transformative embodiment is a form of middle mode, and that women in patriarchy do not get access to this middle mode because of their immanent status.

MIDDLE MODE

We saw in the first chapter that existential phenomenologists like Merleau-Ponty gave us the concept of ambiguity, but were still in some way stuck in the binary paradigm of transcendence and immanence. The endless reversibility between, for example, touching and touched makes

boundaries blurry, but it is still a reversibility: they never coincide. But there is a type of ambiguity in which activity and passivity do coincide and transcend into something new. It is not experienced as an endless shifting, but as its own whole body experience. I coin this bodily experience “middle mode”15, and I want to emphasize that it is a form of ambiguity that articulates the ambiguous

15 This term originally comes from Gestalt therapy. In Gestalt therapy middle mode is associated with spontaneity;

with on-going readiness. It is seen as the totality that unites activity and passivity, and contains both. This sounds

experience even stronger because it goes further than a continuous reversibility or oscillation.

Phenomenologist Sara Heinämaa explains this mode of bodily experience through the event of the body in labor. According to Heinämaa, childbirth can be experienced in a passive way; as something that happens to you and is completely out of your control. But there is also an active way of experiencing childbirth. Needless to say, one cannot control the involuntary movements that happen to the body. But there is a way of partaking in the process, without being the instigator of the event. One might not be able to control the labor, but you can control the way you respond to it.

This form of participating is neither a merely passive activity, nor completely active. Heinämaa compares it to surfing:

“On the one hand, the surfer “surrenders” to movements that are not in his or her control. On the other hand, he (sic) is able to control the way he responds to these movements. He is not a piece of wood thrown forward by the waves. […] it is no more true that he navigates his body through the waves, instead the waves carry him.” (Heinämaa, 2003: p. 112)

When the body is in labor, the movements of the body are not controllable. But there is a way of

“riding the waves” of the body. By breathing, changing positions, resting when possible, pushing at the right time, the woman in labor is an active part of the event. She surrenders to the pain, she surrenders to the involuntary movements, and learns how to work with them. Without fighting against the pain or the movements, and without completely letting her body be taken over by the labor, she is in some way in control of the childbirth.

The difference between surfing and childbirth is that the “waves” are inside the body and not outside of it. “So, the body as a whole is experienced simultaneously as a means of control and as a process to be controlled.” (Ibid.: p. 112). It is important to note that in the experience of childbirth, the body is not divided in an active subjective part (for example, the stomach muscles) and a part that functions as an object to be manipulated (the womb): the body “is responsive as a whole”

(Ibid.: p. 114). Heinämaa argues that labor is more than just a combination of passivity and activity.

It is its own specific form of bodily experience, best described as patience and endurance. She states that during childbirth there are three ways in which the body can operate: “as an active body (“I push”), as a passive body (“I suffer, I am in pain”), and as an enduring body (“I endure, I am patient”).” (Ibid.: p. 115).

Now, admittedly, this is a very romanticized view on childbirth. In reality, being in labor is

very similar to the way phenomenology categorizes the flesh: touching and being touched are not oppositions, they are “variations of a common flesh” (Guenther, 2011: p. 22).

often such an overwhelming experience that there is nothing one can do other than just surrender. A much less painful example of this experience – an experience that cannot be categorized by

passivity or activity, nor by an endless shifting of the two – is pregnancy seen as a split subjectivity.

The movements of the fetus are not yours, but they do occur inside of you, making them a part of you. “I experience my insides as the space of another, yet my own body” (Young, 2005: p. 49).16 However, pregnancy and childbirth are both obviously connected to motherhood, which not only excludes men from this bodily experience, but also excludes women that are not interested in motherhood or that involuntarily cannot experience it. I want to avoid implying that motherhood is the prime way of experiencing ambiguity or middle mode, and I want to avoid giving the

impression that motherhood should be the ultimate goal for all women. I will show that the (female) orgasm can also be seen as a form of middle mode. I will focus on women's experiences of orgasm;

however, I think that the male orgasm is a very similar experience – and therefore an experience of middle mode – although it might come with different bodily movements or contractions.

TRANSFORMATIVE EMBODIMENT

“It’s definitely a whole body experience for me, like it makes my whole body tremble and I lose control of my body.” (Fahs, 2014: p. 982)

In researching women's best orgasm experiences, gender theorist Breanne Fahs detected three recurring themes: the power of interpersonal connection, the joy of masturbation and non-PVI, and a phenomenon Fahs coined “transformative embodiment”. According to Fahs, for many women, their best orgasms occur within the context of a deep emotional connection to their partner. Her studies also show that PVI (penetrative sex) does not very often result in women's most pleasurable orgasms. Masturbation, oral sex and manual stimulation are much better suited for this goal (Ibid.:

p. 982-983).

The third theme, transformative embodiment, is what I want to focus on in this chapter. This phenomenon is described as feeling fully present in your body and at the same time losing control of your body. Women described a feeling of “‘losing themselves’ in the experience of physical pleasure” (Ibid.: p. 983). Trembling of the body is a recurring theme in describing this sensation of losing control: “I got the full body shakes”, “It sends electric shocks through my body”, and “My body did things that I couldn’t really control. My legs were shaking and my whole body was shaking” (Ibid.: p. 982-983).

16 For more on this topic, I recommend Young's essay ‘Pregnant Embodiment’.

While transformative embodiment means losing control of the body, or giving in to physical pleasure, it did give women a sense of agency over their sexuality. Being able to lose control, meant for some women that they stopped managing their bodies and stopped worrying about the way they look. Moreover, it gave these women a feeling of understanding how to give themselves sexual pleasure. It gives them a different understanding of their bodies and their desires. Fahs states that

“their orgasms transformed their understanding of the possibilities of sexual pleasure” (Ibid.: p.

983). It seems to be a very empowering experience, that gives women control over their bodies.

Apparently, one can lose control of their body and at the same time feel in control over their body. How do we characterize this phenomenologically? As we have seen there is an ambiguous bodily experience that I called middle mode. It is not merely a combination of transcendence and immanence, or a continuous shifting between the two, but an experience of the body in its totality. It is the experience of 1) surrendering to involuntary movements, or “losing control”; giving in to the physical body (the shaking of the body during orgasm), 2) feeling wholly present in the body without locating the sensations in a specific body part (the orgasm feels like a full body experience.

It is not localized in the vagina or the clitoris), and 3) using your body to “ride the waves” of the sensation.

Whereas Heinämaa states that there is a certain level of endurance that is part of this experience, the female orgasm shows that middle mode does not necessarily have anything to do with endurance. However, both labor and orgasm have a sense of not being able to push for the activity to happen, just like you cannot force a wave to come. You need to be patient, and feel what happens inside your body so that you can respond to it in a helpful manner. I is a form of active surrender. I argue that middle mode an experience in which such ambiguity really becomes ambiguous.

THE ORGASM GAP

The exact opposite of transformative embodiment is the way in which women often experience their bodies during sexuality in a patriarchy. As discussed earlier, feminine sexuality in patriarchy is characterized by immanence. We see this reflected in the way women experience, move and hold their bodies. Their sexual schema is outward not inward, meaning they are not present in their bodies but outside of it. On top of that, women's sexual schema is localized to specific areas (like the belly, thighs, etc.) and therefore they are not able to have a whole body experience. We have also seen that in their intentional acts they have a strong bodily self-reference, giving women a limited active range, a disconnected relation to the world, and a sense of being rooted in place.

Women in sexual settings are alienated from their own bodies; their sense of agency over their own

bodies is less present than for men.

It is safe to say that women in patriarchy find it difficult to orgasm because of the way they are forced to experience their bodies. Not only is the “program” of the sexual act constructed around male pleasure – by which I mean the fact that heterosexual partnered sex is focused on the kind of sex that is most pleasurable for the man (PVI) and devalues the sexual acts that are more inclined to give a woman an orgasm (non-PVI) –, feminine sexuality and embodiment are also constructed around male pleasure and the male gaze.

Let us go back to Beauvoir's theory on feminine sexuality. She argues that our patriarchal society constructs male embodiment and relates it to subjectivity, while also relating female

embodiment to immanence and objectification. Masculine sexuality (again: in patriarchy. Masculine sexuality is also constructed) takes up the role of transcendence, and thereby forces women into immanence. As we have seen in ‘Must We Burn Sade?’, masculine sexuality is a way of keeping subject and object separate, of denying the ambiguity of sexuality and therefore of existence. In The Second Sex we have seen how that leads to inhibition, and a subject-object conflict for the woman:

she wants to give in to her flesh and become object, but at the same time she wants to experience herself as a subject. But when you start from a position of immanence, it is near to impossible to lose yourself to your flesh, because it would mean giving up the last bit of subjectivity that you still have. I argue that we see a similar inhibition and subject-object conflict in the orgasm gap. By enclosing women in immanence, they cannot enter into ambiguity, so neither can they easily experience middle mode.

In document EMBOdying Ambiguity (pagina 42-48)